In another instance of time flying, Keke Palmerās little boy, Leodis, turned a year old back in February. It feels like it was only six months ago that she was revealing her pregnancy during her SNL monologue! Kekeās had a pretty tough year, but sheās always struck me as a positive person with good vibes in general, and Iām sure she has a strong support structure in place. Kekeās also just become a brand ambassador for Chips Ahoy! and is busy promoting a sweepstakes where the winner gets an all-expenses paid trip to Malibu to spend a weekend in a beach house āinspiredā by the cookies. You had me at Malibu but locked me in with a cookie-inspired beach house.
Anyway, Keke sat down with Parade to plug the sweepstakes and share some thoughts and wisdom on motherhood, specifically challenges and misconceptions. She talks about the pressure that new moms put on themselves to be perfect, the worries about not being naturally good at motherhood, and learning as you go along. Keke also wants to shatter the notion that all moms need to look and behave in a certain way. Sheās pretty awesome.
As with any transition, though, walking into a new life chapter comes with its own set of hardships, and with becoming a parent being such a huge shift, there are several misconceptions she’s observed so far that are associated with the title āmother.ā
For the Nope star, she rests in the reassurance that you don’t “need all these rule books,” despite the idea that the opposite is true. In an exclusive interview with Parade on Friday, March 22, the 30-year-old said, “Honestly, even the mom that thinks it didn’t come natural to her, it was exactly what that baby needed.”
While Palmer noted that worrying about being a good mom is “natural,” she encouraged, “You are the perfect mom for your baby. There’s no wrong or rightāeverything that you do, everything you’re learning; all the lessons and all the figuring it out, you are perfectly suited for your child.”
“The reality and the truth is that there is no perfect anything, there’s just you doing the thing,” she added. “Once you have that confidence to just trust yourself, it becomes so much easier.”
Through her own massive influence, though, she hopes to help change the narrative and stigmas surrounding moms being “nuanced people.”
“There’s this idea of what a mom looks like, and I don’t really think that’s fair because every mom is different,” she said, doubling down that “moms are people and individuals” and “what’s so important about being a parent is that your child sees you” being yourself and having an “independent life.”
I really like all of what she said, particularly the part about normalizing moms being ānuancedā individuals that donāt fit into one descriptor of what a mother should look or act like. I struggled with that a lot when my older son was born. Iād always marched a bit to the beat of my own drum beforehand, but I suddenly didnāt want to be āthatā mom who stood out as weird or was someone that the other moms at daycare rolled their eyes at. It took me a long time to realize Iād lost a bit of my self-identity trying to fit into a box and quite honestly, Iām still working on figuring out who I am now and how to feel like myself again.
Kekeās interview and insight reminds me a lot of what Uzo Aduba said recently, about realizing that youāre not going to be perfect but rather just trying to be your best self. I know a lot of first-time moms out there struggle with and worry about being good mothers, and like she said thatās totally normal. But to your baby, who loves you unconditionally, youāre perfect. Youāre mommy! Moms need to give themselves some grace, you know? Weāre all just trying to figure it out as we go along.
Itās a great message.
Research says that parenting styles are a mixture of parental choice and the childās own needs and personality. A mother isnāt even responsible for 100% of her parenting style, which is an idea that gave me a lot of relief.
So true. My son was such a “good” baby. As long as I kept him fed on his schedule and made sure he took his naps before he was over-tired, he was playful and happy. My cousin had a baby at the same time, and he was “not as good,” but it was because she was always on the move (by choice, not obligation/job) and the poor kid never had a schedule. She fed him when he cried out of hunger. Yelled at him when he started fussing because he was tired. And then she complained about how I “lucked out’ with my son.
I have very intense kids and I also find the best way to parent is just to think of myself as the order enforcer, most of the time. Their chaos exists within my order. And the sleep schedule is definitely a massive way to reduce craziness and set a tone of sanity in a household. My kids are now 6 and 4 and I have never regretted enforcing sleep schedules. I canāt even imagine what itās like to have kids in the adult bed (I would lose my last bit of sanity).
Yep. My kids are who they are, and I just try to facilitate them being their best selves. I try to be the āhouseā they live in (rules, emotional regulation, guidance) but they are very much their own people.
@Snaggletooth – the sleep routine is the one thing we’ve consistently done really well with. He was in his crib in his own room by 4 weeks, and we always worked on having working sleep routines. It did mean we didn’t travel or do “fun things” (or anything at all that conflicted with his sleep), but my god, the lack of fighting at night and the relative lack of tantrums is so worth it.
So many thoughts on this. One, Keke looks amazing. I don’t know how it’s possible, but she looks even better after she gave birth. I’m 20 years post partum and I’m still shaped like a shrub. Two, unfortunately, it’s not true about the mom being exactly what the baby needs. My mom was/is awful. Malignant narcissist, uncaring, cold, never a kind word. Foisted us off to the nearest relative to care for and now that she’s old, wants to be cared for physically and financially. Three, it is always good to educate one’s self. The idea of “moms don’t need to read books” is frightening. Not all moms are psychologists, gastrointerologists, pediatricians, etc. I learned a lot from books by qualified professionals about setting a feeding schedule, what to look for in terms of allergic reactions to certain foods and even milk, what is self-soothing crying versus genuine distress, etc. And four, get ALL the money, honey. Take as many endorsements as possible.
Who is a gift š to the universe that keeps on giving?
Keke Palmer, baby.
Love her!