Laura Benanti is one of the lucky Broadway actors who is able to sustain her theater work with steady TV & film gigs. Most recently that screen time included a supporting part in No Hard Feelings with Jennifer Lawrence. Dipping back into theater, Benanti just performed a one-woman show in New York over the weekend called Laura Benanti: Nobody Cares. One of the topics she discusses in the piece that (historically) nobody (in charge) has cared about is perimenopause, that rip-roaring prequel to menopause that I’d honestly never heard of until Naomi Watts started the conversation, and Halle Berry and Gillian Anderson kept it going. Benanti is in the thick of it now, and she doesn’t mince words when she says it’s “been f–king horrible.” I’m sorry for her pain, truly, but she was still absolutely hilarious when talking to People Mag about it to hype her show:
Nobody Cares: Laura Benanti’s new solo show, Laura Benanti: Nobody Cares, finds the Tony-winning actress taking a self-deprecating look at fame, friendships, romance, pregnancy, motherhood and a bevy of other things she says she’s come to learn as a self-titled “recovering ingénue.” But there’s one lesson that’s been a bit more difficult to find out than others. “I talk about perimenopause, which has just been f–king horrible,” Benanti tells PEOPLE when discussing the show… “It’s one of the many things we’re told to just shut up about as mothers because people are like, ‘Eww, gross, lady bodies!’”
Surprise! The 44-year-old star says she had no idea what was happening to her when she first started experiencing perimenopause, the often years-long transition prior to menopause when hormones fluctuate. … “It was a total mystery to me because in all the years of being a functioning woman, it was never explained to me once,” Benanti says. “Menopause, they’re like, ‘Okay, we got to acknowledge this is real.’ But perimenopause is just a surprise party! And I don’t know why. So I call it ‘the menopause appetizer that nobody tells you about,’” she jokes. “It’s ‘the amuse-bouche to an old cooch.’”
‘You’re fine’: “Can you imagine if this happened to men?” she teases to PEOPLE. “In perimenopause, our hormones are changing as rapidly as they were when we were in middle school. If men experienced that, scientists would be like, ‘To the Galapagos we go! Find every endangered plant and animal and use them to make it into man medicine!’ And meanwhile, women are over here with a swarm of bees in our uterus and our skin falling off. And everyone’s like, ‘You’re fine.’” They say, ‘Mothers are strong,’” Benanti adds. “F–k you! Yeah, we are. But also, we could use some help once in a while.”
The advantages of recording a live show: It will stream at a later date on Audible, for those unable to make it there in person — something that drew Benanti to the project when she was first approached by the audio streamer to create a show for them. “The thing I love about theater is that it’s ephemeral and there’s a magic to that, but that’s also the thing that makes it sort of sad because it’s so temporary,” Benanti says. “So I’m really excited about people being able to listen to it. And who knows, maybe we’ll be able to turn this into a TV special one day. You gotta dream big.”
She had me at “the amuse-bouche to an old cooch.” Poetry. Part of me feels like an imposter weighing in on a perimenopause story, since I am pre peri. At worst I’m two years away, or at significantly-less-worse, 20 years away from meeting Ms. Peri myself. But I can relate to the symptom of being hot. All. The. Time. I have a theory that this stems from my having a winter birthday: my parents bundled me up as a baby so I wouldn’t be cold. But they noticed that as soon as I was coordinated enough, I would strip off everything I could manage. Then they got the message. And here I am now, what Benanti would call “a functioning woman,” and I still feel like I’m at least ten degrees warmer than everyone else. Given this is my baseline, I am in sheer terror of what my perimenopause will be. No really, I have visions of myself flopping around, clad in a fig leaf, making increasingly paranoid pleas to Boreas — Greek god of the north wind and winter — to pay a visit to the American east coast. In the meantime, I’ll be waiting for Benanti’s show to drop on Audible so I can learn what else I have to look forward to. And yeah, she’s right about how different things would be if men went through perimenopause, but I’m already too hot and bothered to get into that now.
photos via Instagram and credit: Robin Platzer / Twin Images / Avalon and Getty
Love her!
Mine started at 54 and I’m 61 and still with the hot flashes but they have stopped coming in the daytime and appear only at night. How much longer I do not know . What I do know is she is right if this were a man’s problem there would be really good drugs to combat it. There are other symptoms and there isn’t too much to help for those either. I pray for the end to be near lol.
It’s so grating that nobody cares either, Susan. Drs are so annoying when something only affects women.
They have this condescending attitude about “oh it’s natural, get over it”, yeah andropause is natural too but as soon as a man has an inkling of testosterone decrease, wow… Drs immediately have them checked! Not the same with us and the peri/menopause.
I was on steroids briefly and among the other problems they caused, they turned the hot flashes up to UNBEARABLE.
But when I talked to the doctor about the side effects, that was the one thing I didn’t mention. I was afraid he’d dismiss everything with ‘oh, women.’
One suggestion: try going vegan (a little fish or egg a few times a week is fine) and see if it helps. I’ve been more or less doing this for nearly 20 years now (since I was 40) and while I had some depression during menopause, I’d say there were no other physical symptoms. Good to add a little soy if possible too…if that agrees with one’s diet of course.
Links to studies in the article below:
https://www.eatingwell.com/vegan-diet-hot-flashes-new-research-8407592
I second this. But also, cutting out sugar makes a huge difference- no sugar basically = no hot flashes.
I also recommend Wild Yam Cream for upping progesterone levels – many people who can’t get on with HRT get on really well with this. When I started using it my brain fog was so severe it was literally disabling. I felt like a zombie all the time. A couple of days into using wild yam cream and I could think again. Miracle stuff…
It was the gushing, weeks-long periods that concerned me, my hubby, my friends, and my doctor. I was so low in iron I was barely functioning. That’s one of the signs of peri-menopause and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. After trying several things prescribed by my doctor for a year with no change, I decided to have a partial hysterectomy. Consider an ablation; it’s far less invasive with very few side effects. I was 46. Menopause didn’t start until I was 51. For me “the pause” was an extremely hot, mentally muddled, sleep-deprived, sometimes incontinent, slightly depressed six years. Thankfully, I’ve got amazing friends–all supportive while being quietly terrified or old enough to squeeze my sweaty hand while offering me a glass of ice water. It’s different for everyone. Keep track of the changes you’re going through. Talk to your friends; you’re most likely not alone in what you are experiencing. Ask your doctor questions, and make a list of your concerns. Take yourself seriously. I’m 61 now and mostly symptom-free. Sometimes, I’m even cold.
Oh my gosh, I’m 41 and believe all that I’m experiencing is peri despite some friends and my GYN saying it isnt. Just saw a hilarious TikTok yesterday from The Holderness Family on this topic. Worth a find if you’re experiencing or prepping for it. Thankful more and more are discussing!
I went through menopause at 46. My GYN was “surprised”. I look back and all the peri symptoms were ignored (irregular periods, weight gain, poor sleep, dry skin/hair, increased anxiety) bc I was “too young” or they were attributed to other things, like anxiety. The good news is I never had a hot flash but if I had, it might have helped me understand what was happening to my body at the time. Instead, my GYN was putting me on progesterone every few months to force my body into having a period. It wasn’t until he retired and the new doctor tested my hormones that I was deemed in menopause. Advocate for proper attention to your symptoms.
At 49 I have several friends my age who haven’t had a period in 2 years and are officially done. It doesn’t sound odd at all to me. I really think peri starts for most people in their 40s definitely not 50s.
In my mid 40s my periods got closer together completely unregulated after a life of being on the clock. Now they are spacing out. I have younger friends having weird cycles trying to contribute it to Covid or the vaccine. I’m like no, it’s probably just Peri which they don’t like hearing.
The increase in anxiety has really been SOMETHING. Like, we’re leaving for the airport 10 min later than I wanted so…I’m having a panic attack in the car? Cool cool cool. And I know, I do have awareness that this is dumb and unnecessary but still, up and away with the anxiety. The irritability at anything and everything has been cool too. I’d almost prefer hot flashes (but please no).
Oh my gosh! I’m 46 and I’m two years post menopausal. I had to go through so much to just get confirmation that was the case, then I located the nearest menopause-specific specialist near me and got the right treatment. I had been going through peri for around 5 years and no one knew wtf was going on. Overall it hasn’t been too bad, but old cooch is definitely a thing. Stuff changes down there! You’ve got to get the right support to treat your symptoms and they are literally different for every woman. My brain exploded when I started looking into this stuff. No one tells you!!
I only figured out in retrospect that I was going through perimenopause; oh, sure, I had heard of menopause but perimenopause? Not a clue. My best guesstimate is that things started going wonky at about age 48, mostly with the erratic periods–couldn’t count on the when any more, had to be ready at all times. Some super-heavy, some super light, with no particular pattern. And I was lucky with the hot flashes–they only happened one winter, after work, after my after-work walk & shower, dinner making & eating, then relaxing in front of the TV or reading a book. Then & only then would the hot flashes hit–throw off my throw, rip off my Uggs, then I’d get cold & it would happen all over again. Then it would be over & I could go to bed, fall asleep, no problem. I was lucky that way, at least. I’ve had colleagues suddenly start flapping the air in front of their faces with the folders they had in their hand, throwing open the windows, regardless of time of year. I remember my mom saying she never had any hot flashes, so there you go. But peri, that’s a doozy.
Her comments had me rolling. She’s hilarious and right on the money.
Never heard of her before (I’m not a theatre goer) but will check that out.
I’ve been in the throes of perimenopause for the last 3 years and I hate it so much. It’s not about feeling hot, I always feel cold anyway (unlike you, Kismet!).
It’s the rest I cannot stand!! I got to arrive at the age of 50 without much fuss or skin sagging. In the last 3 years, skin is sagging everywhere in my body and that’s a feat as I gained 40 pounds and I cannot shed the weight, no matter what I do.
After a whole life as a person with a normal, lean figure (except in the throes of anorexia, of course), I’ve been now classified overweight by a Dr and told to diet for 2 years l.
Perimenopause makes me feel like I gained 20 years in 3. I shudder at the thought of what will happen in menopause later 🙁
Ditto. Gained 40 pounds in peri after being rail thin my whole life. That led to a host of other problems, including joint pain. Was told to lose the weight. No shit, Sherlock. I gaze at a donut and gain 3 pounds; I exercise for 1.5 hours 5 days a week and lose 4 ounces. It sucks.
Exactly!! 💯
When I was sick, in bed and on a liquid diet for my second bout of Covid, I was able to gain a pound!! How??
The weight gain is a concern as I suffer from disc/pain problems in my spine, and the weight is making the whole thing unbearable.
Insomnia is particularly unmanageable too, even with medication.
Oh, yeah, forgot about the weight gain. Put on about 5lbs a year for a couple-three years.
ALPINEWITCH,
She did a brilliant Melania impersonation on Colbert show.
https://youtu.be/Wh1wctQNKRM?si=rG2W6OaWGi8ZeNrh
She’s actually an incredibly talented singer and seems like a lovely lady.
She’s sooo right, though I have to emphasis that perimenopause is not just for mothers. Why the distinction? It can be pretty awful for childless ladies as well and have to be strong none of the less.
I think she’s just parroting what she’s heard from drs. I think it’s never been studied because, besides being a lady problem, it’s an OLD lady problem /s. Like it’s not affecting fertility, which is just about the only aspect of women’s health that seems to get the medical community interested. Although I guess maternal mortality doesn’t seem to move the needle either. I’m 43, gained 30 pounds literally within a month of turning 40 (was put on anxiety/depression drug at same time), and nothing I’ve done has moved the needle.
There is a dr on social media, Dr Mary Claire (or Clare?) who goes into the science of menopause, and treatments. She’s an obgyn who thought all her peri and menopausal patients were noncompliant whiners until it happened to her.
I am so sorry, hope you get better with time. Some supplements help me with the hot flushes, sleep disorder, even my weight, but sometimes I am literally in suicidal and/or murderer mode. Cannot take antidepressants, they affect me really badly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Hopefully, my SO and me both will survive and the same to you too, Lucy
“Noncompliant whiners, until it happened to her.” And this is why we need an updated med school curriculum.
I’m childless and peri is wrecking havoc on my body.
I had the same response… mothers? What about the rest of us? Though Lucy may be right (and it figures that her Drs focused only on the “you’re a mother” part as opposed to IDK, you’re a woman or you’re a human being.
For me, the changes in hair, skin, and yeah wonky temperature regulation were bad, but the palpitations were the worst. No one told me that could happen (apparently it’s part of the hormonal cavalcade of stars where your body shoots off everything it’s got at random times. (Heart pounding out of your chest, 2 am, waking you from a dead sleep … SO much fun!)) None of my doctors at the time had any idea this was a thing (internet searches and a comment from a new endocrinologist a couple years later finally connected the dots for me)
It has nothing to do with whether you’ve had children. It can be brought on by a number of genetic and environmental factors, such as treatment for certain medical conditions. Please talk to your mothers, aunts and sisters, not only to get your history, but to prepare yourself, be aware of the symptoms, and normalize it. You don’t have to feel alone
My advice to young women is to find a doctor who will listen to you and discuss any and ALL options. At 41, I told my doctor I was experiencing perimenopause. He insisted on testing my hormones because the average age is 50. Obviously I was the person bringing those numbers down. After months of visits just checking my hormones, I found another doctor who laughed at the need for testing, gave me advice, and options.
Now I am over 60 and I swear I STILL have hot flashes, mild and not daily, but no one ever warned me about the fact they may lessen but not stop.
I am forever grateful that I worked in an all female office at the time and my boss understood when I simply needed a nap or had brain fog. They gave me a fan and laughed with me when I was going through the worst of the hot flashes.
We have got to normalize these discussions.
That’s it right there. I was thinking, she needs to find a new doctor, preferably a woman, although they can have just as outdated ideas as their male counterparts. Which is why when I move & have to find new doctors (I see a lot of specialists), I look for the young ones just out of medical school. Seriously! They listen more & better, and explain things better, than the old dinosaurs.
The amount of misinformation is astonishing. Measuring your hormones won’t do much except tell you where your hormones are that day.
I turned 50 last month and my husband treated me to a grand European vacation. 6 days after my birthday, as if right on cue, I experienced my first hot flash on a side street in Rome. Holy hell, no one really prepares you for that first one! Me, leaning against a 2,000 year old building foundation, desperately wanting to take all of my clothes off. I’m so glad more lady celebs are talking about peri- and regular menopause, just to normalize talking about bodies changing. Aging happens!
I’ve been hearing from my doctors that the constant and massive bleeding I have been experiencing for the last year and a half is due to peri-menopause. In these conversations about normalizing menopause and peri-menopause I never hear this discussed as a symptom.
I’m starting to wonder if dismissing everything I experience as, “oh, it’s menopause – of course it’s wacky, unpredictable, and uncomfortable” is going to be the new excuse for everything under the sun now that I’m over 45.
I’m in peri and it started with massive bleeding episodes and 3 periods in 6 weeks… I was a wreck. So definitely a symptom, particularly annoying to me as I never had much in the first place.
I thought that peri was the cause of mine, but an ultrasound found some gnarly fibroids. My gyno tried a few things to lessen the bleeding, but none of them really worked. We finally opted for a hysterectomy. It’s weird to say losing a uterus was the best thing I ever did, but it was. I wish I had skipped all the other stuff, and just gone straight to the surgery. The surgery didn’t send me into menopause (doc thought it would), so I really enjoyed the three years without periods but no other menopause symptoms.
I’ve gabapentin for nerve issues in my spine and to be honest, on me it has the opposite effect, it makes me feel colder and sweaty… hot flushes are the only symptom I don’t have so I tend not to take it unless I feel very sick on the day.
There’s a really good book about menopause by Jancee Dunn.
Hideous things I didn’t expect: horrid “dropping in a rollercoaster”-cramps at night, hair rapidly thinning and becoming brittle, skin on my face peeling and peeling, weird acne, FURY. Estrogen patch helps a lot, and progesterone.
The Menopause Manifesto by OB/GYN Dr. Jen Gunter is the best book out there on this subject. Brilliantly written (she pulls no punches) and thoroughly scientific. She’s also the author of The Vagina Bible and the recently-released Blood: The Science, Medicine and Mythology of Menstruation.
(All three should be mandatory reading for all men who deign attempt to pass legislation over women’s bodies. Or, for that matter, on men who want to sleep with or even simply be around women, ffs. )
For what it’s worth I’m turning 54 this year and when perimenopause manifested for me (at 46) as feeling suddenly near-panicked and crazy during my period, I did my research and advocated with my (female) doctor to start progesterone. It helped immediately and bonus, I slept like a baby.
At 51 I experienced genitourinary syndrome and read Dr. Gunter’s book, took notes, and advocated for myself with a new (female) doctor to add estrogen to my regime. She was older than me and essentially scoffed and told me to deal with it. I refused, got another, younger female doctor who was far more knowledgeable about menopause and she didn’t hesitate to prescribe both estrogen pills and vaginal cream.
I’ve had no menopause symptoms since. I’ve gained no weight, skin is great, my body is still fit and the same shape and size as it has always been. Sure, I still lift weights, get judicious Botox, and my current lover is 35, lol. Your life and your menopause are your own. Life does not end with menopause, it really begins because the f•cks you give are much fewer! Also sex without risk of pregnancy is an added bonus.
“My current lover is 35”
Holy fck you’re everything I wanted to be when I grew up. Goals. An icon!
“…perimenopause, that rip-roaring prequel to menopause. ” LMAO. But seriously, mine wasn’t so bad. I had a LOT of discharge, and some serious night sweats (Tip: sleep in a T-shirt to soak it up), but no daytime hot flashes. I also, coincidentally, went on a low-FODMAP diet during peri, to treat my IBS, and I think that helped prevent excess weight gain. (Older women’s bodies can’t process carbs like they used to.) As for the mature cooch? Dry as a 🦴 🙁
My doc prescribed a vaginal suppository for the dryness, and it’s a game changer! It’s called VagiFem. I’m in Canada, so there may be different options wherever you are. But seriously, go for it. Your cooch will thank you.
Vagifem is AMAZING.
There are treatments for the symptoms! Way too many women and doctors don’t know that there are successful options, or women decide it’s just something they have to suffer through. Please don’t!
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/01/magazine/menopause-hot-flashes-hormone-therapy.html?unlocked_article_code=1.RU0.bkzw.OcSdSLkRPbmv&bgrp=c&smid=url-share
Has anyone had to navigate peri and meno without hormone replacement? I can’t take them for other health reasons and am wondering if I’m completely f**ked if it gets really bad for me. I’ve been peri for a few years, had very very heavy periods that have now tapered off to ‘normal’ and I’m noticing new mood shifts but otherwise, it’s manageable. I already deal with anxiety due to those other health reasons, so I have good coping strategies but yeah, I definitely feel apprehensive for what’s to come.
When I was 38, my feet started sweating to an insane degree – like, my socks would look like I dipped them in the pool… when it was 30 degrees outside. Asked my then (male) doctor if it was possibly perimenopause, and he told me in no uncertain terms that (1) I was too young and (2) there’s no such thing as perimenopause.
Fast-forward five years and many doctors later. In my get-to-know-you appt, doc asks if I have anything I want to ask about/discuss. I mention my feet, which were sweating so hard they PRUNED that day. She asked how long, I tell her about five years. She immediately started discussing perimenopause and ways to help deal with the symptoms. I was so relieved I wanted to cry.
And nobody at work wants to hear about why you are struggling, but you are expected to keep up with your work load. Meanwhile you are sweating, itching, and having a panic attack for no special reason while trying to work through the stupid, pointless PowerPoint deck.
Good luck, everyone.