In recent days, the Mail has published a dozen stories (easily) about David Beckham and how much he hates Prince Harry and how much he loves King Charles and Prince William. I thought it was just the Mail banging their heads against the wall and endlessly recycling old stories for the hell of it. But no, it was based on something new. You see, David went to Davos, and he participated in a Q&A session as part of his UNICEF ambassadorship. The session quickly and unexpectedly turned into David campaigning for a knighthood and showing off his royal-bootlicker credentials. After all of that sucking up, the Windsors still snubbed him for a knighthood in their most recent honors list. Some highlights from Beckham’s session:

He’s such a royalist: “I always get emotional talking about anything that I do with our royal family, because I’ve always been a huge royalist. I was brought up in a household that adored and loved everything that came with the royal family.”

He’ll answer Prince William’s calls: “Over the years, I’ve done a lot with the Prince of Wales,” he continued, referring to Prince William. “I’ve always been there, when he’s asked me to get involved with things. Whether it be veterans, whether it be the London Air Ambulance Service, which we raised funds to get two new helicopters for London. These are the things, when I was a kid, I used to see the helicopters going over, and you knew exactly what they were going to do. They were on their way to an emergency. So to be involved in that, has always been a ‘Yes’ for me. Whenever the Prince of Wales sends me a message and says, ‘I need you to do this’ or ‘Be there’, it’s always a ‘Yes.’”

Becoming an ambassador for the King’s Foundation: The Inter Miami FC co-owner said he was “honored” when King Charles asked him to get involved with his foundation and that his mother, Sandra West, “burst into tears” when he relayed the news. “Because she’s so proud of obviously what I’ve done throughout my career, but she’s also proud. And she knows my grandparents would have been proud that I have played such an important role within the royal family and the charities that they have. So to be involved in The King’s Foundation, our King is an incredible man. But he’s not just been an incredible man for the last five, 10 years, he’s been an incredible man for decades. The work that he has done to empower people, the grassroots work, all of the sustainable work. All of these things, all of those lost arts, he’s trying to bring them back.”

Beckham & the king: “He’s into bees, I’m into bees. He’s into the countryside, I’m into the countryside, and he’s into empowering young people. So I’m very honored with that role.”

[From People]

“Whenever the Prince of Wales sends me a message and says, ‘I need you to do this’ or ‘Be there’, it’s always a ‘Yes.’” Ew. No wonder William has such a difficult time getting celebrities interested in his busywork – he apparently doesn’t ask nicely, or ask at all. Imagine Peggy ordering you to “be there” or “I need you to do this.” William’s really missing the charm gene. Even Charles has charm – a questionable charm, no doubt, but Charles knows how to schmooze and butter-up a wealthy donor. Charles knows how to fundraise and ask for something but make it seem like he’s doing you a favor. William doesn’t know how to do any of that. Peg is like the anti-personality hire. Anyway, I find all of David’s slavish devotion to the royalist cause really funny. The Windsors are going to keep him around, begging for a knighthood as long as they can get away with it.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images, Buckingham Palace.