Back in May when Addison Timlin first filed for divorce from Jeremy Allen White, she posted on Instagram about how hard it was to raise their two kids as a “single mom.” Then she caught heat for that terminology so she changed it to “co-parent.” She called the experience “exhausting” and “lonely.” Initially people interpreted these remarks as a reference to Jeremy’s frequent absences while filming. Now I think we are seeing a new dimension to the story. Jeremy and Allison recently filed their custody agreement, and in it, Jeremy has to submit to daily alcohol testing on days when he has custody of their daughters. He also has to go to at least two AA meetings a week and individual therapy. So it’s likely that Jeremy’s alcohol use contributed to their split.
eremy Allen White and estranged wife Addison Timlin have filed their custody agreement.
According to documents obtained by PEOPLE, White and Timlin, both 32, have agreed to joint custody of their two daughters — Ezer Billie, 4, and Dolores Wild, 2 — so long as White complies with using a Soberlink device to ensure that he is sober every time he sees his kids.
The Bear star must test twice with the device on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays when he has custodial time with his daughters. On the Saturdays that he is with his kids, he must test three times. On Sundays, only once, the filing states.
He is also required to attend individual therapy at least once a week and at least two Alcoholics Anonymous meetings per week.
I was side-eyeing his obvious pap walks all summer, but I hope that Jeremy has the support he needs on his recovery journey. It’s probably embarrassing for him that this has become public knowledge. Being sober in Hollywood isn’t easy but I’m rooting for him. I also feel for Addison. Her post about how hard it is to raise her kids alone hits different when you realize that Jeremy may have been emotionally absent even when he wasn’t away on location, because of a drinking problem. I think that was a big part of her “loneliness.” The only clue that something was up is that Addison initially asked for primary custody with visitation rights for Jeremy, but she never hinted as to why. They agreed on joint custody in the end, contingent on Jeremy’s sobriety. I’m pulling for him and I hope they both continue to co-parent well for their daughters.
photos credit: Getty and Bruce/Javiles/Backgrid
I didn’t side eye her post saying she was single parenting. I absolutely believed her and it was her right to call it that way.
Same here. I don’t know their relationship but when I look at the amount of work most of my female friends do compared to their husbands, who are loving fathers but just don’t take on nearly as much responsibility for their kids, I totally get feeling lonely in that situation. My friends all work but they end up cutting back on how much they put into their careers because someone has to pick up the slack. It’s tough.
A therapist I used to see said this was the most common issue in marriages/parenting among patients she saw. I remember talking with her about how much some things have changed over the decades, like the Mad Men-esque image of dads sitting with a drink and a newspaper after work, basically ignoring the kids, but how moms still do the vast majority of the work.
Yeah is it Mommy War shit or just plain ol’ misogyny? Because my mom was a happily married SAHM but she frequently complained about feeling lonely and alone in that role. Kinda seems natural that an adult who is interacting with children 24/7 and rarely has time to connect with other adults would feel a bit isolated, particularly if she feels that she doesn’t have the support of her partner. Now imagine if that partner is an addict as well. That’s a LOT for even the most emotionally stable of us.
I see nothing wrong with her expressing what is a very normal sentiment, given her situation.
The comments were that she should not complain, and be condemned for doing so, because she is rich.
Referring to it like that on a public platform was childish and not warranted, especially if the other parent is battling addiction.
Why not? Addict or not she is entitled to her feelings.
Plus honestly both parents can call themselves single parents. If when you have your kids you are the only adult ever, you’re a single parent. Am sure he can say the same when he has them
Nobody knows if he was “battling addiction.” He could’ve been full-on reveling in it. We don’t know.
Two entire generations post their crap on public platforms all day long, so I guess all of social media is childish and unwarranted.
I did most of the heavy lifting with my kids when they were younger (they’re both past 18). It was definitely hard but it was what made the most sense for us. My husband’s job was way more demanding in terms of hours spent at work and how key it was for our financial future, and that of the kids.
I did work until my son was about 9 but then stopped and stayed at home for ten years. I was lucky to have the option. And I didn’t even really give it a second thought. Extra money would have been nice, but we didn’t need it per se. And I knew that if I went back to work, I would STILL be be swamped at home and would just be overwhelmed. That’s the dynamic that was in play and it wasn’t going to change.
I don’t fault my husband in this. He was/is a very good father and certainly did his best to spend quality time with them and help me sort out any issues they were having. He was also emotionally supportive of me. But staying at home with young kids is challenging and can be isolating. So I get what Jeremy’s ex was saying.
I don’t know why people love to police other folks language that much. If she felt like a single Mom and she voiced her feelings, why did anyone have to back her up about it? If you’re not in their home how could anyone tell what the dynamic is? Even if was sober, if your partner is always absent physically or emotionally you’re always doing the heavy lifting with yes, you’re basically a single parent.
Yes! My husband was raised by a single mom and also part-time parented every other weekend by his dad (to the extent his stepmom “allowed” – she didn’t like sharing the dad with the younger kids) but the term co-parent implies something equal…when it was definitely not. People are so annoying policing language when they don’t know what someone’s life is about
I’ve been a single parent, with no financial or emotional support, and I’ve been the parent who is the primary, doing all/most of the work. They are very different animals.
She is entitled to feel however she wishes, doesn’t make it the reality, and I can absolutely understand how it rubbed single parents the wrong way.
This could be the best thing for him actually. I hope he’s able to do what he needs to do to continue to see his kids.
Not sure why there would have been any grief calling herself a single parent. I’ve never heard anyone describe themselves as a coparent. If you’re single and you are a parent, you’re a single parent wth?
I think it means different things to different people. My sister was a single parent — her husband left, no support, never saw the kids, she was on her own in every way. I was a divorced parent and my ex was super involved in every way, I had relief, help, someone invested to talk to, etc. But that’s just how I parse those words, to each their own.
ITA that there are varying levels of involvement from the other parent that greatly affect the difficulty of being primary parent. But because there are SO many levels the only common factor is that… the parent is single lol. That’s why I don’t get the hoopla. Those of us who have found ourselves single mothers aren’t wasting time trying to pick the right term so that others know we have or don’t have an active co parent. That’s situational and requires additional words and sentences of description. It’s just weird to me that people would want to force her to… defend her ex essentially by changing the term to co parent.
And it’s even worse now that we know she was probably receiving little true assistance from him
The men who don’t completely abandon their family & disappear want the accolades (slow claps). Men call themselves a “single dad” when they have their kids four days a month, but a mom who gets $100 in child support or a day off every blue moon is suddenly “co-parenting”. It’s the new wave to prop up men, erase single mothers & it sucks.
Well, this is a plot twist. I hope the “hot guy” can stay sober.
Whew – if you’ve ever seen “The Bear”, I imagine this would be like walking in a mine field to try to stay sober. It’s just not structured for sobriety on so many levels including the emotional intensity of the character. The show didn’t cause it, but it could provide a substantial obstacle to staying in compliance with court orders.
He also played the alcoholic son of an alcoholic for eleven years on Shameless. His character was a literal genius whose potential was destroyed by addiction.
@Nutella..That part!
As a VIEWER…I find it a VERY triggering show to watch…and haven’t watched the new season yet cause I ain’t ready…I remember being in recovery when “Goodfellas” came out in 1990…and at a meeting someone asked how many went to see “Goodfellas” opening weekend & almost everyone raised their hands…then they asked “How many people had to leave early because it was TOO triggering…”…Again…almost EVERYONE raised their hands 😬 “The Bear” has that SAME intense energy to me & to have to create that show while being in recovery must be HARROWING!
I feel the same way about the Bear and no one else I said that to seemed to really get it. I could only watch 2 or 3 episodes and felt so much stress in my body I had to watch a comedy show to calm down
And coincidentally enough I was coming down here to the comments to say how great that custody agreement is and I wish my dad had had to do all that when I was with him as a kid…
Being married to someone who is an alcoholic is incredibly lonely. My husband got sober a few years ago and it was the best thing for our whole family.
So happy he was able to gain sobriety! <3
I’ve been there, and yes being in a marriage with an active alcoholic/addict is a verrry lonely place to be
My husband struggled and struggled and ultimately died of the disease You’re committed yet somehow have to separate part of yourself to stay alive. So painful when you love them
I’m so sorry.
People were so quick to tear her down and defend Jeremy’s honor (he was away WORKING, she’s not a true single parent because he’s not dead or in jail) when she said she was struggling on her own. It was sad to watch then without knowing the worst of it. And, through it all, she kept his struggles private. It must have been doubly hard to deal with the criticism people leveled at her carrying all of that – yes – alone.
This puts the Vogue video that popped through my feed the other day of him teaching how to open a beer bottle with a lighter in a different light…..
I hope this helps him get the help he needs. The family will be better off in the long term.
Always happy to see someone getting and hopefully staying sober. Truly hoping for the best for him.
Now.
Could we work on the addiction to calling the paparazzi? There are literally more photos this morning of him with the kids at the beach. And no, the paps did not just “happen” to follow him or find him there. No one has bought that lie for 15 years. Some restraint and care for your kids…please! 🙄
I was thinking the same thing. Dude, please.
Why any celebrities (and he’s become a big celebrity) don’t use a private judge and divorce where all your court papers are filed in the public courts system is beyond me. Nobody needed to know this. I mean good for gossip but too invasive for the family.
Apparently this alcohol testing agreement was confidential UNLESS it was breeched, meaning he failed to test sober at some point in the two-ish weeks since it was signed. The only reason we know is because of that.
I totally get what you mean about privacy–especially when kids are involved–but maybe in this instance a little public pressure could help?
I never understood loneliness until my husband was deep in his alcohol addiction and we had newborn twins at home. To have a partner and still feel that deep sense of being completely alone was gutting and something I’ll never forget. We’re wildly fortunate that that was the worst of it and my husband is now 7+ years in recovery. But, wow, I felt this one.
I do too. I’m so sorry, Amy, my ex-husband and I never had kids, so that made it easier to walk away, and in his case, it was a very good thing.
Good for you two, and happy 7 years of sobriety to your hubby.
Hope he can stay sober. I got sober almost 2 years ago after drunkenly threatening to kill my SO. I was so horrified by my behavior that I knew I could never drink again. When my dad died 6 months ago and we found all the booze and how much he had drank his entire life, I was given a priceless reminder of that fact, that I can never drink again. I feel for Addison, we have no idea what she put up with from him.
Ugh so sad to read it was an alcohol issue. I’ve seen alcohol tear apart amazing couples who were absolutely MADE for each other otherwise. It is so heartbreaking to see. And later when they are sober and the other spouse has moved on? Even more heartbreak, especially for the kids if applicable. 💔
Alcohol is really a scourge and not the fun thing we all act like it is. I’ve given it up almost completely after all the issues I’ve seen in my family and friends.