The Oscars Hot-Men Buffet: tragedy, beards & a Scotsman

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The Hot-Man Buffet at this year’s Oscars was totally tragic. I mean, sure, there were a few hot guys there, but it just seemed like they were few and far between. Like we have to make do with only a few hot-dude morsels. I mean, Bradley Cooper? Does he make you hot? He doesn’t do it for me, but I guess some women like it. Gerard looked unkempt, like he’d just rolled out of bed after having spent the past ten hours being serviced by three hookers. Like he was smug and tired and horny and dirty all at once.

Now, I loved Robert Downey Jr. If it was anyone else wearing sneakers and a blue bow-tie, I would probably slam him. But it works on RDJ, doesn’t it? He was so well-groomed too, and he looked so happy to be there. I thought his co-presenting with Tina Fey was one of the highlights, and I also love to see how much he adores his wife Susan (who looked really pretty!).

82nd Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I’ve begun to fall in love with Jake Gyllenhaal a little bit, so I liked his look. Yes, I wish he had shaved (it’s the Oscars, not a Tokyo photo call), but he looks really great in a classic tux.

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Sigh… we need more Dudes in the world. Jeff is so sexy. His niceness and decency are the ultimate aphrodisiac.

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I love Christoph Waltz too, just because he comes across as a really nice, hard-working man who hit the lottery with this role. I like how groomed his beard is.

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Ryan Reynolds… orange much? Meh. He’s totally vanilla to me, but enjoy.

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Jeremy Renner is so cute and tiny (and orange). He’s my little pocket boyfriend. Like the blue/silver tie.

82ND ACADEMY AWARDS, RED CARPET ARRIVALS

Lenny Kravitz looks… high. But good. I get it when women list Kravitz as one of their favorites.

82nd Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Chris Pine is such a good looking kid, but I get the feeling he’s a smug bastard. I could be wrong, though. And God knows I love ‘em a little arrogant. His voice plucks my nerves though. He sounds like Ryan Seacrest.

82nd Annual Academy Awards Red Carpet Arrivals

Aw, Matt Damon. He’s so cute! I wonder if he’ll always look this f-cking boyish? Lucy looks totally pregnant again too! What will this be, their fourth?

82nd Annual Academy Awards Red Carpet Arrivals

I can’t help it, I love Antonio Banderas. Melanie looked okay too. Not like the Wrath of God. Good for her.

82nd Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

My mom couldn’t get over how pretty Colin Firth’s wife is. He looked really lovely too – I really liked when he got a little emotional when Julianne Moore was talking about him, and he covered his mouth.

82nd Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I forgot Sam Worthington initially, sorry about that! CB thinks he’s hot. I think he’s meh. Good accent though.

82nd Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Sean Penn stayed relatively quiet and classy, so I won’t yell at him. For now.

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Tom Ford is such a sexy bitch. I love him.

Vanity Fair Oscar Party 2010 - Los Angeles

Clooney looked horrible, didn’t he? Just drunk and unkempt and grumpy and like he didn’t want to be there. I blame Elisabetta and her Tweaked Nips of Doom.

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31 Responses to “The Oscars Hot-Men Buffet: tragedy, beards & a Scotsman”

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  1. meme says:

    Jeremey is not tiny or orange, you turd. He’s ADORABLE AND HOT and all mine. You take Spittle and Toothy Tile

  2. Celebitchy says:

    I know you say Sam Worthington is dumb, but he’s hot, I think he deserves a mention! I agree that Clooney was looking beat. His hair looks terrible long like that!

  3. AlaskaJoey says:

    Yeah, George Clooney was NOT in a good mood last night. He looked very toolish sitting there all grumpy.

    Jeremy Renner -hot. Chris Pine – hot.

    Anyone else think Sean Penn was drunk? I couldn’t make any sense of his rambles.

  4. mr. stinky fishface says:

    yum yum jake!

  5. nana says:

    i find peter sarsgaard thin last night.. he looks sick to me. maybe its the head or the facial hair

  6. snowball says:

    Johnny Depp may have been able to pull off RDJ’s look, albeit with stringy hair falling into his eyes all the time.

    Tom Ford looked gorgeous, but then again he should, considering he probably designed his own tux.

    Clooney looked ticked off and growly. Did he even smile much? What was the weird Alec Baldwin/Clooney glare thing?

  7. bellaluna says:

    I still love Gerard, but Bradley just rubs me the wrong way (and not in a “good” wrong way, either).

    Jake looks very handsome, but he should have spit out the gum. Jeff is sexy; so are Lenny, Antonio, and George, who looks angry – I blame Elisabetta, who seems to think it’s all about her.

    Ryan is usually hot to me, but not when he’s orange (like his little friend Jeremy). Colin and Matt have never done it for me, but Colin does look very handsome. And Luciana does look pregnant again.

    Chris Pine seems very full of himself. And RDJ looks like he’s maintained his sense of humour, which makes me love him all the more!

  8. meme says:

    yeah, i couldn’t decide whether george was pissed or playing pissed off. his GF seemed like a total diva bitch but she’ll be gone soon. JEREMY RENNER IS ALL MINE!!!!!

  9. Chana says:

    Yea, not such a good night for Clooners. He was looking like he came out the wrong end of a fight with the bottom of a couple of beer bottles. I don’t even know what that means, but it sounds terrible 🙂

    I would jump Sam Worthington and his Aussie accent in a milisecond. Cor, blimey that man is gorgeous. Bit dim, but gorgeous.

    OH, now Chris Pine. I watched the special features on Star Trek and you can always tell the big headed people because they won’t participate in silly things. He was quite gung ho about being nutty and messing about. Perhaps you think he’s smug because he’s James Kirk, Smug Cap-I-Tan of the Starship Enterprise.

    Cripes I need a rest. I’m officially rambling.

  10. JulieNewmar says:

    Clooney’s bitchy looking GF better watch the door doesn’t hit her in the ass on the way out. A break up headline would not surprise me.

  11. allison says:

    When i saw the oscars i said to my friend: ooh here comes the hot man buffet! hahah i think i read too much celebitchy. you guys are great

  12. Jazz says:

    Adore RDJ, love Jeff Bridges. Ryan Reynolds is a bit blah and vanilla for me too. I kinda like Antonio but not digging the beard. Clooney probably looks pissed because he knew it was The Dude’s night.

  13. nikki says:

    Sam Worthington was the best looking guy this night but he needs to work his smile!

  14. Mouse says:

    Yeah, George definitely came across as grumpy last night. Did you see when he made faces at the camera to move away from him? And his girlfriend looked like a teenager about to throw a tantrum the whole evening. They looked like they were not getting along. He needs to date a real woman and stop dating attention whores.

    I thought Matt and Lucy looked adorable together. And pregnant. Colin and his wife were cute too.

    And I don’t usually get the hots for Jake, but his baby blues were stunning in that photo! DROOL

  15. Stephie says:

    Ryan Reynolds (orange) head looks huuuuge in that photo! heheh

    What’s with all the beards? Jeez. Some looked good (Jake for ex.) but some seriously need a shave (Antonio!).

  16. city says:

    The sneakers totally work on RDJ! Did you ever see his wedding pics? He is wearing sneakers there too (in a totally hot color) – see if you can find them for us.

    Gerry – loved hearing his real accent! He could do anything and I would still love him.

    Jeff – his kindness and decency are totally hot! If my father-in-law didn’t look just like him, I could like him more. So happy he won!

  17. L says:

    Yea I noticed that Clooney’s woman had a death-claw grip on his arm, even when they were sitting down. Almost like she was afraid he was going to run away (which he’s prob planning) and/or laying her territory.

  18. kelbear says:

    I like Jake’s facial hair, even though his face isn’t shaved it still looks like he is cleaned up.

    And love love love Ryan Reynolds! Gawd he looks alot like my husband!

  19. Neelyo says:

    Tom Ford’s hair gets thicker every year. He was balder when he ran Gucci.

    Brad Cooper needs to fire his make-up people, they’re not helping.

  20. smith says:

    Ryan Reynolds is a creamsicle. Vanilla on the inside, orange on the out …

  21. snapdragon says:

    RDJ looked great. whenever i see him now i think of him half-naked in “sherlock holmes” …. yummy.

  22. hstl1 says:

    Tom Ford is THE sexiest bitch of the night either male or female. He is like sex on a stick. And he always looks like absolute perfection.

  23. kristen says:

    I said yesterday on my facebook, that JakeyG looked so good in his tux that I wanted to lick the sweat off of his chest…MMmmmm and yes that comment still holds in the daylight

    MMMMM JakeyG

  24. lolo says:

    This made me laugh real hard:

    “Gerard looked unkempt, like he’d just rolled out of bed after having spent the past ten hours being serviced by three hookers.”

    ‘Cause it’s probably true.

  25. Mary says:

    George Clooney looked grumpy all night, but it was hard to tell if he was playing along with the hosts.
    But look at the last picture up there – I just saw his face and thought he looked angry. But then I noticed his clenched fists. There’s a story there…

  26. Alecto says:

    ummm…Robert Downy jr. needed a shave too. didn’t look well groomed to me at all.

  27. juiceinla says:

    Why are all the men wearing the 3D glasses they gave out at Alice in Wonderland this weekend (Robert Downey Jr. for one, is clearly working them)???

    I sincerely hope its some sort of weird Tim Burton Tribute.

  28. city says:

    OMG! RDJ was half naked in sherlock holmes??? why haven’t i seen that yet???

  29. Weeble says:

    Meh….the real man was Samuel L. Jackson who gave the best side eyes of the night. And what’s with the Renner obsession? Just don’t get it, sorry to say. But I will take Jakey, Lenny and Matt Damon just for my time…

  30. Jazz says:

    @city – He’s handcuffed naked to a bed, wearing nothing but a pillow… 🙂

  31. hm says:

    what IS up with the scruffy?!

    i had high hopes for chris pine, who completely channeled rat-pack-old-hollywod at last year’s golden globes. but those guys always shaved, y’know.
    as for his voice – that did sound weird at the oscars. weird indeed, cos i’ve seen interviews where it’s all deep and sexy and goes straight to ones girl parts.