Amber Rose seemed like she was pregnant for a long time. By the time the Grammys rolled around, chica looked like she was about to pop, and sure enough, on February 21st Amber went to the hospital and delivered her first baby, a little boy she and Wiz Khalifa named Sebastian “The Bash” Taylor Thomaz. Wiz’s real last name is Thomaz, by the way. What was interesting (to me) is that leading up to the birth, Amber gave multiple interviews about her plans to have an all-natural home delivery because she wanted those bragging rights. As it turns out, there were some complications and she needed a C-section. Poor Amber!
Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa’s son Sebastian had a plan of his own when it came time for his birth. In an appearance on The Ricki Lake Show on Tuesday, Apr. 30, the 29-year-old model opened up about the Feb. 21 delivery of her first child and how her plan of a home water birth “went down the drain.”
After watching Lake’s film about home births, The Business of Being Born, Rose was so inspired that she decided to have a home water birth as well. “Today was the first day of my home birthing classes,” she tweeted Jan. 13. “No meds, no hospital, just the privacy of my own home. I’m so excited for this experience!”
Rose had a birthing pool, midwives and a doula ready to help her, but at 37 weeks pregnant, the first-time mom-to-be learned that her baby was breech, or feet-first.
“My ideal birth plan was just down the drain,” she said on The Ricki Lake Show. “I tried mugwort, acupuncture and then my last resort was an inversion, which is when you go to the hospital and they manually try to turn your baby,” she revealed. “They push his head down and push his butt up . . . It hurt a lot. It was very painful. I cried.”
But the procedure didn’t work, and Rose accepted that she would have to undergo a C-section to deliver her son. “Of course it wasn’t . . . what we wanted to happen, but as mentally prepared as we were for the home birth, we had to get as prepared for the C-section,” Khalifa, 25, explained in a pre-recorded video clip.
“When I went in I was terrified, shaking. I was so scared,” Rose shared. “But then Wiz came in [and] he just talked to me the whole time.”
Their son, Sebastian “The Bash” Taylor Thomaz, was born on Feb. 21. “All of a sudden we heard Sebastian cry and then we both started crying,” Rose recalled. “We were like, ‘Oh my gosh, our baby’s here!'”
“I feel like I made the right decision,” Rose said. “But I knew right after having a c-section that [with] our next baby I definitely want to have my baby at home.”
I understand how there are so many women who have such strong feelings about giving birth and how it should be natural and simple and too much modernity has ruined the experience for mothers and children, and those are all valid points and they should definitely be part of the larger conversation about childbirth. But it bugs me that Amber really feels like she let herself down when something happened that she had absolutely no control over. Complications happen. Plans change. Modern medicine isn’t always the worst thing. It would have been great if she had been able to give birth at home like she planned but why is her birth experience “less than” because she simply NEEDED to give birth in a hospital with doctors? She had a healthy delivery. Her baby is fine. Isn’t that what should be the most important thing?
Photos of postpartum Amber, courtesy of her Instagram & Fame/Flynet.
Maybe the baby was breech, or maybe she just realized that a home birth is actually incredibly painful and she wasn’t a “tough” as she thought she was…
I’m going with breech. Though vaginal birth is possible, there isn’t always a choice for a natural childbirth if your baby is a breech and won’t turn.
I know you can’t do a natural birth if the baby won’t turn; I’m thankful we have the option of safe, medical intervention. My point is that she made this big deal about how tough she is and how she wasn’t going to wimp out and do a hospital birth but maybe labor was harder than she anticipated. If you’ve never given birth then you don’t know what you’re in for; it’s all well and good to talk a big game about natural birth until you actually start feeling those labor pains. So, as I said, maybe the baby truly was breech or maybe she just realized when it came down to it she didn’t really want a natural birth.
I doubt it. I think when you prepare yourself for what is going to come, you feel more comfortable and in control, than changing plans in the middle of things. I doubt she changed her mind and rushed to the hospital because of the contractions.
I had a natural birth in the hospital (not by choice, the anesthesiologist couldn’t get to me in time) and of course the contractions are bad, but I honestly think I would have been more comfortable at home.
I just went through the same thing. Found out my baby was breech at 36 weeks and was devastated that I’d need a c-section. I tried the home methods and had accupuncture scheduled. Then, I went into labor at 37 weeks and as they stsrted the prep for the emergency c-section, my daughters feet were already out. So I delivered her (naturally – no time for anything) breech. It SUCKED. Thankfully we had a very experienced Dr on call because all the younger drs said they would not even know how to deliver a breech baby.
I think she said somewhere else that it was breech. So she didn’t wimp out, it was a necessity.
Saying this as someone who wimped out the first time I felt my hips stretching and decided right then and there I would be taking all the drugs, please. It was a great experience, and I remember it all very clearly-but without pain.
No offense to anyone, but Amber says the baby was breech in the article.
Um… thank you Kaiser, lol I was reading these comments, thinking…. ‘did I just read a different article than everyone else??’
She did say that her baby was breech, and she tried several methods of trying to get the baby to turn, including inversion.
I can understand the disappointment for someone who is planning a natural birth, to find out they need a c-section, but I don’t think women should be blind-sided by such news. Anyone who is advising someone on their birthing plan (especially a plan for a natural, home birth) should take great care to make sure they are prepared for a change of plans, if complications arise… and that the most important thing is a healthy baby and a healthy mom. 🙂
This was pretty much exactly my experience as well. Months of planning for a natural birth only to find baby was breech at 34 weeks. Very disappointing! Yes, a healthy baby is most important but it’s like training for a marathon only to ride along side it on the day of. No one wants to feel like their body failed them.
I found out my baby was breech at 41 weeks… after I had laboured all night. Next thing I knew I was off to the operating room- so often your birth plan just does NOT go how you planned it. Whatever it takes to get the baby out healthy though 🙂
Funny Lflips, I thought the same thing. I only believe about 40% of what stars say actually happened.
I was due around the same time as Amber and had a similar experience in that I was completely invested in having a natural birth. Then 60 hours of labour later I needed an emergency C-section. My baby is healthy and asleep next to me right now and that IS the most important thing, but at the time I was crushed about my birth experience. I’m still coming to terms with it now, also because my husband wasn’t allowed in the OR.
In hindsight I think that what you say is exactly right, Kaiser, the focus on natural birth being “right” and a medically managed birth being “wrong” is desperately unhelpful. I wish there were louder voices saying that.
Bless Amber, she looks great.
I’ve heard so many stories about women planning natural births at home, and then having to rush to the hospital for a c-section because baby is coming feet first. I wonder what is that all about?
Maybe what’s important is to have the baby in a safe environment. I mean, we have all these things now. No need to go all primitive to prove something. Things can always go wrong. Better be at a place that is equipped for everything. And what matters is that you and your baby are ok!
For the vast majority of us, home *is* equipped with everything we need, just for the record. I have one close friend who just had a wonderful home birth and nine classmates from my birth classes who all had home births. It is becoming more common, and it’s not at all “primitive.” Midwives provide excellent prenatal care.
It should be unheard of in this country that someone would need an emergency csection because of a breech position (emergency csections for other reasons happen aplenty). A seasoned doctor or midwife should know if a child is breech long before we’re in the stage of pushing. Hell, once you’re in labor, doctor’s can usually see and feel the head and you still have plenty of time.
I don’t think people “go all primitive to prove something.” Birth is a natural thing your body can do, and should be able to do without intervention if you choose.
But I’m also a person who is grossed out by boob jobs and Botox, so what do I know?
I don’t know, the idea of home birth still scares me. This source, based of CDC statistics, noted a nearly double neonatal mortality rates for midwives attending home births than for physicians.
http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/index.php/the-tragic-death-toll-of-homebirth/
I did a little reading about the movement after Caroline Lovell, a advocate for the home birth movement died in the process. I understand having freedom to make your own choices but there seems to be a lot of disinformation about home birth and a hostility towards modern medicine.
Your story sounds similar to mine, only my son was overdue and I was induced. I was on a drip for 3 days, forced dilation, had my water broken manually and ended up in the OR after all that. It’s tough to get vacation time in japan so after all the trouble I went to to get my husband to take the day off to witness the birth he ended up waiting in the hall outside. But yeah, my son is healthy and ridiculously happy so that’s fine by me. Just wish someone had told me that the drugs used for inducement are akin to torture, though. I honestly thought I was going to die!
@barhey, thank you. I just had this discussion with an acquaintance who’s a home birth nazi. She is totally against modern medicine including all forms of vaccines (and has her child wear an amber necklace “to remove impurities,” instead of giving him antibiotics). After attempting a home birth with her second she was rushed to the hospital with a severe infection and had to stay there for three weeks due to a pancreatic issue. Apparently she was very near death. I also know of two people who died during home birth. anecdotal , I know, but it’s in line with the evidence you presented and what I’ve read elsewhere.
Oh well! 100% of moms will tell you: make the plan, but be prepared for NOTHING to go ‘right’. Birth is your first real adventure, no lie. You can’t change your mind and you have to power through it.
what the heck does it matter whether it’s a home birth or hospital birth? as long as the baby is born safely, that’s all that matters..geez!
johnanna, the most important thing IS the baby being born healthy, but as someone who had an emergency csection with my first birth and then was told i couldn’t even try a vaginal birth for the second, it was very difficult to accept. i wanted to experience a normal birthing experience and couldn’t. though my kids are healthy and thriving, i still feel a sense of loss over having had them cut out of me instead of pushed out. sometimes we have our little dreams of how things will be and when they don’t turn out that way it can be painful.
As the end game, yes, that is most important. But you can’t knock someone for wanting some sort of say in what happens to their body. It’s like any other patient’s right issue-do what’s best but give every patient all the choices you can.
+1
I’m in a similar situation to a previous poster, I can’t ever attempt a natural birth because of complications with my previous labour. Truthfully, I couldn’t care less.
The romanticisation of labour and ‘the birth experience’ is not only false, but destructive. A healthy, thriving baby is the only success story here. Women being force fed the sense that if they’re not in complete control of a very hectic, very biological process that they somehow failed is nothing short of ludicrous.
Previous posters are discussing how their bodies ‘failed them’. From once you have a happy, healthy child in your arms your body did exactly what it was supposed to. Nothing failed.
exactly!
And telling women that how they feel is wrong is also destructive.
Yup, having your feels validated is the exact same as a woman feeling that she’s a biological failure because she couldn’t predict every aspect of the most intense, chaotic thing the female body can naturally go through and thus be in control of the situation the entire time… Yeah, exactly the same.
It’s just indicative of the female mysogyny that mothers put themselves through. Men aren’t expected to be in complete control during orgasm, but women are now expecting themselves to be able to dictate the terms and conditions of birth. It’s ridiculous.
Maybe its not so much for :bragging rights: despite some stars’ snobbery about it– if I thought it was better for the baby I would do it too. And birth isn’t ‘less’ if its in the hospital, especially when due to necessity though it may lose the warmth and appeal of a non-hospital environment (definitely nothing sentimental about the cold metal furniture and machines). But no, its not for everyone and a large portion of mothers died back in the day due to birthing or complications afterward- so its no small matter, and yes main thing is, that mom and baby are fine in any scenario, and in any environment, that adequate and prepared staff are available!
Amber said in a previous interview that she wanted to do the natural birth thing for the bragging rights, so those are her words.
I agree it’s sad that how the baby is born can almost eclipse the fact that you have a healthy, new baby! But one of my friends had to have an unplanned c section and that was really traumatic for her. It’s been a year since her child was born and she still looks back on it as an awful experience because she just didn’t want to have a c section. So different personalities maybe don’t handle that huge change of plans well. There’s also this guilt of “my body failed me, I feel cheated of this experience.” Sad
I rather assumed that’s what she was saying publicly and that she had other, personal reasons for wanting a natural birth.
And most of the women I know who have had c-sections were fine with them; I definitely found it an alienating experience – numb, literally, to most of what was happening, and for someone with surgery and blood phobia, and absolutely horrific experience. It’s not so much that I was robbed or that my body failed me as it’s just such a bizarre experience.
But I have an adorable toddler now….
Oh I forgot thats what she said and wasnt sure…. ok 😛 And my mom has said similar things. She had to have c-section when my sister was breech(?)- she came down with her back to the outside. I think I was c-section too but not sure why. She said it was all numb and she could feel them grabbing inside of her and pulling something out– made her very sick… 😛
After my son was born, I can’t say enough good things about hospital births. I had a textbook pregnancy and there would have been no red flags going in to stop a home birth but it still would have likely either killed my child or he would have ended up with some disabilities.
Birth is unpredictable and it would be lovely if everyone of them were easy but because it isn’t that way, more women need to think more about the outcome they want for their child and less about their experience. Let go of the control issues.
I also think it is horrible that Amber wants a home VBAC. I am not against VBAC but a home one is so dangerous it borders on negligent.
The women I know weren’t having home births because of “control” issues or because they were seeking “an experience.” They had them because the research they did indicated that it’s the safest, healthiest way to give birth if you are healthy and your pregnancy uncomplicated. At least where I live, home birth midwives are pretty risk averse, and they will transfer when they see a problem.
My son needed the NICU for 8 days and so I will never again be comfortable with the idea of home birth for myself, but the stats actually say that home birth is healthier – even for VBACs. Most cases of uterine rupture are caused by induction or by the use of pitocin to speed labor.
She ought to be careful with that VBAC. The only women I know who have done that only did because they had some terrible, awful experience on the first go-round.
The data on home births being safer is not accurate and extremely bias. The fact is most births happen in hospitals and the baby is likelier to get an infection there. Also, if you’re giving birth in a hospital maybe something went wrong in the home birth you originally scheduled. That fun fact is not considered.
Women shame others into doing home births and if something goes wrong the women will guilt themselves into depression. It’s terrible and those biased reports help no one except those pushing their own agenda. Truth is you never know if your baby will be healthy or not. If your labor will be easier or hard. Women planning for home births tend to exercise more and eat healthier. That makes everything easier.
If 99% of the pop gives birth in a hospital and those women range from somewhat healthy to doritos all pregnancy against 1% of extremely healthy people who have home births ofcourse 1 seems safer than the other. Those home births that go south though and have to go into the hospital are marked down as hospital births. When you force all the bad data to the other side it’s bias.
I rambled a bit, but this topic is the root of many women’s depression because another woman said they’re harming their unborn child.
I have several friends who had successful home VBACs. It can be totally fine if the circumstances like up right.
That’s pretty ballsy to say negligent when you have no idea about her health, her body, or the quality of her healthcare. In fact, midwives tend to be significantly more involved with the patients through the whole pregnancy and birth process, and there are pretty high standards to be met to go through a home birth, let alone a VBAC home birth. If she meets the standards, its her body and her choice.
I had a breech baby delivered by c-section, too. They can be SAFELY delivered vaginally, but there are usually requirements to be met (“tested” pelvis, frank breech, and a tucked chin). It takes different skills than most OBs (or midwives, for that matter) are taught and I can’t blame providers for saying that c-sections are the safest option. Many older OBs will still do vaginal breech delivery, though.
No one should be made to feel “less than” for whatever birth they have, but I am sick and tired of people saying women need to just “get over” whatever happened to them at their baby’s births.
I don’t regret my c-section birth for a minute, although I found the surgery itself pretty traumatic. Elsewhere people have basically said that if I have a live baby I shouldn’t complain. No. There are two people’s bodies and two people’s minds physically affected by birth and I am not willing to say that how a woman feels should just be “let go.”
Exactly. I’m due in August, first baby – and my main feelings about the birth are, its my damn vagina, and my damn abdomen, and so I get a say in the process. And if there are a bunch of alternatives available to get to the end goal of healthy baby, healthy mother, then I get the only frikkin vote as to which way we go. If the alternatives start to narrow down, and c-section is the only way forward, then so be it. But in the mean time, its my damn vagina!!!!
I was going to have my baby without medicine at the hospital though but things didn’t go right. I never even felting labor pains and it had been 24 hours since my water had broken and there were other issues but when they told me that a c-section was my best option I agreed instantly. I wasn’t interested in trying to be tough and prove something just get this baby out as safely as possible. I am still disappointed that I will never know what true labor and delivery feels like. So all the best to Amber but I hope she has her baby at a hospital.
I had one natural and one by c-section(footling breech). I would take the natural birth any day. C-section recovery sucks.
Really? I thought c-section recovery was no big deal. The worst was getting out of bed the first time. After that it was not a problem…for me. But we are all different and I understand that. I had no problems with stairs or standing up. I was expecting it to be awful and it was better than a kidney stone or a migraine for me!
My c-section recovery was god-awful, and I was told to avoid using the stairs as much as possible to avoid straining the muscles and sutures. Most women I know who had c-sections weren’t really bothered, though.
She also gave a interview with E, where she says while she was scared, at that point, all she wanted was her baby to take home. And that she feels she made the right decision.
http://www.eonline.com/news/413811/amber-rose-talks-baby-sebastian-and-terrifying-c-section-birth
Which is a healthy attitude to have I think personally. A baby is the ultimate goal, people just have to travel different roads to get there.
Wait a minute, Ricki Lake still has a show?! Off topic, sorry.
The Business of Being Born is a movie and there are some additional episodes, too. I believe both are available on Netflix streaming.
Yep. She still has a talk show, but it just started airing in Sept. 2012.
I really hate it when women act like you are a lesser being if your birth wasn’t natural. I, too, planned a natural birth and went through the whole 1abor with nothing. The labor wasn’t fun but it was never so awful that I wanted to change my mind.
But there were complications at the last minute and I had to have a saddle block so the doctor could use forceps. I was quite upset about it. My doctor got right in my face and said, “a hundred years ago you would have had no choice about having a “natural” birth and then YOU AND YOUR BABY would have died. That put things in perspective for me. I had a healthy baby and that’s the main thing.
Can I ask you, why do you or why did you want a natural birth? I’m honestly interested.
I mean, I’m not pregnant yet, but I’m really scared of childbirth. So I would want everything to be as secure as possible and as painless as possible.
And in my country, births at home are very very rare. The only person I know who gave birth naturally at home is my grandma 60 years ago.
I’m not the person you asked, but the reason I wanted an unmedicated birth was just that the more I looked into it, the better it seemed. Interventions like pitocin, fetal monitoring that basically requires you to stay in bed (there are some places that do telemetry ones that allow you to be up and about, or intermittent so you’re up 45 minutes of every hour), and even epidurals can contribute to malpositioning of the fetus, longer pushing, more tearing, and lots of other complications. Plus, in a highly medicalized birth (i.e., a place where insurance and litigation fears do more to drive policies than does science ) many, many women end up with cesarean sections that might be unnecessary. 30-50% is not a rational number for c-sections on a demographic level.
One of the reasons that I’m going for a VBAC, though, is that I felt so terribly divorced from what was happening. I don’t know, I felt like I wasn’t “there.” I don’t think most women who deliver via c feel that way, but I did, and it affected how I bonded with my son. He had to come via c (I had a tumor blocking his exit 🙂 ), but I’m working toward a VBAC.
I’m 3 months pregnant now and am terrified of giving birth, I want the epidural and any other pain killers that they can give me, I wish there was a way to go to sleep and wake up having the baby there without having to go through the pain, I’ve been having such anxiety and panic attacks over this lately
@Lucy – congratulations! Know that whatever birth you work toward will be right for your body and baby. There actually is such a thing as tokophobia. If that sounds like you, talk to your OB about it. I actually online knew someone who chose a c-section because of it.
May I suggest a rather cliched resource? Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth is wonderful for sharing stories about birth. Granted, they’re almost all unmedicated, but the women believe that birth is something that happens, and it’s (generally) not a sickness. So that’s pretty useful, and the Business of Being Born might be a good DVD with which to sort of get used to the idea of birth.
No matter what, though, you will get through it. Good luck!
@Lucy… might I suggest that if you already know you want an epidural, then don’t feel pressured to watch pro-natural birth videos or visit pro-natural birth discussion groups… honestly, those things will only make you feel guilty about your own decision. There are plenty of women who choose epidural (myself included), and if you know that is what you want, then you shouldn’t feel like you have to explain or feel guilty about the decision. We hear a lot of stories about natural childbirth and home births, not because most women have them, but because most women DON’T have them. The majority of women who have the option, opt for a hospital delivery… with medication. I’m not suggesting this is the way to go because ‘most’ do it… simply that you should not feel that if you choose an epidural that you are somehow in the minority. 😉
Now, if you are unsure… and still trying to decide, then of course you will want to research all possibilities until you decide what you are most comfortable with. I didn’t get the impression from your post that you are unsure though… I got the impression that you are scared about the birth, and that you are quite certain you want plenty of drugs… which is how I felt! LOL I have a lot of anxiety issues, and was a wreck with my first pregnancy (it didn’t help that I was also very, very sick the whole time). I worried about everything, and read waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much. It’s hard for me to say that, because I firmly believe in most circumstances, the more information, the better. But, I went overboard for sure in my 1st pregnancy… I finally had to moderate a bit, as I went beyond ‘knowledge is power’ territory, and into ‘all of this crap is making me worry even more… and about things I hadn’t even thought to worry about’ territory! I was also terrified of the delivery, though as my pregnancy progressed, I guess I settled down a bit. I was still scared, but not freaking out scared… if that makes sense? Early in pregnancy, everything is so new and exciting… and yes, scary. Give yourself time to adjust and try not to worry even more about the fact that you are so worried. Also, I was so freaking miserable and uncomfortable by the end of my pregnancy that I was still afraid, but it was mixed with ‘I want this baby out of me, now (please)!!’ 🙂
Sorry for the rambling… I wish you a safe and healthy pregnancy and delivery!
@Belle – I suggested TBoBB not to try to sway her to an unmedicated birth, but because there are several births that are just peaceful and absolutely lovely to behold. Going into labor – whether medicated or unmedicated – with images like that in mind rather than the treacherous, dangerous births depicted on TV is always going to be helpful. She wants an epidural? Rock on. That’s her choice, and a very good and popular one. But she can have some imagery that isn’t just frightening, too.
@Lucy… sorry, I decided my post wasn’t long enough, and I should add to it 🙂
I’m not sure how you feel about relaxation and breathing exercises, but it may be worth talking to your doctor about the anxiety and panic to see if he/she can recommend something. As I said, I have a lot of anxiety issues… and have tried many things for this. Unfortunately, I don’t usually do well with relaxation techniques, but for some reason, during pregnancy, they did help some…. not all of the time, but just enough to (on occasion) tone some of my compulsive worry thoughts down a bit.
If you do yoga, or other forms of exercise already (as in, pre-pregnancy, check with your doctor, but most will advise you to continue with your exercise regimen (with some possible modifications), and that will help some too!
@Seagulls… I agree with positive imagery and think it is a great suggestion. I was only stating that, in my opinion, for someone who is scared of childbirth and terrified of the pain that can accompany it… and already knows they want an epidural and/or some other type of medication, hearing people talk at length about how childbirth is natural, and not a condition that needs to be treated… and how the body is capable of delivering a baby all by itself, etc.,…. and seeing other women who are able to beautifully manage the pain of labor, isn’t necessarily helpful. (Sorry, that was a reeeaaaaalllly long sentence… LOL) I have seen both peaceful, natural childbirths and scary, dangerous childbirths on tv, so I don’t think they are somehow being falsely depicted. While natural childbirth is a wonderful experience for many, there are also plenty of women who try it, imagining one of those peaceful, beautiful births, only to find that their own experience is much different…. not necessarily scary and dangerous, but possibly more painful than they expected or feel they can (or want to) manage on their own.
I know you were trying to offer some helpful advice, and that is all I was doing as well. 😉
I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that it’s my first child and I have no idea what the pain is going to be like and that terrifies me….Yoga has helped I started it about a month ago and it’s been working so far, I keep thinking I should opt for a c-section because I’m so terrified but I want to wait a little longer and see how I feel in a few months. I appreciate the advise and research is something I need to do more of…but I am to scared to watch any birthing videos..for now!
To Spooks– I read all the “natural birth is better” literature and wanted to experience that for myself. After attending the classes they really made me feel guilty at the very idea of drugging your precious baby into the world! But mostly, it was the going thing and I wanted to try it. Oh, the bliss of ignorance! To any pregnant woman I would now say: don’t be pressured into anything you don’t feel comfortable about. If you want drugs, take them. If you don’t, then don’t. But let me tell you, no one gives you an award for needless suffering.
To Lucy–Oh, you poor thing! I’m sorry you feel so afraid. I know the unknown can be terrifying but really try to find some coping mechanisms before the birth gets here. I know you’ll probably hear all kinds of horror stories from other women, since we all love to tell our stories, but I swear it is not unbearable pain, no matter what anyone says. We all have different levels of being able to cope with discomfort. If it seems unbearable to you, then by all means have an epidural as early as you can. You’ll still be awake and aware to enjoy the birth of your child. I wouldn’t let anyone tell you a C-section is an escape from pain, believe me, that’s no picnic to recover from either.
Please don’t spend the next months living in fear. Whatever you are imagining is probably worse than it is. You’ve had cramps on your period, right? I’m not going to tell you that contractions aren’t stronger than that, but the pain is similar and you get through that every month, right? And I believe the mind protects us a bit too. When I was in the final stages of hard labor I felt like my mind was kind of foggy. I knew what was happening but I felt this strange calm and acceptance in a powerful way that I really can’t explain. It’s probably some kind of safety valve that our brain switches on to protect us at that time.
Even though things didn’t go exactly like I planned I would still relive every minute of that day if I could. It was that awesome, uncomfortable parts and all. Please, please don’t let fear rob you of enjoying this special time in your life. You are the star here and you are doing something wonderful.
Oh, and if you haven’t talked to your doctor about your fear and anxiety, please do so ASAP. You should not have to struggle along by yourself about it. It will be OK, really, I promise. They do have really good drugs for this process!!! Avail yourself of them.
@Lucy
I miscarried at 3 months back in February of this year. Naturally. I wasn’t warned that I’d go into labor when I went into the hospital bleeding that morning. By 1am, I was trying to somehow not scratch my own eyes out during a contraction that lasted a solid hour and a half. I was at home with no help except my father, who didn’t know I was pregnant, frantically throwing valium and flexaril at me trying to help. I refused to go to the hospital because I didn’t want a D&C, and I didn’t know they could give me an epidural during a miscarriage. Though my baby was very small, meaning I didn’t feel that stretching sensation, the contraction[s] was so incredibly intense and agonizing I still can’t believe I survived it.
But after it was over, even though all I had was a lost baby, I still felt this incredible surge of endorphins and a sense of respect for my body. I had to go to the ER by noon because I went into shock from blood loss, almost needed a transfusion, but I was ok. The nurses said my contractions were probably WORSE than they would have been full term because my uterus had to work over time to exert enough pressure to push out such a tiny fetus.
I’m now 1 month pregnant again, happily, and I really don’t know if I want an epidural or not. It depends. Contractions are brutal, but I can tolerate them. I don’t know what the sensation of pushing a full term baby out of me will be like, and I doubt anyone can really describe that to me before it happens because no one could have fully described to me the pain of contractions until I felt them myself. If I get too scared and I can still have an epidural, I’m going for it.
If I can come away from a miscarriage and still appreciate and be proud of the experience of natural labor, I’m sure there is something to be said for having a natural full term birth. But it’s a scary, scary thing, and I see no shame in wanting an epidural when the time comes. I’ll be so fully of anxiety already it will be a miracle if I have the courage to turn down all meds.
@Vvvoid – I am so sorry about what you had to go through. I’ve read some of your comments here and I just wanted to say you are a strong woman and you will have the courage to give birth in whichever way you choose – or as it is chosen for you. Congratulations on your pregnancy!
My friend expected natural and last minute needed a c section. She went hysterical crying. She’s deathly afraid of needles and surgery. But for nine months if you’re planning for natural with quick recovery and thrown a loop with major surgery I can’t imagine it’s not a bit traumatic, esp with those hormones. Amber did what was needed to have a healthy baby delivered. But if she wants to try for a v-back next time that’s her choice. If something happens she’ll go along with her doctor.
She is really a beauty. I don’t exactly know what she did that we all know her but then there a ton of people out here that are famous for no reason! I do love that name…and I love the nickname “the Bash”!
The idea of children scares the ever living crap out of me–not the pregnant thing, the God-how-can-I-afford-this-I’m-only-27-crushing-student-load-debt-how-do-I-not-turn-this-poor-child-into-a-serial-killer thing. After getting spinal taps, pins in my ankles, and enough stitches to last a lifetime from playing sports (335 in 10 years) I would probably faint at the thought of a c-section. I’d do it if it meant healthy child, of course but I just sat here with the Grumpy Cat look on my face thinking about it because ahhh.
Just for some perspective on the luxury of choice in developed countries: a friend of the family married a woman from Honduras and when her sister-in-law opted for a home birth she thought she was nuts. She couldn’t comprehend how a person with access to safe and clean and free (Canadian) medical facilities would risk a home birth. “We’d kill for that in my country” was how she put it.
They would probably also kill for what is actually really excellent: prenatal care and good nutrition. And home births in the fully developed world are very clean, midwives come with sterile tools, and for most of us who live in cities, help if something goes wrong is a ten minute car ride or a five minute ambulance ride away.
Not knocking home births, just saying some people get the luxury of choice while others don’t. If you can’t do the oh-so-wonderful-natural home birth you planned for just keep in mind those who have no choice at all and are forced to risk their lives for what is a minor inconvenience for you.
Sandy – I had a c-section. It’s not an either-or thing of someone having what you kind of condescendingly referred to as “oh-so-wonderful natural home birth” means that someone else is robbed of a safe experience in the developing world.
We should respect and honor women’s choices everywhere and work toward assisting those who do not have access to good prenatal care and obstetrical skills. I am deeply aware of what reproductive issues face women in developing countries. This is one of the places I like to give money to http://www.34millionfriends.org/
That comment was aimed at mothers who vilify others for having hospital births and not at you, so take it easy. I had a c-section too, that was my only option. Some of those mommy blogs are ridiculous and yes, condescending towards mothers who opt for hospital births. I’m glad I had the choice to have my child safely in a medical environment with professionals who knew what they were doing, that’s all.
I am taking it easy, thanks.
Lots of crunchy blogs are pretty bitchy and condescending, but what you wrote was condescending, too. I think lots of women have superstitions about their births and birth in general and judge as a form of self-protection. I know I used to judge women for their birth choices and then I had a baby.
Prior to modern sterile surgery, my son would have died in utero, and they used to dismember the fetus if it couldn’t be delivered vaginally. So I am very grateful for my lifesaving (his and quite probably mine) surgery, but by the same token I do feel like I missed out on a different experience.
We are very lucky to live in countries where we do have options when it comes to delivering our babies. Sadly women still don’t receive enough prenatal care even here but I’m sure it’s better than Central America.
Who said it was “lesser than”? She didn’t say it was lesser than, nor did she imply she felt that way. Clearly, giving birth at home, in comfort, in safety, with a healthy/normal pregnancy/baby is WAY more ideal that being cut open on a table in the hospital. If anyone wants to take that as offensive then I suggest they up their dosage of anti-depressants.
You made me giggle. Thanks.
I don’t understand why women are so stuck on this I need to have a natural birth crap. All that matters is that you and the child come out of that room safely! When I was pregnant I didn’t care how my son got here just as long as he was out of me and he was healthy.
Ditto here. Niether of my kids came as planned (not that I really had a plan other than “have the child”) I didn’t feel bad about it either way. Actually I never thought twice about it. All that matters is that everyone survives, really.
Not to discredit anyone’s feelings, but I think people put way too much into the “how” and not the end result.
That’s great for you but I’m sure you can respect that not everyone feels the same as you, right? Some people don’t think making safe choices about their care is “crap”. And not everyone who has a natural birth isn’t open minded. I had a natural birth due to fear of needles (yes, it IS that bad) but would have done whatever the doctor suggested if there was ever any danger to myself or my kid. In fact, I don’t think Amber isn’t open minded. It seems she’s satisfied with her healthy baby but is just talking about her experience overall.
+1
Although I had to have a c-section, I was terrified! If you’re interested, you know what has helped with my needle problems? Watching Doc Martin! There are just enough needle sticks and accidents that I’ve been able to desensitize myself. I still don’t like needles, but I feel so much better about them.
In other words: First World Problems.
Ha! Totally. Usually I think that phrase is overused but here in this situation it fits perfectly.
From the perspective of human evolution, do you know what a completely, totally, 100% natural outcome of human childbirth is?
DEATH.
So, congratulations to the healthy mother and baby. Cute kid!
Hopefully some day, women all over the world will have the same choices and the same access to clean, safe medical facilities and highly trained doctors that American women enjoy today.
hey, all moms have probably ‘almost’ been there…i know i almost was.
i had the whole nat-birth thing in my head too but when push came to shove (pun intended) the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and i thought Holy Sh*T! C-Section time…but, my talented OB/GYN managed to help me deliver w/o the C, but as long as the baby is born breathing i say do whatevz, man! 🙂
p.s.- Amber is hellastunning. jussayin. 😯
I feel her pain with this so much. I was planning on a natural albeit hospital birth with my second child, but do to many complications ended up with a csection and it is still the hardest thing I’ve ever had to accept. We tried to do the version (the thing she’s talking about where they manually move the baby) and the pain of that was beyond what giving birth was. I’d never wish that on anyone.
I don’t know how to explain it though, the loss and mourning of giving up your body and feeling like a failure. It was really traumatic and I was depressed and refused to actually talk about it for months. It felt like some part of my woman hood was taken from me.
Yes having my daughter here safe and healthy is the number one priority but knowing that you couldn’t do that on your own is a pretty hard pill to swallow.
Hugs to you.
In no way are you a failure. Your baby wiggled around into an awkward position and you, champion that you are, endured an extremely traumatic and invasive surgery to ensure the safe delivery of your child. That is not failing. That is a huge win.
While this may make me less than compassionate, I don’t have a lot of sympathy for complaints of a less than ideal birth experience. If the baby was healthy and went home with her, she should be beyond happy. My son was premature and spent 111 days in the NICU, several months of which he was on a ventilator and clinging to life. Seeing all of the critically ill babies, the numerous babies who died while we were there, the health of mom and baby are what matter, not whether you got what you planned.
I think everyone should aspire to be like you and never complain about anything ever because somewhere else someone has it worse. Thanks for showing us the way.
Maybe some people need to learn perspective.
Love your answer! Whenever I need to gripe and then someone tells me how someone else has it worse I say, “Yeah, then I think we both need to sit on the curb and cry.” I’ve never understood how it’s supposed to lessen my suffering because someone else has it worse.
Not not being unappreciative at all, for me the health of my child was the most important thing and it was more of an internal feeling of failure that I as her mother couldn’t provide that for her without the help of someone cutting me open. I felt like I let her down before she was even born and the guilt that weighs on me about that is really difficult. I know that it could have been worse (it very nearly was, hearing your doctor say as you’re splayed open on the operating table that had your water broken naturally that you both would’ve died is not something any woman should ever hear) but it also could have been better.
For me it hard to look at my daughter and know that she deserved a better birth experience, she had disfigurement from the csection for several weeks and still has issues with both hips, and to know that my body should’ve been able to provide it for her and didn’t sucks and will always suck. That doesn’t mean that I don’t look at her and thank god that she’s now a happy and healthy soon to be two year old.
I’m so sorry for what you went through but perspective goes both ways. What may be easy for you may be hard for someone else. <3
An enthusiastic +1!
I understand what you are saying. I felt like a complete failure with my son. My body’s failing to keep him to term nearly killed him, caused him immense suffering, and has created many issues for him which he still struggles with. That is why I guess I only focus on the fact that the child is born healthy.
I appreciate your thoughtful reply and wish you and your daughter the very best.
My first child was not head down when I went into labour and I can attest to the inversion process being rather painful and uncomfortable. I didn’t cry though I just got irate at the nurses pushing on my gut lol
It worked though and I avoided a c-section thankfully! But it is rather upsetting when you think you’re prepared for this experience, the pain and discomfort, only to get a wake up call. Surprise!
I could stare at this lady all morning, and she seems to have a sweet and funny personality, too. I can’t think of a worse celeb downgrade than from Amber Rose to Kim Kardashian. Maybe I need another cup of coffee… but really…
I think she’s gorgeous and she and Wiz seem really sweet and down to earth.
Did you all notice the baby socks!??? Lmao he seems like a cute baby
I don’t think she’s saying or implying that she feels less than for not giving birth naturally. Did I miss something?
Healthy baby + healthy mom = successful birth. Period.
+1
Just because something is natural doesn’t mean it’s safe.
Let’s not forget that, before the introduction of modern medicine and public health (that is, before the start of the 20th century) infant mortality was 40%. Still is, in some parts of the world.
Anyone feel like giving birth in Somalia? Sudan? What about Haiti or Chad?
Your natural childbirth experience would be guaranteed!
Keep in mind that the tools that they used for delivering babies in those days often weren’t sanitized properly, if at all. More women died from infections after giving birth than from the birth itself.
Interesting discussion. The movement towards home birth isnt about being “mom enough”, rather, research has found that especially in the birth process hospitals are doing way more medical interventions than neccessary. And while we’ve grown up with modern medicine and tend to take it with the idea that its the best standard of care possible, the reality is that More Medical Interventions = More Posssibilities fmFor Things To Go Wrong. There is surprisingly a lot of data that for a healthy mom with no risk factors, a hospital birth can actually be MORE dangerous. For many, the disappointment over a C Section isnt because they failed, but its also because its a pretty major procedure with significant recovery time – you’re significantly restricted (as in, can only hold something as heavy as your baby, tons of physical restrictions) for 6 weeks after the delivery, as well many women have discussed issues with breastfeeding after a C Section (I would guess that its a hormone thing) and for many, a traumatic birth experience, including an emergency C Section, can leave the mom pretty depressed. The truth is, no matter how that baby comes, its trauma to the mother’s body, and then you add surgery to it? Its tough.
100% this. I ended up with permenant issues to my back and hips from the surgery not to mention I was on major restriction for over 6 MONTHS because of how the surgery had to be done. With my first daughter it was a simple vaginal birth and I was up on my feet in a matter of hours…
I had a csection and I was soooo scared! I was in pain for a week instead of just a few hours. I sobbed on the table, the doctors and nurses probably thought I was crazy.
Plus this movement towards doing everything natural, like birth and breastfeeding can leave a mom feeling sad. I struggled with sadness over breastfeeding and my csection.
EXACTLY!
Understood – doctors love their procedures and their tests, and everyone in a medical situation needs to fight for their rights. And insurance rules, combined with fears of being sued, can over-medicalize the intervention and then doctors decide to do a c-section “just to be safe”. The fact that 25% of all births in the United States are c-sections is a travesty.
However, labor and childbirth are trauma to the woman’s body, too. The worst outcome is when someone goes through labor for many hours and then has to be sectioned. For women who receive prescheduled c-sections, the recovery time can actually be less than with labor and vaginal delivery (V. Beckham is an example of this.)
Even with a scheduled C section you’re cutting through layers of abdominal muscles as well as the uterus. Scheduled C sections aren’t exactly a picnic for many, many women. Is there anything more traumatic to the body then being cut open with a knife?
oh god….women who get stuck on a birthplan are all about themselves…. the birth is about your baby and what he or she needs,,, not your effing plan….sure its okay to desire your birth a certain way but like life your wishes are NOT a command and your babies needs for a safe and healthy birth come first…when people asked me what was my plan,..it was to have her come out safe and healthy as possible. thats my effin plan….it saddens me how doctors have to fight with parents about how to get their child out helathy bc anal retentive women have an effin plan. And if you are lucky enough to get your way well great! And everyone else who thinks they have an opinion and on what happens with your birth..husband , in laws, mother, friend eff them too. its between you and your doctor…
That is an incredibly simplistic and offensive view. If doctors always utilized practices dictated by science rather than by lawyers and insurance, we could talk.
Doctors still use pitocin at a pace that some studies indicate is not without risk, and if you are most hospitals you have to give birth within a certain period of time. Many hospitals still require continuous fetal monitoring, even though this increases the number of c-sections while not improving outcomes for either mother or baby. Most hospitals still prohibit patients from eating and drinking even if the laboring woman is hungry or thirsty, in case she needs to have a c-section, even though women who are hungry or thirsty and do not get nourishment frequently experience stalled labors and end up getting c-sections.
Are there women who focus on their birth plans to the exclusion of all else? Probably. Do they represent a statistically significant proportion of mothers? Probably not.
Doctors have to walk a fine line these days… many do want to accommodate their patients’ wishes, but sometimes must err on the side of caution. OB’s have one of the highest malpractice insurance rates due to the risk of the specialty. The same woman who throws a fit because she doesn’t want to have a c-section will turn around and sue the doctor if her baby dies or is born with health problems.
Many ‘studies’ are either flawed, or skewed in one direction or the other. Hmmm… I wonder why a study would show that the HORRIBLE, continuous fetal monitoring increases the rate of c-sections? Could it be that it detects a baby in distress, which might lead to a c-section? Is there a chance the baby in distress might have managed and tolerated the rest of labor and delivery okay? Sure. But, a nasty doctor chooses to err on the side of caution and recommends a c-section because there is just as likely a chance that the baby won’t be fine. How will this study reflect such a scenario? It can’t accurately reflect it, because the ‘other’ outcome is not necessarily known. There are plenty of studies that show routine cancer screenings lead to unnecessary tests, procedures and anxiety for a patient. So, we should stop the screenings because only a small percentage of people have cancer detected, and benefit from the screening?
When it comes to childbirth, for those who do have complications, sometimes every minute counts… and that includes those ‘5 or 10 minutes’ it takes to get to the hospital after an attempted home birth.
If you choose home birth, that’s fine. No need to defend your decision by vilifying doctors and citing flawed studies though… because that works both ways.
@Belle, if you read that as vilifying doctors, you are reading with a bias I have nothing to do with and you actually assigned to my comment a tone I didn’t use.
Here’s a tiny study abstract regarding intermittent vs. continuous fetal monitoring http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7947499 There’s no improvement in outcomes, but there are more c-sections in the continuously monitored group. Fetal monitors frequently find fetal distress that isn’t happening. That’s not doctors being nasty, that’s technology failing, and it results in CYA medicine. A necessary c-section is a wonderful thing – I had a c-section, by the way, not a home birth – but 30, 40, 50% and higher rates are not warranted by most OBs.
I didn’t in my original comment cite any studies, “flawed” or otherwise. But much of modern obstetrics is cost-efficiency, bad science, and CYA medicine. Look into the use of Cytotec, for instance, and then please tell me how those doctors saved women’s lives after their uterus ruptured.. which they probably wouldn’t have had they not been administered Cytotec. Doctors aren’t evil, but the rules of practice have changed and it has not been pure benefit to mother or baby.
She actually didn’t get stuck on a birth plan. When it came down to it, she amended her original plan for the sake of the baby.
I had the birth story from hell-gallstone/gall bladder surgery/inflamed pancreas/ emergency c-section/life support/infection and baby was born prematurely and he later had a stroke in the NICU and life long disabilities-the whole debate of home birth vs hospital, natural vs medicated needs to end-we are individuals and no one size fits all works. A healthy baby and mother? Count your blessings!
I really wish people would stop painting women on each side of this issue with the same brush. There really shouldn’t even be any sides. Suffice to say that some women do natural but aren’t necessarily stuck in that camp and some others want the medication but are by no means wimps. Some women are demanding and controlling about their experience-but that happens at both ends of the spectrum. There just isn’t a one size fits all woman-who-give-birth. We’re all different. Childbirth is (mostly) hard, regardless of how you do it. And it’s not even over when it’s over. Then you have to recover, no matter how the little person made their exit. Let’s not go bananas trying to put ourselves into categories.
Why would anyone want to brag about a natural birth. My first labor was 27 hrs and awful. My dr wouldn’t give me anything for the pain or an epidural. I made the mistake of telling him I wanted an epidural during our planning session and that’s why he didn’t. Bastard he was. He also messed up my epsiotomy too.
My 2nd delivery was much easier and the dr who I didn’t know did a better job except for telling me not to scream.
I don’t think women are “bragging” about their unmedicated births, fwiw.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. There’s a vast gulf between wanting an unmedicated delivery and being prepared for it vs. being denied desired pain management and ending up having an unmedicated birth you didn’t want.
I’m not sure if you already know the terms or if it would be helpful to you to know them, but there is such a thing as birth rape and birth violence.
What happened to you is cruel and terrible medicine. No woman who wants an epidural should be denied without good reason.
I planned for & had a water birth with my son. Then I got pregnant with twins & lost them to twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome at 19 weeks. I still had to deliver them & had an induction & an epidural. Horrible circumstances notwithstanding, the 2nd go round was MUCH worse than the first. I felt totally removed from the birth & I HATED having no control of the situation. My husband & I plan on more children &, if I am able, I will go the natural route again.
It up to each family to decide what works for them & what works for one family may not work for another. We are lucky to live in an age & a culture where we have options & no one should be judged for their choices. Likewise, no woman should feel bad that their expectations weren’t met. I know that’s easier said than done & it hurts my heart that we as women beat ourselves up so much
Bodhi, I didn’t know you lost your twins. I’m so sorry. That’s heartbreaking. I hope you’re doing as well as can be.
I am very sorry for your loss Bodhi. 🙁
That is so awful, Bodhi 🙁
Sorry you had to go through that and much luck to you in the future.
So sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what that must have been like. Like kitten said, I wish that all your potentially future births will turn out all right.
Agree that women should choose what works best for them and I’m just glad that there are options available.
Very sorry for your loss.
I’m so very sorry for your loss, Bodhi.
Thank you, ladies. Its been literally one month & I think we are doing as well as can be expected. I truly miss my twins & think about them every day, but I suppose that life goes on, KWIM?
Our son will be 2 in a few weeks & we are just happy that he is too young to remember my being pregnant with his brothers. We made life plans before the twins & had to change them when we learned I was pregnant. But our ultimate goals remain the same & we are pretty strong people in a strong relationship. The last few days have been very hard, but my sweet & wild little man won’t let me stay in bed all day.
Can I just point out that a big part of the homebirth conversation is about empowering women to make their own decisions about their bodies and the birth process. We talk an awful lot about the cost of healthcare in US, and yet there’s an expectation that there’s really only one ‘right’ way to have a baby – in the hospital – that’s also really expensive and leads to a high rate of unneccessary interventions that inevitably have to be paid for (hence the title of the documentary The Business of Being Born). We shouldnt be judging women for making a decision that’s different than what we would do, instead we should empower them to explore their options to figure out whats best for them.
^ This.
I agree and I think women should not be shamed for their choices. A healthy baby and mother is the ultimate goal.
I think I’m the only one that watched that movie and ended up being glad I deliver in a hospital. I just kept imagining everything going wrong and I was anxious during the birth scenes.
I agree that everyone should be able to choose what they feel is best for them. Having a birth plan is great, as long as part of that plan is knowing that the plan might change, and being able to adapt without having your soul ripped out because your birthing experience wasn’t what you planned for.
I’m sure everyone would agree that the most important part of the ‘plan’ should be the delivery of a healthy baby. I guess I also think a ‘plan’ should include coming to terms with the fact that sometimes things go wrong, or don’t work out as planned… and there is the chance that ‘the plan’ might need to change.
I also feel that some of the ‘home birthers’ vilify doctors and hospitals unfairly. There are many, many great doctors out there who are not just trying to churn out babies at their convenience, and force unnecessary c-sections. Unfortunately, with modern medicine, there are high expectations. If a doctor waits too long to insist on a c-section, and a baby dies, who gets the blame? There is a reason the malpractice insurance is so high for OB doctors… many people sue when something goes wrong. Sometimes, there might be a negligent doctor, but quite often that is not the case. I guess I don’t blame most doctors for erring on the side of caution.
When it comes to someone feeling like their body ‘failed’ if they needed a c-section… I’ll admit this is a tough one for me. I am genuinely sorry there are women who feel this way. It probably doesn’t help for someone to keep reminding that you should be grateful because ‘it could have been worse’, but honestly, that is the truth (for many). In the ‘old days’ if a woman’s body ‘failed’ her, she wouldn’t be mourning the fact that her body failed her, she would be mourning the loss of a child… or maybe she wouldn’t be mourning at all, because she would be dead. Even now, things go wrong and women lose babies… and any one of them would be perfectly happy to trade their birth plan, endure a c-section (a million times over) and have their baby live.
I agree with you on all accounts. My first son was “sunny side up,” and my OB let me push twice every minute and a half for three hours. He said he was fine with letting me attempt a vaginal delivery for as long as I felt like pushing (as long as the baby wasn’t in distress). I would never entertain the idea of a home birth because my grandmother died giving birth to my father at home, and my family isn’t keen on home birth because of it. I’ve also handled a funeral for a woman that died during a home birth and my friend, who’s a nurse has handled two deaths as a result of home birth. Anecdotal, I know, but it is in line with the prevailing research (which suggests that hospital births have lower infant mortality rates)
http://www.m.webmd.com/baby/news/20100702/home-births-linked-higher-newborn-death-rate
The question of home birth safety is far from settled. This piece says that planned home birth is just as safe as hospital birth. http://www.bmj.com/content/330/7505/1416
Reading this makes me remember an episode of ER where a surrogate was fixed on having a natural birth… Of course everything went wrong…
Anyway, I was SMH at some of the comments. Some of them saying that the mothers felt that having to be medically Intervened was a failure!!!?!?!! Of their body?? IMHO Who cares?
I tried to get pregnant for years and I could not. If I had been able to have a healthy pregnancy, all that would have matter is that the baby would come out safely, without harm.
Lucky you, who have of something others do not have an Option to.
My mother had me at home, after a bad experience in a hospital. I turned out to be too big. It was lucky that She and I came out ok, she was ruptured (sp?), very easily something could have been wrong, and it was her decision, which she later regreted, even when we were both OK.
Wait – your mother’s uterus ruptured during a home birth, or she tore vaginally?
I am not sure, probably not something that life threatening, because she made it, but my elder brother was not very big and I turned out to be around five kilos. Big.baby. Gosh I miss my mom so much! Poor thing.
The bad experience she had at the hospital was that the doctor waited too long for her second baby to come out naturally and he died. They had to C-section her to get him out already dead. After that, my other brother was bor at home, but her was smallish, and then I came and she remembered my birth everytime the topic came to the table. I do not know abou birth, but my miscarriage was awful and I just have no idea what she went through. 🙁
My sister also had slight complications with her first child, the chord around her neck.
I do not know about your facilities, and it sounds so nice the whole idea, and yes, some women are able to pop babies very easily, and are out and about very fast, it’s just that in my opinion time is so important if something goes wrong. Getting the baby and/or mother in treatment in case is needed is vital. Where I live, if very specialized treatmen is needed, people have to be transported to a bigger city 2/3 hours depending on traffic, and if you were not in the hospital to begin with… Better safe than sorry.
Anyway, to each, their own.
I think your mom was probably referencing having her membranes ruptured, from what you describe, ie having her “water” broken manually. Painful stuff.
I would like to implore the women on this thread who are beating themselves up over not having a ‘natural’ childbirth and feeling like their experience wasn’t good enough or that they somehow failed as women:
You did a great job! Your baby is healthy and safe!
Feeling like you are less of a woman because you didn’t have a ‘natural’ birth is is like feeling like you’re not beautiful because you’re 15 pounds over your target weight. It’s bullshit.
You and your baby both surviving the birth and not being permanently damaged (look up ‘fistula in Africa’ on Google if you need more info) or maimed is an incredible accomplishment.
Congratulations on surviving! You are beautiful and so is your baby.
I like that this post was so supportive. And you’re right, the goal is a healthy mom and baby. Having said that, I will say that it’s okay to have those feelings, but it’s not healthy to dwell on them. Better to focus on the accomplishment of giving birth to a healthy baby and coming through the delivery healthy yourself.
Thank you cazzie! That’s something I had to keep reminding myself. I was so grateful to have a healthy baby but I hated how he got here. It took time but I got over it.
Version, not inversion. And who the f– is Amber Rose?
Gosh I don’t have kids.. but I hope that the most important thing would be a healthy baby. With all the things that have to happen for a child to be born healthy..that in itself is the miracle.
People focus on the wrong thing. I think of women/men with children that are not healthy.
I like his name tho.. Sebastian..
Now the tiny rant.. Tired of celebs taking pictures of baby body parts and posting them. Just post the baby pic and be done with it.
Where in there did she say she felt like she let herself down? And even if she does feel that way, it’s a natural emotion. I felt that way when I had to have a c-section with my son. I got over that because the decision was the best for my baby and me, but you can allow yourself those feeling and still know that you’re doing the right thing to ensure that you have a healthy baby at the end of the delivery. Why judge her for that?
I too planned to have a natural birth, but it didn’t work out. I was induced on my due date because they thought the baby was really big and didn’t want to give him time to get bigger. I had a three day induction and finally was started on pitocin and had my water broken just before midnight on the 3rd day. After 2 hours of near constant contractions, I begged for that epidural and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I laboured for another 14 hours (I could still feel the tightness of the contractions but not the pain) before I was finally ready to push. After 2 hours of pushing my brute of a baby had not moved so off I went for a c section. My 9lb 10oz 23 inch long baby was born 30 minutes later. The doctors had told me I could try pushing for another hour if I wanted, but after losing a baby at 20 weeks pregnant I just wanted this one here safely. And honestly I had a really great recovery (which is what had made me so fearful of having a section in the first place). I left the hospital less than 48 hours after having him, was out for walks by the next day, and was driving again after 2 weeks. The only pain I had by that point was if I engaged my abs too much when sitting up from lying. My scar is so low that no one will ever see it (unless I’m naked) and is only about 4 inches long and barely visible 6 months later. So it can be an easy recovery as well. In all honesty, our hospital had a little info session before you went home and I was walking around much better than the other girl in the same session who had a vaginal delivery the same night as me. I will try for a VBAC next time as I would like to experience that, but I will definitely be drugged and will not be at all worried if I need another section.
I just wanted to clarify that I am in no way against home births or drug free births, I just wanted to share my not so scary experience as I was terrified and in tears when they first mentioned a calcitonin :).
Ughhhh, c section not calcitonin. It won’t let me edit the comment.
I can understand her disappointment. I had major surgery once, and it was not pleasant. I would do everything I possibly could to avoid a c-section. It seems like she did everything she could too, but it didn’t work out.
It’s nice that the postings on this subject didn’t get too touchy because it can be so divisive. Been through 3 babies. Seen lots born, premie and otherwise. The first thing is, the birth is your child’s first announcement to you, that you will not be in control for the next several decades or however long you are privileged enough to share this earth with your children. I’m not really religious but childrearing is one experience that should bring out the Protestant prayer in everyone. Flexibility with your expectations will help you keep your sanity.
Second, that it’s such an amazing thing that your body can produce this new life and nurture it, it’s a miracle however far the pregnancy goes, that this happened and that many of us are lucky to have all these supports in place. Women have these very powerful bodies and should be proud of them.
Third, my mom had such a calm, matter-of-fact approach to childbirth. Dumb luck that she had easy births but she also always focused on the positive of them (without flaunting it). Never scared me or my sister with dramatic scary labor stories.
I also learned from self-hypnosis that you can have some calm and control. I was able to visualize that with every contraction and every push, I was bringing my baby to meet me.
Again, absolutely dumb luck for me to have uncomplicated deliveries. Seen lots of c/sections where there was absolutely nothing the mother could have done to complete a vaginal birth. Absolutely not a failure of the body.
So overall it’s this very odd ?maybe zenlike? combination of realizing you do have some control, and then again, you don’t. Everybody, based on their own philosophy and pain tolerance, tries to figure out where to draw the line.
Welcome to parenthood.
I don’t think your experience was dumb luck at all. Your mind is as powerful as your body and when you visualize like that it has a dramatic effect on your body. I told a friend to just imagine herself opening like a flower and letting that baby flow out. Corny, I know, but she actually visualized that very image the whole time and even chanted during pushing pauses, “opening like a flower, opening like a flower…” She had a remarkably easy delivery after four hours of labor. Was it because of that powerful image? Who knows when it comes to the mysteries of birth, but it certainly didn’t hurt.
I tried that with my own daughter but it didn’t work for her. But she admitted through her whole pregnancy that she absolutely did not want to push a baby out of her ladybits. Did. Not. Want. To. I wasn’t at all surprised when she did not progress after hours of labor, just would not dilate and had to have a section. She was glad and never regretted missing a vaginal birth. The mind is a powerful thing. It is well worth the effort for any woman facing pregnancy to concentrate on positive imagery.
Very best wishes to all the expectant mothers on this thread. May you all open like a flower….!!
When you say stuff like this you imply that a difficult birth is due to the mother’s state of mind and nothing could be further from the truth.
Everyone is an expert eh! If you have never actually given birth go home and pull a melon out of your nostril and thn we’ll have a conversation!
Well, the only difference being that one’s nostril in no way is intended to stretch whereas one’s vagina most definitely is, though not without work, pain, and sometimes trauma.
First of all, Amber Rose is so freaking beautiful, I can’t stop staring at her she’s like a beautiful alien! Lol.
Ok, so I am the only person who reads this blog who actually had a home birth? So I’ll speak up for those that have delivered at home.
I am a prenatal yoga instructor, and the only other person I know in real life who delivered at home was the midwife who delivered my baby. None of my students or the women I trained under to be a prenatal yoga instructor had home births. Quite the opposite, most had highly medicalized births and the only person I know that had a drug free birth was one who didn’t get to the hospital in time! I’ve never said anything more about my birth, other than it was beautiful.
The only thing that makes me sad is to read, and witness in my life, that 99% of women use language like they are “terrified” of birth, or like something is almost certainly going to go wrong. I just wish that women didn’t inherently feel like their bodies weren’t up for the task. You mean to tell me our Creator made us so that we would die in childbirth? It’s a disempowering system start to finish and I do wish more women were empowered. 🙁
Birth is an evolutionary argument between the comparatively developed skull of human fetuses and the hips of the bipedal. And I think being afraid is a totally normal response. Birth is generally safe, but it can be dangerous.
Yes absolutely, the human baby is born with a head as large as the human hips can possibly manage to accommodate. And I do get the fear of the unknown, I really do. Before becoming pregnant I had absolutely no experience with birth, and who really does because in our society births happen tucked away in a hospital and that’s it. I just wish that more women could find a way to make the unknown more known to themselves, through research and exposing themselves to positive birth stories. For some reason our society only harps on negative birth stories (and negative stories in general), and that’s not to say those things don’t happen, but it’s not the norm or what is to be expected. I think you nailed it in that birth is generally safe, and *sometimes* not. I don’t think many women connect with the idea that birth is generally safe, and I do think it would be very empowering to women if birth were generally perceived in a more positive and capable light.
That being said, I hid in the birth pool for the bulk of my labor because it was so intense, and yes, I was afraid! Lol!
I had a drug-free birth. In the hospital. At 44. (Unless you count the wonderful ibuprofen I could finally take for sciatica afterwards). Guess what? It went OK. So did your home birth. The “us against them” mentality is just not necessary.
It is perfectly natural to be frightened of the unknown, of the loss of control of your body and of one of the greatest killers of women. Empowerment does not equal immunity to fear.
The birth is the journey, not the destination. Honestly, she should be thrilled she has a healthy child. I would be more concerned about the lifestyles those two idiots make, like putting pot leaf socks on him and walking around with massive bottles of booze in public.
I wanted the drug free push it out birth. I had the tub the midwife, etc.
But my baby was sunny side up, and it was back labour. I laboured for 36hrs at home. It was a pain I can’t describe.
So I went to the hospitol and got drugs. I was relaxed enough to push him out, no c section. I think the home labour saved the c section because the doctors would have been too impatient.
Birth is tricky these days. I say try your damdest to have a natural birth, but have a back up plan.