These are photos of Cameron Diaz at the opening of Tag Heuer’s first NYC store. I still can’t believe people buy non-GPS watches in this day and age. That’s what cell phones are for, right? Watches are still very much a status symbol though, and Cameron gets paid to represent. Her coat is magnificent.
Cameron also covers the Febuary issue of Self magazine to promote The Body Book. She’s already told us all about adult acne, down-there grooming, aging naturally, and poop. Now Cameron’s moved onto a new topic — how single women are portrayed in the media. Cami believes the topic is laden with “chauvinism and misogyny” because society looks at single women like something is wrong with them. This is interesting:
“If a relationship fails, it’s because the woman couldn’t hold on to her man, not that the man cheated. It’s terrifying for a woman to get out of a relationship, because it’s always going to be her fault. I get that a lot, being a single woman. The reports are always saying that Iโm ‘acting inappropriately’ toward men. I don’t at all harp on that sh-t, but I clock it. I notice it. And then I let it go because there is nothing I can do about it.”
[From Self]
She’s absolutely correct. When Cameron and Justin Timberlake broke up, the talk was all about how poor Cami couldn’t get JT to marry her. No one ever considered that maybe JT is a douche boyfriend, which he is probably was. Now he’s a douche husband, but that’s Jessica Biel’s problem.
You know what bothers me on this topic? The notion that there must be something pathetic about a woman if she’s not plastering photos of flower bouquets all over Facebook or Twitter. I’ve never, ever done that whether or not I’m in a relationship. Maybe I’m just not into flowers and candies, but I don’t understand why people feel the pressure to show off on social media. Someone please explain this mysterious behavior to me.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet & WENN
Yep. I’m single and constantly asked why I haven’t settled down yet as if this is some “failing” on my part, whilst my brother – who’s a year older! – has a penis so isn’t judged according to his relationship status. Sigh…
That is so true. Men are told they can always get married at any age because they don’t have an expiration date…unlike us women (according to society). I can’t tell you how upset that makes me. Why is it that the only aspirations a woman can have are getting a husband and having kids? Is that really all life is about? And it’s about time married people on facebook come clean lol we know you’re lives are NOT that perfect !
I don’t know about your friends on fb, but mine have all gone through a too early wedding, got kids and now they’re divorced trying to keep the bitchy ex-wife happy trying to not drown in bills to pay and 2 jobs.
Paola, you are perpetuating it as well. Of course all ex-wives are “bitchy ex-wives” right? Jesus.
+1 on the “bitchy exwife” meme or the “crazy ex wife/girlfriend” or even the “crazy ex” of either sex meme. HATE. It’s statistically impossible that ALL the exes of everyone I know and my friends know are “crazy.”
When I meet someone and they say they have The Crazy Ex, I roll out my massive grain of salt. I also have to bat away the tiny red flag that pokes out from their brow. It’s a tell that says more about the person speaking, or the relationship they had, than the ex (who may actually be awful or crazy 5% of the time, if that).
I guess it’s a coping mechanism, but it contributes to some pretty shitty social ills, and needs to stop.
No no no sorry you guys!! I meant to write ‘bitchy ex wife’ because this is what all men call them! sorry sorry i know what you mean! i’m all for the girl power! unless a woman is a proper bitch of course
We should grow a penis too.. at least everybody will leave us alone! Geeesh how annoying is that at ANY family meeting (even at funerals!) people start asking you when you get married or having kids. I’m sure if i achieved that already there would be something else coming up to make me feel i’m not doing what society wants me to do.
F–k society. There. I said it.
@ Paola
That is so true..I’ve had it happen at a funeral…my own father’s funeral. Was that really the time to remind me I’m single and how my father never got to walk me down the aisle? Really? I don’t talk to those relatives anymore, insensitive jerks.
Someone would have to physically hold me back because I would slap a f*cker hard.
At a funeral!? What is wrong with some people!?
Just ask them when they’re going to die. That’s what comes after marriage and kids, right?
“When are you getting married/going to have kids?”
“I don’t know, when are you going to die?”
At the very least, they probably won’t ask you that again.
@Algernon
lol I thought DIVORCE came after marriage and kids !
Hello fellow spinsters! ๐
Have you seen this?
http://www.featureshoot.com/2014/01/suzanne-heintz/
Love hearing from you ladies on this particular topic and I LOVE Cam for saying what we’re all thinking (and saying too..lol).
..and this is funny too:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/ashleyperez/24-things-single-people-are-tired-of-hearing
paola, this is me to a t. I’m just lucky that my mom tells me things like ‘Don’t have more kids than you can take care of by yourself’, etc—she and all of my aunts have kids with dudes who don’t seem to want to stay, see their kids, or pay child support…..so she gets what she’s talking about. It was so bad for my aunts and one of my second cousins (this was back in the 80s and 90s) that they used to live in one big house, with all their kids, and go to work……
But yeah–you’re me. I’m glad that some people on CB are single and don’t mind it. You should see my FB page–everyone is always on and on about how much they lurve each other–only two couples on my FB page have been together for more than a year.
I had this one friend in 9th grade, who literally wanted a boyfriend so she could say she was dating someone. She asked my brother (and they dated before and agreed that they were better as friends), and said that to his face……we were in 9th grade!!!
I don’t know–I’ve never been interested in having a boyfriend, and I’m still not. I can take or leave dating/marriage/sex—–unless of course Liam Neeson comes to my area ๐ I’ll make an exception then….
But I’m actuallly more focused on trying to find a job (which I have a writing internship now!!! YES!!) and saving up money so I can adopt kids by 25ish……I’m not even focused on a dude….what’s funny is my mom hasn’t even blinked when I told her–she just told me to be able to take care of my kids…..
I love my mama ๐
@ Virgilia Coriolanus
You have one smart mama !
@ TheOriginalKitten
Thanks for the links, hilarious ! I hate the word spinster though.
the same thing actually happened at my moms funeral ,they were all moping not that my mum passed away ,but how iam already 24 and single and no one to guide me ,as to how to get a good husband ,plzzzzz,that made me actually think why the hell do we get these huge degrees ,slave ourselves in college ,only at the end to be treated as smthn of a vermin irrespetive of our intelligence or capabilities ,kudos to Cameron for speaking this outloud,i shall my marry at my own sweettime ,i have no f—s to give to the rest of the society
@ lady mary
I completely agree with you. It doesn’t matter what a woman accomplishes, the only thing that matters is if she’s married and has kids.
Also, people lack sensitivity. It’s a funeral for God’s sake, the last thing on your mind would be trying to find a damn husband when you just lost a parent !
@lady mary
ALREADY 24, this made me laugh so hard ๐
I guess that shows the progress of the society because a hundred years ago you were a spinster at 18, we’ve raised the bar to 24, such an accomplishment on our behalf! ๐
Virgilia – congrats on your internship! I’ve been wanting to ask you, and yes I’m being completely nosey and you don’t have to answer me, but are you planning to go to university or anything similar?
I have been in a relationship with my man for over 10 years, and we aren’t married. My extended family is ALWAYS asking me why, and then they imply that if we “really” loved each other that we’d be married by now, that something must be wrong in our relationship because we are not married.
It is really hard for me to bite my tongue. The friendly reply I give is “we are untraditional and very happy.”
The sassy reply I give is, “I have seen many married people treat each other very poorly. A piece of paper doesn’t make people more committed, it doesn’t make them treat each other well, it doesn’t mean anything if the relationship isn’t strong to begin with. We could not love each other more than we do right now, a piece of paper registering with the state isn’t going to change that.” Sometimes i throw in a remark about being a godless heathen that has no use for religious marriage if I am feeling especially sassy. ๐
littlestar, I honestly have no clue. If I did go to school, I would either go for business (my mom wants to start a spa–she’s a massage therapist, has a colon cleaning machine-thingy, etc) or I would go to baking school.
But I really want to be a writer–I have a few ideas for some plays that I want to write, so I have to do that. But I’m just not sure. Because the only thing I am really passionate about is writing…..and I don’t really want to be a teacher/professor, etc…..I was also thinking about being a paralegal–I’m interested in researching things (as evidence by my posts on CB ๐
So I have to write…..I’m just a huge procrastinator, so I need someone to yell at me to do it (I have my friend doing that for me….ha!)
I’m at that point in life when all my cousins, who are about my age, get married and have kids, meanwhile I’m the single one, and I hear the family talk about it at every opportunity they get. The last time there was a family gathering one aunt actually asked me if I was gay—because in her mind, that’s the only reason I don’t have a boyfriend to show them all.
I’ve got 2 kids and I’m still asked when I’m having more! Hey I’ve got stuff to do with my life!
Yay Spinsters with no Kids and Nosy Assholes Around Club! We need a Theme song and a logo Now Now Now
By the way a CLIENT asked me this crap not to long ago and I really actually said in reply to “Why are You Single”
“Cause the Pickings are shit”
Client NOT taking the hint: “Oh dont worry One day you’ll find your Tall Dark and Handsome prince”
“Not that Im looking but I like em tall and pasty”
Did you hear about the Hong Kong business man who is worth billions. He offered over $40 million to any guy that could win the love of his lesbian daughter and get her to marry him. This was over two years ago and now he’s considering doubling the money. How insane.
Oh, we are the same…….I like ’em tall and pasty too….if I was looking, which I’m not.
QQ, you are hilarious……..stay strong.
Hope you dont mind but I am soo using that line b/c “the pickins are shit”.
I absolutely hate being asked “why am I sill single”. its just so inconceivable to some that I prefer my company to the very small pool of available men in my area for the time being and maybe Ill always be this way..who knows. But there is no way Id ever settle for someone just to have someone there like a lot of women I know.
Koodos to the CB’s Spinsters Club. Im loving all these comments!
@QQ, best comment of the day!
guys, i feel u. I just wanna add, that we shouldnt get pissed when ppl ask us these things. Sometimes it’s a way for them to feel better about themselves (like, “ok, i’ve got really boring husband, but at least i’ve got one, and she doesnt!! poor thing!”).
Also, lots of ppl cannot imagine staying alone and not having someone to focus on.
And, thirdly, it’s just a clichรฉ question, and sometimes we all use them to make conversation (i totally asked some guys -“hey when u gonna marry” i know its kind a trolling ๐ but i did).
So, lets chill, girls. Cuz if u get all pissed of and defensive, it just means u r not really fine with your life as it is. And when u r, such trifles dont bother u.
Just yesterday i got told by one girl (when i said i’m single) – “i’m sure your soulmate is waiting for u somewhere”!!!!hahaha!!! I think it’s cute. She meant well! :DD
That’s a hard thing with me too. Because I remember in sixth grade, asking my new teacher (it was her first year teaching)–who had been married for only a year—if she had any kids. And she said no, and I said, you’ve been married for a year though, and she said ‘i know’….I feel really bad about it now.
It’s hard for me, because I think that’s what society says is good–get married, and then make babies….and so that’s what we ask, especially to people we don’t know.
I have been with my boyfriend for three years and it never ceases to amaze me the total lack of tact people have when it comes to asking others about their relationships. “When’s he going to put a ring on it?” or “Why aren’t yall married yet?” What kills me most is when it comes from people who I am in NO way close to… for instance, a woman at work (I don’t even work WITH her at work…) said to me the other day:
“So you’ll be getting married here and having babies pretty soon, right? I mean, you’re not getting any younger!”
……..I’m going to be 25 in July.
Brown, i should specify – i never ask couples or girls these “marrying” questions ๐ I asked men though, as i remember, and only in general way ๐ just to hear what they think of marrying or smth like that.
About your lady at work – classic example of a person who is probably dissatisfied with her life but wants to validate her choices by trying to patronize others. Or it looks like that. Just smile and wave))
Some people innocently ask “why aren’t you married yet” and some people are just jerks and ask because they want to put you down.
Oh I completely understand that a lot of people are just innocently making conversation and I certainly don’t get angry about it. The thing is, after being asked a million times, on a cumulative level it just starts to feel like they’re trying to say something’s wrong with you.
I would never ask a married person “Hey, when are you gonna drop the dead weight and start having some fun? When are you going to stop living your life for someone else and start living it for YOU?”
You know? That would be rude..lol
@Brown
What is it with people and proclaiming that 24/25 is already even almost too late to get married!? ๐ This is what truly never ceases to amaze ME.
When my sister-in-law at 24 said that she was considering marriage with her boyfriend I asked her if she was drunk ๐ I mean people should get married when they feel is the right time (even at 20 if they will), but at this day and age there are so many things a 24 year old woman can do instead of getting married and popping babies out like it was her only heavenly duty in the world.
And what in the world is it with people even asking these things, what could they possibly gain with me getting married at 22, 25 or ever for that matter? And what if I don’t get married, what’s it got to do with their lives? ๐
Oh, and when you do get married, whenever, the next question is about a baby, “so when can we expect a little grandchild/niece/nephew…”, toast at holidays or family meetings start including “and by this time next year that we have a newcomer (or whatever the phrasing)”… And the disappointed and disapproving faces when we say that there will certainly in the next year be no newcomer… (and colleagues at work are not excluded from asking similar things).
Completely stupid and irrational as the marriage frenzy in my humble opinion.
fruitloops – I agree! It boggles my mind how SO MANY people get married in their early 20s! In my opinion (not that it means much), your 20s should be about enjoying life and discovering yourself (and yes, you can be in a relationship, just don’t make the huge commitment of marriage yet!).
I’m loving reading the comments on here today. I was a single gal for quite a long time and loved every minute of it, and it’s nice to know that there are also a ton of women out there now who are enjoying their independence :D.
FWIW, I’m married and have been for a long time. At this age, if I meet a man who isn’t married/settled down (I’m 42), I immediately wonder what is wrong with him (and there usually is). If I meet a woman at this age who is single, I assume it’s by choice because I meet a lot of women who are single and smart, funny, etc. and having the time of their lives staying single. I honestly think guys who are worth having, do want to be in a committed relationship but women are much better at handling being on their own. Scares the crap out of men so we must put the blame on women. That is my completely unscientific observation.
I agree with you, All the single men around 40 I know are single for a reason, and women around 40 that I know are single are so because all the single men that are left are, well, a poor pick (I don’t know if the phrase is correct, but I hope the message is clear). ๐ I’m talking mainly of men and women that have never been married (divorced are a different story completely because who knows what went down in their lives). Also, I’m generalizing widely, there are exceptions on both sides probably, but that’s the general impression I’ve got.
She is absolutely correct about how society views single woman, especially those like myself who have no desire to be married or have kids. I live in a very conservative and religious area and they do automatically think either something is wrong with you or that you’re gay if your not married and straddled with a bunch of kids by the time you’re 25-30. Its insane. meanwhile most of the ones making those judgements are living unhappy, some just down right miserable lives b/c they dont want to be single or cant make it on their own so they go from one bad relationship to another..drives me nuts. I have a few friends who always post this or that about their so called perfect relationship but then you find out that either he/she was cheating or there were other issues and their reality is nothing like what they portray on Facebook or whatever.
I agree. What’s wrong with being single? Why does a woman have to get married and have kids? This is the reason I hate going to weddings. I’m tired of hearing “looks like you’re the only single gal left, when’s it gonna be your turn?” or “Is something wrong, why aren’t you married yet?”. They just assume you’re having a hard time finding a guy, when really you’re not even looking !
I dont get it either, funny you should say about weddings b/c the last one I went to I wasnt even there for 15 minutes when a friend of a friend asked about me (b/c I didnt bring a date…the shame!) and instantly started making a mental list of her single male friends that would just be so perfect for me..No thanks! I think thats the worst is when they do find out you’re single they automatically think you’ll be just so perfect for so and so who happens to be single. Lesson learned long time ago..never do set ups! I have never once been interested in any of the guys they wanted e to meet and it just leads to such an awkwardness that makes me just not want to go out at all.
I know people find it hard to believe but I think Im actually happier inside being single than most of my friends in their so called “blissful’ relationships. At least I have a peaceful house to come home to.
@ Macey
If you’re not married by a certain age, people think you’re desperate and therefore mention guys who they think would be perfect for you…usually single guys who have NOTHING going on…no education, no real job, immature, etc. It’s insulting. Why can’t a woman be single by choice?
Totally . The friend that posted the most annoying updates about her awesome relationship fought non stop w her husband.
I was single beyond 30, and I got tired of questions, blind date offers and the like. However, the funniest twist on the why haven’t you married question came from an older male neighbor who said, “Why don’t you get married…and be miserable like the rest of us?” His wife was within earshot, which made it even more comical.
ha ha! to your neighbor, I actually hear that from a few too. Funny thing is my friends that Ive known for yrs or all my life have no problem with it and actually have always said I was smart for not getting married. its usually just new people I meet. I think my friends like to keep me single so they have an escape house to go to when they’re fighting with their boyfriend/husbands..lol
As a disclaimer, I should mention that my marriage resulted from a set up date that mutual friends had been mentioning for years. They thought we would get along, but for different reasons (including being tired of being set up) we didn’t mutually agree to meet for several years.
It does get more challenging to meet new people, so I do think friends are well intended when they try to arrange dates. However, if I am ever single again, I probably would not date at all. I would hopefully revert back to being content with having my own space and being content with my own company. You have to do what works for you and take it as it as it comes.
Macey, people in marriage fight, everyone fights once in a while, friends, families, couples… A relationship is not unhappy because of an occasional fight, it’s unrealistic to expect a relationship to last a lifetime without an argument or two, or a huge fight or two. Also it’s impossible to simplify these things and what makes a succesful relationship and how many fights is one too many, life consists of so many things, and so does a marriage (or any relationship).
Don’t listen to all the judgment. Do what is right for you! When I was young, I did everything I was supposed to do according to my culture. I got married at 22, I had 4 kids in my 20s. It’s fine and I love my children (still married somewhat happily) but I so regret that I didn’t make my own decision. What culture SHOULD tell women constantly is to do what’s right for them and not worry about whether or not they are in a relationship. But culture tells women the opposite.
Yeah….. the reality of it is why they’re lying about it on Facebook. They’ve actually done studies on the content on FB and come to the conclusion that most of it is bull. I also read a study where people who are on FB are more prone to depression and feelings of inadequacy b/c they seriously believe the, well, photoshopped presentations of all of their friends’ lives. I’ve watched a friend go through this, I totally believe it’s true. People need to get off that thing and get back to their own lives.
I really believe that, even the part about those who get “FB envy” b/c their lives arent as exciting as others on FB seem. I can kind of relate to that b/c I do tend to get jealous or down when I see all the pics of ppl at beaches and stuff and im stuck in an office all day and know I wont be able to take a vacation any time soon..lol
Agree about people needing to get off FB and live their lives. That site has reintroduced the adult population to high school. Very annoying. I use it so infrequently I now get the discount view… Where I can barely find posts from those I actually care about. Agree tho about the FB envy… Even with the minimal exposure. It’s like a year round Christmas card newsletter. And you do eventually discover the tattered edges behind the glossy presentation. Not before it annoys the fuck out of us tho.
What’s rather ironic is that the church my family left, was the complete opposite. They didn’t talk about it much, but basically the pastor said (and keep in mind, he was talking about religious views, etc), that it was better to never marry, than to marry wrong i.e. don’t date or marry any of you heathens that are going to hell…
I think that society is misogynistic in general. CD likely identifies most with the single-woman misogyny, because that is what is written about in the magazines.
However, just off the top off my head, think of all the ways women are devalued
1. Not having kids
2. Having kids (no sex appeal, mom jeans stereotype, unless you lose all the baby weight in a week)
3. Working
4. Not working
5. Aging women – big one
6. And on and on
Good points with that list! I have had people tell me I am selfish because I don’t want to have kids. I think they just want me to feel their pain, lol.
Well said, Lemon.
@Tiffany:) : you’re the opposite of selfish for not wanting kids. And I say that as a mom.
Yup. Add to the above “wanting and pursuing a sex life”.
I live in NYC & I still get crap for never having been married, at nearly 47. And the thing is, the men who are in my supposedly viable age range? If they’re somewhat still attractive and fit then they’re unemployed. I am so much better off alone.
To quote a friend’s single mother, who has a decent job and is in her late 50s, most of the men in the 50s-up age bracket are looking for a nurse or a purse.
My fellow spinsters—i have a question…Does the meaning of “single” change once you get into you late 20s and 30s? ..i’ve been with my boyfriend for about 2 years yet in my family and friends eyes, i feel like they consider me “single” because Im not engaged to him or married. In my early 20’s, “single” meant something entirely different- that you aren’t exclusively dating any guy. Now, I feel like single = not married. I still get people trying to set me up with their sons and friends. Its strange.
@stacey … I’m 26 and have been with my boyfriend (29) for almost five years. We’ve lived together since nine months in, but we don’t plan to get married (I made sure at the very beginning that he shared my anti-marriage views).
No one except my mom can accept this — they assume I will change my mind, and I’m not sure how many years have to pass until our life choices are taken seriously. Friends even combine my first name with his last name “as a joke” — are we in fifth grade??! — even though they know how I feel about the patriarchal expectation that a woman’s identity belongs to her father until it belongs to her husband.
Anyway, unfortunately I think it only gets worse as we age; “single” just turns into “spinster” until relatives start mourning the family life that never was. Hopefully your loved ones will learn to ease up, be patient, and stop placing unnecessary pressure and tension onto a relationship that isn’t theirs.
But its known how A-Rod wiped his feet on her and she kept taking him back.
Wasn’t there a recent story in some bio about how hookers would see A-Rod in one room seconds before Cameron Diaz showed up?
Was this not a constant theme in their love story? Why put up with that?
And then have the ignomy of letting A-Rod be the one end after tolerating his c-r-a-p
Timberlake was little better but she adored him and famously had a meltdown at Justin when he showed up with Jessica Biel at a Golden Globes party soon after he broke up with her
Actions speak louder than words
She’s making all the right noises as usual on being independent, single e.t.c but I ain’t buying what Cammie’s selling or proclaiming concerning her
re: the meltdown – weren’t there rumours of JT cheating on her with Biel? If my recent ex (after several years together) showed up an an event with his jump-off that he cheated on me with, i would probably tell them both to f-off in a pretty dramatic fashion. especially after a few glasses of wine. (and the globes is well known for getting its attendees drunk).
I would agree if the situation did not pan out that her BFF Drew Barrymore had to drag her away and Diaz was clearly distressed/upset for all to see.
She did not show up Timberlake or Biel more showed how he still affected her (especially after tolerating his BS for so long for nought).
She is not quite my feminist icon yet IMO. This is the woman who publicly said she would travel anywhere for c*ck. Said it in a magazine interview. And A-Rod doesn’t seem like someone who respects his women. Nice to hear it from her but I wonder how much of this is related to wanting to sell her new book. Best wishes to her for success as an author though. I will have to check her book out at the book store to see how she did.
I don’t think there’s anything un-feminist about traveling anywhere for c*ck. Like, if you like c*ck, go get some! And I don’t think it’s un-feminist to have difficulty in relationships, and to find yourself drawn to damaging people. But, it is all related to selling her book, for sure. I don’t really mind it, and I think I’ll defo check the book out too (perhaps get it second hand for cheap though!)
We understand a lot of truths in theory before we reach the resolve to practice them. That’s growth, not hypocrisy.
Very true. And I’ll refrain from calling it hypocrisy in this instant because she didn’t say “be single!” or passing judgment or telling us to do what she’s doing. She’s simply expressing a POV.
Great point, and REALLY well said. ๐
With regard to her meltdown, part of her statement might explain it. She does say that no matter what, it’s our fault. Society sees something wrong with it. Maybe she’s ok NOW because she’s accepted it, but back then might have been a different story. I get what you’re saying. She does contradict herself a lot, but don’t a lot of us? I tend to be a huge b*tch but in this case I’m going to take a seat and let her say what she has to say because God knows if she actually learned and grew from those past meltdowns.
Maybe she’s gained a lot wisdom from her misfortunes? I’m more impressed with her now than in past years.
OK, her coat is awesome, she is aging beautifully, and she is bang on with this comment. I’ve never been a big fan of hers but I am firmly Team Cami after reading some of the comments she’s made recently. I know it’s basically PR for her latest project, but I respect people who don’t just come out with the same platitudes while they’re doing the promotional run.
I’ve always been a fan of hers precisely because she reps singlehood like no other female celebrity. Love her for that.
I second that Embertine. Been liking Cami’s style a lot more recently. Clothes and otherwise. Ill also say she has really fascinating features. I’m surprised by how striking she is in movies. I think she was in gangs of NY, and she was one of the best parts.
Even when a couple divorces, 9 times out of 10 the woman gets blamed. It’s ridiculous. Even when a child is acting up or gets in trouble, it’s because their mother “didn’t raise them well”.
About social media, people on facebook pretend to have great lives, but no one really knows what’s going on. It’s all about who can fake having a fun and happy life when behind closed doors it’s usually different. That’s just my take and by all means I know there are some really happily married people out there !
I keep telling myself that people only post their greatest hits on Facebook, not their flops. So when we’re looking at social media, we are looking at someone’s highlight reel, the best of the best.
Also, when someone constantly posts about how great a specific thing is – job, spouse, whatever – it reeks of “the lady dost protest too much.” Makes me wonder if everything in their life is really so awesome.
Thank you !! I’m sick and tired of a certin family member of mine posting on their Facebook about how she married her soul mate. We get, I love my husband madly, but I you will never catch me pulling that crap.
To paraphrase that old saying about teachers, “Those who can do. Those who can’t (do) just post crap on Facebook that says they can”. Soul mate, my ass.
Thank you, I am keeping that phrase for future use. ๐
wow, true!
I couldnt stand that crap and the never ending engagement photo shoots (that are sooo cheesy), and wedding boot camp posts, and 100 picture wedding photo albums on facebook so I dont log on anymore. It was stressing me out and poisoning my feelings about my life and my boyfriend!
I don’t know a single woman who plasters flower bouquets anywhere? Bouquets as in wedding bouquets? Also, watches are essentially jewelry. What are GPS watches good for? In case I get lost? THAT is what my smartphone is for ๐
Have you ever been on Pinterest?
Be warned, it can be quite barf inducing.
Actually no. Thanks for the warning ๐
I am a Pinterest addict, and I am ashamed to say I have a bouquet board….not for some sad imaginary wedding or anything, I don’t go that far, I just amaze at all the amazing flower combos in the world, and am totally jealous that Duchess Kate gets to walk around holding flowers all day like a pretty princess. So sad, and I never thought I would be that girl, but Pinterest turns the critical brain to mush I’m afraid. It’s easy to knock it until you’ve ventured on to its alternate universe of shredded corsage t-shirts and mason jar fairy light forests with cartoon themed canapes and hand pressed cocktails in vintage Venetian flutes. I do not overshare my own personal flower bouquets or any of that tacky crap though!
making stands for the wedding/engagement ring with flowers and seashells so they can put it on their bedside table and stare at it lovingly everytime they wake up
painting your vows on the wall above your bed
painting bible verses about how to serve your man in the house
encasing your wedding shoes in a glass jar like it’s art in a museum
shit like that is way worse than a bouquet board ๐
I also have a Pinterest account and really like it as a moodboard for sewing projects, but sometimes I take a wrong turn and end up in Stepford
@sisi – do people actually DO those things? for real? like, in real life? and not as a joke?
Thank you Sisi, my shame is much lessened! Barf to all of the above! Also anything involving footprints in the sand/bible combos, cringey “arty” naked couple pics, entwined crap, bad poetry, I could go on…;-)
@ Yael
No idea if these things are actually done, but such pins are extremely popular
My pinterest board is full of pictures of drool-inducing food with recipes that I intend to try but never do :(. But it does feel nice (and fulfilling LOL) to see those pictures ๐
Re: Pinterest… You just have to find the right people to follow. I have fangirl(Lord Of The Rings/Star Wars/Batman), books I’ve read, art/mixed media, funnies, quotes from books, tattoos… boards like that, no food, wedding (gag), lame quotes, whatever.
Anyway, my Pinterest is nowhere near Stepford, but I’ve seen it from afar and I love that description, Sisi! LOL
I’ve wondered if I’m not following enough people to filter out the junk – I mean I’m open to new things and do see pins I like from people I don’t follow, but there is still an awful lot of dross in my feed.
I have mine set to show only my “Home Feed,” and I don’t follow people entirely, I go through their boards and follow the ones I like individually, that helps a lot too.
Very true! It’s all about who you follow on Pinterest. I follow my favourite fashion bloggers and food bloggers, so my Pinterest is mainly fashion and food. I love Pinterest though, it is so handy.
Ahhh good to know, not sure I have that set up right thx.
She’s not wrong. Society has a tendency to cast fault on/categorize the woman. If a relationship ends because of cheating by the male, the female is a madonna; if it ends because the female cheated, she’s a whore.
As for the trophy praising on social media – to me, it again seems to stem from the placing women in one of two categories: coupled/successful vs. single/unsuccessful. This competition is harmful and inane, and it feeds into the idea that women can be so easily defined.
True. Case in point, Angie lets all the blame for the demise of Brad and Jen, yet I rarely hear of anyone denouncing Brad.
I completely agree with her, there are certain gossip sites that are really overly critical of her imo (cough Lainey), that paint her out as some sad man hungry girl. I mean sure she has pretty dubious taste in men, but she’s not alone in that, as Bedhead points out at least she wasn’t stupid enough to cling on for dear life and marry them. Despite myself I am really wanting to buy this book, I know it will all be fairly obvious and maybe a teeny bit vapid but overall I am just enjoying her tone, it’s so refreshing in the age of GOOP. It cracks me up that they are good buddies, I feel like Cameron reads GOOP and goes “OK I’m doing the OPPOSITE of that!”, all the while telling Gwyneth how awesome her quinoa coconut water fast is.
Oh my god YES! So much word to what you said here, particularly about how Diaz is painted by Lainey and others.
๐ I do like Lainey, but she is pretty harsh/hardcore sometimes. She does make me laugh a lot too though.
Agreed Mrs. Darcy!
I’ve found Cameron’s attempt to re-make herself as a sort of ‘lifestyle guru’ rather annoying, but she’s spot on here. Why, in this day and age, are single women perceived as being sad? Especially when just about every study ever done on the subject reports that happiness levels for women typically decline after marriage, and rise for men. Yet women are the ones who need to get married? I don’t think so.
I think society is chauvinistic towards women in general and single women in particular. I didn’t get married until I was almost 40 years old, and I was happy being single as I am married.
Same here, I loved my single life and was in no hurry to get married. However, my spouse and I often remark to each other how glad we are to have “in-house” good sex on the regular. ๐
I got married in my 40’s and now separated in my 40’s due to his infidelity. Of course it’s my fault because I’m “old” and was left for a younger woman. (She was so not an upgrade at all, lol)
They never are an upgrade! How does that harsh saying go? “Show me a beautiful woman, and I’ll show you a guy sick of doing her.”…something like that.
I hate that saying. Women get tired of screwing the same guy too, but of course it’s a woman’s fault that some guy is tired of doing her. Ugh, Our whole society has it set up for a woman to fail. Beautiful? Yeah, there’s a guy out there tired of sexing her. You just can’t win!
to YuYa- “You just canโt win!”
yeah, there is no way to win, as long as winning implies general approval of your looks and lifestyle. For men or women. The problem is, that women, in average , are slightly more vulnerable to this absence of “approval” than men. And then we become obsessed with fitting in some “successful” (beatifull, young, married, famous whatever) frame. That’s our own fault that we put such weight into being liked and approved.
Same here. I was almost 40 and we’d been together for almost 20 years. As un-romantic as it sounds, it was easier and cheaper to get elope than it would have been to file all the paperwork for wills, trusts, POA, DNR, you name it. It was a formality for us and we’re just as happy now as we were pre-marriage.
What I still hear is “why don’t you have kids????” First of all, none of your business. Second, I have known I wasn’t mother material since the age of 5. It was never something I felt the need to do. In fact, I wish more people were honest with themselves about how they truly feel about being a parent instead of caving to societal pressure. Because I believe being a parent is the toughest job there is.
An old friend really shocked me once. This was a young woman that had worked since her teens, started her own company, very career driven, very smart. In my eyes, a feminist. One day she started quizzing me on my view of having children. I was told point blank that as a woman, as an ANIMAL, I was put on this earth to bear children. That was my JOB. And that I was somehow being selfish and letting everyone down by not breeding LOL! I…I had no words. I was speechless. We are no longer friends…
A++ she is absolutely right.
Women are still viewed as being mothers or sex partners first and foremost, and the media isn’t doing jack shit to change that.
If you decide to go through life without a husband and child you’re suddenly the Antichrist and a waste of space.
Also, I love watches and I love to wear them. They’re not a status symbol for me, the one I currently have cost less than $20. I don’t feel like looking at my cell phone all the time and I like the look of them and the fact I’m always aware of the time when I need to be.
Wow, interesting that she is putting this out there. I am not single but for the better part of high school, college and my 20’s I was and the shit people would say to me was weird. I never understood why people cared so much about the fact I was or acted like I was depressed or sad that I didn’t have a SO. I wasn’t, I did what I want when I wanted to and it was awesome. Sometimes I think people are so co-dependent they can’t understand not having SO is not a bad thing.
@Relli, I remember turning 23 and feeling like I was an oddity for not having a SO. Most of my good friends married immediately after college graduation (as in the next month). It was 10 years before I married, and I learned a lot in those years.
I do think she has a good point about how women are viewed differently. A guy who stays single is a bachelor; a woman, a spinster. Even though the latter word isn’t often used, the connotation is there.
Posting your life all over social media makes me side-eye. I’m too busy living my life to worry about showing it off. I get what she’s saying and totally agree but for the most part I can shrug it off. Some people are simple and less worldly. They won’t understand so I just smile.
I do love the “but who will take care if you when you’re old! ” argument. Please. I’ve spent enough time working with the elderly to know what a farce idea that is. Be OK on your own because someday you almost certainly mostly will be.
From what I’ve seen, people have kids expecting they will take care of them in old age. The reality is that most elderly folks rarely get the chance to see their kids or grandkids. They are living in retirement homes, not with their adult children. You spent so much of your life working just to raise those kids, put them through college, pay for their weddings, and at the end of it all you’re still alone. I know this isn’t always the case, but I’m seeing it way too often.
Exactly, Mia-the only guarantees in life are death and taxes.
Having kids does NOT guarantee that you won’t end up in a home.
This is so mean, but whenever our mother drives us a little crazy we always threaten to throw her in a home (she’s only 53). Of course it is only a joke. We have an extra apartment attached to our home and I’m a nurse. But that does happen too often.
Oh good God, yes. Thank you, Cameron. I’m not usually a big fan of hers, but it drives me NUTS how tabloids treat any woman who dares to be single and over thirty-two.
Like the whole Jennifer Aniston thing. Like how she can’t keep a man and how every time she gets one, it has to be about Brangelina and how she’s “competing” with them. Because every one of her life decisions has to be based around the man she was with almost an entire decade ago and the woman he is with now. How they always frame some competition she’s in with Angelina based on whether or not Jennifer is dating anyone or not. Never mind things like income, professional clout, public profile, charity work, etc. No, their entire lives revolve around each other and the men they’re with.
Or how the tabloids gave January Jones so much flack for —gasp— having a kid without involving a man in the equation. They gave her way more crap for that than the fact that she has a penchant for hitting on guys with wives/girlfriends. Because apparently being an adulteress isn’t as bad as being a single mother. And I’m not being a slut-shamer here, either. I’m just saying: making out with a guy who is with someone else is bad thing to do. Being a single mother is not. But you wouldn’t know that based on the tabloids.
Seriously, look at the coverage about someone like Jennifer Aniston or Cameron Diaz vs. say, Rihanna. Aniston and Diaz are sad and pathetic and obviously are crazy and have issues because they’re not married and over forty, meanwhile Rihanna is a symbol of “sexual empowerment” and a “bad-ass” and “the sexiest star” or whatever even though she not only repeatedly went back to a man who put her in the hospital, but also defended his actions numerous times. Because she’s young and she’s been seen with a boyfriend consistently, even though that boyfriend beat her senseless. And I’m not trying to judge Rihanna here, either. But obviously, she’s had severe psychological issues. That’s fine, I have psychological issues as well. But let’s not pretend that Rihanna is somehow an empowered badass while women like Aniston and Diaz, who have lasted in the entertainment industry for decades, sustained healthy careers, and whose biggest scandals involve their break-ups, are sad losers.
Or how about the shit Denise Richards had to deal with for so long? People aren’t giving her shit anymore because after what she’s done for Charlie’s kids, there’s no denying she’s a god damn saint. But In the first several years following their divorce, people were constantly saying how crazy she was. Not just her ex. But the tabloids portrayed her that way as well. I remember watching Chelsea Lately in High School (this was before I realized what a cow she is) and she used to talk shit about Denise Richards all the time. To the point where when Denise came on the show, they did a montage of Chelsea calling Denise nuts (which Denise was totally sweet and gracious about) and it lasted quite a while. Or Bill Maher giving her shit. Or all the times people like Perez Hilton and other gossip blogs called her nuts. Keep in mind that this was in comparison to CHARLIE FREAKING SHEEN.
It’s just bad. So bad. ANd it’s ridiculous considering the entertainment industry has a long history of incredibly talented, downright legendarily talented and successful women who were never got married, were mostly single, or simply had frequent relationships that didn’t last. Mae West never got hitched. Katharine Hepburn, even though she was with Spencer Tracy for years, didn’t get hitched. Stevie Nicks never married. So really? Why are these women treated like freaks? Because sexist bullshit.
HELLS YES.
They talked crap about January Jones–about her being a single mom—seriously? Wow….I guess I should’ve expected that. Was it in tabloids??? I’ve never really heard about it—I would’ve thought they would’ve ran with those rumors that the director was the dad….
Anyway, great post–made me stop and think about the things I say and do on here. Like I’m trying not to be unnecessarily mean or cruel about JA because I don’t like her—although I don’t think I’ve ever called her pathetic because she was single (I think I’ve referenced that that’s what the tabloids say)–but I think she has a ton of fun, whether she’s single or not…..
Great post!
When she was announced as pregnant and had the kid, there were all these stories about who the father could be and speculation about why she was keeping it a secret. They really hounded her. And you read comments talking about how horrible she was to deny her kid a Father. She really had to come out and defend herself like mad about her choices regarding her kid.
The only psychological issue you could possibly have, judging from this brilliant post, is that you sometimes might end up being deeply depressed because of the state this world is in. You go, girl!
Amazing post, thank you.
I’d only like to add that maybe they don’t talk about Rihanna because there are so many other things for them to harp on (how she dresses, her psychological state, drinking, etc), I think she’s been single for a while now? I actually like her for not rubbing any boyfriend stuff in our faces (*cough*Beyoncรฉ) but you mostly see her having a good time with her friends.
I hate people who look down on me for being single, it’s like it’s impossible to be happy if you’re not in a relationship. I even have female friends (in the 20-30 range) who whine to me about not wanting to “end up alone”, and need someone to “complete” them, they are “bored” without someone in their lives. Really? You can’t find happiness in your own life? Then I pity YOU.
After being single my whole life it was actually hard getting into a relationship because I felt like I had to mourn my singledom, haha. I love my boyfriend to death, but being alone is so much easier ๐ Then again I grew up with a mother who was single and it’s shown me that you don’t need a relationship in order to lead a happy, varied life.
WendyNerd,
Katherine Hepburn was married and divorced young, but I don’t think that detracts from your argument. I agree with a lot of what you say.
I think she’s right and I’m coming from the other perspective than I lot of previous commenters. I am married to a man with a very successful career, giving me the ability to be a stay at home mom. Since I have been married I have noticed a remarkable change in the respect I receive from my family and friends and even people that just met me and learn about my marriage and my lifestyle. And what did I do to earn it? I fell in love and got married, that’s all. It’s very strange.
But I also have to say I am very very happily married and some single people should be less cynical about the validity of happy marriages. Not all women become more depressed after marriage, and many people share their happiness on social media because that happiness is a genuine part of their lives and marriages.
Yeah, some of the comments made me wince. A woman is understandably annoyed because some unevolved, ill-mannered people pity her single status, so she criticizes marriage? Instead of tearing down marriage, why not point out all the positive aspects of being single? There are very happy single AND married women out there.
I don’t do Facebook. It’s like receiving the “Christmas Letter” every day of the year.
In this era of social media and highly polished online personalities that people present online, single girls can get sick of the soulmate, marriage, engagement stuff getting shoved down their throat. There is a braggadocio element inherent to social media and facebook posts. I don’t need to broadcast my happiness with my boyfriend in order to enjoy the happiness. Its there and its between us not facebook and my facebook friends. So, I know I’m a weirdo in this day and age.
Personally, I no longer post on fb but keep it open should someone message me or i need to rsvp to a party. I am too busy with my life and engaged in the people or whatever i’m with in that moment to think of things to post that people would want to read. I know no one on facebook cares what I have to post. I do take pictures with my phone and share them, via text, with my close girlfriends, family and boyfriend instead of the large less intimate facebook audience. I’m a private person I guess.
Amen! I’ve been single , by cchoice, for 15 years….after being through two bad marriages, and everyone is in my face about supposedly wassting the’best years of my life’ and not trying. to find a husband’…
Then as you know being through two bad marriages, there are more marriages than not that are highly dysfunctional and people stay because of finances and children or just don’t want to be out there alone so put up with it. It can be very lonely in a marriage, though. I would rather be alone than being in a bad marriage where I feel lonely because there is no connection to my spouse anymore and/or the way he treats me is cold and dismissive. I work in the legal field and had many clients who were divorce lawyers. The details that come out when divorcing is eye-opening. I know many people divorcing in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. Just because you see a lot of people married around you doesn’t mean they are all content and happy. I think children and finances have a lot to do with people staying together that would otherwise divorce.
I am very happy, but it took me a second one to get it right and growing up myself. And I try never to take him for granted.
Exactly. I’m in my 40s and I have a friend in her 50s. She’s got daughters who are in their early 30s who haven’t married, and she keeps trying to analyze why I’ve never been married, with the idea of helping her daughters to avoid my “mistakes”. Her analysis usually revolves around trying to figure out which of my personality flaws has caused my failure to have a Happily Ever After.
Finally, it got so blatant that I called her on it (with a couple of drinks in me). I’m like, I’ve been in LTRs and I’ve been loved and in love, and none of them happened to work out before my clock ran out. I’m a good daughter and mom and friend and sister . And if I didn’t quite get the marriage thing down doesn’t make me a failure at all of life. As far as I’m concerned, my life has a happy ending.
And the irony is that she’s married to a man who basically ignores her and does his own thing. As near as I can tell, they have no real partnership — and if she dropped off the face of the earth, he probably wouldn’t notice for at least a week. She gets money and consistency out of the situation, but I have yet to figure out if anything genuinely positive still exists in their marriage. My friend is so invested in her status quo she’s ignoring that fact that it’s possible to be lonelier in an unhappy or unequal relationship than it is to be by yourself.
What a rude friend and how passive-aggressive. Maybe she doesn’t need to analyze you, and just maybe look at herself as the reason. Maybe her daughters are making sure they don’t get married and end up like their mother, married to a man that ignores her and no real connection. They will marry if and when they find someone who fulfills them as a partner.
@Malificent
Looks, to me, that she’s trying to find something “wrong” in your situation, so that she can go on feeling that hers is the better one, all evidence to the contrary, it seems. If I were her I’d be trying to find out how you get along so well being single so that I could figure out how to be happy without having an SO who ignores me.
I’m single and happy, I do have friends who are looking. I have seen many friends “settle” and I won’t do that, but I would never judge them either. We all have our own roads to travel, and in the end we are the ones who deal with the outcome of our own decisions, always.
I agree with her comments. Women are only allowed a few narratives in our culture. Madonna, whore, mother, wife. Single women screw up the simple narrative.
I’ll like her saying stuff like this much more if she goes back and clarifies her “women want to be objectified” crap. Creepy Uncle Terry’s pics are one of the reasons women are only allowed so many narratives. But she’s cool with that, just not anyone asking if she wants to get married or have kids.
I have been totally impressed by her book and it’s not at all what I thought. It’s very informative and researched and really utilizes science and our bodies but in a way you can understand and relate. Color me shocked and impressed by this book Cami put out and it’s a very empowering book . I should have known she wasn’t going to be a Gwyneth.
Ladies, it doesn’t stop after you get married. Then the harassment moves on to “when are you having kids.” dont even get me started on that. If I have one more person smirk at me when I tell them I don’t want kids and say “oh, you’re young yet” “I thought just like you once and now I have four!” I’m going to cut someone. Even after you have kids, I’ve heard, it doesn’t quit. “when are you having more kids?”
Oh…it doesn’t stop after you’ve had a child. I had people come up to my then-4 year-old daughter (now 24) and ask, “So when are you getting a little brother or sister?”
Mind you, that question wasn’t directed directly at ME, but I was standing there when it was asked. So, in a roundabout, passive-aggressive way, it was posed to me.
It doesn’t even stop then, bondbabe. A couple of my friends have had the nerve to have larger families, and apparently once you have more than two children, the question becomes, “Why did you have so many?”
Some people never tire of telling women what to do with their relationships, families, and bodies.
Yep–if you don’t have kids, then it becomes when are you having one, then it becomes when are they going to get a brother/sister, then if you have the nerve to have more than 2-3, then they think they know your personal finances…..
Women can’t win, either way.
OMG! That’s one I absolutely loathe. I’m married, over 30 and the “baby- shaming” is NONSTOP. Apparently it’s not okay to just be married…one must procreate.
I’m all for happy, dedicated mothers: single or with a partner. But for us to be happy just the two of us makes us selfish, shallow unfulfilled people apparently. And if I say we are still waiting to have kids (if we decide we want to in 2-3 years)…people seem to think that your uterus turns into a barren wasteland after 30. NOT SO!!! So many people have happy healthy babies well into their 30’s.
Being a parent isn’t to be taken lightly. If we’re not ready to do it, it’s our decision. And we’re the best judge of that. And I also hate the typical response to that answer… “Well, you’re never REALLY ready to have a baby”….
Ugh. Rant over.
I’m glad you’re smart enough to know when you’re ready to have children or if you want them at all. I don’t understand how it’s considered selfish to not have kids. I think sometimes people have kids just out of pressure or because they think somehow it will fix their marriage…isn’t THAT being selfish?
I am a 54 year old divorced teller with 2 grown children. A customer/previous board member of the financial institution for which I work asked me just last week if I had a boyfriend (not because he was interested in me) and when I answered “no”, his response was “what’s wrong?”
she is totally right on with that observation!
Didn’t anyone tell you women can’t function without a man in their life? God forbid a woman take care of herself.
Omg I hope you asked him what was wrong with HIM for asking such a rude question!!!
he has teased and tried to “set me up” since i started working here. my standard answer/statement is “I only date men 20 years younger than myself. “
Good for you!
@Margaret: been in this exact situation with a board member. I told him it was because I hadn’t met a man smarter than I was — that was why I was single. Shut his sh1t down real fast. Stay strong! We are great on our own!
Love that answer.
That is awesome BooBoo!
JT being a douche is NOT Jessica Biel’s problem–it’s JT’s problem.
ฮ think I like her more and more these days!
My latest party trick is to answer the question “Why are you single?” with “Why are you married?” One caveat: this line of questioning isn’t meant for the faint hearted.
I’m going to try that !
@Sarah: Me too! Great response!
LOL brilliant.
Not just towards single women~misogyny and chauvanism are directed at ALL women, regardless of age/marital status/children or not status. If any of you reading this think that there is NOT an absolute open war on women and TRUE equal status in every aspect of life than you REALLY need to start paying attention. Labels such as pro abortion (vs. the much more appropriate label of PRO CHOICE) have a huge semantic context that isn’t necessarily obvious to the casual listener or reader. There is a HUGE difference between being pro abortion or pro choice, and until we as a society~and we, as women~INSIST on changing the vocabulary and conversation than these attitudes will persist and even get worse. How do you change the conversation? With your votes, with your dollars, and with your voices. Educate yourselves on what the REAL issues are~do the politicians advocating draconian anti-choice measures REALLY care about what happens once a life is outside of the womb? For the most part, not really~they are the ones eliminating the social safety nets that help provide a basic existence (ie, LIFE) for these children. Anti choice measures DIRECTLY affect the social, medical, political, economic, personal, and financial aspects of ALL womens’ lives. That means your mother, your sister, your aunt, your niece, your friends~all of their lives directly controlled by a blatantly clear political agenda of marginalization, disenfranchisement, control, and devaluation. This is systemic and deeply rooted, and until people recognize it for what it is and actively fight against it, it will continue.
Well I’m from the Caribbean an I am pitied because I’m single. They try to set me up with losers and then laugh behind my back smh. Anyway people that tweet and and post all their personal information online do it for validation that they matter in this world. They are insecure. My classmate posted his entire proposal to his girlfriend on FB in a series of pictures. I still don’t understand why he felt the need to do that.
Do I know you? I’m from the Caribbean too and I have a friend in my FB feed who did the exact same thing.
It seems to me that women tend to be pleasers, more so than men. Nothing wrong with that. The world needs pleasers. Also, women tend to be more concerned with how they are viewed by other people & society as a whole. It can lead to an imaginary prison situation. It’s all about choice & not giving too much credence as to what other people think. Find freedom.
@Cecilia “Itโs all about choice & not giving too much credence as to what other people think” Exactly,
my biggest flaw is I find it hard to care what people think or remember the stupid things they say or ask. Basically you really do what you want; get married or not, have children or not, talk about it or not. I personally think men need marriage more than women. Women to me are more be self sufficient. You do have to ignore the masses. They are changing very slowly in almost everything. The questions never stop. I am in my 60’s the latest line of questioning I ignore is why I take vacations alone. To me its not a vacation if I am not alone been this way forever, but now I stand out (old and alone ha) so it continues. Well not as much, my face now stops some questions and sends them to better targets ๐
Men are helpless babies. Society raised them to depend on women, who do everything for the guy. And why can’t a guy make his own sandwich? I have yet to witness that (outside of cafes or certain restaurants). No man I ever knew made a sandwich. They asked ‘good ol’ Mom’ or a sister to make one.
Their attitudes are outrageous. Their egos are worse than outrageous.
Gail, not all men are helpless babies , as well as not all women are needy clingers. We are all people, with our egos and weaknesses and flaws. If some man behaves like an asshole, it just means that some woman puts up with it for some reason (so, it means she gets smth out of this relationship – money, sex, security or whatever). Every situation is a deal between two people, to which both agree.
Cecilia, spot on! I wrote almost the same thing somewhere above. We get obsessed with being approved and liked, and then get upset that we dont have enough of it! And then we are trying to set some rools to force ppl to approve us! And call it feminism!
But true feminism, for me, means just being a decent human being, and not being caught up in other people’s opinions. People arent perfect, let them be.
I think women have to be more vocal especially when faced with stupid comments about marriage or not being able to keep a man. It’s easier said than done because god knows sometimes you’re just floored by asinine comments.
I do think it’s worse on single ladies but as a married woman who goes by Ms on passport and travel documents, I had a flight attendant tell he he was changing it to Mrs when he identified it was my husband I was traveling with.
I love her for saying this! I’m single and people are constantly nagging me about it. I get the “Oh don’t worry you will find the right guy” pity speech from my friends and I try to explain to them “Uh, I’m not looking” and they don’t get it. Or if one loser asks me out everyone is all “give him a shot!” even though I’m not at ALL interested. They automatically assume I must be desperate to go out with anyone.. when I’m like no thanks, ew. lol
Wow. Thanks Captain Obvious! No sh!t!! Is this supposed to be some revelation?
I don’t know about this flower bouquet phenomenon. I left Facebook because a bunch of my friends had babies at the same time and started posting pictures of baby poop. The phase is probably over now, but meh, I don’t miss Facebook and I associate it with pictures of baby poop.
What Cameron Diaz is talking about is very real, but it also depends on with whom you associate. The “single women are failures” thing was not something I was brought up with, not something my family would do, and not something my friends would do. Hollywood is an incredibly sexist, misogynistic place, and the gossip world is too. I am annoyed that Diaz says she can’t do anything about it. She has a certain amount of power — she CAN speak out, she can refuse to associate with certain people and she can refuse to do certain projects. She’s not everywoman.
Same here – I’m fortunate that in my circle, my family and my friends, no one cares if I’m going to get married or not. And, if they do care, they don’t say anything to me. My mother always said, about marriage and kids “It’s your choice.”
I do think a lot of people assume I’ve gone off marriage – I was married when I was very young (lasted 3 years or so and ended with probably one of the most amicable divorces in history). I will say there are many people who put as much thought into marriage at any age as I did when I was 18.
But there is so much crap circulating about gender and marriage/kids. That it’s the woman who must capture and brow-beat the man until he’s too tired to run away – the men, they be free spirits who must flitter around spreading their seed like cropdusters. It’s their nature man! Why fight evolution!! Women, you’re caregivers, soft and gentle and willing receptacles for stuff (penis, babies), you live to please other people!!! Your feet are tiny so you can get closer to the oven!
Blah – nonsense, the lot of it.
Totally agree with her. Was happily single for years and always got comments about it as though I were defective or lacking.
Why doesn’t anyone feel sorry and pity for George Clooney? Why doesn’t the media scrutinize him for being wifeless and childless? Oh wait, he’s a man so…
EXACTLY! Because he is a MAN.
I totally agree. Now that I’m in my mid-twenties some people have started commenting on the fact that I’m “still single” and regard it as odd. Many of my friends are in serious relationships and some are starting to get married… I find it odd to be getting married at 26 or 27, to be honest.
“Spinsters” & single women have always been judged harshly and it’s not going to change anytime soon. We’re zebras in world full of horses. I’ve chosen to remain single and actually couldn’t care less what other people opinions are of my choice. If they think I’m gay, OK. If they think I’m a horrible person unable to keep my claws into a man, OK. If they think I’m too unattractive, it’s their opinion, OK. Those people don’t know me and aren’t close enough to me to understand my choices. My friends understand the reason why, my family is accepting and anyone that makes shait & assumptions about my single-hood, humor me more than offend men. I have started replying when I ‘m asked, it’s because I have10 toes and a big brain. People actually stop and think about, which shows you the depth of the person asking.
Spinsters? Why is that word still around! THIS IS 2014
I’m not too worried about getting married and having children. I kind of like the idea, but I don’t feel I have to. If somebody else around me feels I should, it’s their problem. What bugs people is that I’m carefree about it, I never get angry or annoyed discussing the subject, it’s always casual conversation to me, which they don’t understand. Like, “how are you not super-preoccupied with the matter?” Well, it’s either happening or not, in the meantime I’m busy living my life, that’s no rocket science.
hy
Well, I was married for 13 years, had the kids and I’m now divorced… I can honestly and authentically say, I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. If I met a decent guy, who isn’t driven exclusively by ego, who has taken the time to work on his deeper issues (because, let’s face it we all have deeper issues at play), has gratitude for the life he lives and the friends and family he has. I’d happily sit in a relationship with that guy. Anything short of that, no. I’ve been there done that. I would much much much rather be alone. I honestly and truthfully find so much fulfillment in life, with my kids, with my friends, with my family. I’m not giving that up for anything now.
I’m not bitter or angry but energetically, I now need someone that has held up the mirror to his face and is willing to get in dialogue about the deeper meanings of connectivity and intimacy.
I hope ‘that’ guy is out there and maybe our paths will cross but if not, I’m fine with that too.
Good for you! You sound smart!
I’m not really buying this from her. I’ve never heard any “scrutiny” about why she isn’t yet married. Maybe I’m in a bubble but where/who are these people that get sh*t for not posting photos of flowers? My husband and I snuck off to Vegas and got married – no one gave us a hard time. In fact, most of our friends and family said things like “that’s the way to do it.”
She gets slack all the time in the press on why she’s single. Been happening for years now.
I have to admit I’m impressed with Cammie of as late and how she’s working her book promotional duties. Girlfriends got good game. She is successfully reinventing herself. This is going to turn her odometer back considerably and give her a whole new appeal.
Sadly, these judgements about single women are coming from other women. Whenever I’ve been asked about my marital status, or my plans to have children, it’s always from another woman. We as women need to stop perpetuating these stereotypical gender roles and start accepting each others choices. I don’t think we can kill these ‘chauvinistic/misogynistic’ attitudes until we do away them in our own judgements about each other.
I’m 25 and a girl. I’ve never been in a relationship and when they I tell people that they look at me and think something. Is wrong me. It’s frustrating.
It only gets worse as you get older (the comments you will hear).
OK, I’m 61, never married although I lived with someone for a long time. Never had the desire to have children and to this day I’m looked upon as some sort of pathetic oddity spinster. My desire was to be in a relationship where a loving, spiritual, respectful connection was paramount. I never found that, maybe because I chose the wrong men. What I got was infidelity, power struggles, lack of communication and manipulation. So now I get that type of connection from my female friends and my s@xual connection from Big Pink, my vibr#tor. It’s all good.
Don’t refer to yourself as a ‘spinster’. That word is so old and unkind. Spinsters were women who never married and worked at ‘spinning’ like in textiles…yarn…cloth…
We are talking about the 1800’s. Wake up …this is 2014
Spinster is a male chauvinist word that says nothing about a woman. Just say ‘single woman’ or ‘happy woman’ (since marriage to a man is not a good deal for any woman)
“Women need men like a fish needs a bicycle” [ Gloria Steinem ]
Why not reclaim the word? Bachelor, e.g., which sounds smoother, may have originally meant farm hand.
Cunt is derived from Kunda, the Yoni of the Universe. (The Great Goddess Cunti/Kunda). From the same source comes such magnificent words as cunctipotent – and also cunning.
Reclaim the lot, I say!
So true, Jaded. Women who are childless are treated with contempt by a lot of people who have children. Childless women are seen as freaks which is ridiculous. Not everyone wants to have babies! Yet we are socialized to think that something is wrong with a woman if she does not want to have children or cannot have children because “all women should be mothers and have babies.” it’s lame.
Biologically we women get one set of eggs at puberty, and these ovum die off until menopause. Men make new sperm until death, so the drive to procreation is stronger in females. That said, I feel I was born to be a mother, but a serial monogamist. I’m free and unowned. This makes me unique, I dn’t want a bad friend, and I don’t want a bad man. It’s a leap of faith in our society; my sister puts up w a drunk and a.user to “have a man”, but I’d rather raise my son and enjoy free time. The fairy tale romance is a myth that keeps us all bound and chained.
The older Cameron gets the more I like her!
Me, too. ๐
Thx for posting the Suzanne Heintz link, Original Kitten. I love it.
Oh, like us men don’t get hammered if we’re single???
It comes nowhere NEAR being as close as the ridiculous things women have to deal with when they are single/childless. Been happening since the beginning of time. Still hasn’t been a female president yet in the United States.
You men do not just get hammered, you are immediately called gay. Oh well….
She is right
I totally agree with Cameron Diazโs words.
Single women are painted as not able to keep a relationship for the most whimsical reasons, while single men are always justified about the same.
Besides, most of people seem to believe women have to be always and any case interested in marriage and children, if not they have to be strange or something.
Itโs kinda irritating, but in my opinion itโs the society which is pathetic and not women who make free and independent choices.
That is so true. Cameron has said some questionable things in the past but this is 100% spot on.