Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden have been married for eight years. They have an almost-four-year-old daughter, Raddix (she’s four in January). Last year, Cameron re-entered the movie biz after taking almost a decade off. Back in 2020, she branched out and launched a zero-sugar, organic grape-based wine label called “Avaline.” In a recent appearance on the Lipstick on the Rim podcast to promote Avaline, Cameron let it slip that her husband, Good Charlotte’s Benji Madden, is a snorer, which prompted her to share her ideal living situation: separate bedrooms!
“We should normalize separate bedrooms,” Cameron said after one ladies admitted that her husband snores.
“To me, I would literally, I have my house, you have yours,” Cameron explained. “We have the family house in the middle. I will go and sleep in my room. You go sleep in your room. I’m fine.”
She added, “And we have the bedroom in the middle that we can convene in for our relations.”
When one of the hosts joked that the revelation might be controversial, Cameron joked that she can’t take it back now.
“I’ve already said it,” Cameron said, before clarifying, “By the way, I don’t feel that way now because my husband is so wonderful. I said that before I got married.”.
I don’t think this is controversial at all! I think we can all relate to this sentiment at some point or other. I’m also a snorer (I’m actually doing one of those at-home sleep apnea studies in March; I’ve heard they’re awful) and Mr. Rosie sometimes jokes about wanting his own room on the nights where the pink noise app doesn’t drown me out, lol. I say to each their own. There are societal norms that change throughout the times, but there’s no set rules that couples have to adhere to in order to be in a “good” relationship. Relationships are built on love, trust, and mutual respect. If you want to sleep in separate bedrooms and that works for both of you, then sleep in separate bedrooms! Relationships can be as conventional or unconventional as you mutually agree upon. I’m not proposing you go all Will-and-Jada on it, but you and your partner have to do what works best for the two of you.
Photos via Instagram and credit: Lalo/Backgrid and Getty
My hubby and I have separate bathrooms and that works so well for us.
I have restless legs syndrome, and although I take medication, it doesn’t completely fix the problem. My husband resisted getting separate bedrooms, but after many nights of getting kicked he decided to try it. Now we both love our separate rooms.
I’m happily single after many long term relationships and I would never live with anyone again if I got into another relationship. I feel like 80% of the things couples argue about are avoided by not living together. I like my own space, and I want the time we spend together to be out of pure choice and enjoyment.
Next best option – separate bedrooms and bathrooms.
Grandma and Grandpa had separate bedrooms for 60 years.
When I was a child it was weird.
Now at 42 and a divorce later?
Grandma’s knows best.
No way I will be sharing my bed with someone else.
If you can’t afford separate bedrooms at least separate covers and blankets.
This ^^. We do separate covers and blankets. We even picked picked completely different pillow sets, too.
I would add separate mattresses to that list.
I insisted on building our own seperate bathrooms.
We also use separate mattresses, but inside of one larger bedframe.
He has his own office spaces and I have my spaces, we both dont go in those areas of each other, respectively.
Being an adult, and marrying, doesnt mean you lose your boundaries or need for space and privacy. It also means you dont have to worry about a mess or use of a space that is only for you, due to any probems for the other person (He can block the shower and bath, as long as I have a second bathroom I dont care)
We have separate blankets and separate bathrooms. If I could get the cats to sleep on their own beds instead of on top of me, it would be a perfect situation.
Honestly, I like the idea of not living with my significant other. I enjoy my own space and it keeps the relationship alive.
I wouldn’t want that for myself, but I totally understand and I think that will be the next trend. In 10 years maybe!
I actually DO feel it needs to be normalized, because when people have learned my hubby and I sleep in separate bedrooms, they immediately think we’re distant! Hubby and I are very close and have a good sex life, but the man snores through walls!! (But for me it started with menopause; my hot flashes would wake me up so much, I didn’t want to disturb him.). It doesn’t help that I’m a morning bird and he’s a night owl. I feel lucky we can each get a good sleep, and ultimately that’s way better for our marriage than sleeping in the same bedroom!!
I so relate! I’m single, but I will never be in a relationship again without separate bedrooms. I’m a very light sleeper, on top of being an insomniac. No one should have to be in a position where they have to navigate that, much less their inevitable lack of sleep from dealing with the myriad ways I trick myself back to sleep. Like watching specific episodes of Fringe, for example.
It’s a big mess no happy relationship needs! Plus, I’m perimenopausal, basically every persons dream girl!!!
And second bathroom. That’s a non-negotiable for me.
I also feel that it needs to be normalized. Which is not what Cameron is doing here, by the way. I don’t really understand her point to be honest, since on the one hand she’s saying separate bedrooms need to be normalized and on the other doing the complete opposite by saying, “By the way, I don’t feel that way now because my husband is so wonderful. I said that before I got married.” So it only needs to be normalized for people who don’t have wonderful husbands…? I’m confused.
I read that as her meaning separate houses is what she no longer needs
That’s how I read it too.
But when do you actually talk to each other? It’s when the lights are out and it’s quiet. That you actually talk about what’s bothering each of you. Or what the problems you see coming up are. Forget the sex life or any of that. The just laying there together is when you actually get close. I understand the reasons people are giving for this. But also feel this is what is driving the high divorce rate in this country. If people aren’t even willing to try sleeping in the same room. How are they going to survive the really trying times?
The place to talk and discuss things is when you’re awake, not ready to go to bed and trying to get some sleep!
Yeah, no. My spouse and I sleep in seperate bedrooms and it has probaby saved our marriage. He is a heavy snorer and up at the crack of dawn. I move alot and go to bed a few hours before he gets up. We moved into seperate bedrooms 6 years ago, when I went back to graduate school. We had to figure out a prioritize our emotional and physical intimacy. Which we were able to do. Two years ago, he was diagnosed with early-onsest Ahlzeimers. These skills in intimacy have been key in dealing with the difficulty in this diagnosis, and now we also won’t have to deal with needing to be in seperate bedrooms as he progresses and loses abilty to make sense of things. For us, it’s been an amazing choice and helped us develop the relationship we needed to go through this next step of our journy with love.
The pressure for spouses to do every. Damn. Thing. Together. All. The. Time. is probably the reason for the high divorce rate. 😂
Actually, @Robert Phillips, the time for couples to discuss things isn’t when they are ready for s*x or sleep. That conversation could upset both potential outcomes. The time for those discussions varies. “Hypothetically” lol, those conversations work best when you’re hangin’ out on your patio or deck, and the weather is great and open feelings are in the air. Yep, we do have separate bedrooms with visitation rights.lol We both snore and I’m a leg whipper. y You know, things you thought were cute when dating became something when married. A workaround. Sometimes I fall asleep on the couch. Our cat is usually within 3 feet or on top of me. Hubby will retire to the room early and I will wake up at 3am finding him sleeping on his recliner.
Getting sleep is important. I’ve struggled with it my whole life. Medical condition. Some of my best sleeps are when I’m snuggled up against DH with my snoring, Some of my worst sleeps have been when I was snuggled up against my DH. Summertime. DH is the best heater ever when it’s cold outside. When it’s hot & sticky and A/C is working-he’s still putting out the heat.
Hub & I were married 25 years prior to his death. 20 of those, we had separate bedrooms. We talked all the time when we were awake. But he was an early riser and early to bed guy, and I’m a night owl and later waker. Also I have sleep apnea & use a cpap, and the noise of that drove him nuts.
Talk it over in bed? Sex and sleep are the only things to do in bed and quite frankly many other better places for sex
My mom and dad start sleeping in separate bedrooms during the last years of his life because he became a restless sleeper, he had to get up several times a night to use the bathroom and he snored. I think this might be one of those things that might actually be common among older people that no one talks about? My mom is in an elderly community now, and it’s sometimes an issue for couples who suddenly have to share a room.
If we had the space I would have separate rooms. I’ve lot count of the number of nights the snoring drove me out with my pillows and some blankets. Fortunately the sofa bed in the office (which does duty as the spare room if you move some furniture about) can be used as a single bed without needing to be opened out.
I’m campaigning heavily to do the loft conversion so we have an actual second bedroom with a proper bed in it but after knocking down and re-building the kitchen this year it has to wait.
Married for 13 years with separate bedrooms the whole time. I am a high maintenance sleeper and do not need a snoring man keeping me awake all night.
“High maintenance sleeper” is a great term–very much describes me as well.
Same! I’m totally stealing that.
Yup been with my partner for 10 years and it’s separate rooms for us too! At first I felt really bad (societal norms BS) but honestly our sleeping patterns are so different this is just better for both of us. We’ve also kept out finances separate – we share the household bills but I don’t want anyone telling me what I can and cannot spend my money on (not that he would, but people are people and at best we are all judgy bitches)
For so many reasons it has always been us. My room is my haven, covered in paintings, books twinkly lights. Warm. My husband used to drive me nuts because he never got up when his alarm rang. He like cold. I like warm quilts and lots of pillows. etc.
The grumpiness I have to fight when I’m sleep-deprived because my husband snores loudly and wakes himself up over and over and over all night (yes, I know it’s probably sleep apnea and I’ve asked him to go get checked out, but I can’t force him), would destroy my marriage. I’m not an easy person when I haven’t slept night after night – if it’s a good night, I stay. If he’s tearing down the walls with snoring, I go to the guest bedroom. Our 13 year old hated that until we were watching a movie the other night and my husband fell asleep and started snoring literally like a chain saw and my son said, “THIS is what he sounds like???” (he’s a heavy sleeper himself). When I nodded “yes”, he said, “Ohhhhhhhhhh…now I get it” and laughed.
I’m an insomniac with sleep apnea. No way will I ever share a bedroom. I also want my own bath.
Separate bedrooms, separate homes, and separate bank accounts.
My daughter says the perfect solution is to buy a duplex and each live in one half.
I share a duplex with my Mom, and as a single mom myself, it is an absolute dream. Grandma downstairs basically all the time? Yes, please! I’m pretty sure my son and I would have murdered each other during lockdown if he hadn’t been able to move between our two houses.
If I was in a relationship, I would be into buying a triplex, because there is no separating my Mom and son at this point.
A king-sized mattress really makes a difference too–it helps to have more space. My husb is a good sleeper so I don’t typically have issues but I love the reassurance of having a spare bedroom if one of us is too restless, snoring, or even sick. My parents haven’t slept in the same bed for years now, just for the sake of their individual comfort. Practicality and a decent night’s sleep is more important than people’s weird archaic views on what is socially normal.
My husband and I have been married for 35 years. Slept in separate rooms for 30+ of those years. I’m an insomniac/night owl with restless leg syndrome. He’s an early to bed light sleeper who snores like a bear. If I so much as tip toe into his room, he sits up and says “what’s wrong”. He works very hard everyday and I want to make sure that he gets a restful and healthy nights sleep. I’ve always said that growing up our parents make a big deal about making sure we sleep in our own beds and then we’re expected to change our sleep habits because are in a marriage or committed relationship. It just never made sense to me. Sleep is sacred in our house so we respect each other’s needs (which included our children as they grew up). I don’t know if we would have made it this long if we were on each other’s nerves for not getting enough good restful sleep!
I would like to say that
A) snoring is not always but frequently an indicator of sleep apnea, snorers should advance to a sleep study.
B) covers being kicked all over by morning is frequently an indicator of restless leg, there should be a sleep study for this as well
There are good treatment options for both of these conditions. The National Sleep Foundation has several good web pages for learning more, as well as a downloadable sleep diary which would be an excellent idea to complete before speaking further with your primary care doctor.
Also this press release now may be an attempt at a diversion from people talking about whatever happened on that movie set with Jamie Foxx
Hey Brenda! I have other indicators, as well. I had no idea I could be a candidate for it until two different doctors I saw this fall asked me about my sleep based on these indicators. I’m not super worried, which is why I made the appt six months out from when one of my doctors had someone call me to set it up. I’ll check out the National Sleep Foundation’s website. Thank you!
I think bedroom suites are the way to go. I want my own sleeping space and bathroom, but I want that within a shared space that’s separate from the rest of the house. It’s on my list if we ever build. Meanwhile, a king sized bed and separate covers have been the key to peaceful sleep for two decades. I’ll never share blankets again!
Also, please please please take sleep apnea seriously. It’s incredibly hard on your heart to be gasping and fighting for air all night. Getting treated will improve every aspect of your health. The sleep study is a hassle but it’s worth it.
One time in med school this big barrel chested snorer peed off about 30 pounds of retained water after getting diagnosed and started on CPAP.
It was -amazing-.
His heart definitely had less work to do after that.
30 POUNDS?!? I should have gone into something medically related, I find this stuff fascinating.
Me and OH sleep in separate rooms. It started when I developed severe nerve pain and loss of use in my upper left arm in winter 2021. I could be comfortable in bed only on my back with my left arm extended to the side so OH had to sleep in the spare room. Then this past summer I feel, effed my left knee & ankle and getting in and out of our bed was difficult so I went into the spare room and he went back to our bed. Musical chairs for beds!
Im also a night owl, run hot and I was disturbing him with coming to bed late and kicking the duvet about but it never occurred to us to sleep in separate rooms. He sleeps more soundly now, im still all over the place but I miss having him in the bed beside me at night.
I sleep like a rock and don’t even notice him next to me. Plus, we have a California King. Makes a big difference. He tells me I sometimes push him away. Sounds about right!!!
Folks do what works for you. You don’t need permission.
Many nights I sleep in a recliner in the living room. Health troubles.
Nobodies business.
We met late in life, and kept our separate houses! Small town, so we’re only a few blocks away. We rotate — your house, you cook dinner and clean up — then the next night, you get to just show up. Has worked fabulously for nearly 15 years now.
I really love this! I can imagine it would make normal stuff like dinner feel like a date.
With the housing crisis, I have had times in which some relatives are staying with me. More than once for months at a time.
You better get used to “Doing the best you can. Get along.” And it is what it is.
But, I do find myself day dreaming about being alone in a tiny house, with a small, mellow dog to keep me company. And a laundry service.
IRL, I count myself lucky we are all still OK overall.
If I had HW money….Separate bedroom, my own bathroom, a cook, laundry sent out. Plus dog. Old sweet family pup passed a few years back. And I am realistic enough to know, I can not afford a dog right now. Add that to the reality of “The new normal.”
I feel this. You’re a good person for looking after your family, and not subjecting a dog to less than what they deserve for your own desires. I wish you a future with everything your heart needs and desires.
Thank you for the kind thoughts!
I think this is starting to get normalized — the term “sleep divorce” has been bantied about a lot lately.
My only understanding of Aristocracy is Downton Abbey. But I thought that’s how it was done back then. Husband and wives kept separate bedroom suites and got together for sexy times in between.
I am single and really can’t share a bed. I am too old now. My bed, my remote. Go away.
Due to my night terrors, night sweats, snoring, and restless leg syndrome, our bedrooms are not only separate but in different floors. Works beautifully for us and we still bang all over the house so no loss of sexy time.
CPAP user here! The sleep test (at home version) is no big deal. Neither is using the machine, it just takes getting used to. Admittedly, I don’t use the machine when my husband is out of town, because if he’s not here who’s to care if I snore? I haven’t had any real positive effect (I always slept well, rarely woke up gasping for breath) but it has restored his quality of sleep, so there’s that!
My husband and I slept separately for a time earlier in our marriage when he couldn’t take my snoring anymore, and I had my snoring medically investigated. Luckily, improving my allergy control was all that was needed (a bit of medication experimentation,) and we’ve now returned to generally sharing a bed. If one of us is sick, we’ll sleep separately. I also used to sleep separately if I was going to bed late to avoid disturbing him, but overtime it stopped bothering him for me to get into bed after he was asleep, so that’s not a reason for us sleeping separately anymore. We do in some seasons have separate blankets, though.
My partner of 15 years and I sleep in separate bedrooms and it, I swear, is the key to our success and longevity.
We do share a bed when we are traveling (which is often) at hotels and other people’s houses and it is a very nice thing we don’t mind in the least (we also might double up if we need an extra guest bed), but at home we have our own spaces and sleeping environments and it’s great.
Rosie, congratulations on your road to get a cpap machine. It will change your life and your spouses life. And the sleep study is no big deal?!?!? Anyway I wish they weren’t making you wait so long until your sleep study, March seems so far out, our Kaiser health plan schedules out a week or 2 max