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I know Diane Farr from the series Fire Country, where she plays the mom of the hot lead character, Bode ( who fights fires while incarcerated. She has a high ranking job as the California Fire Division Chief and is facing a health crisis (no spoilers!). I watched most of the first season, but I’m not keeping up with it. One of the first things I noticed about the show was the relationship between Diane’s character, Sharon Leone, and her on screen husband, Vince, played by Billy Burke. Sharon is 54 and Billy is 57. They just seem like a lot of couples I know around that age, with regular couple issues. Vince comes across as controlling from what I remember, but that’s authentic and realistic.
Diane has written an essay for Entertainment Weekly addressing age gaps in television and movies. She interviewed a bunch of her famous friends for it, including Sarah Wayne Callies, Liza Colón-Zayas, Chandra Wilson and Marcia Gay Harden. Most of them echoed her point that age gaps are often unnecessary and can be distracting. It’s a long essay and I’m only excerpting some brief parts of it. You can read more at the source.
I currently play Sharon Leone, the matriarch on last season’s No. 1 new TV show, Fire Country. The CBS hit has the highest ratings of any freshman series, on any network, reaching roughly 10 million viewers a week across various platforms. Some say part of its success is the chemistry between me and my onscreen husband, played by Billy Burke — “chemistry” being the word Hollywood uses for a connection and its heat, that can’t be manufactured between actors but will catapult a performance to a cultural moment…
Age parity — hiring women who are the age a character is written, and within the same decade as their male costar — has yet to become a standard in film and TV, or even a consideration despite movement toward racial, gender, sexual orientation, and pay parity…
I’ve played the female lead or romantic interest of the male lead on 10 television series. The two most successful — Rescue Me, a critic’s darling, and now Fire Country, a ratings standout — both paired me opposite actors within five years of my age. On the other eight shows, my love interests were 10 years older; 20 years older; and, twice, older than my father at 25 years my senior. And none achieved the same success.
Sarah Wayne Callies had a similar experience to mine. She rose to fame on Prison Break and then cemented herself in the zeitgeist on The Walking Dead, where both her male leads were within five years of her age. A film studio then cast her opposite Nic Cage, with a 15-year gap between them that was not a part of nor addressed in the story. The film shared none of Sarah’s previous success. “Hollywood does something very false, which is expect us to walk a path of peers when we are patently not,” Sarah tells me. “What we expect women to do is tell a lie…”
Is it possible to be authentic with your costar if you come from different generations, classes, educational backgrounds, and methods of working? Yes. Is it better if people represent the gender, nationality, race, and actual sexual orientation they live? So far, as an industry, we believe it is. So it should also apply to women playing the age a character is written because they have voices worth hearing, and representation matters.
Farr also mentions that she was often the only woman on set when she was younger and that this left her less willing to challenge showrunners or ask for accommodations. There’s so much more to this issue than just an age gap. I agree with Farr’s point of course. It’s more interesting and real to me when characters are around the same age. Maybe among the rich set it’s normal to see a much older man with a woman young enough to be his daughter, but for the rest of us it’s not relatable. The older man younger woman dynamic is not something I’ve seen play out in real life and I don’t know couples like that.
This issue was in the press last week after the outcry over the movie Miller’s Girl, where Jenna Ortega plays a love interest to Martin Freeman! Jenna was just 19 when she filmed that and Martin is of course now 52. The trailer makes it look like a tired Lolita cliche where a femme fatale teenager seduces a teacher and ruins his life. Please, we’ve moved beyond that as a society and I hope the film gets little attention beyond this. That’s what’s going to lead to change in the entertainment industry, our collective lack of interest in those stories.
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photos via Instagram and YouTube screenshots/CBS
She’s right. And as a sometimes-director, I find that actors works best with people they are comfortable with and respect. I would never put at 19 year old with a 52 year old, that’s just… cruel.
Cruel and gross for both parties. I would hope that a 52 y/o would find it gross to be intimate with a 19 y/o even if it’s just for tv/movies.
I thought she was good on Numbers with Peter McNichol – whose age is higher than I realized.
The fact that Hollywood is still trying to push these “Lolita-esque” storylines in 2024 just shows how out of touch they are. It’s 2024. We all acknowledge that Nabokov was a pedo. Stories like that aren’t sexy, cute, or even interesting. They’re just gross. The older I’ve gotten the more I crave to see TWO adults in a relationship on screen. It’s sad how rare it still is. But it’s always refreshing to see.
Everything you just said. Also, I can no longer watch shows where there is violence towards children. I can’t stomach it and it’s not entertainment to me. I want to escape for a little bit and relax when I’m watching something. (Now, I’m currently watching True Detective and that is not relaxing.)
ITA. I quit watching Stranger Things after Season 2 because it just seemed to focus on physical and mental torture of children. It was disturbing to watch and disturbing to see it lauded as good entertainment.
@Chaine I’m so glad someone else said this. I had a hard time with the “child testing” part of that show. I stopped watching a long time ago…. maybe season 2.
I don’t disagree that Lolita-type stories are disturbing, but why do you say Nabokov was a pedo? Humbert is a pedo for sure, but I don’t think Nabokov was endorsing or intending to glamorize his behavior. Certainly the story was glamorized in adaptations (and I suppose you could argue Nabokov had a part in that as he was a screenwriter for the 1962 movie), but my understanding is that Nabokov’s intent was to write a horrific but charming narrator.
If you are interested in the backstory of all things Lolita, highly recommend Lolita Podcast by Jamie Loftus. It’s excellent and pretty critical of a number of things, but I think Nabokov scholars agree Humbert is supposed to be a real piece of shit.
Lolita was never a love story but pervy producers and directors turned it into that on the screen. To feed their delusions.
Nabokov was categorically NOT a pedo. He described Humbert Humbert as a “vain and cruel wretch” and was appalled that his novel about manipulation was misinterpreted by the ignorant as a romance.
Nabokov tried to convey how Humbert perceived what he felt for Lolita, and why she would actually fall for his advances.
Humbert would predate on a Lolita’s lack of parental affection (very common child abuse victim profile) love-bombing her and buying her off with gifts (classical predator behaviour).
Lolita didn’t know better than feeling appreciated and protected from her vain mother’s narcissism (classical child abuse victim reaction).
Humbert resorted to think of himself as a man consumed by love and passion. That was his “excuse” (let’s say at a subconscious level). It wasn’t difficult for him to manipulate Lolita into thinking the same. At least, for a while.
This is meticulously described in the book as one of its greatest merits. It’s Hollywood and pop culture who glamourized a perverted obssession into some sort of tragic and misunderstood love story.
I’m actually re-watching Rescue Me now. She was so good in that.
I loved her in Rescue Me! Her eyes make her really stand out – beautiful!
Casting is crazy sometimes. There are so many gorgeous older woman who are captivating onscreen.
So much about casting is inauthentic. Along with romantic age gaps, my other peeve is casting young women in roles that clearly require age and experience. Like the new Head of FBI Division of Seriously Horrible Crimes is a 20-something in high heels and a tight pantsuit – the only nod to authority being that her long wavy hair is brown instead of blonde.
My other pet peeve is when they cast very skinny actresses in action roles that requires hand-to-hand fighting, only because they look good.
It’s just not possible to achieve some stuff in real life with no muscle mass at all.
Yes to skinny fighters, and also when you these tiny age gaps between mothers and children that are just never addressed. Like there’s a 25 year old actress playing a woman who runs her own successful business while also raising a 10 year old and 8 year old as a single mother-and it’s just presented as normal easy-peazy, and the fact that she had her children when she herself was a child is just never discussed.
Agreed. I used to watch a show with a very tiny actress, both very thin and short, where she was doing things which would require enormous upper body strength. I’m not saying skinny peeps cannot be strong, but not hulk like strong.
Yep to all of this and also the age gap casting.
When I see someone who would never be able to actually do what the character is doing on screen (skinny actors) with no muscle OR an age gap between romantic characters it take me out of the story. If I continue to watch it’s because I’m ragging on the ridiculousness.
I have never heard of this show, but her point is a good one. It’s just not relatable. Thinking to the other post about rom-coms and the best rom coms of the past 20-25 years……They’re roughly the same age, Reese Witherspoon and Josh Lucas, Kate hudson and Matthew McConaughey, etc. A quick google search just told me that Kate and Matthew are 10 years apart, so that’s cutting it close, but in the movie they were supposed to be in the same age bracket so it wasn’t an issue.
I think part of what is an issue is when there is a big age gap and its not part of the storyline. I’m not just talking about a Lolita storyline either – but if the male lead is 45 and the female lead is 30, i would at least want some context as to why and how they are in the same place in life at this point. A lot of times the movie or tv show just ignores the significant age gap and I think that makes it more obvious.
And also if you are more consistent about casting romantic interests who are in the same general age range, even if its not a romantic movie or show (like the Fire Country show) its going to create more opportunities for actresses at all ages.
Lol, I’m 10 years older than my husband and we’ve been married 28 years. But, we were older when we met and both in the midst of divorcing first spouses.
I don’t think she is really blasting every single literal age gap situation and, not is she calling ten year gaps a big deal. Nobody really thinks of ten years as that huge. You can still relate to each other at that difference.
I think she’s saying the obvious, most people don’t want a big gap. It is less believable that at least the younger female wants that situation at 20-40 years gap. It does happen and can be authentic but gets justifiably more side eye
I’ve dated 11 years older and it’s no bigger to me as long as youngest is over 25
Love the message and would like to see more stories that prioritize what women want to watch.
I did try to watch Fire Country because I do *enjoy* Max Theriot from SEALTeam. However despite the realistic relationship age difference, this show became unwatchable so quickly. It’s a total soap opera. With fires. The firefighters are so incompetent in the show, I couldn’t handle all the manufactured drama.
I tried watching Fire Country but Max’s beard/long hair and his wooden acting was too much. I was surprised when I accidentally hit an episode of SEALTeam and saw him and he can act! But the way he plays Bode is dry and boring.
And firefighters can’t wear beards or have long hair and the fact that the production team allows him to have both is …ugh.
And yes, this is a soap opera with “firefighters”.
I think the age gap thing almost has more to do with Hollywood executives not caring at all about on-screen chemistry but more so having a young, hot actress in the love interest role, regardless of chemistry, acting skill, or story sense. Even in romantic comedies or dramas, there seems to be so little care for chemistry between love interests, too. I love rom coms, but I don’t think I’ve seen a good Hollywood movie rom com in forever. Where I have seen chemistry have been in shows (like season 2 of Bridgerton especially, and in some Korean dramas) where the actors tend to be within the same 10 years of age–or at least look to be within the same decade of one another (I say this because sometimes the actresses look super young even if they are close in age with their male costar, and that throws me off).
Sidenote, I was trying to figure out what I knew Diane Farr from. I haven’t seen her in any of the shows she mentioned, but when I looked her up on IMDB, it hit me–I knew her from Loveline on MTV!
“ Is it possible to be authentic with your costar if you come from different generations, classes, educational backgrounds, and methods of working? Yes. Is it better if people represent the gender, nationality, race, and actual sexual orientation they live? So far, as an industry, we believe it is. ”
Is it better? It depends. Most couples in my friend groups and family are close in age. My issue is with some of the other stuff. My family has christian, moslim and buddhist backgrounds in religion. We come from different continents, backgrounds, cultures. I’m married to a European. Same with my friend group. Most of my friends have a college degree or at least some post-high school education, but my family is incredibly mixed on that. I think different backgrounds is not “worse.”
She is 1000% correct. I remember back in the late 90’s, there were a couple movies around the same time with these ridiculous age gaps and one that didn’t: A Perfect Murder (Gwyneth Paltrow married to Michael Douglas–28 year age difference), Entrapment (Catherine Zeta-Jones ends up with Sean Connery–39 year age difference), and then The Thomas Crown Affair (Rene Russo ends up with Pierce Brosnan–less than a year between them). I don’t think anyone here has to guess which couple was the total smoke show.
Yes. I didn’t watch TTCA, but I did watch the others and even back then, when I was much younger (or maybe because I was younger) I found the age gap weird. I guess I would have been late teens/early 20’s so I’m sure the older man thing was gross to me. I do remember that part sticking out tho.
@Rainbow Kitty I distinctly remember there being a media narrative in the ’90s about Rene Russo being super hot *despite* being sooOooOOOoo old
Ooh Thomas Crown Affair….those two were hot. I always thought that it was interesting they gave such a prime role to an old actress, but I just checked and she was only 45 when she made it, LOL. I guess when I was 20 that just seemed old, especially for a high profile romantic lead like that?
I love Entrapment but hate the romance part of it. that was always the worst part of it.
This is going back a bit, but I remember watching Return to Me with David Duchovny and Minnie Driver as the main romantic pair (10 year age difference)
At the time I was a huge DD fan. So I was really surprised that I was less invested in that couple’s relationship than I was in the couple that were friends of Driver’s character, who had much more chemistry, spark than DD, MD. The other couple was played by Bonnie Hunt and Jim Belushi 5-6 year age difference, came across much more like peers, people who would be together, couples I know. I shipped THEM more than the leads, and that’s with me decidedly NOT being a JB fan. They share one of my favorite scenes ever, solely based on her delivery -exasperated blurting – at him the movie’s big “twist” secret (it’s one of a few movie lines that randomly pop into my head for no reason, along with LeeLoo Dallas multipass and ummm cheekeen good! from the Fifth Element)
Also, Bonnie Hunt should be in more things. She makes everything better (apparently even JB, which is saying something) I’m off to IMDb to see if there’s something new I missed.
I like her too. She always gives off a light/fresh vibe. IDK, how to explain it. She just has good vibes I guess.
Yes! You’re right! I had forgotten all about that movie but Bonnie Hunt and Jim Belushi were hilarious together and definitely came across like actual partners. They were a believable couple in that movie.
I am not a fan of Martin Freeman. He was so jealous of the fame Benedict got from Sherlock because he was the superstar first from his Bilbo character. Well, when you think you are more famous than the lead you do not accept second billing. Of course as soon as he got super famous, he dropped his longtime partner for a younger woman. Cliché Martin! You could tell she was really upset about the breakup after she stayed at home with the children for 18 months, putting her career on the back burner while he filmed his Bilbo movies. I cannot watch anything of him again.
Sherlock came out two years before the first Hobbit movie. Neither was a superstar when they started that show. It was a breakout role for both of them, although some people recognized Freeman as the guy from Love Actually.
Tired of the pearl clutching about age gaps. As long as everyone’s an adult I don’t GAF. My best friend married a man 22 years older than she was and they had over 40 happy years together.
Is she pearl clutching? It’s true people can find love that is real w an age gap but it is also true that the younger the person (say under 25) and the bigger the gap, the less believable and more consideration given to ulterior less authentic motives
I think 22 is big but not unreasonable w the right pair. I’m glad they had so much time together w your friend. Most I know w 20 year gap have gotten max 25 years together :-(.
Age gaps in real life are fine unless there are obvious red flags otherwise. If you’re talking about fiction, though, then it’s a relevant discussion because it’s tapping into two primary issues 1.) the fetishization of female youth, 2.) structural and character clarity within a story. If your female character is 25 and married a 60 year old, people are going to make sociocultural assumptions about it. Your story then has to either verify those assumptions or subvert them because whatever the answer is reveals us something about the characters. The fact that a lot of movies don’t is a combination of lazy storytelling and sexism. I don’t care that your twenty something character is screwing around with a forty something, but I’d like to know what about him/her makes that compelling.
In addition to Love Actually, he was famous in the UK for a little show called, The Office. He was not world famous but more famous than Cumberbatch.
Age gaps are fine as long as they’re relevant to the story or characters because a big gap actually is telling a story, whether the writer realizes it or not. It’s doing it for no reason that it becomes a problem. This is part of the problem with the Hollywood tendency to pair young women with significantly older men out of habit. Why is she with him? What connected them despite that difference in experience? We know trophy spouses exist. Tell me why 25 year old Susan is married to some 45 year old schlub in suburban Missouri. If there isn’t a relevant reason, cast an older woman in the role.
Aren’t most casting directors female? Or do others have the final say in choosing lead roles?
I tend not to watch shows with older male vs female casting.
How can age differences be discussed without the mention of Woody Allen? Or is this just a whole nother lever of gross?