Tom Cruise is flaming. And by that, I mean the little bugger is flaming mad. Famous celebrity biographer Andrew Morton’s new, highly unauthorized biography of Cruise is hitting American bookshelves next Tuesday, despite attempts by both Cruise and the Church of Scientology to halt the publication. What could possibly get the Scientologists so riled up? The usually low-key, live-and-let-live followers of Xenu have got their panties in a bunch over the majority of the revelations in Morton’s book. As we had previously written, Morton actually had to go into hiding a few months ago due to threats from Scientologists. Then why am I writing this? Well I’m a horrible combination of highly principled and incredibly stupid, which just so happens to be the most successful personality combination for a celebrity blogger.

Scientology is one of those religions/cults (depending on your view) that’s so secretive it’s impossible to separate fact from fiction. And frankly, I think that if you’re going to keep so much of your “religion” private, you’ve got to expect that people are going to call it a cult and all sorts of urban legends are going to be invented. The problem with the secrecy is that it makes it hard for the rest of us non-cult members… I mean those of us who are not Scientologists… to make educated guesses about what’s fact and what’s fiction. And considering the whole legend of Scientology, I don’t think it’s ridiculous to believe a lot of the stories we hear about the inner workings of the cult/religion.

According to Andrew Morton, Tom Cruise has risen so high in the Scientology echelon that he’s effectively the number two in charge. This is one of many points in the book that’s being disputed by the church.

Tom Cruise has become the de-facto second in command of the Church of Scientology, according to a new biography – which makes an extraordinary attack on the star by comparing his 20-month-old daughter Suri to the Devil’s child in the film Rosemary’s Baby. Andrew Morton’s unauthorised biography claims Scientology has taken over the 45-year-old actor’s life, with its officials selecting many of the staff at his Hollywood mansion. The biographer of Princess Diana alleges Cruise is consulted by Scientology leader David Miscavige on “every aspect of planning and policy” and is tailoring his career to fit the aims of Scientology.

[From the Daily Mail]

Frankly, that’s one of the least salacious points in the book.

He [Tom Cruise’s lawyer Bert Fields]criticized a passage in which Morton claims some “fanatical” Scientologists believed Suri Cruise was actually the result of a sperm donation by Scientology’s dead founder, L. Ron Hubbard. Morton writes that Ms Holmes may feel she was in “the horror movie Rosemary’s Baby, in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil’s child”.

[From the Daily Mail]

You’ll note that Andrew Morton doesn’t claim that Katie Holmes was impregnated with L. Ron Hubbard’s sperm, but simply that some fanatical Scientologists think she was. I’m going with ex-fiancé Chris Klein, but L. Ron Hubbard is a good second choice.

The book appears to portray Scientology leader David Miscavige as Tom Cruise’s biggest fan – to an almost creepy extent. Morton mentions a story that has been told for several years about Tom Cruise wanting to run through a field of wild flowers with Nicole Kidman before they were married. An earlier mention of this anecdote said it was a field of wheat, but the point remains the same.

Miscavige is said in the book to have gone to extraordinary lengths to charm Cruise, even ordering his staff to plant a field full of wild flowers at a Scientology base in California after Cruise had told him of his fantasy to run through a wildflower meadow with his then newlywed wife Nicole Kidman.

“A team of 20 Sea Org disciples was set to work digging, hoeing, and planting wheat grass and wildflower seed near the Cruises’ bungalow. Naturally the work was regularly inspected by David and Shelley Miscavige [his wife], who would ride over to the site on his motorbike. They were apparently unhappy with the finished appearance and had the area ploughed over and reseeded.”

Although Scientologists deny the wildflower planting ever happened, Morton claims to have legal affidavits from several witnesses.

[From the Daily Mail]

Much of the Daily Mail’s article about the book focuses on Scientology’s recruitment attempts. While they’ve always paid special attention to their celebrity followers (who many people claim are actually just paid celebrity endorsers), Scientology gets the bulk of their wealth from charging exorbitant fees to regular parishioners. Thus the more converts they have, the more money they get, and Morton accuses them of recently targeting the German people.

The author says Germany’s population of 80 million made it a perfect “new market” for Scientology, although the church is not recognized officially as a religion there.

“David Miscavige and his lieutenants were in Scientology’s war room at Hemet, planning the invasion of Germany. From time to time they were joined in their desert bunker by Tom, who these days is the organization’s second-in-command in all but name, involved in every aspect of planning and policy.”

[From the Daily Mail]

That’s interesting, considering how unwelcoming the Germans appeared to be towards Tom Cruise when he was filming Valkyrie around Germany. The film initially had trouble getting permission to do much of the necessary filming, though the German government eventually acquiesced. However it doesn’t appear that Tom Cruise – or Scientology – won over the hearts and minds of the German people during his tenure there.

Andrew Morton’s Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography comes out January 15th, and I’ll be in line to get it that day, and I hope I’ll see the rest of you at Barnes and Noble.