I’m fairly certain that Lindsay Lohan, star of “Mean Girls” has never actually seen “Mean Girls.” If she had, she’s know it’s bad to be a colossal bitch and get into petty fights with other colossal bitches. Never one to accidentally let herself be classy or decent, Lohan got into a catfight with fellow empty headed/empty hearted bitch Paris Hilton at Timbaland’s pre-Grammys party. Why were either of them going to the Grammys you ask? They’re just “actresses”/celebutards right? Well don’t forget that each of these classy gals has put out a CD. Were they well received? Well no. Did they suck ass? Pretty much. But apparently that means they get to go to the Grammys. And if that’s the only qualification, my cat should get to go to the Oscars, because he put out one fine YouTube movie.

If I were at some party where I didn’t belong (like for an awards show to honor good singers) I would do my best to sit there, look pretty, and keep my annoyingly big mouth shut. But Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are incapable of being classy like me, which means they had to fight over Timbaland and generally embarrass the crap out of themselves.

We watched open-mouthed as Lindsay pointed at Paris and snarled: “What the hell is that bitch doing here? I didn’t know she was on the list.” To which Paris spat back: “F*** off you bitch.” We were caught in the crossfire of their extraordinary bust-up at Timbaland’s exclusive pre-Grammys bash at Avalon.

A source close to the pair explained to us: “Both of them want to work with Timbaland to revive their faltering music careers. Both saw the party as an ideal way of getting him on side – but they didn’t count on the other being there.”

Lindsay arrived at the party first. She made a beeline for the hit producer… and waved at him wildly over the barriers. Then Paris strolled in surrounded by a massive entourage and took up a seat directly opposite Li-Lo – and far closer to Timba. Clocking her rival, Lindsay began fluffing up her hair extensions and launched into verbal attack. After her outburst she flounced past Paris, giving the hotel heirhead a death stare. And taking a huge swig of Red Bull, she made her move – clambering over a sofa towards her prey. Not to be outdone, nimble Paris hurdled a barrier and flung herself at him first.

[From the Mirror]

I love the imagery this writer uses. I can actually see Lindsay Lohan jumping over furniture while Paris Hilton makes a beeline over an ottoman. Timbaland apparently just stared at the two girls and walked away without even acknowledging them. Which is probably the best way to handle Paris and Lindsay in any given situation. Here’s an idea for the two of them. While they both suck as acting, they both suck at singing a lot more. So why don’t the two of you pick the thing you’re the least bad at, and work on improving on that one thing? So instead of doing several things terribly, how about you just do the one thing and be mediocre at it?

Here’s some of that Lohan sexiness you just can’t get enough of – last night at the Grammys. Celebitchy pointed out, “She’s brown with flecks of orange.” Always an attractive look. Images thanks to PR Photos.