Drake released an assy new album on Valentine’s Day & the reviews are hilarious

Over the past twelve months, I’ve been in awe of Kendrick Lamar and how brilliantly he planned his attack on Drake, how he dealt with everything Drake threw at him and everything the “fans” threw at him too. While I give Kendrick a lot of credit for the way he moved and what he created, I also think that good luck and good fortune played a part, as did Drake’s general catastrophic, toxic personality. Kendrick wouldn’t have come out of this year looking so great if Drake hadn’t fumbled so badly and refused to just go away and take a break. Speaking of, Drake thought it would be a great idea to put out an album four days after Kendrick’s Super Bowl Halftime performance. Drake’s Some Sexy Songs 4 U is supposed to be Drizzy turning the page on the rap battle which he lost so badly. Instead, the album is so bad, it’s bringing out the best in music critics. Some excerpts from THR’s music critic Jonny Coleman:

It would be amazing to see Drake rebound with a banger of an album after getting ethered for a year straight by an objectively better rapper, Kendrick Lamar. Too bad that’s not what has happened with the artist’s latest offering, $ome $exy $ongs 4 U. Drizzy’s new Valentine’s Day record recasts the Toronto rapper as a lover, not a fighter. Notably, on a track titled “GIMME A HUG,” he declares the feud with Lamar over (“F–k a rap beef, I’m tryna get the party lit”), even though that’s not really how these things work.

PartyNextDoor, OVO stalwart and generally unremarkable, plays second fiddle on this long, bloated, 21-song snoozer. In Drake’s world, it’s quantity over quality. You don’t have to make great music; you just have to make a lot of music. It makes you wonder what was left on the cutting room floor — if there was any editing whatsoever.

The intention seems to have been to make a record to sleep with someone to. In practice, it’s more like a record to put you to sleep. There aren’t really any highlights, and not too many lowlights, either; the album is just consistently beige, like so much of Drake’s output and aura.

This isn’t the first time Drake has had to come back from a rap battle shellacking. Pusha T notably revealed his secret child on “The Story of Adidon.” And he’s locked horns with dozens of other rappers over the past decade, from Joe Budden to Rick Ross to Diddy. His CV of beef is a who’s who of mostly middle-aged MCs. Every time Drake has been humbled, he pivots back to his safe space — the “I’m just a softy loverboy, not a gangster” persona — to project that he doesn’t take things personally. And maybe he doesn’t. Maybe it’s all kayfabe. But to what end, other than racking up more Spotify stats? At times, his penchant for getting publicly humiliated verges on kink.

There isn’t much rapping to speak of on the new album. It’s mostly R&B crooning and warbling, set to very low BPMs, with little variety. Moreover, every single track is dripping with AutoTune. It’s 2025; are we still pretending this is a stylistic choice and not merely a means of covering up an aesthetically flawed voice? Even the beats, sometimes the strongest aspect of Drake’s oeuvre, feel like they were programmed by AI here.

Lyrically, things are hardly more impressive. On album closer “GREEDY”, Drake asserts, “Not surprised by nothing, I just take it in stride/On the bright side, everyone on my side.” Judging by the response to Lamar’s Super Bowl halftime show — when it seemed like all 133 million people watching were screaming along to “Not Like Us,” an all-time drubbing of Drizzy — that’s not an accurate statement.

[From THR]

“F–k a rap beef, I’m tryna get the party lit” while he’s literally suing UMG over Kendrick’s disses. Anyway, this review is *chef’s kiss* – I’ve seen much of the same all over social media, from people who actually sort of f–k with Drake and his music, and even they’re like… no, this album is ass. I also think this is sort of an underrated assessment of Drake: “At times, his penchant for getting publicly humiliated verges on kink.” Is that actually IT? Is that the thing? I kept wondering why Drake was acting like he couldn’t form a real strategy to battle Kendrick, but maybe he just likes being humiliated. Something to think about. Also: This is supposed to be fun party songs for the ladies, but the only people praising it are sad-sack dudes who have been crying about “Not Like Us” for months. It’s part of the toxic-bro culture war too – Drake is like the Joe Rogan of music, if that makes any sense.

Photos courtesy of Drake’s IG.

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29 Responses to “Drake released an assy new album on Valentine’s Day & the reviews are hilarious”

  1. K says:

    Listen man. Go find Russell Simmons and don’t forget to not come back. You are the water he is your level.

  2. Jais says:

    Calling drake the Joe Rogan of music…😂😂😂🔥

    • Snarkle says:

      Seriously!

      I was dying from the “his penchant for getting publicly humiliated verges on kink” and “ the album is just consistently beige, like so much of Drake’s output and aura”

      But Kaiser‘s “Drake is like the Joe Rogan of music , if that makes any sense.” actually made me understand why I never liked him. It makes PERFECT sense. Ooof

  3. Eurydice says:

    I can’t get past that Red Heart Super Saver crocheted acrylic thing on his head.

  4. Dee(2) says:

    I saw a review/not review on youtube, that was titled ” Drake learned nothing”, and was centered around his on stage twerking with a dictionary line in one of his songs. Which has been the defense of all of the Drake fans this weekend. Basically that Drake is better because his music is less intellectually challenging and therefore more enjoyable for them than Kendricks. To which I say, weird flex but okay?
    He’s also spending time taking shots at women instead of men as he usually does, most of the criticism that I have heard of the lyrics and the production is that it sounds like something that he would have released in 2016. And I think that that’s the biggest issue with Drake is not that there is not space for club music, or getting the party lit music, in addition to socially conscious music. Every movie is not going to be Schindler’s list and every book isn’t going to be a Pulitzer winner, but you expect to see some growth from major artists. And this man is knocking on 40’s door and he still singing and rapping about the stuff that he was wrapping about at 25. So yeah it appeals to new fans who are 25 themselves but people that are Drake’s age are like when are you going to grow up?
    Also there’s no editing on his stuff because he absolutely is obsessed with his streaming numbers. That’s why they have been crawling all weekend about it being number one on Apple music!

    • Michael says:

      Like Taylor Swift Drake just refuses to grow up or take accountability for his mistakes. Also, he does not seem to know how to take a picture without making the duck lips. But take one look at his father and you can understand why.

  5. Carrie says:

    SMDH at all the people who made this clown famous.

    Album cover looks like AI too.

    • Jensies says:

      The album cover took me a min, like what am I even looking at here? It is not good at all.

      • Maryse42 says:

        Fwiw, the buildings in the background are real, not AI! They’re in Mississauga (outside Toronto), known as the Marilyn Towers for their curvy shape… They are kind of iconic in a city that’s otherwise mostly an endlessly sprawling suburban nightmare hellscape of cookie cutter subdivisions and overpriced condos lol… (Yes I live here so I can dunk on it!) It’s kinda hilarious to me that Drake is so proud of being from Toronto then using a picture from decidedly unsexy Mississauga next door for the cover of an album that’s meant to be seductive… those towers are eye-catching but apparently they are horrible to live in, which actually seems spot on now that I say it!

  6. Thinking says:

    How is Drake perceived by other celebrities?

    I was surprised by the number of celebrities I’ve seen on social media who enjoy singing and jamming to the diss track against him (granted, it’s a good song, but I thought other celebrities might be fearful to show too much preference for it). Despite his wealth, he doesn’t seem as powerful as I might have thought. Is he simply rich and that’s it? I have no way of assessing his music since I turn the channel every time Hotline Bling comes on.

    • sevenblue says:

      I think, he burned too many bridges. When he attacks other men, it is always through some ex girlfriend or wife. Just before this beef, he attacked Megan Stallion out of no where. By attacking Megan, he lost Beyonce-Jay Z camp who are loyal supporters of her. During the beef, he made fun of Kendrick for working with Taylor, so he lost that side of the industry too (Taylor & Jack Antonoff).

      Drake got numbers and charts. Other than that, it seemed like everyone was just tolerating him. Kendrick said in “6:16 in LA”, “But war ready if the world is ready to see you bleed”. He really hit him at the best time, so everyone was rooting for Kendrick.

      • jais says:

        Why did he attack Megan? She was freaking shot and piled on. It’s that right there that would have me wanting nothing to do with him or his music. And btw the last song I remember by Drake is hotline bling so obv I have no idea about most of his music?

      • sevenblue says:

        @jais, he collaborated with the guy who shot Megan, basically calling her a liar. That was when her shooter was employing bloggers, bots to manipulate the narrative. Drake supported that criminal, which made the pressure on Megan worse because then Drake’s fans started attacking her. It was really the worst times for Megan. I think, having Beyonce and Jay Z on her side helped a little to stay in the industry.

      • Thinking says:

        Thanks for this explanation!

        I had no idea he went after so many people.

        His music is so bland I had no idea he was picking beefs with people. I would just see him in memes so my general impression was his music is kind of ….blah.

        I saw Jamie Foxx and his family on social media dancing excitedly inside their home to Kendrick Lamar’s Super Bowl show — that’s when it crystallized to me that Drake is probably not well-liked. That, and everyone at the Grammys screaming
        “A minorrr”. I should have clued in then…..even Taylor Swift was dancing to that song at the Grammys.

  7. Blithe says:

    “…consistently beige, like so much of Drake’s output and aura”. OUCH! lol Nailed it.

  8. Side Eye says:

    He has been dripping in poser flavored mediocrity and praised for it for so long it’s unsurprising that he would release sub-par work in the aftermath of the Super Bowl and think this is some sort of response/comeback/new chapter. The Super Bowl was basically Kendrick spelling out his scathing indictment of America and how it has treated Black people, and then, as if an afterthought, Kendrick decided to march Drake’s dead body through crowded streets as the masses celebrated this murder. Drake should have laid low, but he can’t stand for it to not be about him. Narcissists cannot and do not just go away.

    Someone needs to tell Drake to stop with the buster edition of duck face in pics. He always looks like he just tasted something sour. It’s fitting, but annoying to look at.

  9. Anon says:

    For an alleged gangsta rapper, he talks like an Apple Store assistant manager.

  10. Bumblebee says:

    Does he always make that same face in selfies? And he looks like he’s trying to appeal to teen girls with the cutesy look….oh…

    • Thinking says:

      Yeah, I think he does.

      So how he wound up thinking he could win against Kendrick Lamar, a Pulitzer-prize winner, is baffling to me. Kendrick Lamar was getting kudos from Barack Obama, and Drake seemed to be trying to court positive opinions from teen actresses. What an uneven matchup….

      I didn’t know much about the feud but I fell down a rabbit hole learning about it on YouTube, and now I’m wondering where Drake gets the confidence….

    • Anon @ Work says:

      Honestly. So gross and creepy.

  11. etso says:

    I am always surprised that anyone takes him seriously. Dude is a joke, wtf.

  12. GrnieWnie says:

    Here’s my impression of the situation and someone correct me if I’m wrong or missing something:

    I think Drake made a mistake that’s common among Canadians, for one, and among Black Canadians for another (Daniel Caesar comes to mind). A lot of anglophone Canadians look at the US and connect with the culture to the point where they think there aren’t a lot of differences. And while they learn generally about the US, I would not call them particularly educated about Black history in the US for obvious reasons (the US is a different country and Canada already needs to do a better job of educating its own people about Black Canadian history).

    I think Drake pulled an Iggy Azalea and thought he could just take on African American culture for his own. He thought he could get away with it because he’s sorta Black, right? But he’s Canadian. He’s not African American. And I maintain that he didn’t really know what he was getting into, and that he doesn’t know how to value or appreciate the culture. I think he just appropriated it. Cultural appropriation for profit.

    I think that’s what Kendrick means when he says “they not like us.” I think a lot of American rappers knew that Drake was a fraud, in their eyes (in mine, he’s just Canadian and needs to find a Canadian identity instead of appropriating an American one). I think that’s what Kendrick is targeting. He calls Drake “white” which is…half correct (again, I see Drake as just Canadian). He correctly recognizes that Drake *doesn’t* get the culture, *isn’t* part of it, and *is* just posing. And rightfully so – rap music should spit out artists who do not appreciate the culture that created it.

    Probably most people have gotten this and the only original part I’m saying is that I think Drake isn’t so much a fraud as he is simply from a different culture and he’s never figured out his own cultural identity. Unfortunately, he thought he could just wear a Black American one instead. And apparently he’s perhaps a p*do, which I wish were being investigated by police instead of the court of public opinion. Anyway, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

  13. Kkat says:

    I will never be able to get past his whining character on Degrassi high, I educated my kid on the fact wheel chair jimmy exists and he has been making sure all his friends know .
    Aubrey has always been the literal worst.
    Worst actor, worst singer, worst person

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