I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s worth repeating: I am in love with John Malkovich. He was the very first actor that I had a truly erotic crush on when I was just a girl. And the Malkovich love has stayed with me, even though he’s turned into a grumpy old bastard. Scratch that – a deliciously grumpy old bastard. He’s still fabulous, and part of the reason is that Malkovich is truly a genius actor. He’s great in everything he does, even his “sellout” movies – ConAir, anyone? That being said, I hate to see him sell out, just because I want him to just be erotic, and dangerous, and horribly sleazy, like in my fantasies. But he lost a lot of money with Bernie Madoff, so I was prepared to see My Malky sell out some more. And sell out he shall! He’s just signed on for Transformers 3. No joke. With Megan Fox (oh crap, he‘s already working with Megan on Jonah Hex, DAMN IT). Oh, Jesus… oh, that’s not even the half of it! Frances McDormand has signed on too! What the f-ck?

Longtime readers of this site know that we’re big fans of John Malkovich and his work. Dangerous Liaisons, The Object of Beauty, that great Volker Schlöndorff production of Death of a Salesman… not to mention Being John Malkovich, which raised the interesting question, “What does it mean to be John Malkovich?” Then there’s the other stuff—Beowulf, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and more other titles than I care to think about—that raises the question, “What the hell does it mean to be John Malkovich?” The mystery deepens with news that Malkovich has signed on for Transformers 3.

This from Michael Bay’s blog: “On the talent front, we just locked in Frances McDormand and John Malkovich. Both amazing actors I’ve always wanted to work with. We also just got Ken Jeong—he is the superfunny actor stuck in the trunk from Hangover and the Doctor from Knocked Up.”

I guess Malkovich had nowhere else to go, once that Vulture deal for Spiderman 4 fell through. Really, though—Malkovich ought to know better, and so should Frances McDormand. (“Actor stuck in the trunk” is still building his resumé, so he’s off the hook.) I can only assume that Bay has compromising video of both Malkovich and McDormand, possibly together. Although that would still be less embarrassing than appearing in Splodeybots 3: The Legend Continues.

[From Agent Bedhead]

I agree with Bedhead’s conclusion that Bay must have something really incriminating on both Frances and Malky. Or would both of them jump at the chance to have their names attached to a film that will clear $200 million internationally in two weeks? My Frances is better than that, but I have to admit, My Malky might not be better than that. Frances must want a summer home or something. Malky will probably blow his Transformers paycheck on shoes and various erotic leather goods (in my dreams).