Though I am now a very happy writer, I have a degree in criminal justice. And though writing and the law don’t exactly go hand in hand, sometimes the two intersect in a blissful moment I like to call “JayBird’s nirvana.” Though I tend to use my real name when talking to myself, because talking to myself under my pseudonym would be absolutely unstable. Today William Bratton, L.A.P.D. Police chief, responded to the propositioned paparazzi law proposed by Councilman Dennis Zine. Zine wants to protect our beloved celebrities from the aggressive paparazzi. And while he has a point, Chief Bratton’s response was absolutely priceless.

What we need is Britney Spears to stay home instead of traipsing all over town. That would solve the problem. We don’t need additional laws…. I’ve got laws coming out my ears to deal with this issue.

What you have is several young women in this town and several young men basically making fools of themselves and tying up not only my resources but the resources of the media that would do better covering legitimate stories instead of a bunch of airheads running around out there….

Quite clearly some of these characters so favored by the paparazzi are clearly in need of services. Not police services, but psychiatric services.

[From the Huffington Post]

That’s one of the many things I love about those in law enforcement: they have a way of cutting through the bullshit and just saying it. I realize he didn’t technically say Britney Spears needs psychiatric services, as that would be a bit irresponsible. But the implication was pretty clear – and he’s totally right. Britney courts the paparazzi. That in and of itself might be a sign of instability and a sign she needs help. It’s obviously hard to speak for all celebs and what they go through with photographers. But the people that are most hogging police services are the ones who most court the attention. She needs to stay home and stop spending hours and hours each day driving around aimlessly, causing traffic jams and running red lights. And maybe listen to that suggestion about some psychiatric help too.

Note: Celebitchy and I were working on this story at the same time. Here is her take on it – it’s a little more analytical, thoughtful, and compassionate, because that’s how she rolls.

---

The LAPD police chief blames the celebrity “victims” for the paparazzi problems in his city. Chief William Bratton said there is no need for a proposed law that would create a zone of personal space around people of interest to the media, and blames the celebrities themselves for courting the attention. He said that if Britney just stayed home instead of “traipsing all over town” she wouldn’t have these problems, and that the celebrities that were most followed were “basically making fools of themselves.” He added that many of “these characters… are clearly in need of [psychiatric services]”

Britney went out without underwear twice this week, so the police chief does have a somewhat valid argument. He says that celebrities are “traipsing around” though, when many of them are just trying to do things that we all do like shopping or going out to dinner, but in the Hollywood fishbowl where everything is captured for our greedy consumption. I think the issue is not that the celebrities should be made prisoners in their own homes, something that Britney has complained about after her father took control of her affairs, but that there are so many damn paparazzi where they live who are following them around.

Maybe this guy should just tell the celebrities to move and take their tax money with them. In his mind it’s probably just a handful of people causing all the problems anyway and he could be right. It’s all Britney/Lohan/Paris/Brangelina in the photos and the gossip rags.

A decent solution might be that the paparazzi are just allowed to stay outside certain nightclubs and restaurants, with the permission of the owners and management. They can also come to other locations if a celebrity or their rep calls and invites them. The paparazzi wouldn’t be allowed to follow and stalk celebrities, or to stake out their homes, gyms, or grocery stores. That way, if people want to get their picture taken they can show up at the Ivy for lunch or call the paparazzi and tell them where they are.

You can sort of point fingers at Paris, Britney, and Lohan for the photographers that swarm them, but it’s gotten so out of hand that it sounds too simplistic to say they’re the cause of all the paparazzi problems in that city. You certainly can’t blame them for the media focus on celebrities. Some of them love the attention but it’s not like they have much control over it, unless they take off their panties and flash us like Britney does.

Britney Spears is shown shopping at the Forever 21 store at the Beverly Center. That explains a lot of her clothing choices. Images thanks to WENN.