Do you ever think about what Victoria Beckham looks like having sex? Well, you don’t have to. Because I think this new ad – for David and Victoria’s new scent, “Intimately Yours” – tells you everything you need to know about what Vicky is like in bed. She demands perfect lighting. She will wear a full face of heavy makeup. Her hair cannot be touched. And she will probably cut you up with her gigantic jewelry. Forget about David Beckham’s sexiness (meh), the real star of this ad is Vicky’s gigantor rock. Is that a real diamond?!?

But yes, the “sexiness.” Eh… LaineyGossip thinks only David is bringing it, while Michael K thinks the whole thing is reminiscent of “a poodle sniffing on a whippet for the first time at the dog park.” My thoughts? They’re both sexy, only not at the same time. I like the cute little side-eye Vicky gives David at the end. But David is only sexy at the beginning when he‘s giving his vague, dumb expression. A lot of angst and c-ckblocking for just 20 seconds of advertising. Or 20 seconds of boning…? And I really think this would make a better commercial for jewelry, quite honestly. Zales should hire Posh and Becks to do their ads – and the tagline could be “These diamonds are good for stroking, in perfect lighting.”