People: Ben Affleck ‘hasn’t shown any… interest in making their marriage work’

In some ways, I’m glad that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck didn’t “rush” into filing for divorce. They were very clearly separated for the past four months or so, although I think Jennifer’s moves show that she still believed that reconciliation was a possibility. But it was clear back in February that Ben had checked out of the marriage. His side has been clearly briefing about it for months, as has J.Lo’s side. Ben’s side is basically: when he’s done, he’s done, and he’s been done all year; he wants to focus on himself; he thinks this was all an expensive exercise in closure. Jennifer’s side is that she really tried and she hoped that they could make it work but Ben shut down. I also think it’s notable that she filed for divorce. He basically forced her to do it because he was so disengaged from her and their relationship/marriage. Sound familiar? He did the same thing when they broke up the first time, in 2003-04.

Jennifer Lopez approached her decision to divorce from Ben Affleck with great care, a source exclusively tells PEOPLE.

After the singer, 55, filed for divorce from the actor, 52, on Tuesday, Aug. 20, a source tells PEOPLE that she came to the painful conclusion that “it’s time to move on” for various reasons.

“She’s very disappointed and sad, but Ben hasn’t given her any signs that he wants to continue their marriage. He hasn’t shown any commitment and interest in making their marriage work. It’s gotten to the point that she just needs to look out for herself,” says the source.

Multiple insiders confirmed to PEOPLE that the star filed for divorce from Affleck in the Los Angeles County Superior Court on the second anniversary of their wedding celebration in front of family and friends in Georgia.

[From People]

“He hasn’t shown any commitment and interest in making their marriage work.” Yep. He was done and he waited for her to understand that he was done. He stopped trying, he stopped making an effort. It basically took Jennifer four months to understand that there was no going back. The big thing was probably the fact that he did nothing for her birthday in July and he closed escrow on his new bachelor pad on that day. Anyway, I’ll always be Team J.Lo. I feel sorry for her, even if she should have listened to all of the advice people gave her. When Jane Fonda is like “slow your roll, stop being so extra, this marriage might blow up in your face,” you should probably listen.

Photos courtesy of Backgrid, Cover Images.

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76 Responses to “People: Ben Affleck ‘hasn’t shown any… interest in making their marriage work’”

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  1. Jilly says:

    Ben is an a*hole. His handling of this, at least in the public realm of understanding, has been awful. Even if she is extra. Team jlo.

    • Mcali02 says:

      Agree. And be prepared for the misogynistic comments. He’s far messier and she is much more private than people giver her credit for. Let’s not forget his behavior when he wasn’t with JLo and the pap walks with Ana de Armas…

      • AlpineWitch says:

        Totally agree!

      • Lauren says:

        I don’t think JLo is “more private than people give her credit” but does she have to be? She never tried to hide that she loves the media/public attention.

        Agree, that Ben is fine with the media attention. He was very public with all the women he was with after Jen G ( except for the 20-something influencer ) he likes the attention as long as it’s positive.

      • Mika says:

        I think when we say JLo is more private than we realise that has to do with how tightlipped she can be after relationships are over. She is essentially the sole custodial parent for her kids but she has never said anything on the record about Marc Anthony.

    • Barbie1 says:

      He truly is. I hope ladies don’t go near him after this. So untrustworthy and self centered. He is one fickle beyotch.

    • swaz says:

      It seems everybody knows what type of man Ben is suppose to be BUT Jlo 🙄🙄🙄

      • Kerfuffles says:

        But that’s love, isn’t it? It can make us blind to another’s faults or make us believe we can change them. I have known so many people in my life, including myself, that love someone that everybody else can plainly see is NOT someone they should be in love with. I feel sorry for JLo, too. Heartbreak is awful.

    • StillDouchesOfCambridge says:

      Ben was an azzhole. He just wanted a girlfriend and have a good time. Jlo wanted a marriage. He thought being married to Jga was a lot of work and clearly he didnt put in any work into his marriage with Jlo.

      I keep saying, please keep rodriguez, casper, drake away from Jlo. But I’m ok with Pete Davidson.

  2. Lenneke says:

    I don’t know. I agree that Ben stopped trying, and that must have been painful. I mostly feel sorry for her that she needed to be seen by the paps almost every day this summer. I feel sorry that she needs that attention all the time.

    • Libra says:

      Ben stopped trying for a good reason; she went public with his private letters to her. He made it clear that he didn’t want to share every facet of their private life yet she chose to ignore his wishes. Over. She chose fame over him and their marriage. He may be an a**hole but she is not without guilt here.

      • Enza says:

        @Libra. It’s public in the documentary HE produced. He approved the cut. She could have shown them but those elements of the film are in there because no one cut them.

      • Cee says:

        Ben Affleck produced and starred in that docufilm. He APPROVED EVERYTHING.

      • Robert says:

        I agree that she shouldn’t have shared those letters at this time, maybe much later in an old fashioned memoir, but not now if he objected. And I know people are saying He produced that documentary, The Greatest Love Story Never Told, but don’t believe it. A simple look at the IMDB page will show that he isn’t listed as a Producer at all. And he isn’t listed as a producer in This is Me Now either. Just as “himself” in the first, and as “Rex Stone” in the second. He did produce Unstoppable, another project they did.

      • Ameerah M says:

        @Enza he was not a producer on the documentary. I don’t know how this myth started but you can look up the producer list and he isn’t on it. So this isn’t true.

      • Joy says:

        @ Enza & @ Cee, no he did not produce that movie. He didn’t approve everything. He listed as a cast member b/c he is in it for obvious reasons. Where did this lie that he was a producer come from? Here is a list of the producers. Ben Aflleck ain’t on it: Produced by Courtney Baxter, Jason B. Bergh, Stephan Bielecki, Gillian Brown, Eugen Bräunig, Joanna Bräunig, Anna Dean, Grace Douglas, Natalie Haack Flores, Lilli Karkowski, Stephanie Leke, Christen Hepuakoa Marquez, Lindsay Utz

      • Mil says:

        https://artistsequity.com/projects/the-greatest-love-story-never-told

        His company. On his website. Stop it, please, it is embarrassing.

    • HillaryIsAlwaysRight says:

      Just like Jen Garner said, when he shines his light on you it’s great. When he’s done, it’s cold. I’m sure all JLo’s pap strolls this summer were less about her ego and more about maintaining her image, which is her business. It’s bad for business to be perceived as the one who got dumped.

    • Melody says:

      Most of the paps stroll are about Delola. The ones in the Hamptons with the bicycle certainly are ! She did a little video where she went to the store with her bicycle and bought 2 bottles for herself (or friends or whatever) and left like 10 bottles already paid and signed from her hand at the checkout for the next customers. Check out the colours codes on the pictures, the green is a reminder of the colour “margarita” (lime), her new flavor, etc.. You can have a look a t the video, it’s saved in her insta stories with a blue heart (Delola blue).
      I would say that 90 % of her insta is just about promotion, don’t get fooled !

  3. Tursitops says:

    Don’t marry a man-child in hopes that he will act like an adult.
    Don’t marry a wedding and shine addict in hopes that she will turn into a homebody who eschews the spotlight.

    Women marry hoping that men will change, but they don’t.
    Men marry hoping that women won’t change, but they do.

    Hope is not a plan.

  4. missmerry says:

    is Jlo this generations Elizabeth Taylor?

    • Cheshire Sass says:

      Perhaps, although I do think that whereas Elizabeth was also a romantic and liked to be married, she was also pragmatic that marriages were not necessarily “forever” – I think she liked the pomp and circumstance and when it was over she moved on with aplomb. I think it’s harder to do in these days as media loves to build up then tear down the icons – and not just “social media” . All news outlets even “respectable ones” are just a half step below tabloid news.

    • Pork Belly says:

      Pretty much! For Jlo I just keep thinking, why not just date? But then I also think, I wonder if she’ll surpass Liz’s personal best (I forget if it was 7 or 8 marriages).

  5. Mcali02 says:

    I so want to like him but he is such a man baby. He wants it both ways and is a walking contradiction. He loves the drama and the high of the lows and the rush of building it back up.

  6. Eurydice says:

    What does “making the marriage work” even mean? Apart from the wedding, was there even a marriage? It’s only been 2 years – the first 6 months was lovey-dovey newlywed time while working on the eleventy billion dollar house, the last 6 months was “it’s over” and in between she was working non-stop and he was doing whatever he was doing. Seems to me that both of them expected to continue living as if they were single without making any changes to live as a couple.

    • Lauren says:

      I agree, they both seem more busy with work then the marriage. I think they both wanted the other to be something they were not. Ben wanted JLo to be more like Jen G in the sense that she put her career on hold and, in a sense, became a caregiver for him. JLo wanted Ben to be more like Arod, someone who is going to be happy to go to all of the events with her. Traveling with her wherever she goes and letting her shine alone, but also be a public power couple.

  7. Gem says:

    JLo is extra. She has been flamboyant and in a way open to show that side of her to the public in the way she lives her life since forever. Ben knew that. Ben was heavily involved in JLo’s project, you can see it in the documentary. He knew who she is and he wasn’t interested in making it work once the honeymoon phase was over. I think, on JLo’s part, at least she can walk away knowing she gave things her best shot. They were never meant to be. I hope she finds her happiness. She has actually faced a lot this year one after the other and she still continued with positivity which is commendable. She filed herself without attorney, they have no prenup….I guess looking back on the day they got married made the realization hit home finally. I wish her all the best.

  8. Cj says:

    I don’t think she should have shared his love letters, and she was obviously all caught up in the fantasy of being in love and showing everyone she had her fairy tale ending (honestly reminds me of TS in being in love with the idea of love and not the grotty reality)….

    But I do wonder if sharing all those love letters with friends etc they pointed out some of the love bombing and selfishness he has and dissecting his words and she started to see that maybe her fairy tale wasn’t quite as idyllic as she wanted it to be…

    Feels like Ben is done as soon as the thrill is over. And finally getting into the house, daily routines, she’s talking about work instead of how in love they are etc isn’t a thrill (neither is having cameras about so a documentary wouldn’t help)

  9. Patty says:

    You can’t marry and think you’re going to FIX someone. Afleck needs professional help above the Jennifer’s abilities.

  10. Sophie says:

    I feel sorry for Jennifer, but she has to make better choices from now on. It’s time to activate that “decent guys” radar. Less red flags for next time please.

  11. Amy Bee says:

    My question is why did he ask her to marry him when he knew that he wasn’t going to be in it for the long haul?

    • Dutch says:

      I’m sure they made promises to each other how they matured and changed and “how it was going to be different this time.” Wouldn’t you know it, once the new wore off, they slid into being exactly the same people who got on each other’s nerves in the same way last time around.

    • CLOVE says:

      @Amy Bee I said the same thing yesterday when this came out. He needs to grow up.

    • swaz says:

      Maybe, just maybe, she could have said I’ve been divorced three times, I’m not ready to get married again.

  12. Donna says:

    In pictures he looks like he’s spaced out. Is he on something?

  13. Marcia says:

    He could very well be an avoidant. Although that doesn’t explain why the marriage lasted so long with Jennifer Garner. Or why he’s so into it in the beginning.

    • Cee says:

      They lasted because they had children. He married her as soon as she got pregnant with Violet. Remember when the 3rd pregnancy was announced, many people were referring to it as a band-aid kid. The marriage was collapsing, had a third kid, a the whole thing had 2-3 years of additional time.

    • Mario says:

      Ben and Jennifer Garner had kids together and she was, for a very long time, determined to make it work and did not want to divorce. (Just as with JLo, I don’t think Ben moves first…he just checks out and eventually he hopes the woman will take the hint and take action.) I think Jenn Garner actually believed it was his alcoholism that prevented him from being the husband and father he could be, and so she spent years trying to fix him, first for the marriage, then for the kids ..a habit that continued even after their divorce.

      J.Lo and Ben share no kids. His kids are grown enough she can and does have her own relationship with them. And her kids don’t need the added issues. But I think she’s a romantic and Catholic and still believes she can make a marriage work. But, as both women know and Jenn Garner has said, when he’s done, he goes cold and there’s nothing left to save

    • Andrea says:

      I am an avoidant and this doesn’t scream that to me. It screams someone with an addictive personality who found another addiction: jlo then grew tired of her and moved on to something else. I also think they felt they never had their chance so wanted to explore it. let’s hope they have no regrets now. LOL

      He also always looked grumpy and miserable. He was never going to try.

      I can never imagine going back to an ex especially since most of them are worse off than when we were together!

      • Marcia says:

        @Andrea,
        I’m an avoidant, too, and I think the pattern of being all in and then cooling on the person is an avoidant tendency. It happened to me, years ago. Complete infatuation to being able to see the other person all too clearly.

      • Andrea says:

        @Marcia I can see what you mean. I definitely had many wow this person isnt who I thought they were moments in my 20s.

      • Marcia says:

        I had those moments in my 40s! 🙂 I had a sense things were off, of course, but couldn’t see the whole person until the haze of the infatuation wore off. Sometimes you just want to ride the ride until it comes to an inevitable crash. 🙂
        As many commenters have already written, they should have just dated and lived separately. No need to get married and merge the families.

  14. Ameerah M says:

    I have never nor will I ever be Team J.Lo. She’s an a-hole to most people who aren’t rich and famous like herself. I am not Team Ben either. BUT. Again for me this goes back to J.Lo being the LEAST self aware person ever. Did Ben reach out and write letters to her attempting to woo her back? Yes. Because that’s who he is. He was on his BS. But she didn’t have to fall for it. And I think had she taken anytime to do inner work in the 20+ years since their breakup he would not have been able to weasel his way back into her life. She is always the common denominator in these relationships and I think it goes back to her always wanting a fairy tale and not wanting to be alone.

    • Alla says:

      Common denominator? Toxic men!

      • Ameerah M says:

        But she keeps choosing said toxic men – so again the common denominator is her and her choices. And I think it would be good for her to do some therapy and some shadow work on why these are the types of men she keeps inviting into her life. Otherwise the pattern will stay the same.

      • one of the marys says:

        @amerrah, I didn’t realize ARod and Marc Anthony are considered toxic men. Other than being high profile and successful in their careers I admittedly don’t know much about them

    • Gem says:

      I mean she made a whole musical movie mocking herself so I think she is very, very self aware but she can’t help it. Also, at this point for JLo….no matter what she does, people will not change their perception of her. She might as well live her life as she wishes. She kind of does, which for some reason makes people more mad even though it has 0 affect on them.

      • Ameerah M says:

        I would beg to differ – and the fact that she stated that she and Ben picked up right where they left off in 2003 kind of proves that point. No work was done to repair the issues that broke them up the first time. A person with self awareness would understand this. Her poking fun at herself for being a hopeless romantic isn’t the same as understanding the root cause of why you keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

      • Gem says:

        I never said she has worked on herself but she is fully aware of her issues, she knows what people say about her and she knows she jumps into red flag relationships head first. Maybe 4th time will be different, maybe not.

      • Eurydice says:

        If she’s fully self-aware and has no intention of changing, then the emotional rollercoaster must give her some satisfaction that’s greater than any pain she might feel from an eventual breakup.

    • Selene says:

      @ Ameerah, I think you’re only looking at her. Ben has the same habits when it comes to his love life, time after time. So the detriment in their relationship cannot fall on her only, when he knew who she was. If you say that she’s been doing this for 20+ years, what does it say about a man that knows it and STILL chooses to marry her? Ben’s a soul-sucking dementor.

      • Gem says:

        She actually left her relationship with Marc Anthony and ARod after them cheating on her so I don’t know why people call her the problem once things fall apart. Is she drawn to problematic men? Yes, beyond that her relationships usually ended when the guy screwed up. She doesn’t stay once its over. She isn’t looking for sympathy but its weird that people always blame her for men screwing up.

      • Ameerah M says:

        @Selene – I’m not. Ben is who he is and hasn’t done much to change himself. My point with J.Lo is that she has a habit of jumping head first into relationships with men – and most of them have proven to be toxic. Ben isn’t the only one. She also has a habit of jumping from one relationship into another while still IN the previous relationship. This has been the case with MOST of her relationships. We can’t change or control other people – Ben has his own stuff. And he clearly is okay with it. So why get back together with him? Was it because she was fleeing from an unhappy situation with A-Rod? The way she fled from the marriage she was in when she and Ben first got together? Because that’s exactly what it looks like. At some point as adults we have to take responsibility for the choices WE make – regardless of the other person. Because we are the only ones we have control over.

      • Selene says:

        Then you could say the same about Jennifer; she is who she is and hasn’t done much to change herself, we can’t change or control other people, jumping from relationship to relationship… I mean, Ben cheated with the nanny. Once again, I think you’re only looking at her and want to hold only her accountable.

      • Ameerah M says:

        @Selene – Nope. I simply think Ben is a bit of a lost cause. He isn’t interested in changing or being better -that’s obvious. And J.Lo has cheated as well so if we are bringing up infidelity -both are guilty of that. Your comment is kind of proving my point though.

      • Selene says:

        “Ben may never change- and at his big age he probably won’t – but J.Lo can make better choices for HERSELF and break her own patterns.”

        Once again, the lack of accountability you give Ben, not even for others, but for himself, is showing. You’re measuring them with different rulers, and the one you’re using for Jennifer screams misogyny.

    • Turtledove says:

      I think HE is also a common denominator in failed relationships, so it’s a bit unfair to put it all on her. But in a way, that very fact proves YOUR point.

      Their first marriage was called off because he cheated. I personally believe that with a few exceptions, once a cheat, always a cheat. I could ALMOST get onboard with the idea that they both grew over the past 20 years and that maybe they thought the 2nd time could work as they were different people at 50+ than at 30+. I might be more inclined to believe that if they were younger than 32/35 the first time around. Like if they had been 21/24 the first go round.

      All that said, does she not follow gossip? Because he’s had several instances of cheating and just not showing much growth in the time they’ve been apart. What made her think anything had changed? (And the same can be said of him, if his big issue with her is that she likes to be out all the time at awards events etc and to live a very public life, well, she hasn’t seemed to change in that regard either)

      • Ameerah M says:

        @Turtledove – and I don’t disagree with you. But like I said above – the only people we can change and have control over is ourselves. Ben may never change- and at his big age he probably won’t – but J.Lo can make better choices for HERSELF and break her own patterns. Also – J.Lo herself has a history of cheating. She was married when her and Ben started up the first time. A lot of folks forget that or weren’t old enough to remember.

  15. Walking the Walk says:

    Man. I hope she burns his letters and tosses the ring with his BS about not going anywhere crap.

    You can feel a certain type of way about JLo, but let’s be honest. He wanted out after her tour was going nowhere and their film (he produced it everyone!) didn’t do what they thought it would. I am sick of everyone acting like Ben Affleck was confused about JLo. I think he wanted her back after the Oscar buzz and no one is going to convince of anything else. He wanted to be with Jennifer Garner cause was getting buzz, is a great actress, and did Butter and was getting accolades. That man gets bored by any woman that isn’t blowing his socks off every night. Ana de Armas must be thanking her lucky starts she dumped his butt.

    • Somebody Nobody says:

      They’re equally messed up.

      He wants to be seen as a serious industry professional so when “her” project was mocked and outed his vulnerability he had to distance himself – just like Gigli. He was probably feeling bad about himself after the breakup with Ana and he used JLo to prove something to himself. Maybe he thought it was real. Maybe it was real for a while. But he couldn’t sustain it and JLo is like a tsunami.

      She wants the fairy tale power couple successful beautiful instagram perfect LOVE story. And she wanted to “win”. But he’s no prize.

      He’s deeply insecure and so is she. It seems neither of them have done the work.

      • Renee says:

        I think its speaks more about Ben that he doesn’t stick around when the other side needs him to step up and be a support system. People are less hard on him because his career has more respsctability. At least, with all her flaws and all, JLo can walk away having tried her best. I mean Marc Anthony cheated and practically abandoned their twins, ARod cheated…..but people always blame her no matter what and the men aren’t ever called out. She probably knows that people will blame her again so it probably wasn’t easy but good for her for leaving a dead relationship behind. Hopefully, she can find herself some peace now.

      • Ameerah M says:

        @Renee – J.Lo cheated on her ex-husband WITH Ben. And Marc was married when they got together. Let’s not ret-conn her own problematic romantic history.

      • Renee says:

        Marc was divorced when he met JLo. I don’t remember the story of her second husband.

      • Keiko says:

        @ Renee

        There was some overlap between Jlo and Dayanara. Dayanara gave birth to their youngest in August of 2003 and they separated in October 2003 Dayanara filed for divorce. January of 2004 was finalized on June 1 2004 JLo and Marc got married on June 5 of 2003. They were seeing each other when he was still married to Dayanara.

  16. Cee says:

    He chased her, married her and less than a year later he was done and wouldn’t try? I hope she blocks him on everything and never mentions his name ever again.

  17. Reign says:

    I feel sharing private messages and love letters with publishers, song writers and the entire Team Lopez shattered some trust.
    Jennifer Lopez loves love and consistently ends up in bad relationships. Some of that is on her.

    • Turtledove says:

      A lot of people brush off her sharing of the letters bc they feel he could have stopped them from being included in that film. And I mean, sure, if he was aware of that scene all he had to do was demand it be cut. Whether he was a producer or not (there seems to be conflicting info) , JLo had the ability to cut it if her husband demanded it.

      But maybe the damage was already done in his eyes? She had already shown a bunch of people the letters. That was already pretty bad. You can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube.

      That one detail most especially confuses me. WE all seem to know how private he is, so SHE must know, and yet she did that? It’s hard to understand for me. And its the same with him. He knew who she was, she is all about going out and being seen and if that is a dealbreaker for him, why would he marry her? It’s not like she acted like a homebody for a few years and then started dragging him out. She has always BEEN wo she is and continued to be.

  18. BlueSKy says:

    That picture of them in khaki and white crossing the street…what gorgeous people and what a shame. They both have their faults and I’m sure this marriage was doomed from the get go, but it’s still sad. Just goes to show that looks and money are no guarantee of happiness in this life. Best wishes to them both (and especially their kiddos) as they figure out the way forward.

  19. Anon says:

    Probably so healthy for JLo and her kids to go home to her beach house in the Hamptons, and do things like take a bike ride every day, drive around in the Wrangler with the top down, host friends, including the kids’ friends, taking them to knock around town getting ice cream, dining al fresco, checking out the antique show, hitting up stores like Roller Rabbit. It’s been a beautiful summer and that was a good recipe for relaxing. Wishing everyone the best.

  20. Banga says:

    I can’t believe Affleck has managed to make me team J Lo on this one. But chasing her and then discarding her so quickly is really reckless and harsh. It’s not as if her fame or extra-ness is new. I wonder if she caught him en flagrante, or if he’s off the wagon. Something happened.

  21. Colleen says:

    I do not understand the JLO love on this site. She is a horrible person. She treats people like garbage and is just so ugly and fake. Every story that every “normal” person has about her is awful. Ben has issues – a lot of issues – but JLO is a monster.

  22. Debbie says:

    The only alteration I would make to the article above is that Ben Affleck DID do something on Jennifer’s birthday: He closed escrow on his new house on that date. Would it have killed him to call her? Something one would do even for a friend. All of that took a lot of preparation (as would buying a gift), but he chose instead to channel his energies into his new life without her. That is a message to a wife. Like most people here, I hope Jennifer will be more careful with the next one because, let’s face it, all the signs were out there.

  23. Kelsey says:

    I can’t stand J-Lo.

    With that being said, Team J-Lo. Because Ben is an even more annoying asshole than she with half the personal accountability of her. Even the most extra of attention lovers don’t deserve what he’s put her through AGAIN.