After the scary Christmas airplane terrorist attack (in which that hot Dutch guy saved the day), airports around the world went into high alert, and even stricter regulations and security protocols were enacted. So, of course, a celebrity got caught up in the security sweep, and the result was both hilarious and sad. First, the “celebrity” was Joan Rivers, and she pitched a fit because she was kicked off her flight because the gate agent didn’t like her passport. Joanie said: “Do terrorists wear Manolo Blahniks? I can tell you Donna Karan does not make anything that hides a bomb.” Okay, that’s slightly funny. The sad part? The gate agent didn’t care for Joan’s passport because it included both her married (widowed name) and her stage name, which apparently confused this stupid gate lady.

Joan Rivers is many things: Funny lady. Jewelry mogul. Red carpet mercenary. But a terrorist? Can we talk?

Rivers, 76, was deemed a danger to national security and booted from a Newark-bound flight in Costa Rica on Sunday by a jittery Continental Airlines gate agent who found the two names on her passport fishy.

Her passport reads: Joan Rosenberg AKA Joan Rivers. Rosenberg was her late husband’s last name.

The “nasty and cruel” Continental gate agent bumped Rivers from the last flight out Sunday and the comedian found herself alone (her daughter, Melissa, flew out to Los Angeles earlier in the day) and with no ATM card and just $100 cash, she said.

Rivers’ tale of woe put a famous face on travel’s new reality – one that leaves many feeling like common criminals.

“If I were going to make up an alias, I wouldn’t pick Rosenberg. I’d pick Jolie or Pitt,” said Rivers, back home Monday in New York with her sense of humor intact. “Do terrorists wear Manolo Blahniks? I can tell you Donna Karan does not make anything that hides a bomb,” she said.

“I tried the tears; they didn’t work. I tried reasoning. I couldn’t bribe because I didn’t have any money,” she said. “I said ‘I’m going to have a heart attack over this,’ so the woman called the paramedics.”

She said a porter, Eldon Ramos, took pity and found a friend to drive her 6-1/2 hours to the main airport in Costa Rica’s capital of San Jose for a flight leaving Monday morning.
New York-area travelers were also reporting their own horror stories. “It was just one security checkpoint after the other,” said Carmella Rodriguez, 65, of Brooklyn, after barely making it through customs at Newark with her nephew after arriving from Panama. “I told my nephew I felt like I was a delinquent person.”

[From The New York Daily News]

Who really thinks a 76 year old woman with a plastic, catlike face named Joan Rosenberg is really a threat? Yes, it’s profiling. But it’s also a perfect example of the waste of time and resources. The only threat Joan Rivers is to any flight is the visual assault the other passengers might feel. Oh, and maybe burning plastic?

Besides that, who doesn’t recognize Joan Rivers? It’s not like her passport was expired or anything, the gate lady just didn’t like that her passport had two names. Ugh. This makes me so mad. I hate defending Joan Rivers.