Did you enjoy yesterday’s Cracken Mad Libs? You guys really brought it – I loved so many of your cracked-out Mad Libs! YAY! So I say we do it again in this post. Wait for it, I’ll put the new Mad Libs at the bottom. For now, let’s discuss the new crack story. According to TMZ (ugh), Lindsay Lohan wants to write a tell-all memoir. I believe they call that “the TMZ Archives” considering they just publish whatever Lindsay says anyway:
Lindsay Lohan has decided to open the flood gates — penning a gritty, tell-all book about EVERYTHING … her arrests, her drug abuse, her acting career, and her family … and she’s already gotten several serious publishing offers.
Sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ, the book started as a series of journal entries, which she wrote in rehab as a therapeutic exercise. The book is still in its early stages, and it doesn’t have a clear focus, but she says she wants to open up every part of her life.
Lindsay met with a huge literary agency in NYC Thursday — Waxman Leavall, which has repped tons of celebs who wrote books, including Victor Cruz, Novak Djokovic, Bill Murray, Brock Lesnar, and Cal Ripken Jr. The meeting was filmed as part of Lindsay’s docu-series on OWN. We’re told she’s already received several offers for a book deal — most in the six-figure range.
Here’s the problem — it’s Lindsay’s life as told by Lindsay, which means we’ll be reading her version of events.
The last time Lindsay was supposed to do a “tell-all interview,” it was right after she got out of rehab and she sat down with Oprah. If you remember correctly, bitch LIED HER ASS OFF. She told Oprah she had only done cocaine “10 to 15 times” in her life. Add to that her long and extensive history of lying about everything and anything, and this memoir will be a complete mess.
Alright, so here are today’s Cracken Mad Libs – this is “Memoir Title Edition”. Example: “____: My Story, by Lindsay Lohan” could be “Orange Cone, Get Out of My Way: My Story, by Lindsay Lohan.”
Memoir Title Cracken Mad Libs:
____ with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
The ____ Work of a Staggering ___, by Lindsay Lohan
To Kill a ____, by Lindsay Lohan
The Real ___ , by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by ___.
Memoirs of a ___, by Lindsay Lohan
The Portrait of a ___, by Lindsay Lohan
Slaughter-house ____, by Lindsay Lohan
Enjoy!
Photos courtesy of WENN.
Memoirs of a Pink Fur Coat!!!
Her new promo shirt: “Same old crack”
She said 15 times to Oprah? She told Piers Morgan she only did coke twice.
God bless her, I don’t think she can write an autobiography, it should be shelved under fiction.
well it will be a damned good ghost writer who is used to twisting the truth around… karl rove anyone?
It’ll be full of lies anyway, so why bother?
Exactly! Now the real story? The absolute truth? I would read the HELL out of that. This will be the delusional/just want to work/all lies/whitewash version. No interest.
No advance. Cash On Delivery only. Of course, this is all assuming she even knows what’s reality and what’s a cracked out delusion…
And how about “The Crackedwhore”s Book of Lies”?
Or “One Crack, Two Crack, Red Crack, Blue Crack”? A favorite of mine.
Exactly. She’s a master at the art of lying. Her entire adult life has been one big lie. I don’t understand why anyone would publish her version of a memoir — unless they think Oprah makes her more credible? Personally I think Oprah loses credibility for getting involved with her.
I stopped a long time ago posting or even reading the postins about Blohan but I came after reading the header to say just this. Lindsay Lohan has never told the truth about her exploits so I don’t believe for a second this would be any different. If she lives long enough to actually become a functioning member of society then I would say that MAY be the only time she decides to come ‘clean’ about what a mess her life has been for the last 10 years.
Look in her nose, looking a little cracky to me!
Enlarge the picture, of her blowing a kiss, and there seems to be a white substance in the right nostril.
damn, you are right. GOD, THIS CHICK!
Wow! Nice catch! She isn’t even smart enough to make sure her NOSE doesn’t have coke reminates on it before she takes a picture. She is so far gone! 🙁 She can’t use the baby powder excuse to fit her feet in her shoes this time! 😉
those lips got so freaking big they filled my screen and I yelled & pressed close in absolute panic.
🙁
how am I suppose to sleep tonight
gahhhhh…. she is the WORST. I seriously think she sold her soul a long time ago for crack and lip injections. If she “writes” a book, I bet it’s going to be all about how she’s been a helpless victim. Gimme a break.
That definitely ain’t a booger. ..
“To Kill a Pedestrian” by Lindsay Lohan.
Giggle.
That’s what I was thinking!!!
ERMAGERD. That is hilarious!
Seriously, how do you get a cracked out, pathological liar to tell the “truth” in a memoir?? If Lilo’s lips are moving, she’s lying. Even with a ghostwriter, how in the world is the person supposed to sift fact from fantasy? Give this chick money and it’ll go straight up her nose. Bad mistake.
This is just like the Oprah situation. Deja vu all over again. 😉
I will read the crap out of that mess, fully aware that it will almost certainly be made of lies. It’s gonna be epic.
Blow with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan (the kind for her nose!)
The Hustling Work of a Staggering Crackfiend, by Lindsay Lohan
To Kill a Hilton, by Lindsay Lohan
The Real Mean Girl, by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by Tina Fey.
Memoirs of a Necklace Thief, by Lindsay Lohan
The Portrait of a Terry Richardson Treasure, by Lindsay Lohan
Slaughter-house DJ: How Sam Ronson is to Blame, by Lindsay Lohan
The Great Cokesby.
Oh my god I am peeing due to laughter right now because of the Mad Libs thing.Kaiser,I adore you.
If it’s actually a tell-all and she’ll include how she tricked her way out of punishments multiple times and all her drug/sexcapades, I would totally buy the book
“The Black Kid Did It and Other Lies I’ve Told” by Lindsay Lohan.
‘I did crack. then cocaine. then i stole some jewelry. Had dirty sex with Gerard Butler, gave him an STD. My surgeon is my best friend. He gave me this amazing lips. And then there was that time where i had to go to court, I was wearing no bra. and they made a fuss of me driving while drunk. I mean.. the nerve! I remember wearing an orange uniform but i can’t recall where, maybe it was rehab or maybe an Halloween costume.’
Sounds like a bestseller to me.
“Cracktastrophy”
Blow with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
The Life Work of a Staggering Idiot, by Lindsay Lohan
To Kill a Career, by Lindsay Lohan
The Real Cracken , by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by Oprah Winfrey.
Memoirs of a Crack Head, by Lindsay Lohan
The Portrait of a Habitual Liar, by Lindsay Lohan
Slaughter-house Lilo, by Lindsay Lohan
Memoir Title Cracken Mad Libs:
Blown with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
The Incoherent Work of a Staggering Alcoholic, by Lindsay Lohan
To Kill an Innocent Bystander, by Lindsay Lohan
The Real Orange Cone , by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by The Miami Chief of Police.
Memoirs of a Pathological Liar, by Lindsay Lohan
The Portrait of a Plastic Wanna Be Barbie, by Lindsay Lohan
Slaughter-house Tea Party, by Lindsay Lohan
Breakfast at Terry’s
In Coke Blood
Slaughterhouse Five Finger Discount
Frankly, why pay this a-hole when we can pick ANY gossip/celeb site, check under her name and get more legit info!? …FOR FREE! And amazing pics too!
QQ, those pics of her in that pink coat with the white blonde hair are PRICELESS. God.
To Kill An Orange Cone, by Lindsay Lohan
Offered a six figure deal or fishing for one?
“To Kill a Baby in a Maserati” by The Cracken.
Crackie the cautionary tale of Lindsay lohan. How to be a cracken by lilo has a nice sound too. Crack tales how to crack hustle ur way thru Hollywood and other crackfairy tales by lilo is more accurate.
Lol like this chick would ever admit to all the shit she has done or explain how she keeps getting away with her foolishness
Portrait of the Artist as a Young Coke-Head.
High with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
The Sloppy Work of a Staggering Mess, by Lindsay Lohan
To Kill a Career, by Lindsay Lohan
The Real Score, by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by Shia LaDueche.
Memoirs of a Liar, by Lindsay Lohan
The Portrait of a Cracken, by Lindsay Lohan (pictures by Uncle Terry)
Slaughter-house Whore, by Lindsay Lohan
Grifter in the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
The Way not to Work of a Staggering Stoner, by Lindsay Lohan
To Kill a Truth, by Lindsay Lohan
The Real McCraken , by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by White Oprah.
Memoirs of a Con Artist, by Lindsay Lohan
The Portrait of an Innocent, by Lindsay Lohan
Slaughter-house Swindler, by Lindsay Lohan
Is there anything we don’t already know about her?
I’ll putting her soon to be published book in my “Things I will not buy” list.
Is Oprah even helping her get on the right track?
But then again, you cannot save someone who does not want to be saved or help change someone who refuses to change, even if it’s for the better.
I feel sorry for her.
I miss the old Lindsey, you know, from her Mean Girls days when she wasn’t messed up and actually beautiful.
Coked Out with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
The ‘Lohan’ Work of a Staggering Genius, by Lindsay Lohan
To Kill a Cone, by Lindsay Lohan
The Real Johns and Blows , by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by White Oprah.
Memoirs of a Cracked Out Starlet, by Lindsay Lohan
The Portrait of a Cracken, by Lindsay Lohan
Slaughter-house Crack, by Lindsay Lohan
Peter O’Toole just passed away and he wrote two memoirs (which were both pretty hilarious) about all of his drunken carousing… He does it and gets revered for living an amazing life (which he did), while LL is constantly dismissed as a crackhead and nothing else.
I don’t dismiss her as a crackhead and nothing else.
Lohan is a mean-spirited, lying, stealing, violent, entitled jackhole who parties more than she works and has pissed away every blessing she’s been given.
And, she’s a crackhead.
Blow(n) Away with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
The Somewhat True Story: Work of a Staggering Junkie, by Lindsay Lohan
To Kill a Pedestrian, by Lindsay Lohan
Memoirs of a Coke-covered nostril, by Lindsay Lohan
If it came out of a Lohan’s mouth, it’s a lie. So what exactly would be the point of reading a word Lindsay had to say?
Let’s get a tell-all from Gavin Doyle.
Ummm I can’t possibly be the only one who sees coke IN her nose right? Good lord, she’s such a fkn mess.
My Fortune Is Gone with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
The out-of-Work life of a Staggering Drunk, by Lindsay Lohan
To Kill a Psychic, by Lindsay Lohan (though I liked To Kill a Career better, but someone did it)
The Real Good Shit , by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by her Parisian Drug Dealer.
Memoirs of a Grifter, by Lindsay Lohan
The Portrait of a Lady-Lover, by Lindsay Lohan
Slaughter-ho-user of five kilos, by Lindsay Lohan