This should be our new game. After we finish playing “Weave, Toupee or Plugs?” with Billy Bob Thornton, we should do Nicolas Cage. For my turn on this one, I’m going to say plugs. It doesn’t look like a toupee to me, just because I think I see the hair follicles man-handled into Billy’s scalp. And it’s definitely not a weave, because there was nothing to “weave” that sh-t into before. So, Billy got plugs. So much for being hardcore. So much of being artist. Now he’s just some old dirt bag who gets plugs and dyes them an extravagant chestnut color.

Do you think Angelina Jolie lays in bed at night looking at Brad Pitt’s ugly goat beard and thinking to herself “It could totally be worse”? Because she could have stayed married to this.

Now, of course, Billy did used to be cool, in my opinion. I loved him in the 1990s, and even in the early part of the first decade. Monster’s Ball anyone? I even loved Bandits (more for La Blanchett). But then he and Angelina split and he began focusing on his “music” and everything went downhill. Not even his solid performance in Eagle Eye (and that was a surprisingly good action movie) had me liking him again. Of course, this happened too. Douche. So now we have the hair plugs as instant-visual-indicator of his grossness.

I think this one is my favorite:

Is that Billy’s shameface? Or am I being blinded by his wave of shiny brown locks?

Sidenote: I wrote this whole damn thing, and it just now occurred to me who Billy reminds me of! For all of the Arrested Development fans – remember when Tobias (David Cross) got hair plugs, and his hair kept getting stronger at the expense of his health? David Cross with that ridiculous hair piece (that bled!), that’s what Billy reminds me of!

Billy Bob Thornton at Showest in Las Vegas on March 18, 2010. Credit: WENN.