I am one of those people who generally has a tough time falling asleep. My husband, on the other hand, is asleep and lightly snoring within two minutes of hitting the pillow. I’m happy for him, but some nights, it’s so obnoxious. If you’re like me, you’ve probably tried all of the usual suggestions, like unplugging from screens, meditation, limiting caffeine intake, melatonin, etc. to varying degrees of success. It’s so frustrating! This week, experts talked to Parade about how long it should take people to fall asleep and what they should and shouldn’t do in their quest for a good night’s rest.

It should take between five and 15 minutes to fall asleep: Some people fall asleep almost instantaneously while others lie in bed for hours. What’s considered normal? Dr. Chelsie Rohrscheib, Ph.D., the head sleep expert and neuroscientist at Wesper, says that, ideally, it should take between five and 15 minutes to fall asleep. “If it consistently takes you more than 30 minutes to fall asleep three or more times per week, that is a sign that you’re suffering from onset insomnia,” she says.

Avoid mixed signals, only use your bed for sleep and sex: Dr. Mark S. Aloia, Ph.D., the head of Sleep and Behavioral Sciences at Sleep Number and an Associate Professor of Medicine at National Jewish Health in Denver, says that there are many different reasons why it could be taking someone longer than 30 minutes to fall asleep. “Part of the problem for some people is that when they lie down without intending to fall asleep. They read, watch television, or do work in their beds. This is fine if you have no trouble falling asleep, but if you’re struggling with sleep then this sends your body mixed signals as to what to do when you lay down,” he says. This is why many sleep doctors say that the bed should only be used for sleep and sex, as opposed to using it as a place to do other activities, like watching TV or answering emails.

Avoid unnecessary stimulation: Dr. Rohrscheib says that another common reason people have trouble falling asleep is because they engage in stressful or stimulating activities within two hours of going to bed. She says that this includes doing work, chores and watching TV shows that are too stimulating. She also says that it’s important to avoid too much light the hour before bedtime and to get plenty of natural sunlight during the day. “This helps to keep your circadian rhythm well regulated since the brain uses light stimulation to know when we should be awake and asleep,” she says.

Be consistent with bedtime: Even when taking all of this advice into account, there’s one common habit both sleep experts say could be negatively impacting sleep: waking up and going to bed at inconsistent times. For example, maybe during the week you go to bed around 10:30 p.m. and wake up around 7 a.m., while on the weekends, you stay up until midnight and then sleep until 10 a.m. Inconsistencies like these, they say, could make it harder to fall asleep.

“It’s important to avoid keeping an inconsistent sleep schedule because this is highly disruptive to your circadian rhythm, your brain’s internal 24-hour biological clock,” Dr. Rohrscheib says. “When you don’t keep a consistent schedule, it’s very difficult for your brain to predict when it should start creating the chemicals needed to initiate and fall asleep. Even a 30-minute deviation may be enough to disrupt sleep for people who are extra sensitive sleepers.”

Consistency is key: Dr. Aloia agrees, saying, “If your sleep schedule varies too much day-to-day, you may need to try to reel in your sleep routine with the same or similar sleep and wake times. Consistency can go a long way.”

[From Parade]

This is all solid advice. I think it’s easier to be consistent with your sleep patterns as you get older and your body forces you to go to bed. I try to be consistent, but my mind has a tough time shutting off, so going to bed is a process for me. I need to unwind to get to the right place mentally. I find that I feel much better if I go to bed or fall asleep before midnight, even five minutes before, vs. at 12:01 a.m. I generally do not need more than six to seven hours of sleep. I’ve just always been that way. Like I said above, I have a lot of trouble actually falling asleep. When I was a kid, I’d count down from 100 to shut my mind off. As an adult, I’ve tried so many different methods throughout the years, from no screens to drinking “sleepytime” teas. I don’t drink caffeine after 10:00 a.m. I’ve been prescribed sleep aids, tried melatonin and taken Advil PM. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. What I’ve been doing lately, though, is drinking this tea with melatonin in it that my therapist told me about. I try not to drink it every night, but when I do, it does enough to take the edge off and make me very yawn-y. Solidarity to all of my fellow insomniacs out there.

Photos credit: Johnmark Smith, Ketut Subiyanto and Christian Domingues on pexels