John Waters has said that punks are his people, as evidenced by this year marking his 10th time hosting the Mosswood Meltdown punk music festival. Or as Waters phrased it, “I’m proud to be hosting from the gutter for the tenth time! Mosswood Meltdown — our days to shine in the punk grime.” Those days are July 6-7 in Oakland, CA, and the festivities this year also include an inaugural Peaches Christ Drag Contest that Waters will co-host and judge with Ms. Christ. So to hype the festival, Waters graciously sat down with People Mag where he waxed on punk culture, his movies, and the dangers of smoking. No matter what question People lobbed at him throughout the interview, Waters was reliably, candidly, humorously himself.

You’re known as a huge reader. Would you ever adapt anyone else’s book into a film?

Never. I have never even read a script that I didn’t write. The fun of it for me, if there’s ever fun, is thinking it up. I wouldn’t know how to direct somebody else’s stuff. I’m a writer. Once I think it up, “Oh, now I have to do it.” A lot of it to me is writing the script. Then, I’ve played all the characters in my mind for a year before we even get there. Whoever gets the parts, the stars, don’t ever have to read. They just, if they ever use the word ‘journey,’ I never hire them.

Why is that?

I hate that word. It’s so overused, especially in LA. You’re not on a journey. People that are escaping Ukraine are on a journey, not winning the [Independent] Spirit Award.

When you look back on your career, which film do you think you’ll be most remembered for?

When I die, the first paragraph will be Hairspray and then Pink Flamingos.

Which do you think you should be most remembered for?

They’re all exactly the same to me. I think my best movie is Serial Mom. The best Divine movie is Female Trouble. But Pink Flamingos still caused the most trouble. They’re all the same to me. They have the same message — “Mind your own business. What people use against you, turn into a style, and you’ll win.” Every movie’s about that.

Do you have any regrets from your career?

One regret in my life is smoking cigarettes. It’s terrible. I know many of my friends are dying of cancer right now.

How long did you smoke for?

Oh, I haven’t had a cigarette in 7,782 days — roughly. I write it down every day. But I smoked five packs a day. Not always, but long enough. Camel Cools. Oh, even saying that word makes me cough.

Is there anything at this point in your life and career that your fans would be pretty surprised to learn about you?

Well, I wouldn’t tell you, PEOPLE magazine, if I was keeping it secret. I know PEOPLE is where to come though if you do tell secrets, and they treat you fairly. Every time a star is in a scandal, the right press agent will tell them to go to PEOPLE. And I would too.

[From People]

Thank you, John Waters. These acerbic answers were the sort of zingers I needed to face the beginning of a new week. He really had me cracking up the whole time, from his more philosophical comments to the very particular reporting that he hasn’t had a cigarette in “roughly” 7,782 days (as opposed to roughly 21 years). And am I mixing up my gay icons (don’t answer that), or did Waters sound like Fran Lebowitz when decrying the over/misuse of the word “journey” in Hollywood? But before you can call him too snarky, he goes on to call all of his own films “the same.” I love it. He’s so unprecious about it all. Can you imagine Noah Baumbach saying “Oh yeah, all my movies are exactly the same,”? What’s so compelling about Waters’ answer, though, is that in describing what that same message is across his films — turning what people make fun of you for into your signature — it’s such an important message that you think in response (or at least I did), “Hell yeah, we need to hear that over and over and over again.” Cause it’s not like we’re so evolved now that everyone is minding their own business and done with name-calling, sadly.

But of course, the ultimate moment, the pièce de résistance, is the absolute trolling he gives People Mag at the end there. “As if I’d tell YOU my secrets.” And then to go on and credit People as the outlet celeb’s comms teams go to for image rehab, effectively naming the machinery the industry thinks is invisible to the public? That was just a perfectly punk play made by Waters. Kudos to People for keeping it in!

Happy Pride, kids! Let your freak flags fly! (And don’t smoke cigarettes.)

Photos credit: Avalon, Jennifer Bloc/Future Image/Cover Images, PacificCoastNews / Avalon