CB previewed Sarah “Fergie” Ferguson’s appearance on Oprah in a post yesterday morning (in a post about Fergie blaming the liquor), but I just have to talk about how crazy Fergie was now that I watched the full one-hour interview. Does anyone else think that Fergie did not help her case whatsoever with her appearance? Granted, she wasn’t Rielle Hunter-batsh-t-crazy, but she was still intensely dumb and oblivious. Exactly what turned me off about Fergie only occurred to me about halfway through the interview – she was wallowing in self-pity (“I think I’ve been a huge over-trusting idiotic stupid woman.”), but hiding it behind a veneer of being honest and straight-forward and taking the blame. She made “taking the blame” sound like a monumental achievement, when it’s like “Uh, who else should take the blame, Fergie? You did it.” I’m still flabbergasted that no one is really talking about a potential criminal investigation into the bribing scandal. Do you think Prince Andrew had to diffuse that one?

There were two points that stuck with me as being the most blatant lies – one, that this was all happening because Fergie wanted to “help” a friend who needed $38,000 (when Fergie asked for $40,000 upfront and a $700,000 wire transfer), and two, that Fergie had never done anything like this before. I’m not Eyes For Lies or Tim Roth on Lie To Me, but even I could see Fergie’s blatant lie when she answered that question. She’s a horrible liar, just shifty as hell. Princess Diana was so much better at everything!

Anyway, many of the reviews of Fergie’s performance are less than stellar, to say the least. The interview is even getting significant play across the pond, where The Telegraph declared that “Fergie’s bizarre defense of her actions in an undercover sting video, frequently in third person, did nothing to dispel the feeling that she has lost complete control of her image. Much of the interview had an absurdist quality to it.” The Baltimore Sun’s media critic also had problems with Fergie’s bizarre use of the third person:

After seeing the Oprah interview today, I have no empathy for the Duchess of York. She is as good at rationalizing away accountability and guilt as Edwards and Hunter combined — and I think Edwards is one of the lowest forms of life on this planet.

Ferguson said that she only met with the businessman because she had a friend who “urgently needed” $38,000. That seemed to take even Oprah aback.

But the strangest thing about the interview was Ferguson’s attempt — or maybe ability — to disassociate herself from the person in the film who is shown peddling influence with all the sleaze the term suggest.

“Actually, I feel really sorry for her,” Ferguson says of the person on the screen, who happens to be her. “She looks exhausted…It’s sad.”

And when Oprah says to Ferguson that it’s “interesting” (as only Oprah can something is “interesting”) that she speaks of herself in the third person that way, Ferguson launches into a psych-talk spiel about how she spent her whole life trying to be “perfect, and she acted the way she did in part because she had been “on the road” for months and “working so hard.”

A lot of us get exhausted and work real hard, Sarah, but we don’t try to sell access to our ex for a bag with $40,000 cash in it and a pledge from our new business friend that he will wire another 500,000 pounds to our bank account at a future date. Oprah, who is a very good interviewer, asked her about the extra 500,000 pounds.

“I just took a long shot,” Ferguson said.

At least, Ferguson didn’t put it in the third person and say, “That poor, exhausted, but generous woman who only met with that sleazy reporter because a friend needed $38,000 just took a long shot.”

[From The Baltimore Sun]

Ha! Was Fergie using “the royal we”. Allegedly, Queen Elizabeth speaks of herself as “we”. As in, “We are not amused” when she means “I am not amused.” Honestly, though, I don’t think Fergie was putting on airs or trying to act royal when she spoke about herself in the third person. I think she was dissociating to elicit the viewers pity. “Oh, look at the poor old thing.” And we’re all supposed to say, “Oh, no, you’re fine!” Eh. I don’t think I want her in America. Britain, can you take this psycho grifter back?

Header: Fergie on May 26, 2010. Credit: WENN.