Yesterday, Us Weekly released what must have been the jackpot millionth cover story involving “Brangelina” and “wedding”. At this point, all of the variations on this theme have been exhausted, but Us Weekly still made the panties of Brangeloonies everywhere a little bit damp when they claimed that the wedding is totally on, and that three different sources told them so. By the way, I read Us Weekly’s cover story last night (the full story), and there was just one hilarious line that really stood out: “Brad and Angelina think large, glitzy weddings are tacky.” According to the gerbils, I suppose. OMG! So Brad thought his first wedding was tacky? And they think the royal wedding was tacky? Imagine what they’ll think of Kim Kardashian’s mess! Anyway, I guess the gerbils must have been on some really intense heroin high (they borrow it from Angie!), because People Magazine is now telling Us Weekly to STFU.

Those distant wedding bells that are supposed to be sounding for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are even further away than you think. Contrary to reports, multiple sources tell PEOPLE the couple won’t be walking down the aisle any time soon.

Calling the latest rumors “false,” one source says, “There is no evidence nor any single truth” to recent published reports that the couple will wed this summer or in the next few months, though the couple remain open to one day tying the knot.

Besides, they are too busy with projects and causes close to their hearts – Pitt on set abroad filming his latest movie, World War Z, and Jolie just returned to Los Angeles, having spent family time with their children on Pitt’s Malta film location.

After shooting, Pitt will be busy with promotion for Moneyball and Cogan’s Trade, and Jolie will put the finishing touches on her directorial debut, In the Land of Blood and Honey.

Last month, in her role as a Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees, Jolie also visited two islands in the southern Mediterranean Sea to highlight the crisis in the region, which is absorbing an unprecedented wave of asylum seekers fleeing starvation and political upheaval in Africa.

Not that the couple seem to be down on the thought of marriage – and a few recent interviews helped fan the rumors.

Jolie, 36, told ABC News last year she and Pitt would get married if their kids – Maddox, 9, Pax, 7, Zahara, 6, Shiloh, 5, twins Knox and Vivienne, 3 – asked them to, saying, “I think it would be hard to say no to the kids.” And Pitt, 47, told USA Weekend, “The kids ask about marriage. It’s meaning more and more to them. So it’s something we’ve got to look at.”

Add to that construction going on at Chateau Miraval, their home in the south of France, as well as the recent passage of gay marriage legislation in New York state (Pitt once said he and Jolie would get married when everyone legally can), and the rumor mill churns away!

[From People]

So it’s not like People Magazine has gotten a hardcore, named-source denial either, they’re just being told by “multiple sources” that Brad and Angelina “have no plans” while Us Weekly’s “multiple sources” keep saying “they do have plans.” My guess is that People Mag wouldn’t have run with the denial unless they got a confirmation somewhere high up the Brangelina food chain (higher than gerbil of doom?!?!).

Lainey posited an interesting theory yesterday about the current round of marriage rumors – Lainey thinks that whether or not they’re actually planning something, they both want people to talk about them getting married, because of the presumptive Oscar campaigns that will be waged. I guess Brad is already thinking ahead to Tree of Life’s Oscar chances? But I don’t think Angelina has anything coming out.

Last thing – I wish we had access to these new photos of Angelina, Shiloh and the Empress exiting LAX yesterday. Empress Z’s shank-face is so magnificent, and Shiloh is just… she’s going to be such a beautiful woman.

Photos courtesy of WENN.