Several months ago, James Middleton confirmed that his pseudo-memoir would be published later this year. The book is called Meet Ella; The Dog Who Saved My Life. It’s about his now-dead dog Ella and Ella is also used as a framing device for James to tell his story. Of course, James is already promoting the book by playing up his royal-adjacency, with promises to reveal his visits to Highgrove to meet King Charles and his time spent at Sandringham. It’s all very tacky, and the dead-dog angle is rather morbid, in my opinion. Well, Tom Sykes at the Daily Beast has written an opinion piece about how he finds it rather tacky too. Ya think? Here’s an excerpt:

One can only imagine the reaction among publishing executives when the manuscript for James Middleton’s new book—about his dead dog, Ella—plopped into their inboxes. Did the brother of the Princess of Wales even need to pitch Meet Ella; The Dog Who Saved My Life, one wonders? Or did he simply announce, having gazed into the abyss of his soul, “What the world truly needs right now is Kate’s brother’s dog’s biography,” and wait for the contract to arrive?

Maybe James’ insights into the life and death of his four-legged companion (which died in January 2023) are a valuable contribution to the genre, and simply too compelling to ignore. Or maybe the executives took a hard-nosed commercial decision and thought: “Well, the last book by a Middleton sibling, Pippa Middleton’s Celebrate, which gave people guidelines on making ice and suggested turkey was a good choice for ‘larger gatherings,’ was a disaster, a staggering testament to nepotism, stupidity and venality, so what are the chances of lightning striking twice?”

Anyway, the book is written and, come September, can be yours for just $29, so get ready for a moving account of Ella chewing royal furniture, Ella getting her muddy paws on multiple future monarchs, and James and Ella’s “many adventures, from Scottish mountain sides to royal weddings”—even though there is no evidence that Ella ever attended a royal wedding. It’s not surprising the marketing folks threw that one in there because without Kate, everyone knows this book would be just another unloved mutt in the literary pound.

Presumably James is hoping his new book will be a money spinner, an eventuality which would, it must be said, be against the run of form of his underwhelming entrepreneurial career thus far. There was, as even attentive Middleton-watchers may struggle to recall, Boomf!—a personalized marshmallow delivery service because who hasn’t woken up at 3 AM craving a marshmallow with their face on it? The ailing business was put into administration by James before being sold. It was later rescued and continues to trade.

The whirring sound you can hear? Why, it is Queen Elizabeth II, who was so dismayed by Pippa’s book that she banned her from doing any interviews, spinning in her crypt. Royal adjacent siblings have always been an issue for the monarchy. Publishing the profound musings of individuals whose greatest claim to fame is sharing DNA with a duchess rarely turns out well and opens the family up to claims of tawdry profiteering.

Not so long ago, royals were barred from cashing in on their status, other than a modest tea towel enterprise at Christmas, maybe. But there has been a notable collapse in family discipline since Charles took over; from Harry’s memoir Spare, to podcasts and appearances on reality shows, romance novels and even flogging milk to the Chinese, the cast of royal hangers-on are back to their old tricks. There is a simple word for it; nepotism. King Charles should do all he can to stamp it out as effectively as his mother did.

[From The Daily Beast]

“King Charles should do all he can to stamp it out as effectively as his mother did,” all while Sykes cites examples from QEII’s reign. Zara Tindall didn’t start shilling for her many corporate sponsors during Charles’s reign. That started when QEII was very much alive. Peter Phillips was flogging milk in China during QEII’s reign. Fergie was writing and selling books during QEII’s reign too. QEII was ineffective when it came to her family members’ side hustles and everyone agreed to look the other way about it until the Sussexes left the Firm and were able to pay for their lifestyle. While I appreciate the fact that Tom Sykes is at least calling out James Middleton’s tasteless book, the hypocrisy in the British media will be astounding – in the same breath that they disparage the Sussexes’ Netflix contract, they’ll lavish praise on James’s dumb book. Notice that there’s no mention of Queen Camilla’s son Tom writing a whole f–king book based on food served for royalty over the years too.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, James’s social media.