This week has been so amazing because of the rise of Vice President Kamala Harris and the fall of the Trump/Vance ticket. I maintain that the Trump team did next to no vetting on JD Vance before selecting him as Donald Trump’s running mate. Let’s keep it real – it was always going to be difficult to find a Republican willing to do it, especially given that Trump tried to get his cult members to hang his last vice president. JD Vance is just the kind of soulless weirdo who would agree to it, and he came with all of that financial backing from Peter Thiel.
Well, one week after the Republican National Convention and buyer’s remorse has set in bigly. Vance is terrible and awkward on the campaign trail. He has a long history of saying completely awful sh-t, like his mockery of “childless cat ladies.” Axios has a story where unnamed Republicans are bemoaning Trump’s choice and wondering why the hell he didn’t choose Glenn Youngkin (loser), Nikki Haley (lol), Marco Rubio (hahaha) or North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum (WHO?). These Republicans acknowledge that Vance “doesn’t add much” to the ticket. Other Republicans – even current MAGA people – are acknowledging that Vance was a completely sh-tty choice. Rumors abound that Trump wants to find a way to dump Vance from the ticket but I don’t think he would be able to do it?
Meanwhile, Vance is quickly becoming something of a Sarah Palin-esque figure of mockery. Earlier this week, someone completely made up a story that Vance had sex with a couch and that Vance originally wrote about that couch-sex in Hillbilly Elegy, only for the story to be edited out. None of it was true, but the Associated Press ran a story saying “JD Vance never had sex with a couch” which the AP THEN DELETED because while the story was made up, they could not definitively say that JD Vance has never f–ked a couch. So… that’s why there have been so many couch jokes this week.
Well folks, it’s seems Trump picking Vance has been going great sofa…
— Dark Brandon (@VoteDarkBrandon) July 26, 2024
I don’t know if I’ve seen an unfunny JD Vance couch joke on here yet. It’s just banger after banger after banger, much like JD Vance after closing time at Ashley Furniture.
— Mike (@85mf) July 25, 2024
JD Vance upsetting his wife on purpose so he has to sleep on the couch
— Matthew (@fattmellows) July 25, 2024
I like how JD Vance’s media team now has to ensure he never does an interview sitting on a couch.
— Ben Panko (@btpanko) July 25, 2024
DO NOT show this couch to JD Vance pic.twitter.com/fhlyYTOArY
— worm buxx (@kayteterry) July 25, 2024
Just met J.D. Vance’s high school girlfriend pic.twitter.com/yfluKUlQeS
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) July 24, 2024
Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.
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- VP pick United States Senator JD Vance Republican of Ohio and Usha Vance after Former US President Donald J Trumps speech at the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee, Wisconsin at the Fiserv Forum on Thursday, July 18, 2024. Monday night was Trumps first appearance since a rally in Pennsylvania, where he sustained injuries from an alleged bullet grazing his ear. Trump recounted the story in his speech, and also talked about Biden, immigration, and other topics. Copyright: xAnnabellexGordonx/,Image: 890889827, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: imago is entitled to issue a simple usage license at the time of provision. Personality and trademark rights as well as copyright laws regarding art-works shown must be observed. Commercial use at your own risk., Model Release: no, Credit line: IMAGO/Annabelle Gordon / CNP /MediaPun / Avalon
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- 2023 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in National Harbor, Maryland. Featuring: J.D. Vance Where: National Harbor, Maryland, United States When: 02 Mar 2023 Credit: Ron Sachs/CNP/startraksphoto.com/Cover Images
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- 2023 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in National Harbor, Maryland. Featuring: J.D. Vance Where: National Harbor, Maryland, United States When: 02 Mar 2023 Credit: Ron Sachs/CNP/startraksphoto.com/Cover Images
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- 2024 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). Featuring: United States Senator JD Vance (Republican of Ohio) Where: Oxon Hill, Maryland, United States When: 23 Feb 2024 Credit: POOL via CNP/INSTARimages.com
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- Former US President Donald J Trump makes an early appearance on the first night of the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee, Wisconsin at the Fiserv Forum This is Trump’s first appearance since a rally in Pennsylvania, where he sustained injuries from an alleged bullet grazing his ear. Trump also named United States Senator J.D. Vance (Republican of Ohio) as his Vice Presidential running mate. Featuring: former US President Donald J Trump, United States Senator J.D. Vance (Republican of Ohio), Speaker of the US House of Representatives Mike Johnson (Republican of Louisiana) Where: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, United States When: 15 Jul 2024 Credit: CNP/INSTARimages
Vance makes Palin look good if that is at all possible
And he makes dan Quayle look like a scholar.
Isn’t it just wonderful that tRump picked such a LOSER! I was so downcast about the RNC until this idiot and his verbal diarrhea started actually getting media coverage. Vote blue!
Peter Thiel and Elon Musk bought Vance’s place on the ticket. Once Kamala Harris became the presumptive nominee Musk did a cut and run and said he wouldn’t be giving Trump $45 million a month as promised.
@Megan I hate Elno but I love that he pulled a Donald and financially shafted Trump’s campaign. After all these decades of Trump not following through and paying workers/contractors/businesses/cities it’s nice to see someone screw over Trump.
Trump choosing Vance as his running mate is a gift. And it’s turning out to be a bigger gift with each passing day
I saw that Palin-esque comment on twitter and died. At least it took more than a week for her true self to come out. She made her speech at the convention, the teleprompter was out and she winged it perfectly. We were all scared of her, until Katie Couric asked her what magazines she reads and Sarah, looking like a deer in the headlights said, ‘all of them’. Then claimed it was a ‘gotcha question’. Good times.
Ehehe. Sarah Palin wrecking McCain’s presidential campaign was one of the most hilarious political crash-and-burns ever. And richly deserved, for you just know she was a basic Mean Girl in school–and no one wanted her a heartbeat away from anything.
Vladimir Futon
I saw that JD Vance might secretly be heterosectional.
🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Comment of the year! I just spit out my coffee and have to go clean up. Hahaha hahaha 😆 😂 🤣 😅
Tweet this if you haven’t already!🤣🤣🤣
STAHP!! LOL
This made my day 🙂
Seems more “BI-sectional” to me, I mean, considering he’s now married to a woman.
Oh my goodness, those tweets and your comment. What a great end to my week!
Somebody on YouTube called him a “sectional predator.”
This is a good joke because it’s so obviously a hoax, yet by having to address it at all, you’re already losing because it means people see you as somebody capable of having sexual relations with a couch.
Kaiser shared on X a quote about LBJ, something about how he wanted to start a rumor that his opponent slept with a pig or something. And the aide’s response was “but we know that’s not true, he didnt do that” and LBJ said “yes but I want him to have to come out and deny that he’s a pigf*cker.”
That’s how this is – if you have to deny that you’re a couchf8cker, then you’re already losing.
And Vance will never live this down because he is showing he is the kind of repressed, uber-religious right-wing creep who _would_ do this stuff. Even a lie can tell the truth. And it’s most satisfying to see a Trump minion suffer the same vile crap-in-the-face tactic that his boss has been smearing people with for years.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
In his book, he writes about thinking he’s gay, but he didn’t want to go to hell. So, yes, it appears he is attracted to the same sex.
You see, when I heard about Thiel putting up so much money to back him, that was the first thing I thought: he’s probably one of those closeted Republicans who happen to be living “perfect” lives with their perfect wives etc…
I’m dying. 🤣🤣🤣
Now all afternoon while I’m trying to get work done, my brain is coming up with random intrusive thoughts like:
Do you think JD Vance’s safe word is “PIVOT!”? Did he hear “more cushion for the pushin'” and take it seriously?
My productivity is over for the day, clearly. 😆
omg stop. I’m dying. PIVOT!!!! 🤣🤣
I almost just choked on some chocolate. SAVAGE.
“more cushion for the pushin’” I am dying.
That comment is gold lol
When he gets that feeling, he wants sectional healing.
Please stop, I’m laughing so hard I can barely read through the tears.
I’m going to use all of these with my husband and let him think I’m just that witty 🤣
Hahahaha I am loosing it lol
I’m crying!!! This post is hilarious 🤣🤣🤣
And afterwards he and the other christo-fascists always rely on a good “pull-out”!
😂
This is all some of the best stuff ever. Thank you all. Two days ago DH and me discussed getting rid of our sectional couch. Well, discussions no longer. Bye, bye.
@slippers4life, our sectional is also a pull-out. GAH!
Absolutely brilliant. This whole thread, but that comment in particular! I am done!
OMG! You win everything, ML! LOL!
I hope the pictured couch was created by AI or something and not a real furniture selection.
New stuff of nightmares just dropped.
I resent that the GOP is introducing me to awful stuff I never even thought to be disgusted by
It’s from a Craigslist post from 2013… 🫣
That picture of the pink and maroon couch is the BEST! Hilarious!
The best one I saw was “No wonder he doesn’t like cats, have you seen what a cat can do to a couch?” That’s chef’s kiss material right there!
Bwahahaha 🤣😅🤣🤣screaming meowing lmao
“No wonder he doesn’t like cats” omg
When they go low…I think it’s time to start some couch jokes.
I wonder what Usha must be going through. All this humiliation and mockery. I can’t help feel intrigued by her. I read she was previously registered as a democrat at some point.
Eh, I can only feel so bad for her (which isn’t much at all). She knows who she married.
I feel sorry for the couch.
Obviously Usha is onboard as she married the freak. @Mireille i am sorry for the couch too!
Didn’t she call Kamala “DEI hire”? She is a grifter like her husband. It doesn’t matter she doesn’t actually believe what she is saying.
@SEVENBLUE, seems like she did, and got brutally burnt on Twitter with couch jokes: “now I see why your husband would rather f a couch”.
Then her account got deleted.
I wonder if she has even an ounce of integrity left.
That was a fake account that was shut down. Thankfully, a lot of damage had already been done by then ;- )
Rest assured, the kind of women married to these men are exactly the kind of people you expect them to be. Frankly, I’m more embarrassed for her that she actually let this man crawl on top of her to father three children than tell him to go f*ck a couch.
You guys we are so behind! I double dog dare you to go to Twitter and look up JD Vance and his relationship wit dolphin porn I can’t nowhere are couches with dolphins on them on Twitter …
She’s equally awful. Clerked for Kavanaugh and Roberts. No sympathy at all.
Yeah…none of those couch jokes disappointed. I actually laughed harder as I read each one. I soooooo love this for him 😂😂
I love it for all of us, it’s been a shining gift and briefly Made Twitter Great Again.
I am dying. This is the presidential campaign we deserve. Dark Brandon is back – Biden’s comment about Donald Trump putting bleach on his hair just sent me over the edge. The Dems are fired up and its amazing.
Yayyyy becks!!
Dark Brandon is back baby!
And your comments have been fire lately. Lovvve it.
Dark Brandon has no fucks left to give–and is in the glorious position to not have to. He will make a terrific random wrecking ball to Trump’s campaign.
So people have examined the first edition? Because I read it was in the first edition only to be removed for the digital and later editions. Has the publisher denied this? What’s the confirmation that it’s actually false/not in the first edition? 🤔
I guess either way though, the narrative has stuck to him like glue and the memes are hilarious. I’d love to see Diaper Don try to dump him just to see the chaos that would ensue.
Yeah, I would need proof that it was never in a draft of Hillbilly Elegy. It’s such a weird thing to make up.
Someone on Twitter posted a shot of page 180 of the first edition of Hillbilly Elegy where J. D. “Vance” details his sectional relationship. Supposedly this passage was removed from the paperback and all subsequent editions, as you say. It’s revolting and hilarious that he’s Trump’s VP.
Yes Agnes, that’s what I saw too. That’s why I was curious why Kaiser was so sure it’s just made up. I guess that could have been someone creating a fake page from the first edition but I need better confirmation before I’m ready to believe it’s false. Because I totally believe that dude would hump a couch.
OF COURSE he would! Hahahaha! And he’d think it really “edgelord” to write about it in such repulsive detail. AP wouldn’t have retracted their fact-check if it weren’t true. I’m sure the first editions of Hillbilly Elegy are either sold-out or bought up by Thiel/Musk on eBay,etc.
I have a first edition of the book and no, it’s not on page 180. Not saying it’s not anywhere in there, but it’s definitely not on page 180.
“… I’d love to see Diaper Don try to dump him just to see the chaos that would ensue…”
@SussexWatcher Can you imagine the memes?!? Sofas in dumpsters. Saggy, used up sofas abandoned on the side of the road. Rows of unwanted sofas at Goodwill. OMG it would be comedy gold!
A hundred years from now, people reading history books are going to think this country was off its rocker. LOL
And they would be correct! 🎯
A HUNDRED years from now?! Come on.
Oh, I fell off my rocker long ago!
Shoot, ever since Trump got elected, things have been off-the-chain lunatic.
@Dude, hopefully Larry the Cat will have written his memoir by then. Boris Johnson!lol A head of lettuce outlasted Liz Truss and now she’s stumping for Trump. No lies detected.
I’ll accept I’m off my rocker agreeing with the Chief Mouser at #10 Downing. At least he chases the foxes away instead of inviting them in. Yea, funny times.
Agree @deering24.
I don’t know what’s more humiliating. That AP ran the fact check with that headline, or that they then deleted it!! 🤣🤣🤣
the funniest thing about that the AP retraction:
“The archived version of AP’s fact-check also notes that there’s no such passage in the PDF of the book. But there’s also technically no proof that Vance didn’t have sex with a couch — there’s no way a journalist could truly know that. He just didn’t write about it.”
OMG 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
OMG, I was just reading some jokes about Vance and a couch. Now I understand what that was all about.
He is such a liability to Trump and I see that Liberals are making full use of that on social media, be it tiny accounts of less than 10 followers to the big ones
LMAO
He deserves all of this for that “childless cat ladies shouldn’t be allowed to vote” garbage he keeps spewing…
Now I don’t condone violence, but is it me or does he have a punchable face? AP is generally reputable, so I’m guessing they retracted the story because they have found evidence of inappropriate relations between JD Vance and an unsuspecting loveseat.
Yeah, that’s my main impression of JD. He has the most punchable face I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen some!
Top 3 punchable faces-Donald Jr, Eric AND VANCE.
It’s hard to limit it to just three.
Ted Cruz anyone?
Chip Roy?
Gaetz?
Josh Hawley?
The list goes on …
Yes, same about not condoning violence but I saw Fucker Carlson interviewing him and literally thought to myself that they had two of the most punchable faces I’ve EVER seen.
Add Matt Gaetz to that list of most punchable faces. That guy is hideous.
Add Ivanka’s hubby to that list too. Dead-doll-faced Jared.
Perhaps someone should explain to him that that’s not what “loveseat” means.
😂😂😂
There is something creepy about his eyes, too. He has Michele Bachman level “crazy eyes”.
The memes on twitter are absolutely hysterical
My favorites though are this scene from Grace and Frankie:
https://x.com/MuellerSheWrote/status/1816671908794106048.
And Trump’s comments about couch time being fun:
https://x.com/patriottakes/status/1816663460639314314
The thing is, if he was a halfway decent human being who hadn’t sold his soul and completely backtracked the whole “he’s a Nazi thing”, or 1,000 other stupid things (and yes, I’m a mountain region southerner who is DYING LAUGHING at all the “he ain’t from here” memes), we wouldn’t be biting on the couch cushions. This would be gauche and out of bounds – but he set the boundary so far back, it’s hard to cross it.
Heh–unintended consequences are a wonderful thing…😂
This is not going away anytime soon.. people are having way to much fun making fun of the “sofa shagger” .. I agree that there is no way that anyone vetted this man before they chose him. His past video and audio clips are a goldmine for the democratic campaign.
I’m so happy we finally have a male version of Sarah Palin.
I think he’s even worse than Palin because she fired people up and got followers. This dude is as dry as the Sahara Desert! He reminds me of the actor from Die Hard 2 that ran for president and was talking to a room of people and kept asking for applause because NO ONE was engaged. It was painful and hilarious at the same time. Vance is like that – his jokes that don’t land and then his awkward painful laughter at his own terrible jokes.
Intellectually he may be a boy-Palin, but charisma-wise he’s a crusty old used couch set out on the curb.
Vance makes Palin look good even though she is annoyimg. But after McCain lost she tried to add to her 15 minutes of fame by going on dancing with the stars watching her daughter bristol and bristol had a reality show. I think Vance will hit the reality shows after the election is over or if Trump drops him from the ticket
I mean a former British Prime Minister was rumoured to have had sexual relations with a dead pig’s head (it inspired that Black Mirror episode) so I would say that a couch is pretty tame in comparison.
Brits are weird in their own louche way. Americans stick to the basic perversions.
This made me giggle!
LOL Nothing irregular! 😂
Lord Ashcroft and I choose to believe it because that dude and his son are assholes.
They had to come and say he never f**ked a couch. Love that for them.
Apparently Lyndon Johnson once wanted to accuse an opponent of having had sex with a pig. One his aides said “You can’t just come out and call someone a pig f**ker! Is it even true?!” And Johnson replied “No, I just want to see the son of a b**ch deny it.”
That’s the kind of Democrat playbook I can get behind, and it seems to be working well in this election cycle lolz
People are so done with “when they go low, we go high”.
The stakes are way too high to work that way any more.
LBJ is highly underrated as a POTUS because of Vietnam, even though he wasn’t even in the Oval Office when the decision was made to send in American troops. That was JFK.
JD Vance needs to be on a sectional offenders lists.
😂
Good one!
Possibly a dumb question: Trump cannot offload Vance anymore, can he? His argument for getting rid of VP Harris is weak, but no matter how unhinged Vance is, he essentially sounds like Trump, right? Is there any way that Trump could switch up the ticket after the RNC—it’s official now, right? I think that Trump and Vance amplify each other and their weaknesses are going to prove their downfall eventually.
https://thehill.com/homenews/4793818-vance-vp-trump-house-republicans/
This sounds like a bunch of Republicans are panicking. (GOOD.)
Again if anyone out there knows the answer to this: are they stuck with the couch loving dude?
People are saying Trump can’t drop Vance, but we are forgetting when we said “Trump can’t keep his cell phone when he’s president” – he kept it. “A candidate has to release their tax records” – he didn’t. If he wants Vance gone he will pull the same sh**. Hopefully there are actual consequences this time. Let’s start with not being reelected.
The deadlines for getting names on ballots hasn’t passed yet, so anything could happen. Once ballots are printed, I don’t know what would happen then if you changed candidates.
LK and KC, Thank you very much for responding. I hope he keeps him out of pure stubbornness.
I would not put it past him to try dumping Vance. Trump is the ultimate stress test for the election system/democracy. The Founders never figured on anyone so venal he’d work the system to death rather than abide by it.
@ML, I suppose Trump could offload Vance. But that would be admitting he made a mistake, which his fragile ego cannot handle. It may anger Thiel, who will snap that wallet shut faster than the time it takes to get up off the couch.
Then he would have to swallow his pride in asking a replacement to join the ticket as a backup. Who would accept under those circumstances? Oh right, Tim Scott.
Technically he could “resign” at any time, but they’ve sort of painted themselves into a corner by initially mocking the Biden campaign by saying Vance didn’t need to debate Harris because the Dems were “in disarray.” For him to leave this far in the game after riling everybody up at the convention would make it look like THEY were in disarray and panicking.
Don’t worry, the nastiness is coming. We’ve already heard a few dog whistles, but the racism and sexism is not to be underestimated when it comes November. We need to make sure that doesn’t happen by getting young people to fight for their future.
Sofa, so good for JD Vance.
LOL
😂😂😂
Okay I’ve seen a page from his book posted on X, page 180 I think from an earlier edition or something that actually gets pretty specific. Yes I saved it. Yes I sent it to friends and family. This accusation didn’t come out of nowhere.
Someone on Twitter showed the receipts (I don’t think it was photoshopped). He admitted to it in the first print of his book. A librarian said that it was likely removed from the paperback and any other reprints.
What makes this clusterfuck even funnier for me is that supposedly Eric and Don Jr. were the ones who pushed their father to choose Vance. He was their choice. If so, this is one more terrible decision by his sons.
And did anyone see that “enthusiastic” interview of Vance by Junior at Mar A Largo? Junior sure had lots of energy and couldn’t stop talking really fast – almost as if he had pharmaceutical assistance…
Junior is what happens when your cocaine is on crack and Red Bull.
Or… with great powder comes great responsibility. Junior’s apparently wasn’t so great.
@Roo. I heard that too, although it was alleged that it was more Don Jr, bc they are friends.
How will 45 dump Vance while he’s suing Biden and Harris for Biden stepping down (BEFORE being the nominated prez candidate)? These people need remedial everything bc the math ain’t mathing and there’s no logic to be found anywhere.
These days we’re way past believing in the “six impossible things before breakfast” Mary Poppins prescribed. Can too much weird make your head expand to the point of explosion? I guess we’ll all find out.
Jeez…don’t let him near a warm pie!
I really hope that they can’t dump him. I think if there’s a way, they definitely will. This guy is the gift that keeps on giving.
Peter Thiel really backs winners. Remember Blake Masters? He seemed like a sectional predator, too. The plan was to slip “Vance” into the White House, then trigger the 25th amendment on Trump, and have the perfect Putinist Douchebro to implement every. single. word. of Project 2025. Whoever thought behind all that eyeliner and puffiness lurked something even weirder than Trump?
This is wonderful!! Whether he wins or loses, the couch jokes are going to follow him for the rest of his life. And made even funnier because he is such a strait-laced, goody-two-shoes person!!!
Someone on twitter said if Trump can make-up crap like that Democrats are for post-birth abortions — then JD Vance and his couch are fair game. AMEN!