Cameron Diaz is still with us. She is still promoting The Other Woman, which must come out soon. When? Oh good, this weekend. It’s about time. Cameron’s managed to saturate every bit of media with her thoughts on various girly topics. She’s hitting up the Telegraph for a new interview. She talks more about how everyone gets cheated on in a relationship, which is becoming a pet topic of Cami’s. I left that part out — ha! — she’s talked about cheating over and over, and I’m so tired of it. Here are some slightly juicy excerpts on other topics including why she hasn’t had kids. Did they really ask her that question? Wow:
On being 41: “It is the best time of my life. I love being this age, are you kidding? I can’t wait to be older. This is something we really need to reframe. The most interesting parts are for women who are over 40. We don’t see it that way, because they’re not the sexy parts. Look at the Oscar nominees in the last decade.” Diaz reels off a list that includes Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren and Dame Judi Dench. “We’re not giving those women enough credit for what they’re accomplishing, which is beautiful performances.”
On her girls: “The wonderful thing about female friendship is that we are always rooting for one another. We go to each other’s houses for dinner, hang out, watch movies…” She stops mid-sentence, distracted by the shimmering afternoon light pouring in through the window. “Oooh, look at the sun on the side of that building… So beautiful.”
Her high school: “It was stark and barren, but it was multicultural, and I think it gave me tools to relate to people and understand them. We had to learn to get along. Not that everybody did all of the time. There was violence. You have that many kids, there’s bound to be conflict. I learnt to be good at being friends with everyone. You have to be tough, especially when you’re a skinny white girl. Where I grew up, the options were slim to nothing [to become an actress]. In any given year there were at least seven to 10 girls walking around school pregnant. A lot dropped out. A lot ended going to jail, dying or falling victim to drug abuse. But there were also a lot who pulled themselves out of it — [like] Snoop and I. And some of them have a family and a nice job and live comfortably.”
Thoughts on fame? “The thing about fame is that it doesn’t change you — it actually makes you more of who you are. People who are famous are held more accountable than other human beings. You can’t go out into the world without somebody taking [a picture] and sharing it with everybody else. So you do your best to be the person that you want people to see you as. For me that means being as authentic as possible. I’m no different when I am with you than with anybody else.”
Her small house: “I come from a frugal upbringing so I’m not just going to throw my money away. I love to be close to my family and friends, so I spend money on plane tickets, having feasts, buying a ton of groceries and cooking, or going out for a beautiful meal, knowing I don’t worry about how much the bill cost. I did a little surprise party for my girl friend’s 40th birthday. We took her to the airport — she didn’t know where she was going — and we flew to Tuscany. [We went] truffle hunting, wine tasting and horse-riding.”
On Botox, etc.: “Life is long. There are things that you try that work for you and things that don’t work for you. I’m not going to say that I haven’t tried those things, because everybody has, all my girl friends have, things like Botox and fillers. It’s part of figuring things out, knowing yourself and going, ‘Oh right, this doesn’t work for me.'”
On the possibility of motherhood: “I’ve never said never to anything in life. If I wanted kids, at any point in life, I would have them. But I’m certain that if at any point I wanted a child, that child would find its way into my life, whether through adoption, or through being in a relationship with somebody who has a child. I can’t see the future, but one thing I do know is that I’m not childless. I have a ton of children in my life. I can have a kid any second, if I want. All my friends would be like, ‘Sure, come and get them.’ Also, by the way, have a lot of girl friends who don’t have children. It’s not like I’m the spinster who didn’t have a child. I just didn’t do that in life, and I’m OK with that. I know the choices I made. I know why I made them. I’m very much a person who lives in the moment. When you come from where I do, there are so many ways my life could have gone.”
[From Telegraph]
Cameron was losing me for a moment in this interview. When she started rambling about how “fame makes you more of who you are,” my thoughts floated towards her ex, Justin Timberlake. Fame must make him more of a douche than he really is! I don’t think that’s what Cami means. Or maybe that’s exactly what she means. Nah, she’s only telling us that she’s a nice person and feels obligated to be even nicer because we’re all watching her. Hmm.
Her thoughts on deciding not to have children DO make a ton of sense. Why does society feel the need to pressure women to get pregnant? Like Kaiser wrote last week, there’s nothing wrong with females who don’t plan their entire lives around procreation. A good friend of mine (who has three kids, including twins) once revealed that he pressures friends to have kids out of sadism. His theory is that parents secretly want non-parents to have kids so they can “share the pain.” I thought that was funny. He’s kidding, mostly.
Here are some photos of Cameron at last night’s LA premiere of The Other Woman. She’s wearing a Dolce & Gabbana dress that looks like a Playboy bunny.
Photos courtesy of Telegraph & WENN
Least annoying interview thus far, but she’s beginning to sound defensive. I understand the pressures of society to put the uterus to use, but living your life without constant explanations about your choices demonstrates more confidence in those decisions.
I can totally relate to what she’s saying here. It’s almost impossible to NOT sound defensive when you have countless people questioning you about your love life or your womb.
She’s forced to constantly explain because people can’t stop asking about it. It’s society’s problem, not hers.
I think if she would have started out THIS way, talking about herself, it wouldn’t have seemed as defensive. But since she has made a tour out of this kind of dialogue, making generalizations and then finally ending acknowledging something specific to herself, it sounds more desperate. I don’t think I’m articulating that well.
I love my lifestyle, I don’t feel anything is missing, I’m fulfilled by the kids I already have relationships with.
I don’t think anyone, male or female, is required to disclose potential future plans to anyone, whether they might adopt or not, get married or not, and so on.
Yeah I agree and can understand if she sounds a bit defensive if in every freaking interview she is asked the age old question when are you going to have a child. I don’t see Leo Dicaprio being asked that question.
Not every woman was put on this earth to produce an offspring. I will admit that I said I didn’t want kids. Like they say, if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans.
@V4Real
Actually Leo Dicaprio is asked about marriage & children constantly.
Since 2006 when he did Blood Diamond to almost every interview while promoting Gatsby!
You want her to say “I love my lifestyle”?
I’m pretty sure that if she did that, everyone would start screaming about how she’s implying that being child-free is better than breeding.
I honestly don’t think she could have articulated her stance any better. She said she enjoys spending time with the children in her life and left the door open for possibly adopting or changing her mind about kids in the future. She didn’t say that her way of life was better than other people’s and she didn’t say that she has zero interest in ever having kids. It sounded very honest to me and I don’t find anything wrong with it.
Contrast this with the Olivia Wilde post, and her saying she’s a ‘goddess’ for making a child.
…and the thing is, I don’t even hate Wilde for saying that because I think that she’s just speaking frankly from a place of excitement, but why aren’t you over there saying she should express her opinions better, Kiddo? 😉
The truth is that for every Cami, there are 15-20 Olivia Wildes, celebs who can’t stop talking about the miracle of birth, acting like their child is the second coming of Christ. Let me and my single, child-free ladies have Cami.
Just stop picking on her, dude.
Kitten, I’m not interested in having children. I’ve said this before, I am only saying it now to bring clarity to the subject, but it’s not my life’s mission to address it. It’s not selfish because part of that consideration is for the unborn in the context of my life. But I don’t think that every time someone asks that question that they are making a negative judgement against you. People ask questions often to find something in common. Do you have/want kids? isn’t always a loaded question, I’ve found. Sometimes they are looking for connections in things that have given them joy. I don’t know, I’m comfortable in my choices so I don’t feel the need to defend them. The questions usually stop when people see you aren’t angry in answering. I’m not saying that Cam was angry in the response, but I’m getting that you might be upset.
Again, I think in this instance, it looked a bit defensive only because it took a while for her to speak about herself, instead of making wild generalizations leading up to this point. I’m glad she arrived at owning her own life and decisions, and didn’t resort to lumping everyone together.
I don’t know, the Wilde post didn’t draw me in? I can’t remember actually ever commenting on any of her articles before or during her pregnancy, so maybe that’s why?
It’s not that it’s always automatically a negative judgment by merely asking the question, it’s just why ask at all..?
The inference beneath women CONSTANTLY being asked The Baby question is that we’ve been put on earth to procreate and it’s still considered taboo in today’s society when women purposefully forgo that option.
The truth of the matter is that a woman’s decision to not have children is varied and often deeply personal, sometimes circumstantial. It’s not a question to be thrown out casually and often, yet it always is.
I like having a Diaz or a Helen Mirren speaking out against the stigma-even if it makes you or others uncomfortable.
Motherhood is still very much considered the standard, or the “default position” for women in today’s society. I like that there are women in the public eye who aren’t afraid to say that we have a LOT more to contribute beyond carrying on the human race.
I understand your point that some women are merely wanting to share something that “brings them great joy” but there are many, many things that we as women are capable of achieving that yes, bring us great joy-whether professionally or creatively–and those topics don’t veer into the very personal territory that child-bearing does.
Why is the onus on single women to not be offended by such questions or to not appear defensive when answering? Maybe the onus should be on society to respect single women who are making daily contributions to the world that stretch beyond merely giving birth. Maybe it’s ok, hell even natural, for us to seem a bit defensive at times.
Again, I’m not experiencing that sense of pressure and judgement, ever since I had accepted and respected my own choices and when I considered that most times, those questions weren’t intended as an attack. Men do get asked the same questions, I’ve seen it. When are you going to settle down and have kids? The difference is that, biologically, they have a longer time to come to that determination. However, there are more statistical studies indicating issues with children of fathers greater than age 39, so perhaps if these connections are proven, they may feel the same clock ticking. I have had plenty of people take an interest in my livelihood. Maybe I’m lucky with the people surrounding me, but I also accept that there is a learning curve.
It’s not “pressure”–it’s just that when there’s an aspect of your life that you rarely think about but are suddenly constantly questioned about, you start to think “Why is everyone asking me this? If I’m not worried about it, why is everyone else so worried about it?” It’s just exhausting and for lack of a better word, incredibly boring.
It’s really not ok for men to be asked about it either-and let’s be fair, they get asked about it FAR less frequently than we do. My friend has endured four miscarriages due to a chromosomal condition that her husband suffers from. I’m sure he doesn’t enjoy being asked about something so deeply personal and painful. I’m not saying that a frank conversation about such matters should be closed off to close friends–it can be helpful to talk about it-I just mean that strangers should find one of eight hundred more suitable and less personal conversational topics to bring up–it ain’t that hard. Maybe ask about the weather or “what did you do last night” before you go straight to the child-bearing questions.
Kiddo, my sense is that your choice to have or not to have a child is your business and a journalist asking you about it is intrusive and offensive. If I asked you about your sexual orientation you would be right to sock me one, I feel the same ought to apply to a choice to have kids.
If who you love is considered your business then why on earth would what you do with your uterus be public property?
The answer of course is that society thinks that the uterus (and the womans body in general) is a communal commodity.
When I was 12 I told my family not to expect children from me. They laughed and thought it was funny. When I became an adult I was asked by various people when/if I wanted kids i said, “nope.” To this day when my mom or anyone asks about kids I say, “didn’t you listen? I announced that you are not to expect a baby from me. It wont happen. I wasnt put here to be a mom.” It becomes defensiveness after not being listened to or respected.
I think I understand what Kiddo means. I also used to think that you don’t have to explain your personal choices to anyone and that the fact of over-explaining usually hides more a fear than a real decision. However, I have to say that reaching the 30 barrier really changed that for me. The thing is that even the people that were not pushy before tend to drop a line every now and then about why am I not marrying, when will I have children and so on and so on. And that always comes with “trust me, is the best thing you can do” “trust me, it’s the most important step in your life” “trust me, it’s not difficult”. The first times you just smile and let it go, but when this starts to be a common target, you really become defensive about it. I always have an extreme mean answer in my head where I could also evaluate the other person’s life, but my politeness makes me keep it to myself. But I’m sure I’ve become a lot more defensive and aggressive about it, first because it’s no one’s business, it’s private stuff that maybe not even I thought about, and second because I don’t really see all of that as the cherry on top of the cake and I think it’s annoying that some people can’t see that either.
chiming in! (@kimber)
ME TOO 🙂
me too 🙂
i knew at age 13 and proclaimed it.
i asked my dr. for a tuboligation at about 21 (after an unwanted & teminated pregnancy), i signed the State consent forms to proceed w/ it, and yet the dr. still hedged and just didnt want to do it (convinced that i would regret my decision, and he genuinely didnt want to be the source of my regrets i guess, i understand & accept that now). i was simply too lazy to pursue it w/ new & unknown doctors. fast forward to 49.9 yrs old….. i cannot tell you how happy i am that i am childless/childfree. and i dont happen to enjoy other people’s children either (unlike Cameron D). i guess my point is that I KNOW FOR SURE that not all women should have children. if women were more free to understand/recognize this, there w/b so much less suffering IN THE WORLD.
Yes, it really IS society’s problem. While I understand that men are asked about having children, women are asked so much more because we’re the ones who actually have the children. It’s like people think that every women MUST want kids and if she doesn’t have them by the time she’s 28/35/40 then there must be something wrong with her. To hell with that! Some women just DON’T WANT KIDS; and they’re “childfree” not “childless” (childless infers someone who wants them but can’t have them and in a lot of cases is considered an insult to people who suffer from infertility; childfree is someone who really just does not want them).
Being childfree is not a negative, or a stigma, and the MSM and society need to realize that. Society also needs to stop asking women these kinds of questions because it’s nobody’s freaking business and it’s just plain rude.
I mean, when is it ever acceptable to ask a stranger/acquaintance/friend/family member about their sex life? Because that’s what you’re (general, not anyone in particular) doing when asking someone if they want kids, you’re asking them about their sex life.
She’s just responding to the questions she’s probably been asked over and over. I wouldn’t say she’s being defensive. At some point she’ll get sick of the questions and will tell the interviewer to move on. It is up to her when she reaches that point.
She has a great life. What’s not to like? She has financial independence and then some, friends and family she loves spending time with and of course there’s those stunning legs and gorgeous figure.
@Omega. We don’t know if she was asked or if she volunteered it. I don’t think it’s anyone’s business what that decision is, but in the case of Diaz, how is this even remotely more personal than discussing a sexual attraction to women or talking about how you like to groom your labia? It seems like a natural progression of questions or a narrative, in her case.
She strikes me as defensive sometimes too, but this is a hard game to win. If she says nothing, people’s general assumption will be that she’s planning on having fertility treatments or adopting soon, and in perhaps a decade, people will give up the baby watch and start pitying her for her lack of children. The assumption that every woman wants a child is strong enough that you can’t make a statement by just living your life.
Well put. Unfortunately it does come across as ‘protesting too much’… which is a pity because I very much appreciate her for being vocal on such issues. It takes courage.
agree
I agree. But that’s not saying much.
@lunchcoma
“The assumption that every woman wants a child is strong enough that you can’t make a statement by just living your life.”
True.
I actually agree with Cammy this time. I am also going the defensive route sometimes when asked if me and hubby will have children.
We just don’t care, but people constantly need to be reminded that some couples just don’t care about having children.
THIS^^^^
Exactly. It’s no ones business. Plus having children doesn’t validate you as a person well at least I don’t think so. I have one and that’s enough but people will say you can’t have just ONE yeah watch me. Plus you need to really love kids to keep having them
x2 here.
I have never wanted them, knew from the time I was a teen that it wasnt for me, even more so after watching so many of my friends have them and struggle. I have plenty in my life to have that kid connection but I am always SO GLAD to just go home to my peaceful and quiet house.
Funny thing is the 2 couples I know that are actually married for over 20 yrs and still together do not have kids and never wanted them and they are still going strong. The ones that did things “traditionally” are all divorced many times over, some with multiple fathers, etc. I think a lot of ppl just have them b/c its the ‘thing to do’ without ever thinking it thru.
But Cami is correct that women usually snub their noses at those who dont want them as if you’re expected to have them just b/c you have ovaries. Ive fund that those people are just miserable in their lives and want company..no thanks.
Exactly. My husband comes from a large family. His siblings married into large families. They all have large very young families. They are all teachers and love kids, and kids, and more kids. At Easter at one of his siblings’ homes, there were about 30 adults and so many children, it was like Disneyland. Each child has a minimum of 35 cousins. There was no room to move. That is fine. The kids are cute. Were they busy with all these kids? Not busy enough, as they harangued us about “why don’t you have kids? have kids! kids!” We have had this conversation five times a year for seven years. I think I may print out Cami’s reply and carry it in my handbag. I like kids. I think Prince George is the cutest thing I have seen in years. But – I don’t want kids. I am the cool aunt they all come to stay with and call and text and that is great. But I am fine, we are fine, and are happy as we are w our freedom, we both have had to shoulder a lot of family responsibility since our childhoods, and we don’t want kids, we want our happy calm lives, and NO ONE WILL BELIEVE IT. If you want kids, awesome, have them! but stop asking me about why why why why. (And especially when you are having endless marriage problems, affairs and..uh, asking us for money for your kids’ private schools and the cottage you want to buy for them.) Thank you for listening, 🙂
Yes, I don’t want children either, and it’s so hard to find the right tone. I usually stick to a quick “not my thing” or “I’m having too much fun being an aunt,” but that sometimes results in pushy people telling me what a great mother I’ll be or that I’ll change my mind when I meet the right man. Going into it a bit more can be defensive, but it does tend to shut down those conversations. I think we’d see less defensiveness if people were willing to be more live and let live about other people’s families.
@lunchcoma
I used to get this “people telling me what a great mother I’ll be or that I’ll change my mind when I meet the right man” All.The.Time.
Well, I only looked for a husband who didn’t want them either. Simple as that 😉
I might be naive saying this but never change the way you are for a man. Find the one who agrees with what you think and appreciates the way you are and the choices you made.
Hiddles Forever, were we separated at birth? Or are we both just married to The Scotsman Who Doesnt Want Kids. When I met my husband and he said he wasn’t interested in children, his stock went up about 300000000 percent. I felt so happy to have found someone just like me.
I think a lot of our frustration on Cameron stems from her desire to be real no matter what, as she sort of alludes to in the interview. When asked that stupid (and let’s face it, sexist) question, she responds with an elaborate and “real” response. Every. Single. Time. I think that’s where it gets read as desperate or angry or whatever. People still believe the myth of the hysterical female ( trust me, I work in health care).
We would all probably rather see her explain this once, then leave it alone., Or respond with something like “unless you’re planning on asking Clooney the same damn thing in every interview, the subject is dead. People are getting tired of talking about my ovaries.”
It’s rude to ask anyway. Why do they need to know and how is it anybody’s business? The only question I find more rude is asking a couple when they’re going to get married….soooo awkward.
As someone who chose to have kids, she didn’t sound the least bit defensive to me at all. She just took a lot of words to explain her point which I think was great. She knows who she is and why she has made the choices she has made regarding children. I know many parents who can’t say the same thing.
I was about to object to the word spinster, but I think OGKitten nailed it with her assessment. She probably is tired of being asked about the subject. If she ever expressed a desire for kids I could understand the inquiry, but I don’t think she ever has.
The standard celeb response seems to be “I’d like to have a family someday.” That leaves the floor open for this line of questioning. But I don’t recall Cameron ever playing the kiddie card, which is quite remarkable given how long she’s been in the business and the pressure to conform.
I absolutely agree. I’ve been a SAHM, I’ve homeschooled my kids at different points, I switched religions (which was a big deal-my parents and all their friends and most of my friends from growing up are uber-Catholic): all things that are supposedly criticized and judged. But my feeling is my life: my choice. I don’t need to explain myself to any body.
@TheOriginalKitten
I completely agree with you. If a woman doesn’t want to have children , then she should NOT have children. Good job standing your ground Kimber.
It would harm the children and the mother. Women who don’t want to procreate should not be pressured to have a baby.
There are endless choices of “creation” and expression than just having an offspring. Some women would rather create art, businesses, architecture……the list of possibilities for “creation” in all women is ENDLESS
Typed by a mother
I was a little tired of her overly broad statements about cheating, but here, she’s just talking about herself and I like that she’s open about these choices rather than pretending to play the baby game when it doesn’t interest her. And she is right that there are a lot of ways to have children in your life without parenting.
+1
I don’t have children, but am very close to my nieces and nephews and some of my friends’ children.
Being an aunt is terribly underrated. It’s great fun to be able to buy presents and coo over milestones and go on little outings…and then return the precious darling to her parents when she gets fussy.
That dress couldn’t be more unflattering, however she sounds much more thought out this time. This actually makes sense and I don’t think she’s quite as much a dumb bunny after reading this.
I’m 100% OK with being childless. Kids are annoying.
Completely agree. I’m almost thirty and have been with my boyfriend for five years and I have to dodge marriage and baby questions almost daily. So rude!
Tell me about it!! :/
Wait till you cross the 30 divide. It will get even more relentless. I’m considering having “out of service” tattooed across my belly. Some days that’s less of a joke than others.
@Algernon – LOL!
I think the baby questions and baby talk are far more annoying than kids themselves, although I do agree with that..lol. Its different if they’re related to you or friends but I really dont care to be around the general public’s kids b/c there’s usually very little parenting around, especially in restaurants.
Ive also noticed lately I do enjoy the company of my child free friends just b/c there’s so much more to talk about. I really dont think some of my friends with kids have much to say if it isnt kid related. not that thats a bad thing but it kind of amazes me how there are only a few topics of conversation with them and thats it.
Almost like a mommy cult isn’t it? At this late stage of my fertility I actually enjoy making them uncomfortable and shocked. Always follow it up with, so what are you going to do when your children are grown and they leave the nest? They go there, I go there. Part of my dark humor.
Yes they are. I have four of them so I could really relate to the part of the article where Cami gets distracted: “Oooh look at the sunlight on that building…..pretty.”
But didn’t she give an interview to Esquire last year saying kids were in her plans?
I have NO problem with Cameron’s message, but her recent proclamation sounds like she’s rationalising/accepting/justifying where she’s at rather than truly owning it.
Especially if Paltrow is really her life coach/therapist
Then again dating cheating douches like Timberlake, Rodriguez, Puff Daddy would do that
(And I agree with the commenter who said in an earlier Cameron post that she could meet some guy, do a 180 and go all Drew Barrymore)
Ah! I did not see that interview. If she did, then she should expect the periodic check-ins.
She didn’t say that she’s never having kids here. At all.
She said that if kids are for her that they’ll find a way into her life, whether through adoption or some other means.
But even if she HAD said kids aren’t for her, is she really not allowed to change her mind?
She absolutely can change her mind.
I cracked up a little bit about her getting distracted by something shiny.
ha
Haha My sister is always asking me for money “for those beautiful babies I Made you which you can take ANY time you want” aka My Niece and Nephew, so I appreciated that comment
When she’s not talking in sweeping generalizations, I like what she’s saying. Her life sounds pretty full and awesome right now, and she’s very much in control of her life decisions.
Is this supposed to make her relate-able? Because she lost me when she talked about going to Tuscany. Lady, I barely make it to Target after a 60 hr work week, forget Tuscany.
My friends who are younger than me all have kids and they keep trying to dump them off on me to “practice” aka “can you babysit and me not pay you?”. The answer I give is usually, “I spent my life raising my brother because our mother was face down with a needle in her arm so I don’t need practice.” Changing diapers, dealing with teething, and potty training at 9-10 years old kinda made me push kids off until the last possible second. Also debt. Crippling student loan debt. There is that.
I don’t have kids.. don’t want kids..LOVE KIDS..
I don’t ever have anyone making an issue out of it for me. Not family nor friends. I think the way you move through your life shows the confidence in the decisions you make in that life. If you give off the appearance of someone content and happy people perceive you that way. If what you say and how you live are off people pick up on that.
Everyone has the right to pick and live the life best for them. Everyone is not meant to be a Mom or Dad; and sad to say there far too many people that are parents that should never have been.
The world would be a far better place if some people had the strength of will to say no to being a parent and not caving in to the pressure to do so.
I agree some people, who have kids pawn them off on others ,relatives, etc and never wanted them anyway, in my own circle of friends, but go on and on about how someone else should have them.
@lisa2 Excellent post.
“The world would be a far better place if some people had the strength of will to say no to being a parent and not caving in to the pressure to do so.”
Amen!
Not attacking or critizing Cameron in any way but doesn’t the word spinster mean that your are not married and childless? Cameron is not and have never been married and she doesn’t have any children so the word kind of describes her right?
But then again the word spinster has always been used to put down women so I understand why Cameron used that word.
I remember reading once that the archaic form of spinster was any unmarried, childless woman over 30. I was so proud to have made it to spinsterhood and delighted in responding to people who asked if I was married with “no, I am a spinster.”
Another definition says a spinster is a woman who rejects sexual relations and I don’t care for that at all – reject sexual relations? Hell, sexual relations were why I stayed unmarried as long as I did.
Wikipedia’s explanation of the original meaning of spinster.
“The term originally identified girls and women who spun wool. In medieval times, this was one of the few livelihoods available to a woman in order to live independently of a male wage.”
“Hell, sexual relations were why I stayed unmarried as long as I did.”
Love ther humor 🙂
how not shocking to see that the word “spinster” now has a negative connotation – when its origins were awesome!
(thx for sharing MinnFinn!!)
Yeah no. I’m shocked that this even has to be clarified but “spinster” is not ok to say. Would you call George Clooney a spinster? Nah, you’d call him a bachelor so it’s obviously a rude and offensive word reserved only for women.
Yes, George and other male celebs are often asked about marriage and kids, but at least they don’t have to deal with the “spinster” nonsense.
(im commenting as i go! i love the root meaning of the word that was posted above, and have all intentions of reclaiming it…. i think id prefer to be called a spinster to being called a bachelorette …. altho BOTH of those words are male-centric indeed arent they…. ugh!)
Thank you. Whatever it’s root, the word is currently meant to be disparaging. Too bad Cameron chose to use it, but then she is kind of a pinhead.
I think the issue is it’s a deeply sexist word in its use and history. I mean Clooney is a spinster right? So is Leo DiCaprio? No? Why not?
Best answer I ever heard someone give to the married/kids question; “Why do you ask?” said in the friendliest sweetest voice. The asker was so flustered they could barely move on fast enough.
I think she’s intentionally using the archaic term to bring to mind the stereotype of a sad, neurotic woman who’s desperate to find a man before it’s too late. In reality, even the women I know who would prefer to be married but haven’t met the right man don’t fit the stereotype. There is more to life.
Lol! Perfect response.
That was my first thought, too! It’s like these celebs have a tendency to create new definitions for words. (Don’t even get me started on how some of them redefine feminist. Ugh.)
The word spinster has negative connotations, but technically that’s exactly what Cameron is. It seems to me that she’s getting a bit defensive these days about her choices, which I think is a shame because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being unmarried or childless.
I am going to have to borrow her observation that while she doesn’t have children of her own, she isn’t childless. This is exactly how I feel at 38. I do not have children of my own, but I am surround by children almost every weekend. I do love the children in my life, but it is also nice to say, “Ok, I need to go get my run in, buy groceries for the week, get my clothes ready for work, and take a nap,” and know there will be no interruptions. Plus, my house is free of Goldfish crumbs in the couch, toilets with pee stains and random floaters. I appreciate that some women are born to be mothers. I, however, was born to be an aunt, and I am awesome at it.
Yeah, I’m 38, no kids, but I’m a teacher.. As I answered once to my 7th grade students when asked if I had kids: ” Yes, I do, and I’m looking at 25 of them right now….” Their reaction was amazing… 🙂
I don’t have kids yet, but I have a husband and pets so I don’t consider myself childless. 😉 Nurturing and caring are not reserved for children. My mother was an educator and school counsellor and she considered all of her students her kids.
Did she take her implants out ? That dress is terrible for her and she has a rockin body.
‘You have to be tough, especially when you’re a skinny white girl.’
Bahahahahaha.
That part got me too SMH
People do ask, do you want kids, why haven’t you had kids yadayada it’s annoying,but Being married myself for over 10yrs and no kids I’m glad my friends have finally given up asking. Haha When I tell someone I just never wanted kids, they look at me oddly, but it seems perfectly natural for me to not have them.
I think sometimes the people with kids just want you tied down and to fit into a certain mold. I like that Cameron Diaz stands her ground. It’s her life, her body , her time, she can do whatever.
“People who are famous are held more accountable than other human beings.” Um really? ppl like Lindsay, Chris Brown don’t seem to be being held accountable. Or Roman Polanski who has ppl defending him because of what an artist he is…
Yes, that comment bothered me as well. It seemed rather insular. We are all held accountable for our actions. At work, at home, by society, etc.
It seems to me that celebrities are not held to the same standards, but it tilts in their favor. They commit crimes and have them reduced to fines in court or are thrown out all together. Their publicist makes a public apology and in no time, they are forgiven in the name of artistic expression and freedom.
It was an unfortunate comment, but it isn’t surprising, considering her frienship with Goopy…. who feels that being an actor is harder than having an office job.
They’re in the spotlight, so in that respect they’re held more accountable. But they usually have more resources and options to avoid real accountability.
+1
I read the comments on the Christina Hendrick’s post, and the other Cameron Diaz posts. I want to say that I do not think a woman should have to justify her life choices. I also want to ask, why is it then ok for some commenters to basically attack children and parents, in order to defend themselves? I see a comment upthread that says children are annoying, I have seen others that say parents are selfish, kids are disgusting, etc etc. I also don’t understand the whole parents want to push kids on others because they are miserable and want to make other people miserable. That would imply that everyone who has children is miserable and regrets having them, which is simply not true. I love my kids and couldn’t imagine MY life without them, but I would never attack another woman who chooses not to by pressuring her, asking her constantly when she will have kids, or calling her a nasty name like a spinster. So why is it ok, and acceptable, for people to turn around and insult parents and children?
Perhaps the comments weren’t worded well, but some people do not have the personality or patience to deal with children. So children may be annoying or disgusting *to them*. My BFF has a 2 yr old and she even said sometimes she can’t deal with how dirty she is and I think she is one of the best, patient, and kind mothers I’ve seen. She is the reason I get excited about motherhood.
RE: Parents pushing kids on others because they’re miserable – I could see this being taken as insulting so I apologize. But I’d also like to point out that sometimes I don’t feel like parents truly acknowledge the time, money and responsibility that goes into having a child. If so, I don’t think they’d be pressuring others to have children. I get that it brings unimaginable joy, but I imagine that joy would be exponentially diminished if you had children out of pressure not because you wanted them. But I do agree that we should let each other be with out decisions.
My Father had children because he was expected to and it helped his career as ” the family man” image. Luckily my mother had us due to a deep desire to be a mom. My brothers and my relationship with our father has always been complicated and distant. As an adult I’ve come to the realization that he probably would have been much happier in life just being a bachelor a la Clooney. Not everybody is cut out to or desires children. My best friend is happy just being my sons godmother but admits to a “3 day limit” with kids! Lol! I respect her all the more for being honest and confident about her life choices.
@Ginger – Sorry to hear about your relationship with your father. My relationship with my dad is complicated and it’s kind of a low-dose relationship. When I see too much of him I get annoyed. I love him a lot and he loves my brother and me dearly, but he wasn’t ready to be a father.
As HH said, maybe some of the comments weren’t worded in the most sensitive way, but I think none of them were a direct insult to anyone. I think it’s really nice that women are more outspoken about this and not pretend that everyone loves children, family perspective, marriage and a cottage with two dogs. The problem is that this perspective has been shoved up on us for such a long time (and continues to be) that it seems unacceptable for many that there are women that differ from these expectations. If as a 30+ woman you talk about work achievements, awesome holidays, or spare time activities, most of the people will criticize you as a vapid, cold human being, that is unable to hold a relationship or has no interest in developing a family and so on. But if you go on 24-7 talking about your pregnancy, how the luckiest person you are in the world and how your baby’s poo smells the greatest, no one will say a word about how much of over-sharing and self entitlement that carries. I think it’s fair deal. Some people like children and family and all things related and that is great. Some people like their hobbies, their work, free-time without attachments and that is also awesome. Some other, like a bit of “this and that” (probably the majority), also awesome. Everyone has the right to express their views without being judged. People saying that they don’t like children or don’t like the parenting life are not saying anything about YOUR life. They are talking about their own feelings or cases close to home. I don’t understand why to take it as a personal offense.
@Dee, It’s mean, and really misdirected anger.
“A good friend of mine (who has three kids, including twins) once revealed that he pressures friends to have kids out of sadism. His theory is that parents secretly want non-parents to have kids so they can “share the pain.” I thought that was funny. He’s kidding, mostly. ”
Is he, though? My friends/family were fine with me saying I didn’t want kids…until I was the last one without kids. Now I can’t interact with them without someone asking when I’m going to “join them”. I don’t know if this is some remnant primordial herd mentality, like the more people in the mom-herd the safer the children will be because there’s more people to look after them, or if it really is some kind of sadistic impulse to watch me ruin my life, but this didn’t start happening until they all started procreating.
“mom-herd”
hahaaa
There is truth in that Algernon. When you are (ahem) 42 and childless, it can be a lonely place to be on the social scene. Lots of women my age socialise together around their kids, I end up playing tennis with the retirees because I’m not “in the club”. The mommy club, that is. I’m in the tennis club, lol.
My observations are that people with kids feel a lot of pressure to make their kids’ childhoods “magical”, many wouldn’t dream of going on holiday without their kids, or having an adults only party…etc. I wasn’t raised that way, I would find that pressure way too much to live up to. No thanks, for so many reasons
I feel you.
thats kind of what I was talking about in another post. It really can limit your social activities if most of your friends are moms. I do have a cpl that dont have any kids but its not like we can get together every weekend. same with just having conversations or topics of interest. Part of me feels like Ive outgrown some of them only b/c their kids are all they know and talk about, forget about current affairs or anything of outside of kid stuff. some of them dont even know what music they like bc they always say they have such and such on b/c the kid likes it. I feel like telling them its okay to have your own interest too but I know if I do the only response I would get would be “you cant understand how it is until you have one” blah blah.
I used to work in a toy store and one time a regular customer (a dad) told me “Don’t have kids!”, while his two children were at the other end of the store yelling out “Dad! DAAAD!” over and over. I just laughed thinking he was joking but I saw the look in his eyes, he totally meant it. I felt kinda bad for his kids and was extra nice to them after that. Now I wonder how many parents secretly feel that way…
My favorite answer was about her small house. It was so endearing, but probably because I love to travel. Oh Tuscany… haha!
RE:Children and pressure – I believe that parents do pressure other parents to have children just to *subliminally* share the pain. There was a study that came out a year or so ago (?) that parents overcompensate about the joys of having kids to offset the amount of time and money that goes into them. I think parents love their children, but as I’ve stated before, I think people have them on society’s timeline rather than their own. I do want kids when the time is right, but I’m in no rush. I want to have children on my own time because I’m aware so many of the things I want out of life would just be sidelined with kids. I know that I will absolutely adore my children, but we need to all face the reality of children without feeling guilty: THEY ARE BLACKHOLES OF TIME AND MONEY. When people really grasp this concept, I think people will remember to have kids when they’re ready. Not when society tells them.
I know someone who had a child because her husband wanted one. She does the best she can, and loves her kid, but she’ll tell you in a second she can’t stand being a mom and can’t wait until the son is old enough to be on his own so she can get her life back.
As for Cameron, why is she holding her breath in that pic? She’s, like, a 00!
I know someone that had 8 children because her husband believed in the Quiverfull movement and basically forced her into the lifestyle. She married very young and says when she hit 40, she ‘woke’ up and just couldn’t take it any longer. She never even wanted one kid and ended up with 8. She eventually divorced him after the kids were small and didn’t ask for sole custody of the kids. So now when you see him out he is now the haggard & tired parent.
That’s barbaric, poor woman. Poor kids too! (I can’t help it,but your last line really cracked me up)
Oh he deserves it IMO. Think some men want lots of kids because they get to leave the house and work. Their not the stay at home parent. When they become the one that actually becomes the main caretaker of the kids, they realize it isn’t so easy.
I don’t get why it’s so hard for people to swallow that you don’t want kids, I used to be more open about not wanting kids, but I got tired of getting comments like you’ll be a good mom, etc. So now when my customers ask if I have kids, I say no and leave it at that. I’ve always been on the fence about having kids. I like my freedom, quiet and I wouldn’t have as much extra money if I did have kids. And it’s not worth the sacrifice to me.
When I went to go get a consult about getting my tubes tied, I felt like the doctor kept questioning if it was what I really wanted to do. (I dont have any kids). I got so upset, I started crying, b/c I was so tired of people questioning me. So I decided to wait on the surgery for a variety of reasons: didn’t feel like I could take the time off work and I was a little scared b/c it seems like major sugery. Plus, I thought I’ll wait a little longer just to make sure.
Then shortly after, I met my now husband. He has two daughters. I explained to him on the first date we went on that I didn’t plan on having kids. He said he was okay with that. We proceeded to date and get married. Now, lately, I feel like he’s trying to nudge me in the direction of having a kid. He has no sons and has mentioned that he would be happy either way. but again, he keeps doing and saying things that make me think he’s trying to make me change my mind. I asked him flat out the other day if he wanted another kid. he didn’t answer, i let it go. now I dont know what to do now. I really love him but I dont want a kid.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
(non-responses, and letting things go is never good)
(but you’re on your game to be addressing it, and processing the big-picture)
(it sounds like you’ll be ok because you ARE paying attention)
(i wonder what the spouse would have to say about adoption – just in general)
(i’d be curious to know if he were open to an adopted son -vs- a DNA-mini-me)
(not that you want either, btw)
(i also feel uncomfortable chiming-in – … so please forgive if i’ve offended in any way)
I did the same thing you did about getting my tubes tied but they wouldnt do it or even discuss it unless I already had kids. Im like wtf? the whole point of doing it was b/c I knew I didnt want kids but they still wouldn’t do it.
does he have custody of his girls? what are their ages?
I dont know that just letting it go would be the answer if he really wants one. I guess if it were me, Id have to have a real heart to heart just to see how much this meant to him. Now I know I wouldnt compromise my stance b/c I just know I dont have what it takes to raise a kid but that may be different for you. But if it were super important to him, Id probably have to let him go if thats what he really wanted b/c I know I dont want the same thing and there is no way I would ever EVER have a baby just to please someone else. In fact another poster mentioned something like that. idk, if I knew I was holding him back from having what he really wanted, I’d probably just part ways with him but I know thats easier said than done especially since you are married. so I know this is not helpful in any way but if it were me in that position, I would never want to feel forced to do something just for someone else’s benefit.
But sadly, those interesting roles for the female 40+ actress are not going to Cameron because she is not in the same league as Dame Judy Dench, Helen Mirran, or Meryl Streep…as if! All Cameron has ever done is schtick roles in rom-coms. Meryl, Dame Judy and Helen already had great roles by the time they reached her age.
Although we sympathize with your husband wanting to have more children, it would not be in anybody’s best interest for you to have a child you do not want. You’re definitely caught between a rock and a hard place, but the lesser of the two evils is to not get pregnant and enjoy his daughters.
I apologise in advance if this comes out as harsh, it’s absolutely not my intention, I am just going to reply as if you were my good friend asking for advice.
I would just wonder what if you’re not together with your husband in the future? I know you love him, I love my husband too and it wouldn’t cross my mind not to have him in the future, but…what if? What if you get pregnant because your hubby wants a son (did i read it right? Would he like a son?) and he gets another daughter? Would he like to try again for a son? Or what if you do have a lovely son but are not with your husband in the future? Who would get custody, you? Would you be prepared to be a single mum?
I can’t think of a bigger commitment in life than to have children so I would look at things from every possible angle before committing for life. I wish you all the best whatever you decide x
He shouldn’t be pressuring her, period, end of story.
THIS is why they had the conversation on the FIRST DATE and she explained how she felt about not having kids and he said he was ok with that. He should be thrilled to have found a woman good enough to accept him and his two daughters and he should respect her and love her enough to not even broach the topic of kids, especially when she’s made it clear that they are not for her.
I’m sorry but this pisses me off. A guy friend of mine went through the same thing where he and his now ex-wife agreed that they both didn’t want kids. Well, she changed her mind and he didn’t and now they’re divorced. Now, I don’t blame her for changing her mind–I get that you can’t always predict the future and this is just one of those fundamental differenced that you can’t get past. But I DO blame her for entering into a marriage when she wasn’t 100% sure that she was on the same page as her partner in regards to child-bearing.
Maybe she should have dated him for a few years, gotten to know him better and given herself sometime to understand her feelings about the children issue before essentially committing to a child-free union.
@snowflake-If you think there’s even a small part of you that would want a child, then maybe this will become a blessing in disguise for you. But just know that this is entirely on HIM as you have been transparent about your feeling on the issue since day one. Ultimately, he’s very, VERY lucky to have you because another woman might not be so understanding.
None of my business, but you wrote that you wanted advice? I think you should have a conversation where you don’t “Let it go.”
He has true feelings, you are his wife you deserve to know what he’s feeling, and he needs to know how you’re feeling. A lot of men (In my experience) talk about children that way, “Wouldn’t it be nice…” It’s easy to talk about the ‘idea’ of having children, very easy.
Perhaps if he knew how uncomfortable he’s making you he’d realize that his real love for you is more important than the ‘idea’ of another child. It really could be that he’s just talking without realizing how it’s making you feel.
I hope things work out well for you.
thanks for all your advice and comments, everyone! do not worry, I will not have a child I do not want just to please a man. I agree, you never know what the future may hold. i just hope that when i get the nerve to talk to him about it (getting my tubes tied), we will be on the same page.
Having that discussion about sterilisation is something that you will probably not get any love from the medical community for until you are at least 40. And for the record, it is a much easier procedure for a man to have a vasectomy than for a woman to have her tubes tied. Food for thought.
My hubs went for his vasectomy when I was 38 or 39 and he was only 36 or 37. People thought we were mad, but now that we are 40 and 42 they have FINALLY stopped clutching their damn pearls. It has sunk in, at long last.
I wish I had advice for the situation above, but I don’t. However, I would strongly recommend a professional counsellor if the situation keeps up. Counselling is not an admission of defeat, but rather an under-utilised resource.
You’re right HF, my cousin didn’t want kids, and she got pregnant, for some reason she decided to keep it, even though she was against having kids she thought it would give her life some meaning (I know, WTH) but she was positive one was plenty, and asked the doctor to tie her tubes right after having the kid, like, while in the operation room, something like that, It was a while ago, throughout the pregnancy he said yes, she confirmed it with him over and over even though the doctor tried to persuade her otherwise. It was a done deal and she was sure, as it had been agreed he was going to do it. When the time comes, while on the operating table and once the baby had been delivered he says he’s not going to do it as she’s young and fertile and he just knows she’s going to change her mind and give the baby a little brother. There was nothing it could be done to make him do it so that was it. There’s a fertile, young woman walking who *obviously* is going to want more babies!
I know a couple who decided in their early twenties that they did not want children. They wanted to pursue their adult lives and studies and enjoy the world that they were going to build together. The husband therefore had a vasectomy.
After about 10 years something happened. The woman began to realize that she wanted a child. She was surprised by the intensity of her desire since she had been so completely sure (at 23) that she never would. It led to great unhappiness and resentment between them as you might imagine. They broke up. He married another woman who also wanted a child, but the reversal of the vasectomy did not work. His ex-wife also remarried and had a baby.
Just food for thought. Everyone of course must make his or her own decisions and live with them. And the decision to remain childfree is one which should be respected. Still we are animals after all and the need to procreate is instinctual among animals (but we are something other than animals as well, which we must bear in mind!)
This! Why is almost always the women who get their tubes tied or remain on some type of birth control until they go through menopause? It is far less invasive for a man to have a vasectomy. They get over it quickly, they have no visible scars, and most importantly, it does not mess with their hormones or affect them sexually. I know many women who have had their tubes ties, partial or full hysterectomies who had serious problems afterward – mostly that it affected their sex-life (they stop producing lube, have pain, don’t have the urge, or can’t reach climax). I was so releived when my husband had his hysterectomy and I got off birth control. For the first time in many years, my hormones and cycles were completely me – natural and uninfluenced. I immediately lost 5 lbs (awesome – I know – right?) I think because I must have had bloat all along from the birth control, and I felt different – in a good way – had more energy, didn’t need as much sleep, etc. I think birth control affects us more than we realize but we’re used to it and think it’s normal. When we went in for my husband’s surgery (hysterectomy), they asked if he was sure he wanted to do it, and he said “yes, I’m sure. I like my wife exactly the way she is.” Brownie Points!!!!!
We get it Cameron…every headline i see lately is her defending her single childless existence!
I can at least agree with Cami that as a woman making unconventional choices about children and marriage in modern society does seem to offend most people. They can get downright nosy and rude about it. It seems as if it’s an affront to how the others are living their lives so they feel the need to tear the unconventional woman down. Plainly sexism is still rampant in our culture and I’ve felt the spotlight of judgement on myself. It’s incredibly demoralizing so I feel her pain and understand why she may sound defensive.
Aaanndd it’s the crux of the biscuit. That’s exactly how she perceives herself.
Shut up now, Cameron, and stick to talking about your movie.
Based on the headline, I thought it was odd that she would say something like that. Who even thinks in such terms anymore?
But then I saw it was just sort of an off-hand illustrative comment.
I think it’s not the first time here, and I suspect it won’t be the last, that I have to say I am slightly puzzled by the many references to “society” and its “pressure” on women who do not have children.
I proclaimed I would not have children as soon as I reached puberty, and I did not have any.
Yet I did not experience any “pressure” that I know of. Sure, there was the occasional (VERY occasional) question or comment – “oh, you’ll change your mind” (I remember ONE such comment when I was 17, though there may have been others) – but, all in all, it never went beyond the occasional “Do you have children?” -“No, I never wanted any.”
(Conversation moves on.)
Is THAT considered “pressure”? If so, it would be useful for anyone in such a position to consider that people are not really “pressuring” you do to do anything. It’s just something they say (perhaps by way of small talk) – what’s the big deal?
And even if it were “pressure”… so what?
It’s a slight annoyance at most – surely not the greatest one I can think of. (Unless the person who is being addressed feels guilty for not having children, deep down.)
Smile brightly (the person probably means well) and say nothing or make a joke.
End of story.
I am sure this will annoy some people, too.
We people who refused to be annoyed by other people’s comments often annoy those who love to nurse their wounds. :- ))
a sweet friend & i exchange mothers day cards on which we write out our sentiments of gratitude at not having kids – i sh*t you not. we are so truly glad. shooEEEee….
I wish she would shut up – I’m tired of her pontifcating…
+1000
Who asked Cameron for advice in the first place?
Probably the interviewer for the article.
When people ask me why I don’t have kids, I just tell them they died.
(kidding!)
“The most interesting parts are for women who are over 40. We don’t see it that way, because they’re not the sexy parts. Look at the Oscar nominees in the last decade.” Diaz reels off a list that includes Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren and Dame Judi Dench. “We’re not giving those women enough credit for what they’re accomplishing, which is beautiful performances.”
Because the woman with minuscule acting “talent” (aside from The Box-the character she played in that was wonderful and so out of the norm for her) who built an entire career on BEING the vapid “sexy” girl things she’s going to be getting roles of the same caliber some day (or ever)?! Sorry Cam but stay in your lane girl; those ladies are all unspeakable on screen perfection.
I just want to thank everyone here for the comments that are supportive of childfreedom. I was dreading opening this post b/c I feared what the comments would say, but I was so relieved and happy to find that the vast majority of comments expressed understanding and acceptance of people’s right to choose whether or not to have children. Thank you.
This is why I love her, when someone ask me if I plan to have kids I tell them “who says I haven’t tried.” They usually say “oh I’m sorry” but I go in again with “when I am ready I will email you.” They never ask again.
Can someone please tell Cameron it’s time to STFU!!!???
I dont want to have kids either, to be honest, I find the whole having a kid thing extremely weird, any person in this world can go ahead and make a human…..mmmh that is very f’ed up
I dont want to have kids because I feel that although the world has many nice aspects to it, I would not want to trap a soul in a body and bring it here, this world is tough
If I ever got the feeling of being a mother, I would go and save a little kid from those awful orpherinates in third world countries, that would actually mean something to me. making my own human sounds like a selfish act (in my world, please dont get offended, this is just my view about my life, what I think only applies to me) 🙂