An American guy named David Christopher Kaufman wrote a column for the Telegraph, a British newspaper, about how “we Americans are fed up with Meghan Markle. It’s time for Brits to take her back.” It looks like Kaufman is a frequent writer and columnist for Murdoch publications, and he writes a lot of dumb “normalizing Donald Trump” political stuff too. He must have just learned that there’s a lucrative market in “hating on the Sussexes” in the British media. I can barely tolerate reading this asinine sh-t, but hey, it made it into the Telegraph, which should tell you a lot about the market. Kaufman even tailored his message to cozy up to Britain’s favorite talking points – “popularity polls” and “potential deportations” and “pretending like Meghan is a runaway slave who must be brought to heel.” Some lowlights:

Say what you want about Meghan Markle (narcissistic, self-aggrandising, out-of-touch) but her greatest misstep is one of missed opportunity. Despite the Duchess’s best efforts – her carefully-curated home goods line, that wanna-be state visit to Nigeria, a perfectly-plotted anniversary date night – barely one-third of Americans have a favourable opinion of Markle, far below Princes William, Harry and the Princess of Wales.

Armed with a new podcast deal and refreshed communications team, Markle is clearly continuing her relentless quest for relevance. But as the real royals in Windsor contend with double cancer crises, Markle has revealed herself as little more than the most infamous symbol of America’s high tolerance for low expectations.

No wonder Donald Trump has suggested Prince Harry could face deportation if it turns out the Duke lied about past drug use on his visa application. Harry and Meghan “broke the Queen’s heart,” said Trump during a lengthy interview with Nigel Farage in March. “I think they hurt her bad.”

…Markle, however, had achieved what many had assumed was impossible, diversifying a thousand year-old institution for whom change typically arrives via assassination or warfare. But six years on, both she and her prince have squandered what could have been a meaningful opportunity. It appears as if the Sussexes’ squandering shows no sign of stopping.

The problem for Markle is that she still believes in the power of her achievements long after she’s stopped achieving. She and Harry’s $100 million Netflix deal has delivered little more than a pair of self-serving biopics. Their equally ambitious Spotify tie-up resulted in lost millions and the couple being branded as “grifters” by one of Spotify’s own execs. As for the Nigeria trip, Harry and Meghan were apparently flown to Africa on airplanes owned by an alleged money laundering fugitive – unsurprising considering wherever they go they tend to live as big as possible while paying as little as possible.

If only they had remained in Britain. Not only would the pair be paid for living in a grand home, preparing traditional spreads, showing up at polo matches and embarking on world tours, Markle would have been doing work that actually matters. True, the spotlight would have been unyielding, the scrutiny possibly unforgiving – but is it any less so today, trapped, as the Sussexes are, in the simulacra of peerage while plotting out photo-ops?

As his ongoing Manhattan trial confirms, Donald Trump is clearly the last person to critique the comportment of others. But unlike the Sussexes, who’ve never missed an opportunity to miss an opportunity, Trump is a prime example of opportunism done right. After all, despite his vulgarity and potential criminality, Trump managed to wind up in the White House.

As for Meghan and Harry – they’re idling in Montecito exile in an overpriced villa paid for by daddy while they wait for their next American Riviera Orchard drop. Perhaps it’s time to return to Britain where they could truly be useful, and where the opportunities afforded by Harry’s birth are ultimately far more plentiful.

[From The Telegraph]

“They’re idling in Montecito exile in an overpriced villa paid for by daddy.” They paid for their Montecito home themselves, taking out a mortgage, signing a lucrative contract with Netflix, and you know, using some of the money Harry’s mother left him when she died. Charles didn’t buy their Montecito home and it’s peculiar that anyone is claiming that he did. “Not only would the pair be paid for living in a grand home, preparing traditional spreads…” Their “grand home” was Frogmore Cottage, a dilapidated shack which they paid to renovate and lease, from which they were evicted by “daddy.” There’s this whole sub-genre of the Meghan Hate Industry, where various dumbf–ks are basically arguing that not only does everyone despise Meghan, but Meghan should absolutely go back to Britain so she can work and be abused again. It’s psychotic.

Photos courtesy of Cover Images, Netflix.