The United Kingdom elected a new prime minister this month and Keir Starmer’s honeymoon period seemed especially brief. The Telegraph is already bitching about Keir Starmer’s warmth towards his wife, Lady Victoria Starmer. As in, British people are very upset that the Starmers hold hands in public and seem to have an affectionate and close marriage. This is not the British way!! I would ordinarily just chalk this up to differences in national politics, but then the Telegraph decided to drag the Duke and Duchess of Sussex into the conversation about Why Married Couples Should Never Hold Hands. I sh-t you not. Some highlights from this absolutely insane Telegraph piece:

Hand-holding as a political issue: Some couples prefer to do it in private. Others only ever do it in public. Others still never do it at all. So who’s to judge which is best? The entire world, if you happen to be a new G7 leader and their other half, surrounded by photographers. No sooner had our NATO-bound Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer appeared on the steps of the plane holding hands with his wife Lady Victoria – known as Vic – than the social media equivalent of the parish pump went into overdrive. “Political preferences aside… does anybody else find it weird how in every single photo they are holding hands or kissing?!” wrote outraged Mumsnetter ApplesOrangesBananas. “I don’t remember any other PM doing so. I find it really strange, especially the last photo of them on the plane. To me it connotes holding the hand of a child and helping them down the stairs.. what do you guys think?” Her fellow Mumsnetters variously suggested they thought this comment was indeed bananas and also nuts.

They genuinely consulted a psychologist over this: “Whenever you see a politician holding hands with their wife or husband you can rest assured they have been told to do it,” asserts Joan Harvey, chartered psychologist at Newcastle University and a member of the British Psychological Society. “It might be something they do already but the bottom line is that everyone entering political life is coached in all aspects of their public appearances. The only notable exception was Gordon Brown who famously refused to take any advice and look how that ended up.”

Starmer is projecting the image of family man: Harvey is under no illusions about the importance of looking the part in any profession: “Keir Starmer comes across as an honest, upstanding and trustworthy man. He’s staid, not flamboyant; there’s a possibility that he quite likes holding his wife’s hand although that’s not what you necessarily associate with a straight-laced lawyer, but that’s irrelevant. He needs to project an image of reliability in front of the cameras and it’s working.”

Prince Harry & Meghan’s hand-holding nearly brought down the royal family: But when it comes to our royals, less has always been more. The House of Windsor famously refrains from public displays of affection when on duty. At least that was the rule until self-confessed “hugger” Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, appeared on the scene in 2016 and married into The Firm two years later. Both touchy and feely, she kept Prince Harry conspicuously close at all times but it was after the pair left Britain for California in 2020 that the hand-holding escalated. Whatever the occasion – launching the Invictus Games, at press conferences or UN speeches their fingers were interlocked tighter than an LA pre-nup. On occasion it has been genuinely hard to discern who is supporting whom as they conspicuously signal their inseparability.

Hand-holding has done the Sussexes no favors: The effect, very often, was gauche and needy rather than heart-warming or aspirational. According to PR guru and commentator Mark Borkwski, it has done them no favours. “Meghan never understood the job of a royal spouse, which is very much a supporting role, instead she was clingy, up front and centre,” says Borkowski. “There’s no shame in being in the background because that can be a very powerful position – behind every successful man, or indeed successful woman, and all that. Dennis Thatcher made an immense contribution as a diplomat and one half of their double act.
“But two people literally clinging on to one another’s hands does not inspire – quite the reverse.”

Borkowski predicts Victoria Starmer is being groomed for “first lady” status: “With Kate, Princess of Wales being off the scene, there’s a gap in public life and a real desire to have someone fill that,” he says. “Rishi’s wife shunned publicity but it looks very much as though Vic is going to have a far more important presence – and I think she will be brilliant. When she and Keir held hands as they walked into Downing Street and as they touched down in the US capital, they were presenting themselves as a team, a united front. In terms of visual metaphor, that image is impossible to beat.”

[From The Telegraph]

So… when the Starmers hold hands, they’re projecting an image of a united front and a team, but when the Sussexes hold hands, Meghan looks needy, clingy and desperate? Gee, I wonder what the difference is between the two couples? Personally, I love how insanely salty these people still are about Meghan and Harry, especially when it’s over sh-t like hand-holding. These people are exposing themselves as bitter haters who throw tantrums over everything the Sussexes do. Plus, it just reminds everyone of how unaffectionate and cold the left-behind Windsors are. Charles and Camilla are going to absolutely loathe the Starmers’ warmth too.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images, Backgrid.