CB and I were just chatting about whether I would ever get a chance to interview (re: have sex with, phone or otherwise) Gerard Butler. I’m getting geared up to actually place a call to his publicist at some point, just for the hell of it, to see if Gerard would actually speak to me. I joked that I would shout into the phone, to the publicist: “Will Gerard do me?!?!?” But seriously, Gerard’s publicist, if you want a sycophantic interview done by a girl who is in love with your client, call me (or e-mail, or just send Gerard to my house).

Anyway, I’m thinking about how much I love him because this interview he did in Parade is really funny, as usual. I know some people think he’s an a-hole, and a pervert, but those are qualities that I really enjoy, and I really love how un-politically correct he is. The whole piece is about Gerard’s voice work in How To Train Your Dragon, and it has maybe the best sub-head ever: “Facing his own dragon.” If I ever came face-to-face with Gerard’s dragon… mmm….

Gerard Butler butted heads with Jennifer Aniston in the romantic comedy The Bounty Hunter, and now he’s hunting fierce, fire-breathing creatures in the animated flick How to Train Your Dragon.

Butler and The Late Late Show’s Craig Ferguson provide the voices for a pair of Vikings. Butler explained to Parade.com’s Jeanne Wolf why they were cast for their Scottish accents and made a confession about his off-set relationship with Aniston. But don’t take it too seriously — he’s just unleashing his irrepressible Scottish wit!

The “Late Late Show” review.
“I remember Craig calling me when he’d just seen a bit of it and he was so genuinely excited that he was screaming, ‘I’ve just seen some of the movie! It’s better than Lord of the Rings! It’s incredible!’ Of course, he was screaming in a Scottish accent so I was probably the only one who could have understood him.”

So what’s up with Vikings sounding Scottish?
“Up in the north of Scotland, a lot of the villages have completely Viking names. A lot of Vikings came down and settled in Scotland and in Ireland. And those that went back north took plenty of us with them, mostly the chicks. In Iceland, they say that, like, fifty percent of their bloodline is Celtic blood from the females that their Viking ancestors stole from us. So that’s why my country has only got dogs left… Stop! I was being funny. It was a joke! I’ll never be let back in Scotland again.”

Why he was still working long after the rest of the cast.
“I am a bit of a perfectionist, and I wasn’t happy with my performance. Nobody wanted me to go and do all my lines again. They said, ‘It’s great. We love it.’ But the thing is, I know what I’m capable of and I knew that I could give it more layers. I just knew that I could bring more into the story after finally seeing the film in its entirety. So they were like, ‘Well that’s cool. We’ll watch it together and you can pick out lines here and there that you want to redo.’ And I said, ‘I’ll watch the movie. But let me pick out lines that I don’t want to redo. So we literally spent two days going through the whole movie and I re-recorded, like, ninety percent of my lines.”

Maybe this isn’t good for his reputation.
“Some people may think that I’m a nut job who needs to get a life. Look, I take my craft very seriously and I want to do the best job. I’m still bothered by scenes that I did in 2002 that didn’t go the way that I wanted them to go, where I felt that magic moments were missed. I know that I had a chance and it’s gone forever. It really bothers me a lot. It doesn’t even have to be my character. It could be somebody else’s character. I don’t want to see anybody lose a magic moment. So maybe I should get a life, but I can’t help myself. I really do care.”

Facing his own dragon.
“You know, what I’m scared of, honestly — more than anything — is myself. I’m so unpredictable and I never know where I’m going to go next. And despite knowing that, it doesn’t stop the unpredictability. I think I’ve spent more time in my life going, ‘Oh, Gerry. Don’t go there, don’t be that.’ Everything else in life I can kind of deal with the random nature of it all and take the curveballs that life throws at me. I’m the only problem there is.”

What stopped his walk down the aisle with Jennifer Aniston.
“In The Bounty Hunter, there’s a scene where Jen and I are getting married. I happened to have my cellphone with me and at a crucial moment in the vows my mom actually called me. So I fished it out of the pocket of my tuxedo and I was like, ‘Hello, Mom. Listen, I’m a bit busy. I’m marrying Jennifer Aniston right now.’ But Jen took the phone and insisted on talking to her, which was very funny. It was a great way for my mom to meet and have a chat with Jen and they really bonded. And they we were like, ‘We have to hang out.'”

And it looks like they are.
“At the premiere, my mom just couldn’t wait to meet Jen. They got on so well that they want to do everything together now. My mom is a golfer and so is Jen and they’re going to play together. And she wants her to come to Scotland so she can show her the sights.”

Any truth to the real-life rumors that he and Aniston are tying the knot?
“Absolutely.” [Let the record show that Gerard answered while flashing a sly Scottish grin.]

[From Parade]

For all of the jokes, I actually do think Gerard is probably a brooding, moody dude. He just puts himself out there as a good-time partier, and maybe he is sometimes, but I also think this is a dude with a lot of darkness in him. I mean, there’s a reason he’s 40 years old and not married. And it’s not just because he’s kind of a manwhore. It’s because he’s dark and mysterious and I’m the only one who understands him. Right?