Wow, Kourtney Kardashian and Patrick Bateman got their third In Touch Weekly cover story in a row! This relationship drama is officially just as epic as Brangelina’s! I’m also enjoying the hyperbole In Touch has been employing for Scott and Kourtney. Last week, Scott was “the boyfriend from hell” and this week, Kourtney has made “a deal with the devil”. What, perchance, was this Faustian bargain? That she could be famous and rich, but that her relationship would fall apart! You see, Scott and Kourtney are “faking it for the cameras”. Epic.

Appearing together recently, Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick seemed more like co-stars than a couple.

“Kourtney was sitting with her girlfriends, but Scott barely paid any attention to her,” says a witness from the February 19 event. “He partied with his guy friends and let the hot cocktail waitress light his cigarette.”

Until a group of photographers arrived — and the stage show began. “Suddenly, Scott and Kourtney were all lovey-dovey,” the witness marvels.

After the photographers were through, though, Scott walked away, paying little attention to her. As deep as Kourtney’s problems run with Scott, he’s proven to be Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ breakout star — and so she’s forced to stay with him and continue the act, no matter how unhappy she is.

“Kourtney has never been more rich and famous in her life, but unfortunately, she’s never been more miserable,” says her friend. “Staying with Scott is good for her bank account, but he treats her like dirt, and she’s growing unhappier by the day.”

[From In Touch Weekly]

I have to say, I think In Touch’s reporting on Kourtney and Scott’s relationship has been pretty accurate. Probably because I’m primed to think the worst of him, but is it really that much of a stretch to believe that Scott is a f-cking douche? Not really.

Meanwhile, Kourtney tried to do some early damage control on In Touch’s incessant attacks on her relationship. She told Life & Style that her relationship with Scott is “amazing”. Barf:

On the Feb. 21 season finale of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kourtney Kardashian forgave boyfriend Scott Disick for his drunken, disrespectful past behavior.

“I love him. I really want to make it work,” Kourtney said in front of the cameras. And Kourtney says her relationship with Scott has improved since the finale was filmed.

“Everything between us is amazing,” she told Life & Style while in Las Vegas hosting the Dash fashion show at Jet nightclub on Feb.19. Despite his antics, Scott and Kourtney are clearly still an item.

An insider close to the family confirms it, telling Life & Style, “Kourtney and Scott are fine right now. Will they be together in five years? Who knows. But they’re not splitting up any time soon.”

Back at her baby shower on Nov. 14, Kourtney hinted that baby Mason was the reason she was trying so hard to make things work with Scott.

“It’s definitely been hard,” Kourtney told Life & Style. “But I just reached a point where I needed everyone to get over it. This is the father of my baby. Either they accept it or they don’t.”

[From Life & Style]

I’m honestly surprised that Kourtney seems to be trying so hard to make her relationship work. I would have been out of there… well, I wouldn’t have gone home with it in the first place. Scott has serial killer eyes, and I don’t go home with guys that look like that. Unless it’s Peter Sarsgaard. Kourtney’s insistence on making it work with Scott makes me feel for her a little. But if that’s what she wants, she made her bed, et cetera.

In Touch Weekly cover courtesy of ITW online.