Melissa Gorga hands out some truly disturbing talk on gender roles & how to treat a woman in the bedroom. I hope no one takes her seriously. [Dlisted]
Divorced people give better advice about marriage. For real! [Buzzfeed]
Jessica Simpson tweeted about wanting to sing again. [LaineyGossip]
Paula Abdul dressed like an Oscar statuette for the Emmys. [Go Fug Yourself]
Peter Dinklage can’t save the A Case of You movie trailer. [Pajiba]
Mandy Moore wears leather pants & talks on the phone. [Popoholic]
Cote de Pablo won’t say why she left “NCIS.” I heart her. [CDAN]
Tina Fey told Allison Williams to wear underwear. [The Blemish]
You’ll never unsee this Joseph Gordon Levitt lookalike. [Moe Jackson]
Jim Carrey & Jeff Daniels on the Dumb & Dumber To set. [ICYDK]
Madonna & Sean Penn reunite for the sake of ART. [A Socialite Life]
Bill Nye suffers a dancing-induced torn ligament. [Bitten & Bound]
Natasha Lyonne says Marlon Brando copped a feel. [Jezebel]
Vanessa Hudgens started a cringeworthy band. [IDLYITW]
Nicolas Cage & his family fly away to China. [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
Lisa Lochstein justifies her Birkin bag addiction. [Reality Tea]
Photos courtesy of WENN
The problem with her marriage advice is the problem with all marriage advice. Relationships between people are different. She and her husband may be very happy with the subservient woman set-up, as undoubtedly many couples are. It’s not for everyone though.
This is by far my favorite reply. It covers the most important thing, and that is some people like to lead this lifestyle. What you may find as backwards or demeaning may float someone else’s boat. If it works for her, great. But as you pointed out, it doesn’t work for everyone and that is the big issue with giving blanket advice on relationships.
I would agree except that they also discuss their children – wanting the daughter to remain “my little girl” while giving the sons freedom to do what they like. And if this is the advice they’re giving those children, well, they’re raising one girl to be a victim, and their sons to be the next Steubenville, frankly.
It’s one thing to say “yeah, I like to be dominant and my partner loves it too when I get aggressive”. But to describe that as the norm for all people and to pass that on to your kids is messed up beyond belief. If my husband ever told a son “sometimes you have to pull their hair and rip their clothes off” I’d divorce him, I’m not even kidding.
What Londerland said.
@Londerland – Cosign. Cosign. CO-SIGN!
I co-sign on what Londerland said but I just want to add this. I take what Melissa said with a grain of salt. The strip club her sis in law claimed she worked at is called Lookers which is actually a GoGo bar where the girls don’t go topless but dance in bikinis. Joe plays it off that he was the stripper to take the focus off Mel even though Mel admitted she was only a bartender; yeah right.
Completely agree. The most disturbing part is what she said about how she is raising her children.
I agree. Different strokes for different folks. Find what gets you and your partners rocks off and go for it.
But for the children, how is their little girl supposed to respect herself if her older brothers use girls like disposable play things? And while a subsurvient role works for Mommy, what if she’s not into housework? Does that mean if her husband does the dishes he can cheat?
Problem is talking about things in black and white. Partners should communicate their needs, turn-ons, offs, etc but you don’t have the right to cheat on someone. If you are that unhappy, have enough respect to end the relationship or go to counseling.
I agree with you both. Some couples like to hold more traditional roles within their relationship, and that is completely fine. People are too quick to hand out judgement. Each to their own!
Perhaps if this ditz and her moron of a husband weren’t publically promoting marital rape and the sexual double standard, people would be a tad less judgmental. 😀
I was thinking more about the traditional female/male roles within a marriage, such as the lady raises the children, the man looks after the finances, etc.
But you’re quite right, she certainly has put her own, very ugly spin on that kind of lifestyle!
Who is this moron and why is she flapping her gums about her demented marriage? It may not be PC to call these relationships what they are. And I know I should mumering about how “it works for them so its ok” but I dont do PC. These people are in a sick relationship.
It has nothing to do with PC and everything to do with her choice. Now I didn’t realize she made comments about her kid, I don’t really agree with that. But as for her relationship with her husband, if it works for them it works for them, whatever floats her boat. I don’t care if she likes to be duct taped to the toilet with a banana peel hat if that is what they are into. Her prerogative. I do disagree with the fact that she is handing out the advice like everyone should follow it. Clearly some people don’t agree with it, and that is fine too. I don’t have to be PC to think that people are different and like/dislike certain things.
melissa Gorga’s “guide to being a slave not a partner in your own adult marriage,” was just sad.
Someone I’ve never heard of is in an abusive controlling marriage and doesn’t realize it? I fail to be outraged about this but I do feel sorry for her. I agree that a healthy sex life is important for keeping both partners happy in a marriage, but mutual respect – not sexual submission – is what keeps both partners honest.
Totally I dont even watch RHNJ, mostly becuase the family feuding got old, if I wanted to be entertained by that i would just log onto facebook, the chosen battleground of my extended clan. But i read the first chapter online when it was free and not only was it chock full of inconsistencies but also sooooooo (probably) unintentionally funny. So when I saw that Jezebel had uncharacteristically read and pulled excerpts i just had to check it out.
I’m outraged because the guy told other men that it’s ok to rape their wives and girlfriends and he’s also going to force the sexual double standard on his innocent children.
That “advice” is BEYOND depressing. Doubly so for me as a proud Italian-American who is sick and tired of being lumped in with trash like this.
Me, too. Also from Jersey. I had two sweet little Italian-American grandmas and neither one was “subservient”. The men in my family know how to cook and help with dishes.
I second that. I’m from Philly and go to the Jersey shore for vacations in summer and it’s so embarassing that the rest of the country thinks all Italians act that way or like Snooki and The Situation. My grandfather was a sweet and gentle man who treated my grandmother with respect. My husband’s family is the same way.
How appropriate they’re standing in front of the tackiest step and repeat ever. Mighty Wings?!?
Wasn’t she going to jail too?
Sadly I can answer this, and it’s actually her sister in law supposedly going to jail.
jezebel has an article about the gorga “book” and is totally worth reading if only because of the reactions. (We need GIFs here:)) There are so many things to take issue with. as a whole, it would be more dangerous and degrading to take it seriously.
I mean really, step back if you’re taking any advice from these people, especially in the written form.
The GIF of Ms. J and the big side eyes pretty much said it all!
I love Jezzy but I don’t see how the commenters there can even bring themselves to care about this silly woman.
Oh god I couldn’t even read all of it, I had to stop. Too disturbing. Creepy as all hell.
If anyone got to the end – did they finish it with a very belated cry of April Fool? *sob*
I always ask for relationship advice from divorced people. They’ve been through it and don’t feel the need to sugar coat sh*t. So yes, I think they give the best advice.
Her husband is cute, but damn, he’s a little guy isn’t he???
The excerpts from Gorga’s book were way more upsetting and disturbing to me than I expected it would be. I feel so bad for their children.
Oh no, not Bill Nye. I’m so rooting for him.
As many issues as I have with my mother, I thank God she taught me that women should never believe they have to be subservient to men. And if a man expects his wife/girlfriend/partner to be subservient, it is time to *move on.*
Is it just me or has there been a lot of “Marriage” related threads today?
This ladies advice is right for her. The way she phrased it (I hope) was a grab for publicity and now she’s getting it.
Those quotes on marriage are all very true!
What kind of a marriage are you in that you think this is cool?
LMAO!
I have no idea who Melissa Gorga is, nor do I care for her advice. What works for her doesn’t work for everyone (thank goodness)
And I love Cote de Pablo, am so sad she’s leaving. She was one of my favorites.
What kills me, is that she has a marriage advice book and she hasn’t even been married that long.
Aside from him getting him some when ever he wanted, I was equally disturbed that he never fed or changed HIS children’s diapers! What a prick! And she’s an idiot for allowing it.
Not even going to look at the Gorga link. NATASHA LYONNE <3
Natasha is hilarious, I could listen to her funny stories all day
She just got a Twitter and I’m excited! She’s going to be one of those people who either tweets everything, or forgets about it in two days.
I’m glad they’re happy but it’s so pretentious to think that her “secrets” will work in every marriage and that everyone is the same. A lot of women would find it a gift to leave that type of marriage. And she is kidding herself if she thinks her marriage is affair proof. I think under the right (or wrong) circumstances, any marriage can be threatened.
Her book should have been titled “Domination/Subordination and Role Playing: The Secrets of My Hot and Happy Marriage.”
Seriously? Who is going to listen to someone posed in front of a McDonald’s MIghty Wings promo? Who is she?
This is not a “whatever works for her” situation. Gorga is in an obviously abusive relationship with a sexist idiot and that is depressing. If you say no to sex your husband should force you? How is that not rapey? And his sons are allowed to bang as many as other men’s daughters as they please but only two men are allowed to bang his daughter because she is a special snowflake?
Wearing undies is a solid tip but – and, Tina, girl, you rock – we don’t all need to wear bras all the time. Tanks/camis with linings are sufficient for my girls on casual outings. Yours too, would be my guess.
If anyone is so dumb as to confuse sexuality with gender roles– then damn, I wont be paying much attention to anythign else they say. I will admit though that at least I can agree with what her husband said, that women do desire to be taken. But that has to occur within the context of a trusting relationship– ironically without the trust, it just doesnt work; so a loving relationship is needed first. Morons might not know this and take it entirely wrong.
Oh and ps my guy is that ‘short’ too– we are identical in size, even hands and feet match. But I love to wear heels, and then I tower over the poor little guy and talk to his forehead all the time 😛
Ah pss yes that daughter/son attitude, what a horrible hideous mentality. Thats why men turn into such aholes – parents just dont think they are supposed to put any sense into them- sense of self, of respect for women, of discipline or self control when ti comes to their appetite— that is a HORRENDOUS attitude to have.
tell ’em!!
Some women desire to be taken. Some women. Not all women.
“women desire to be taken”…the f**k? not this woman!!!
Not all women want to be “taken”, in any context or in any kind of relationship. I think it’s better to err on the side of not taking or dominating anyone unless they have vociferously consented and said they were okay with it and under the condition that that the person doing the “dominating” will stop immediately if consent is rescinded.
I understand, and I wasnt trying to make a blanket statement- rather I tried to emphasize the importance of trust and love being the basis for such a thing. “it has to be within the context of trust” etc.
I dont mean taken without consent, of course– I mean when a relationship reaches that level of trust- which takes a year or more- and it is discussed that doing this is “ok” and that there is always a signal which means ‘no thanks’, and it will be respected- then its ok. Its not suich an easy topic of ‘like or not like’, its complicated bcause it involves consenting adults and the use of power— but as long as its in fun and knowingly not intended to harm then at least in my eyes, its ok.
I am also going from a basic definition of what is “beign taken”- in my mind its a sex game that two consenting adults engage in. The consent is already included and assumed to be a given; the agreement that it is what both want and that its ok. No consent = rape– actual rape is WAY different. WAYYY…
Then there are the jerks who understand it as actually supposed to be overpowering and actually harming a person- that is NOT what I am referring to…
…And no body has to ever agree with me; I just dont like to be misinterpreted 😉
I think (maybe?) we’re saying something similar here. That there has to at least been some type of discussion and agreement between a husband and wife that if he initiates sex and she says “No”, he has her consent to keep going. And that if consent is rescinded the husband will stop. Or if the wife is truly not the mood that her wishes to not have sex will ultimately be respected. But a husband who makes a unilateral decision one day to just ignore his wife saying no to sex, without any sort of discussion or agreement beforehand is engaging in marital rape.
I just think the really problematic part for me(other then the fact that their own fucked up relationship sounds abusive and controlling)is that they are not advising that a husband and wife have ANY kind of discussion or agreement about consent beforehand. They are saying it’s okay for men to simply ignore their wives when they say no because women naturally just want to be “dominated”. And that’s rape.
I agree. Honestly and truly, sometimes when I say ‘No’ to my boyfriend, I DO mean yes. But I say it in a certain way, with a certain facial expression, so he knows we’re playing a game. I couldn’t have that kind of intimacy with a stranger, or with someone I didn’t love and trust. And I always know that if I change my mind and say ‘No’ for real, he’ll understand and stop. Big difference between that and what this lady and her crazy ass husband are talking about.
I guess this is good advice for any woman who wants to be with an overcompensating, insecure chauvinist. I can’t imagine there are many, but maybe she’ll sell a handful of books…
hate her or love her, bitch is fabulous.
maybe her advice is a tad sketchy, but i think she’s being honest about how she lives. Good for everyone? No way. But for some, definitely.
Fabulous in a vulgar Barbie sort of way. And I’m beginning to think that honesty is overrated.
Marital rape is ILLEGAL and good for no one. Not even her. And it’s even worse that she’s advising other husbands to IGNORE when their wives say no to them, and “dominate” them any way.
The comments section on Amazon are amazing! They annihilate her and I loved them! The funniest ones are the ones she and her family wrote (“Barbie” is Melissa)
oooh have heard this before the ‘surrendered wife’ crap of a few years ago. She’s looking for a market, she’ll probably find one amongst those who already agree with her and will buy what she says to make them feel better about their own (arguably -depends how you look at it) shitty lives. Any sensible person would ignore this nonsense but honestly I feel sorry for the kids…
Yeah I remember when that came out … and there were definitely women who basically said it was solid advice for placating their hot-headed alpha male husbands. Whatever. I guess if you prioritize not working outside the home, there are only so many potential husbands who can afford that lifestyle.
Let me just clarify that I mean living *luxuriously* beyond your own means while not working outside the home. Plenty of parents make sacrifices so one can stay home.
Yayyyy MADONNA!!!!!
http://socialitelife.com/madonna-and-sean-penn-reunite-for-her-art-of-freedom-project-launch-09-2013
It’s always great seeing Madonna posing with the guy who hit her with a baseball bat.
oh geez.
um I dunno…maybe she forgive him?
@Marty – That was my thought. I couldn’t understand how she could stand for him to touch her, but after doing some research, they got back together a few times (& she was beaten every time).
@Nev – Based on a few sources, she ‘forgave’ him quite a few times, getting beaten up even when they were talking about reconciling. But they apparently got back together a few times. I certainly wouldn’t be able to.
Too bad he doesn’t recognize the hypocrisy of talking about how much he wants to protect his daughter while basically telling his sons that with women it’s okay to pull their hair and rip their clothes off. Nice.
Agreed… & as someone above pointed out, he’s fine with his sons screwing around with (& taking ‘no as yes’ with) other men’s daughters, but you better not with his (& she won’t be ‘allowed’ to make her own decision, like they can.)
I really hate that. My parents were ‘sort of‘ like that (in that they told me ‘no’, but just ‘accepted’ that my younger brother was going to have sex, so preached ‘safe sex’ to him, instead), but partially because I was the eldest, & they still had all those ‘ideals’ when I was a teenager. Not so, 6 years later, when my brother became a teen. But he sure as hell wasn’t ‘encouraged’ either.
Agreed. He’s right about protecting her though, he’s protecting hher from guys like himself and the sons he’s hoping to raise. So sick.
You do wonder what his response would be if his daughter (married and older) came to his home at 2am, weeping, clothes torn, and cries that her husband raped her.
Would he head round there and beat on her husband for behaviour that he himself had advocated and practiced?
Or would he slam the door in her face saying of course it wasn’t rape, and she had no business saying no, and anyway didn’t she enjoy having her clothes ripped off like mommy used to do? (Her first mommy, that is, not the stripper he married after mommy got too old and broke the rules by pooping in her own house or talking to another man at a party.)
Oh god I just made myself ill.
This may work for her now, but I guarantee she’ll get sick of her own advice after she’s been married for a while. No woman can be a slave to her husband forever.
I hope nobody takes her too seriously too. Her advice was depressing just to even read. Ridiculous.
So here we have a married couple with children publically furthering rape culture and general misogyny. Lovely!
I hope this trashy low-life airhead and her male chauvinist pig of a husband get their children taken away from them, and I hope their ‘marriage’ fails. I don’t care if a couple chooses a more ‘traditional’ marriage. I do care about this douchebag telling men that it’s ok to rape/sexually assault their wives and girlfriends. This idiot has no respect for herself, and her husband has no respect for women. If their sons grow up to be rapists, and their daughter grows up to be miserable, sexually unhealthy, and have low self-esteem, all of these things will be partially the parents’ faults.
AGREE! very disturbing advice.
I seriously fear for the girls and women that will be exposed to their sons. I also, fear for how sympathetic they would be to their daughter if she ever gets raped. I have a strong feeling that they would find a way to put her on the defensive and blame her for with questions like: “Why were you drinking?”,”Why did you drink so much?” ,”Why did you go out at that time?”, and “Why were you wearing that revealing outfit?”. Joe’s plans for his daughter sound exactly the way my father behaved once I turned 12: locked in the house, couldn’t go to anywhere with friends or have any kind of social life, and he expected me to live at home until I got married, moving from my father’s house (or ownership as I said) to my husband’s house (ownership). My teen years were a nightmare and I still don’t have a great relationship with my crazy father. My mother is no better, considering that she blamed me for being chased down the street by a crazy man because I disobeyed them and I was out late at night.
I know if I was ever raped my parents wouldn’t hesitate to find a way to make me culpable, and my brother has a problem listening to and being respectful with women including myself, our mother, female teachers, etc. My brother and father are like Joe. I could have easily turned into a Melissa, believing in and propagating the same kind of sexist idiocy. A lot of women, like my mother, unfortunately can and do participate in subjugation of themselves and their daughters. I don’t know what else can possibly be done to convince parents that locking their daughters up and teaching women different ways to protect themselves is not the answer, and will not work as much as teaching their sons that every rapist is 100% responsible for their actions and for being a rapist. PERIOD. On top of teaching their sons to respect women and to not exploit, sexually harass, and rape them.
Mia –
I’m sad to hear about your difficult childhood. But you must be proud of yourself for being a strong woman, and you’ve done that on your own without the behaviour being modelled for you.
@mayamae- Thank you! I really appreciate that.
I really liked Melissa, but I refuse to co-sign with this. It’s hard to believe that same self-assured woman I thought I saw not only allows herself to live under her husband’s thumb but has the nerve to tell other women to do the same. DAFUQ ?!? Advising women to have sex with their husbands when they feel tired or just don’t want to? Telling women that even if they have demanding jobs they are still obligated cook and clean when they get home? Advocating that men ignore their wives quite plainly saying no, and having sex with them anyway ?!? Does she know that women can and do get raped by their own husbands? God! I’m sorry but I really can’t stand her now, and tbh I don’t feel like watching RHONJ anymore and supporting someone who tells husbands to RAPE their wives.
I’m sorry, but this is not ok even if “it works” for them. They are advocating rape AND THAT IS NEVER OK.
I was in a relationship like this for years and I told myself it’s what I wanted and that’s what I was supposed to do for my BF-just like this woman. But now it’s been 15 years since I got out of it and I STILL have rape flashbacks. I still have issues being intimate with my husband who could not be a kinder sweeter gentler person-the polar opposite of my ex.
It’s not ok.
@anon33 – I am so sorry you had (& have to live with) that experience. A good friend, who dated another good friend’s older brother for a long period of time, took a long time to admit she had gone through the same thing (not only because it’s awful, but because it was a best friend’s brother on top of it.)
You’re absolutely right. It’s NOT/NEVER okay.
I feel sorry for those who think this lifestyle they’re pushing is ‘okay if it works for them‘. It isn’t okay, & is wrong for her to use her fame to push the lifestyle on other women. I hate that anyone would want to publish this BS.
You can defend it as ‘something that works for them’ as long as you want, but RAPING his wife’ & happily telling OTHER MEN to do the same, that it’s ‘what women WANT‘… Just, NO.
Everyone is totally over reacting to this book. I have just finished it, its a cute book. She’s certainly not advocating rape.
Traditional role marriage works for her and Joe, it’s not for everyone. Case closed. I happen to have a traditional marriage and I understand a lot of what she’s saying. My sister doesn’t and thinks its weird. To each his own. It’s American, we’re free to choose.
But they are explicitly saying in this book (or at least in the published excerpts) that women do not have, and moreover do not want, the freedom to choose, if the “choice” is “not tonight, honey”.
They are saying that a man should force a woman into sex – pull her hair and rip off her clothes – that women like it. Not “we enjoy this within the respectful confines of our relationship”, but “this is what all women want”. So yes, they ARE advocating rape.
When a woman writes that she feels obliged to be sexually available for her husband three times a day, whether she wants sex herself or not, because he “gets upset” otherwise, that is a woman for whom rape has become the norm. If a man says “I want sex now or I’m going to get angry”, “I want sex now or I’m just going to go get it from someone else”, that’s still rape. it’s wrapped up in an illusion of choice – sure, she can refuse, but at what price? He’ll leave her? he’ll yell at her? he’ll do it anyway? Her desires appear to be completely irrelevant.
Victorian women wrote of sex in those terms – that it was a wife’s duty to satisfy her husband’s appetites, that a husband was not obliged to be “considerate”. That phrase “lie back and think of England” was coined by a lady who was describing the horror she felt when she heard her husband walking toward her room, and she knew he wouldn’t be deterred by a locked door, and she just had to lie there until it was over, and she accepted that as the norm. Saying it’s a traditional marriage is like saying they send their kids out to work as chimney sweeps or in a sweatshop. Some traditions die off for good reason.
Your comment is perfect.
I really wish it was illegal to publish things that promote rape. Some people clearly can’t exercise their right to free speech responsibly- I hope nobody acts on these creeps’ words.
Hi, I see what you mean and I am understanding you, but I bet everyone bashing her book on moral soap boxes (probably not you) are say, Dexter fans or fans of similar things that can be used as an argument to say “this promotes horrible things!”. Doesn’t Dexter advocate and promote serial killing? How about 50 Shades of Grey? Isn’t that pretty detrimental to modern women’s rights to not be treated like an object to be hit and abused and used in a relationship too? Where’s the outcry on that book? I do understand what you are saying but do you see what I am saying too? :)I’m surprised by the venom is all. I don’t think the book, and I’ve read the book, as a whole is in anyway promoting an abusive marriage IMO. 50 Shades of Grey is all out abuse to Ana and women love it!!! Confused! Anyway, peace and thank you! xo
No one cares about “50 Shades of Grey” because it is fiction and very poorly written fiction at that.
Just because I like reading a murder mystery doesn’t mean I’m advocating murder.
OK, so NO ONE points out this losers backwards cap?? WHAT is it with some of these clueless morons wearing a backwards cap?? What is this supposed to signify?? If you are over 13 years old, NO BACKWARDS CAP!!!!. Your a grown a$$ man, dress like one! ( I thought Italians are supposed to be SHARP dressers?? I see he and Joe Gidice put on jeans and a button down and thats dressing up to them. LAME)….side eye to Rob Kardashian…who ALSO cant dress. PLEASE no more backwards baseball caps! Your adults, dress like it!
No means no and that’s that. Anything else is just total BS.
Hope they stay together so they aren’t unleashed on others. Gross people. Thankfully I didn’t know who she was before this. Shame they have kids they are unleashing their horrible values on.
I’m pleased I have no idea who Melissa Gorga and the guy she’s photographed with are and what they do.