Unbeknownst to me, my fiance has subscribed to a BBC News service where he gets breaking news texted to his cell phone. When he was texted at quarter past seven this morning and got up quickly afterwards, I thought it was his work contacting him and I went back to sleep for another hour or so.

I woke up a bit later to get me and my daughter some breakfast, when my sombre looking boyfriend stopped me in the kitchen to tell me the real reason he got up. He received a BBC News text saying Prince William had split up with his girlfriend, so he got up to hide all the suitcases in the house to scupper my bid to run away.

I am giving him the cold shoulder now for being so selfish–surely, if he really loved me, he should want what is best for me?

Yes, ladies: Prince William has split up with his girlfriend. I think I could now feel the warm wind caused by a million collective sighs of relief.

Apparently The Sun has the exclusive on this so, here are excerpts from the article:

PRINCE William’s romance with Kate Middleton was doomed when he decided to put Army life first, pals claimed last night.

From the outside all the signs seemed to suggest the young lovers were just weeks away from announcing their intention to wed.

But in reality, it is understood they had been on a downward spiral since Kate saw the 24-year-old future king passing out from the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst in December last year.

Friends say William, now a fully-fledged officer in the Blues and Royals, has engrossed himself in Army life — preferring to go out drinking with his colleagues than drive back to London to see Kate.

When he began his 2½-month tank commander course at the Army’s school of armoury in Bovington, Dorset, on March 16, the relationship was in freefall.

One close friend of the couple said: “As far as Kate is concerned, William simply hasn’t been paying her enough attention.

“She is stuck in London while he is living in an officer’s mess in Dorset. Kate feels hugely frustrated that their relationship just seems to be going backwards at a rate of knots.

“At university they were living together. Now, nearly three years on, they are lucky if they see each other once a week.

“When he does get a night off, it appears to Kate that William would rather spend time drinking with his new-found Army pals.”

While millions of people will be shocked to read that the world’s most eligible bachelor is back on the market, friends of the couple will be equally surprised.

Any cracks in their relationship were hidden from all but the couple’s closest circle.

Everyone had thought Prince William was going to marry Kate Middleton for a while now. The British tabs had been reporting on her a lot lately, scrutinizing her deamenor, her clothes, and even ran articles comparing and contrasting her to William’s mother, the late Princess Diana. All of the UK thought that since they had been together for so long (about 4 years now), that they would marry eventually, but as the Sun’s royal correspondent Duncan Larcombe told BBC Five Live: “The last person on earth who’s going to be pressured by newspaper columnists and television chat shows to get married is Prince William.”

I feel bad for Middleton. She seems like she is a pretty, well adjusted, intelligent, and sassy girl–the perfect girl to take back home to meet the Queen, but still be excellent potential to help bring the English monarchy in line with the 21st century. If Kate Middleton can’t pull off snaring the prince, what hope do any other of us ladies have?

Darn…I better stop that order for my “Duchess of Topshop” royal stationary.