I read about a third of 50 Shades of Gray before I put it down. At that point I had just figured out the difference, in author EL James’ mind, between “subconscious” and “inner goddess.” It took me longer than I’d like to admit. I was frustrated by the fact that Anastasia kept taking Christian back despite the fact that he gave off heavy psycho vibes, and the sex scenes hadn’t heated up enough to keep my interest. Some of my friends love this book trilogy though, and I’ve read all the Twilight books so I have no place to judge.
I don’t remember that wines featured prominently in the book, but apparently they do. There’s a page on James’ website which details the wines listed by book. James is also a wine enthusiast, she’s said as much during interviews. She just put out two “50 Shades” wines, called “Red Satin” and “White Silk.” Of course that’s what they’re called:
It’s a big day for wine enthusiasts and mommy-porn fans alike. Today, EL James released a signature collection of wines specifically blended for fans of Fifty Shades of Grey. The guilty-pleasure puns are too numerous to list, so we’ll just give you a minute to think of them yourself. All set? Great. Available in two blends, Red Satin and White Silk, each bottle comes emblazoned with the tagline “You Are Mine.” We’d like to point out that you can, in fact, purchase this wine online and do not have to do it in-store where there are people.
Both red and white flavors are meant to reflect the “naughty and nice” nature of the book. Says James, “Wine plays an important role in Fifty Shades of Grey, adding to the sensuality that pervades a number of scenes. I’ve always had a penchant for good wine, so combining two of my passions to blend Red Satin and White Silk was a natural extension of the series. I hope my readers curl up with a glass as they enjoy the romance between Anastasia and Christian.” In all honestly, getting through certain scenes might take a glass of wine or four. We’re fine with handcuffs and nipple clamps, but James’ bodice-ripping cadence has us running for the liquor cabinet every other paragraph.
The wine retails for $17.99 a bottle and you can purchase it on the FiftyShadesWine website. Many celebrities and high profile people have wine brands, and some are actually decent. (I agree with Buzzfeed that the Coppola wines are the best.) Maybe James’ love of wine will translate to a nice tasting blend. Or maybe her wine will be just like her writing, lacking but able to get the job done.
Photo credit: WENN.com
No
+1
Hell no.
+3 Shitty book, the wine couldn’t be much better.
No, not unless I needed an emetic agent.
Hmm, let me think about it.
Ermmm . . .
No.
tastes like foil packets and Ana’s self confidence
Soooo, no flavor at all then?
🙂 to both Elizabeth and Beer’s comments.
that’s gonna be a no..
Why is everyone saying no. Its alcohol, of course id drink it
I usually don’t hate on people’s “bangs” but she needs a trim, stat!
That could be the best wine ever made and I’d still refuse to drink it. How embarrassing. Pffffft
No thanks.
Oh, have mercy bless me JESUS now I have heard it ALL.
Eighteen bucks a bottle for some special, smarmy, “sexy-time” wine to drink as one imbibes the (and I quote) “sensuality that pervades a number of scenes” in this timely literary classic?
Ooh, can’t beat that with a stick.
I love that label. I did not know she was a wine enthusiast, I don’t remember it from the book. But sure, I would try it. Not sure I am going to go out of my way to order it off a website but I would pick it up if I came across it.
What the heck is “mommy-porn?”
Mommy porn is erotica aimed at the mini-van crew I guess.
Thank you for the answer and I realize it is not your definition, but isn’t that just porn? Or erotica? Do we need our own modifier – because maybe we don’t understand regular porn?
Personally, if you say “mommy porn”, I would expect my children to clean their room quietly without asking while I was left alone to read a book uninterrupted.
@Mrs. Eyre – the term “mommy porn” is used because Fifty Shades is “porn”, but really it doesn’t push any boundaries so it’s “safe” for minivan majority mommies to read without actually pushing their boundaries or making them think (if they were thinkers, they wouldn’t be reading this shit).
@j.eyre – we must be “brothers from another mother” or something of the like because I too think the phrase “mommy porn” would be like the situation you described. Or if my kids quietly completed their own homework, cooked their dinner, got themselves bathed and in bed while I watch James McAvoy films on rotation.
I apologize, I am having this conversation on two threads but I adore you ladies so I will respond to you at the risk of being redundant (because THAT’S never happened before, right?) So mommy pr0n=safe pr0n? I guess I can wrap my head around that. It makes more sense then what I am hearing.
May I just call is pr0n? And can it ALWAYS include James McAvoy? Oh lord, Mia Girl – James McAvoy reading to us about kids behaving. Lord, I am going to need a minute.
I think the phrase mommy-porn is meant to denigrate and at the same time minimize moms’ sexuality. It’s as if the notion that continuing to live your life as a sexual being is incompatible with being a mom, or that moms are somehow a less discerning group of women who are barefoot, dumb, and pregnant. The pressure we put on mothers and mothers-to-be about what is and isn’t acceptable, the constant shaming, questioning, and persecution, the messages that they’re not allowed the full or same expression they enjoyed before having children – these all compound to create a repressively hostile environment.
In our society the idea is that you can either be a mom who helps out at the bake sale and your daughter’s school, or you can be this ‘party woman’ who’s having orgies and stuff. This Madonna/Whore dichotomy stinks.
j. eyre, definitely keep calling it porn because women with children are not some sub group that needs their sexuality to be contained or defined.
Oh my god, FSOG wine now. I saw FSOG condoms the other day on twitter. It’s starting. I predict it will be like Twilight merchandise marketing in its heyday…everything under the sun with the FSOG logo. Like the upcoming movie, I’m dreading it.
It became embarassing to be a Twilight fan over the years, but 50 Shades is starting out as a joke. I am very curious to see how this movie does, since there is so much derision at the start. I know a few people that are totally excited to see it, but not many. And the market for 50 Shades merchandise has to be smaller than the market for Twilight stuff, don’t you think – who is buying that stuff?
Condoms and wine are one thing. Have you not seen the numerous FSOG infant photo shoots or the FSOG cakes?
I refuse to give her any more money. Also 17.99 $ is too expensive for me (poor student).
http://jennytrout.wordpress.com/jenny-reads-50-shades-of-grey/
In case you guys haven’t seen this
In a word no. But I didn’t read the book or books either.
” … as they enjoy the romance between Anastasia and Christian” – romance? No, that is not a “romance”.
No thanks. I’ll just cast 50 shades on her book and the wine.
Can I just say how much I despise the term “mommy porn”?
Why do so many media types treat women who are mothers as if they are of a different species? And categorize them as if they have no life outside their children? They don’t do this to men who are fathers. It’s gross.
I don’t mean to be offensive, but have you been on Facebook lately? Or babycenter? There are a lot of women out there who define themselves solely by motherhood and spend their time crusading about breastfeeding and criticizing how other mothers are doing everything wrong. I’m not surprised their sexual relationships suffer.
Sure, there are SOME mothers who are like that. But most are not. So why do all mothers get branded as if that is the standard? I know many mothers, but very few of the obsessive types.
Oh hell no. Mostly because I’m fairly certain that it will probably taste something like Arbor Mist. Or loneliness and desperation.
Everything about 50 Shades is embarrassing.
I always wanted emotional abuse in an easy to swallow form.
Ha!
Nope.
Yuck No everything about this and gearing this towards the Mommy porn crew and people with poor taste in books (and probably wine?) is just a “no!”… Super smarmy and a naked ass money grab
Why not just be honest and label it “Money Grab” and “My 15 Minutes Are Ticking”?
I’ll stick to my Jeff Gordan Chardonnay, thanks.
GOOD LORD- does she know what SUB-conscious means?!?! That drove me so crazy I wanted to wring her neck every time her subconscious had it’s own totally conscious reaction- arg-ackkkk
She ruined the words inner and Goddess for me just like Dawson’s Creek ruined the word Soulmate.
…it is the end of times folks.
I’ve been living sober for 22 years and even if I hadn’t, no. I mean this is cheap probably craptastic wine bottled to make money off of fans of bad fiction.
You know, I haven’t read the books (I read an excerpt and it made my eyes bleed a little – I love me some smut, but just…no). I won’t buy the wine. But she is milking her lightning in a bottle for all it’s worth, because she’s obviously smart enough to know it won’t last. Git it girl! If they’re dumb enough to buy it, take the money and run!
It makes me sad that there is a market for this (the books and the wine).
And fwiw, I’m a stay-at-home soccer mom and would rather stab my eyeballs than partake in “mommy-pr0n”. Not everyone who fully devotes their days to children are so unoriginal and bland.
I couldn’t even make it through one of those things ( I won’t even call them books, anyone who does needs to sit down and actually read a real one and remember what it’s like) pure and utter garbage. Some of my girlfriends go nuts over them, and have to stop and question their sanity. Just when you think nothing could be worse than Twilight..
No I won’t buy her wine
Can you imagine how many really really good writers are struggling in the world and then someone who can barely compose a sentence is actually being called a writer…It makes my heart bleed. No, I won’t buy the wine. She’s turning the name of the book into a brand. And she’ll milk it until the end.
Well, I will need something to get through the movie.
Wine is wine, and I’ll try it all. Although with this wine, if it’s any good, I might make my own labels to slap over the old ones so no one knows! Haha.
The only celebrity wine I’ve ever tried was Dan Akroyd’s chardonnay, and it tasted like lemon cleaner.
bahaha good for her; cash in while she can. anyone buying this is either self aware of the camp factor or just… yeah.