The royal wedding is about six weeks away. Six. Long. WAITY. Weeks. As such, the royal gossip, both official and unofficial, is in overdrive. In the April issue of Vanity Fair, there is yet another Middleton-related story. I think VF is trying to give People Magazine a run for their royal-arse-kissing money, but I also have to hand it to VF: they’ve got some of the best, bitchiest “unnamed sources” out there. Anyway, in the April VF (the one with Sparkles and the gator, LMAO), there’s a story all about Waity Katy’s parents, and what they think of Kate’s grand WAIT and what Prince William thinks of his soon-to-be in-laws. It’s a great read, and for the full piece, you’ll just have to pick up the magazine. Here’s the press release though:

“It is something they absolutely wanted to do, and William graciously accepted,” a senior aide tells Vanity Fair writer Katie Nicholl, confirming the rumor that the Middletons would be making a six-figure contribution to the royal wedding. Traditionally the royal family alone pays the entire cost.

“At first Carole rather enjoyed the attention,” a family friend tells Nicholl of Kate Middleton’s mother. “She seemed to find the whole thing quite dizzying, but the constant nit-picking in the press did get to her.” But, says neighbor and friend Lynda Tillotson, “in the village we are very protective. There’s a lot of camaraderie towards the Middletons. I think they have coped amazingly well, given the attention…. Carole was in here the other day buying candles and she was in great spirits. She’s a great-looking woman, who is always very relaxed, lively, and outgoing…. Michael is a lovely man, very calm and kind.”

A family friend tells Nicholl that Michael, Kate’s father, has been a stabilizing influence.

“Kate’s feet are still on the ground, largely because of Michael. He doesn’t get too swept up in the grandeur of her new life, and Kate loves him for that. She gets a lot of her characteristics from him.”

It’s these qualities which friends suspect have helped Kate navigate her tumultuous relationship and make her family so appealing to William.

“William loves his holidays with the Middletons because they are so relaxed,” explains a friend. “He’s always saying how much fun Carole is. She’s very young in spirit and a great entertainer. One of her and Michael’s favorite after-dinner party jokes is announcing the flights coming into Mustique in their best air-steward voices as they dine alfresco. It always has William in hysterics.”

According to Nicholl, the Middleton children—Kate, Pippa, and James—are incredibly close, and are often seen out together, thus having earned the nickname “the En Masse Middletons.”

“They queue up like everyone else and pay at the end of the night,” says Michael Evans, who manages a bar in London’s Mayfair. “They let their hair down, but they are always reserved.”

“Pippa has always had high standards,” friends say of Kate’s younger sister. “Ideally her date has to be wealthy and clever, and preferably he’ll have a double-barrel surname. It will help that she is now the most sought-after singleton in London. Pippa’s a great networker, like her mother. At Edinburgh she made sure she hung out with the right crowd.”

And Kate’s brother, James, “is very good-looking and likes to flirt,” says a chum. “He dropped out of Edinburgh, where he was studying English, after a year. He was a big drinker and loved to party, but he was more interested in drinking and going shooting than girls.”

All three siblings have at some time or another worked for Party Pieces, the financially successful company founded by their parents. Lynda Tillotson says, “Carole was the brains behind the business. She knows what she is doing and she knows where she is going.”

The head for business runs in the family. As James has said, “I really want to promote my company, but I have to be careful. I work really hard—we all do, and I love what I do—but I can never talk about my sister.”

[From Vanity Fair]

First of all: It amazes me that the Middletons’ are contributing to the wedding costs, it really does. I’m sure it will buy them some respect from the British taxpayers, as well as the famously penny-pinching Queen, but this is the first time I can recall that the commoner’s family contributed to the cost of a royal wedding. It’s just not done! Poppycock.

Next: Carole sounds like a first-rate social climber. And the really great social climbers will tell you: it’s not about playing favorites or always knowing who the most important person in the room is – it’s about kissing everyone’s ass. And Pippa – more than Kate – sounds like a chip off the ol’ block. From what I’ve been reading about Pippa, she’s the one who would probably enjoy being in Kate’s position much, much more. She just sounds so much more out-going and kiss-assy than her big sister.

And it really sounds like William was attracted to not just Kate, but to her entire family, right? His family was and is so famously dysfunctional, it must be nice for him to marry into such a close-knit, normal family.

Ten bucks says William bones Pippa within three years.

Photos courtesy of WENN.