NY Post gossip columnist Cindy Adams has penned a really off the rails rant on how women are unjustified in filing sexual harassment charges for basically any reason. According to Cindy, she had to deal with men laying their hands on her inappropriately and she kept her mouth shut so everyone else should too. This is an antiquated and dangerous denial of something that is illegal, invasive and has damaging life-altering effects on little girls and women. That sentence was really long winded but I’m so pissed off by this that I’m having trouble getting my damn point across.
Adams doesn’t even temper her obnoxious remarks with concern for the victims of sexual abuse nor does she try to make a distinction between sexual harassment and sexual abuse. (Not like that would make her comments any less offensive, but at least she would be trying to clarify them.) In fact one of the examples Adams gives of sexual harassment, of a doctor fondling her at the age of 10, sounds like sexual abuse. She reasons that since she was able to fend off her attackers and keep silent other women should too. God, I’m so glad that we’re no longer living in an era where that is the only acceptable way of dealing with sexual abuse. It’s sad and pathetic that old biddies like this still condemn other women for speaking out against something they felt powerless to change:
New York 1’s ex-reporter Adele Sammarco. Lost her sexual harassment case. Is left with a hefty lawyer’s bill (an unhefty lawyer’s bill doesn’t exist) and won’t be fielding TV offers unless to fix a neighbor’s set. All because her breasts were made fun of and some unwanted snake soul-kissed her, sticking his tongue down to her navel.
She’s in her 40s. Hey, we’ve all been there. Those things happened to every one us in our earlier days. But that was before the world became so litigious. We’ve each endured some too tight hug or some slob whose hand wandered where it shouldn’t.
Deal with it. That’s what we did in our younger, prettier days. Dealt with it. In some cases, sticking a pen in the guy’s lower belly and whispering politely, “Try that again, pal, and you’ll have to go to Emergency to pee,” worked just fine.
I was maybe 10. In a highly respected elderly doctor’s Upper East Side examination room. My mom had left for one second. His hands began examining what wasn’t there for examining. I pushed him away and never mentioned it to a soul. Not anybody. Until now. And I still remember his name.
I was maybe 16. The office of a theatrical agent who had a Tiffany reputation. He took me into a private room to test my voice. And what he looked to test was not my voice. I pushed him off and never mentioned it to anyone. Until now. And I still remember his name.
In whichever way we chose, we dealt with it. Calling a lawyer to say, “I’m suing because this guy laid his hands on me”? Oh, please, if that’s his only part he laid on you, get some nail extensions and inform Larry Lothario next time you’ll rake him like the leaves.
Deal with it.
Today sexual harassment’s against the law. But everything except crooked politicians and thieving bankers seems against the law. Three hardhat construction guys whistling at a girl whose dress is too low, too tight, too short could suddenly find themselves in Solitary Confinement. Our mayor outlaws whatever he doesn’t do. So, no smoking. No sugar, no salt, no carbs, no fats. One day he’ll declare sex is verboten. Until then — deal with it.
[From The NY Post]
I’m all for free speech but someone at the f’cking NY Post should have told Cindy Adams that there’s no way that they were publishing this piece. Doesn’t she have a goddamn editor, and if so, does that a**hole agree with this? This is outrageous. This is the same paper that ran an editorial cartoon comparing Obama to an ape so I guess we can’t expect much more from them.
Cindy’s sentiments remind me a lot of Helen Mirren’s statements on date rape. Mirren said that she didn’t think women could take men to court if they committed date rape and called it “one of the many subtle parts of the men/women relationship that has to be negotiated and worked out between them.” She later said that female juries on rape cases wouldn’t convict because “they’re sexually jealous.” Thank goodness that we have legal options now and that antiquated ideas like these are no longer the norm. Maybe we should feel sorry for people like Helen Mirren and Cindy Adams. Terrible things happened to them and the only way that they can make sense of it is to reason that other women should have no recourse against their attackers, either.
It is long past due for this antiquarian to retire. Wonder if she would be okay with her daughters being sexually molested. Would she tell them to suck it up? Would she be okay with her sons being sexual predators? Gotta love it when a woman turns on her own kind.
New York Post = consider the source.
Cindy Adams is still around?!! *lol*
She is nothing but an old gossiper and should never be taken seriously. Again, consider the source.
“Deal with it”, exactly -and that’s what litigation is there for, -to deal with it (instead of stabbing folks with pens as she suggested/condoned).
Cindy Adams ought to be sh!t-canned immediately.
I do feel sorry for Cindy Adams. She’s a victim, brought up in an era and an environment where women expected to be abused and were expected to put up with it. Just how damaging that was is evident from the hatefulness of her comments.
She never knew she could ask for help, she never knew she didn’t HAVE to put up with it, and now she’s lashing out at everyone who has the choice she was never told she had. Isn’t it telling that she more than once states, “I still remember his name”? As if acknowledging the seriousness of these crimes, and their irrevocable effect on the victim, even as she tries to dismiss them. (What if a grandchild of hers was molested by the doctor as she was herself? Would she sue or would she simply slap the kid and say, “ah, grow up”?)
Of course, that’s really no excuse; this is 2010 and if she hasn’t come to terms with the advance of gender politics then she should probably continue to keep her misogynistic mouth shut for the good of us all.
That crazy old bat would probably tell a rape victim, “Shit happens. Deal with it.”
The story about the doctor wasn’t about sexual harassment but rather pedophilia. I wonder what happened to all of the other little girls left alone with that creep? I think Cindy Adams is just jealous she didn’t have the balls to take anyone to court. or maybe she had climbed her career ladder via the sofa too many times and was afraid of that info leaking out.
Celebitchy, you know that the NY Post is owned by News Corp, right? The same right-wingers that own Fox News (Faux Noise). This is exactly how they’d like the world to be: if the women were in the kitchen where they belonged, they wouldn’t be getting harassed at work. So sad this was printed in a NY paper.
As a rape victim, as a woman, as a logical human being, I find this morally repugnant and socially irresponsible. I am thankful that women are speaking up and speaking out against their attackers. It is the silence and “deal with it” attitude that make rape victims ashamed to be named, instead of proudly pointing to their attacker and saying, “This sick fuck raped me, and I will tell everyone what he did to me.”
Deal with it? After my rape, I kept quiet, ashamed, and afraid of what people would say. That I deserved it. That I asked for it. That by being raped I was a slut. I had a complete breakdown, and after intensive therapy was finally able to admit what happened, and get control of my life again.
The worst part of recovery, immediately after coming out about the rape, I was slurred constantly. My mother asked me if I had dressed provocatively that night. My classmates told me I was too cocky, and any man would shove it in me to shut me up. Controlling my emotions, and speaking politely to the detracters was instrumental in my recovery. And I helped show people a face of rape they hadn’t seen before.
Cindy Adams is a person with personal problems that she needs to have checked out. Her “silence” and deal-with-it attitude not only hurts her, but hurts all victims of sexual abuse and harrassment.
I’m not even going to touch Cindy’s rant because I think there are other issues going on there. I will say this though, sexual harrassment or any kind of harrassment on the job is wrong BUT there are FALSE reports from employees who are looking for a quick payout. There are employees who specifically set out to set up their bosses or other coworkers on false charges. I think that topic should be looked into more from the media.
Those are the type of people who I feel are the ones who would cry sexual harrasment if a new employee journeyed into the wrong tendered restroom or something silly like that. The ones who cry wolf always make it worse for the ones who are trully being harrassed. Those are the ones who should stfu.
It’s only fitting that the NY Post would publish such a disgusting rant. Cindy Adams is basically telling girls and women NOT to empower themselves and instead to just hide and suppress.
She’s misguided and dangerous in her assertions, not to mention misogynistic:
“Three hardhat construction guys whistling at a girl whose dress is too low, too tight, too short could suddenly find themselves in Solitary Confinement.”
So, she’s basically saying it’s the woman’s fault for not covering herself enough. The poor man just can’t help himself.
She’s a dangerous and blithering fool, much like her vile employer Rupert Murdoch.
This article does seem a bit of an overreaction to her former coworker’s lawsuit, implying she feels the claims made in the suit are trumped up. Frivolous litigation is indeed the sand in the gears of our economy and I think that is what she is really trying to say here. Taken with the proverbial (huge in this case) grain of salt, I do think the perspective she conveys has value as relates to, for example, almost every famewh*re Gloria Allred ever represented. I do not think it is an endorsement of suffering.
If I remember right, Cindy’s husband died a few years ago. She hasn’t been right ever since, not that she didn’t have a tinge of crazy before, but since he died, she’s really been off the rails, bordering on needing a 5150 intervention. It’s sad to see, I don’t know why her bosses are letting her go on, except I guess it keeps drawing an audience in.
Even she’s said, all she has is her dogs, she won’t even tolerate other people anymore.
this crazy old bat should keep her trap shut. that is all.
Three hardhat construction guys whistling at a girl whose dress is too low, too tight, too short could suddenly find themselves in Solitary Confinement.
Wow! Just wow! I bet she justifies rape by saying the girl was tease and that she when she said “no”, she really meant “yes”.
Ugh. Disgusting.
I worked for the NY Post and got the exact same treatment, it’s a complete Good Ol’ Boys club. I ended up quitting and contacting their legal dept, for all the good it did.
The Post is her bread-and-butter, that’s why she’s taking this stand. As a rule, I love her outspokenness and fearlessness to tell it like it is and express an unpopular decision, but she needs to STFU on this subject.
Maybe she’s mad nobody wants to sexually harass her anymore.
oh my god! i can’t believe there are women out there who think like that. does it not occur to them that they have a moral responsibility to report shit like that to protect OTHER women from the same trauma. that disgusts me. what about all the other little girls who were molested by that doctor? i mean i understand a 10 year old being too frightened to say anything but to imply that to stay quiet was a GOOD thing to do is irresponsible and morally bereft
who is this creepy old hag exactly, and why is anything she says relevant?
is this bitch for real? and i dont think she ‘dealt with it’ since she vividly remembers these assholes names, and yeah threatening a guy physically will ‘scare him oh so much’. i cant believe this stupid frustrated narrow minded sexist c*nt.
Everyone overreacts.
My former workplace ran a seminar on sexual harassment that all supervisors were required to attend. The definitions of what actually constitutes sexual harassment were all over the place. Some people (almost all men) said it’s only sexual harassment if it’s a demand for a quid pro quo (sex in exchange for a promotion or a good evaluation). Other people said whatever makes the recipient feel uncomfortable (suggestive remarks, “elevator eyes”, etc).
Actually, I’d say a good rule is: if you wouldn’t want somebody doing it to your sister, your mother, your girlfriend or your wife, don’t do it.
_________________________________________________
@K: You came through the most horrendous experience I can think of. Stay strong.
_________________________________________________
@MissBitch: overreacts to what?
Robert Blake in drag
@K – Beautifully, beautifully stated. I’m in tears reading what you had to go through but I’m also incredibly inspired by your obviously fierce spirit and strength. Thank you for sharing that.
She doesn’t know what she is talking about, and furthermore looks like a bloody trainwreck. That hair! The “hat” and that coat thing? OY …
This lady writes for a living???
Someone needs to explain to her what a fragment is.
Not speaking up & taking action allows & gives permission to these men (& women) to continue their abuse and create more victims.
@ K: I am truly humbled by your courage. Thank you for fighting the good fight.
As for Cindy, honestly, I feel sorry for her. Clearly, she has a lot of trauma, misogyny, and outdated social politics to overcome, and I truly hope she does so. I hope this serves as a lesson to her. Gender politics used to be horrific, and it’s still pretty bad, clearly. Staying silent as though this is somehow just a woman’s cross to bear is so many kinds of wrong and asinine, I can’t even begin to address it.
One more thing: as far as frivolous sexual harassment lawsuits go, I am sure there are a few women who are setting bosses or coworkers up to cash in. Just like Tiger’s mistresses, and Jesse James’ hos, there are always women who lack the self-esteem, judgment, and career savvy to “get ahead” any other way. So what? Does that mean that women with legitimate complaints need to stifle them? Any system has people “working it”, so that argument is really moot. Also, having had pseudo-harassment experiences myself, I have done a cost-benefit analysis of my options, and have not pursued any recourse because the issues were gray areas (unseemly comments and such) and not really worth the trouble in my estimation. I think most women think things through in a similar manner. I think very few frivolous lawsuits are filed since most women know that the consequences of a false complaint (or even a true complaint that isn’t that serious) isn’t worth the trouble.
When I was 15, I was raped. I stayed silent. I told my best friend, no one else.
I became suicidal over the next year and lived in hell, trying to bury what happened but becoming a miserable wreck in the process. I had no self-esteem, I cried myself to sleep every night, and I still didn’t tell.
Why? Because I was young and naive. I didn’t want to ruin the guy’s future or reputation (never mind, of course, that he had ruined my life, my sense of safety in the world, my will to live). I didn’t think I’d be believed. I wasn’t sure if it was really rape, because he was my boyfriend at the time (never mind, of course, that I said no, twice. Not that this is even necessary; if you don’t get consent , it’s rape). I was afraid that my parents would be devastated that their little girl had been hurt this way.
It took me five years to open up to a therapist about this. Suddenly I’m a confident person again. Suddenly I look people in the eye when I speak to them. Suddenly I stand up for myself.
Cindy Adams is a f*cking moron and it’s because of people like her that women are silenced and left to suffer the emotional wounds of sexual abuse alone and isolated. This isn’t something you just “get over”. I will never simply “get over” it, and she should be ashamed of herself for trying to shut me up. Her age is no excuse for her opinion – what’s wrong is wrong. And what she is saying is most definitely WRONG.
I agree with you K; more of us need to stand up and identify ourselves. I am not ashamed, I didn’t ask to be raped. I want to share my story with anyone who will listen, and I want any woman reading this to know that she should never feel like she has to stay silent.
HELEN MIRREN thinks date rape is ok???? Or rather, it’s a matter between two people and we shouldn’t talk about it?? WTF? Rape is rape! I really thought she was cool.
Is this like Date Rape not really qualifying as Rape?
I do understand where Cindy is coming from. I am not as old as her; but I made a successful career amongst men, and harrassment was a way of life. There were no legal avenues for this “good old boys” method of doing business with women. As a women, playing along while holding your own was HOW you became a successful business woman. Now we have all the predator women who cry wolf—RACHEL UCHITEL, anyone? And they are getting paid and getting famous for their unconscionable behavior. And this is the outcome of sexual harrassment litigation—it swings open for the honest as well as the dishonest. Us older women who had to fight, and endure, with polite but firm smiles, paved the way for these other women to also make it. But when they make it by manipulation, it hurts all women.
April, I am so very sorry for what you had to go through. Maybe you have heard this before, but people trying to insinuate that a victim may have provoked an attack are using a defense mechanism. It is hard for people to believe that the bad stuff that happened to you could happen to them as well. People don’t like to think of their worlds as uncertain/uncontrollable. So they try to pin some behavior on you that makes it your fault. Therefore, if they just avoid whatever your supposed behavior was, then it can never happen to them.
I think rape is the worst crime on the planet. I think rapists should get the death penalty. It is an unspeakable act and you are so strong to have survived it.
She is SPOT ON!
Litigation has ruined the world.
Get over it, process and move on, couldn’t have said it better. I was fired while I was pregnant, due to being pregnant, until then a model employee, but due to the pregnancy a liability. I could have sued, I was guaranteed either my job back, or a cash payout. I chose to find another job, move forward, never looking back. that’s what you should do. Always take the high road. Don’t be a scumbag!
What an idiot.
The whole comparing Obama to an ape thing to me wasn’t racism. Do you know how many cartoons/comics I saw portraying George W Bush as a chimp because of his head shape and ears? God people, quit with the racism cards.
@ Shannon: Thank you for your strength and your voice. Too many women are remaining silent over their abuse, and I’m glad you have come so far to stand up and out for yourself. Keep it up!
@ Jules: Your assertion about the defense mechanisms is absolutely correct. I knew that was the reason my loved ones treated me the way they did, and that others wanted to hang their fear on my actions, which was why I tried so hard to remain calm and speak in depth with them. The difficulty in that, however, is that I was coming out about the rape and was very emotional. So, while intellectually I knew what they were doing, emotionally, it was hell on my emotional state.
@ MaiGirl: Thank you for speaking about your harrassment. It is a sad fact that often times the benefits of filing lawsuit or complaint against a sexual harrasser is often times more trouble than beneficial to the filer.
@ Sudini: I didn’t mean to make you cry! Thank you for your kind words.
@ Cheyenne: Thank you for your support. And you be strong too!