The screenwriter responsible for that turkey of a scifi film, Battlefield Earth, has penned a humorous essay for the NY Post explaining how the film came about and how it turned into the Razzie’s “Worst Movie of The Decade.” Writer J.D. Shapiro is candid and funny in his explanation of how Battlefield Earth came to suck so thoroughly. The film is based on a novel by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, and Shapiro got involved with Scientology hoping that it would help him score chicks. It didn’t, (Peaches Geldof wasn’t of age yeat) and he ended up writing what he admits was the “suckiest” movie of all time. As for Shapiro’s experience with Scientology, he says he didn’t take it seriously and he didn’t get any fallback from the cult. He also says that the resulting film won’t serve to indoctrinate anyone to the best of his knowledge. Roger Ebert perhaps summed it up best “As far as I could determine, [Battlefield Earth] contains no examples of Scientology or any other system of thought. Just a lot of unpleasant creatures scowling at each other.”

Here’s some of Shapiro’s essay, with more at the source.

On how he got involved with Scientology
It started, as so many of my choices do, with my Willy Wonker.

It was 1994, and I had read an article in Premiere magazine saying that the Celebrity Center, the Scientology epicenter in Los Angeles, was a great place to meet women.

Willy convinced me to go check it out. Touring the building, I didn’t find any eligible women at first, but I did meet Karen Hollander, president of the center, who said she was a fan of “Robin Hood: Men in Tights.” We ended up talking for over two hours. She told me why Scientology is so great. I told her that, when it comes to organized religion, anything a person does to reward, threaten and try to control people by using an unknown like the afterlife is dangerous.

Nonetheless, Karen called me a few days later asking if I’d be interested in turning any of L. Ron Hubbard’s books into movies. Eventually, I had dinner with John Travolta, his wife Kelly Preston, Karen — about 10 Scientologists in all. John asked me, “So, J.D., what brought you to Scientology?”

I told him. John smiled and replied, “We have tech that can help you handle that.” I don’t know if he meant they had technology that would help me get laid or technology that would stop Willy from doing the majority of my thinking.

I researched Scientology before signing on to the movie, to make sure I wasn’t making anything that would indoctrinate people. I took a few courses, including the Purification Rundown, or Purif. You go to CC every day, take vitamins and go in and out of a sauna so toxins are released from your body. You’re supposed to reach an “End Point.” I never did, but I was bored so I told them I had a vision of L. Ron. They said, “What did he say?” “Pull my finger,” was my response. They said I was done…

But if you’re reading this to get the dirt on Scientology, sorry, no one ever tried to force me to do anything.

Even after all the “trouble” I’d gotten into, people at the church liked me, so I read “Battlefield Earth” and agreed to come up with a pitch to take to studios.

My script was very, VERY different than what ended up on the screen. My screenplay was darker, grittier and had a very compelling story with rich characters. What my screenplay didn’t have was slow motion at every turn, Dutch tilts, campy dialogue, aliens in KISS boots, and everyone wearing Bob Marley wigs.

[From The NY Post]

As for how the gritty script with well developed characters turned into the campy mess that resulted, Shapiro claims that’s all due to ‘ole L. Ron himself, whose copious notes on how the Battlefield movie should be executed were ultimately incorporated into the film. Shapiro said he didn’t even want to put his name on the script and tried to use a pseudonym, but that his agent convinced him to do it for the money. Shapiro has also written Robin Hood: Men in Tights and is now working on a King Arthur spoof called 524 AD. After Battlefield Earth came out, he either took an long hiatus or just failed to get anything made. IMDB has no credits listed to his name between 2000 and 2008. The guy sure has a good attitude about the film that helped tank his career.

Roger Ebert reviews Battlefield Earth:

Images thanks to AllMoviePhoto