I fell for Lizzy Caplan during Season 1 of Masters of Sex. She managed to seem authentic for that 1950s period, yet she maintained a vibe of “she was way ahead of her time.” Plus, Caplan’s acting that first season was splendid. The second season? Caplan’s acting was fine – if anything, they gave her more to do in the second season. But I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about the second season in general, because I think the writers really messed up. Anyway, my girlfriend covers the new issue of Elle Canada – you can read the full piece here. Some highlights:
Being an Emmy-nominated actress now: “It’s just so far outside of the realm of what I thought possible for me. I thought that I’d be a journeywoman actress, and I was pretty content with that. I was making a decent living as an actress, and that felt like enough to me. But, looking back, I was playing kind of the same type of girl over and over again. Of course, when I first started, I had much bigger goals. But after doing it for 15 years, I felt the industry was telling me to stick to a certain thing. Only now do I realize that it would not have been a very fulfilling life.”
Identifying with Virginia Johnson: “I move through the world differently from a lot of my friends. I identified with how Virginia could separate sex from love—that was something that made her an odd duck. It’s a lot less harsh these days, but that’s still something that exists…. We have such a long way to go before you don’t see a ‘promiscuous’ girl. I mean, people don’t even use the word promiscuous when describing men, ever. I don’t think it’s my personal crusade to be this proud promiscuous person, but it’s a conversation that I’ve gotten into quite often since I started the show, and I find it fascinating.”
We haven’t moved passed gender stigmas: “It’s a really conscious choice to be, say, the woman who goes out and works while the husband stays at home. It’s 2014, and if your husband makes less money than you, people ask you if that’s ‘weird’ for you. It’s pretty mind-blowing.”
Love life: She was in a relationship with Matthew Perry for several years and admits it can be “sh–ty dating actors.” But she has been thinking about exes now that she sees billboards of herself, reclined in bed, dotted around L.A. “I had this moment of ‘Wow, it must really suck for exes to see that.’ But what can you do? Don’t date an actress if you don’t want to see her in bed on a billboard.”
Marriage & kids: “I don’t want it to be an assumption that I will be the one to stay home and raise the kids. Now, I could have kids and want to do that, I have no idea—but from where I sit now, that does not sound all that appealing to me. I really want kids, and I want to be fully involved in their lives, but I don’t want to sacrifice my own goals to be a mother. I actually romanticize the idea of a stay-at-home dad. Partly because I think that’s a very sexy thing, but also because if there are two working actors and both of them get a job and they have a baby, the woman is going to stay with the baby. I see it all the time. It just seems very unfair.”
Being friends with Seth Rogen: “We’re the same age, which is strange because he’s doing so much more cool sh-t. I hate that we’re 32 and he’s directing massive movies.”
I’m with her on the whole “I don’t want to sacrifice my own goals to be a mother” thing, but then again, I’m not a mother and I’ve never really had that urge. My own goals involve “not being a mother,” so that dovetails nicely, right? Anyway, it’s refreshing to hear a young actress talk about her mixed feelings regarding motherhood. I think more women (certainly more celebrity women) feel this way, but are forced by society to pay lip-service to this idea that every woman wants motherhood and that every woman will end up subverting their career/life goals for motherhood and marriage.
Photos courtesy of Elle Canada.
I like her. I haven’t watched Masters of Sex, but I generally like her interviews. As a mother myself, I feel her not wanting to sacrifice her career for motherhood. I waited until my thirties to have kids, so my career had a good foundation before babies came along. Although I spent my entire 20s fending of questions about children from my family.
I keep hearing so much hype about Masters of Sex I need to check it out. Hope it comes on Netflix or Amazon soon. (I don’t have cable or satellite).
Find and relish Season 1- it is so good on so many levels- even the supporting characters’ story lines were compelling. This season is just such a fall off- I don’t know if the writers just lost interest or forgot how to write, but it’s not nearly as good. I tried to watch a few episodes and just quit.
Totally agree. I was completely hooked the first season and binge watched it. Second season is such a let down. Couple of really awful episodes (the hotel room / boxing match one…)
I really miss Allison Janney and that storyline with Beau Bridges. My favorite character this season has been Betty. Love her.
Yes, season 1 is worth watching, season has been a disappointment.
I’m happy to know that at least the first season is good. I’ve had a thing for Michael Sheen since he played Tony Blair in the Queen.
So many shows seem to lose quality and steam after the first season or two – Downton Abbey, Call the Midwife, How I Met Your Mother …
Let me tell you something about Janis Ian……. 😀
She is so beautiful and talented. JANIS IAN FOREVVVVVER.
It’s tough. I have two children and I stay home with them. Not because I necessarily want to, but because my husband is military and with this last move I had to give up my career. I’m pretty bitter about that. I have to come to grips everyday that as of now, my dreams are on hold. I love my babies though and wouldn’t give them up for anything in the world. However, I do think you can have your cake and eat it too. I am just in a crappy position at the moment.
That’s tough, Mel – the military life in addition to kids. My mother-in-law was in a similar position when my FIL was in the Air Force. I feel for you.
Hang in, Mel. I delayed my career to stay home, and when I started back up, I did so with renewed enthusiasm and a lot of more life experience, patience, and wisdom. These are not lost years, though they can absolutely feel that way in the moment. In the scope of your lifetime, some years away from career with be ok. Best of luck – it’s really hard to feel like your choices were taken away.
I agree with Josephine; the skills I learned while the kids were home turned me into a tour de force in terms of my leadership skills and ability to handle a crisis. The wait is hard, but the growth, for both you and the kids, is immeasurable.
Thanks, ladies!
Hang in there Mel! You will bring a lot more to you work when you return…and good on your talking about the conundrum of kids/being at home/not being at home so honestly. And good on Lizzy Caplan for her honesty as well.
@Mel – I am in about the same position as you , my husband is in the military and we have two little girls and it’s very hard not to be resentful at times. We live one life and we don’t get those years back. I have given up a career , my friends , my family and had to put school on hold way too long and many other things you don’t realize at the time but add up. I’ve heard it all from people because women are just expected to put up and shut up and I should just consider myself lucky. A man would never be held to the same standards though.
I feel you. My husband is military and even without kids I’ve pretty much had to give up the idea of doing anything super awesome with my career, especially since we’ll be moving interstate for the second time in 12 months shortly. Luckily I’m not the super ambitious type so I’ll manage but it does make me wonder what I’ll do if we don’t make it.
In the movie of my life, she plays me. I adore her. And I have very similar feelings about motherhood and having a “house husband” and stay at home dad. Good for her for making it a larger conversation instead of a cookie cutter response. Love her!
I totally agree with you! Well said.
I agree, it’s refreshing to hear it’s not the end all be all with kids and giving up your life. I want a stay at home hubby and I’ll work! I just need to make more money
She’s pretty brave to be so honest about it, because so many people have dumb knee-jerk reactions to views like this. It makes me like her a lot more.
At least she won’t be having any stunt babies for attention in the foreseeable future.
We need to start having mainstream conversations about fathers being the stay-at-home or “primary” parent, because it is happening more and more! My brother stays at home with his baby while his wife works- both because she makes more money than he, and because he wanted to stay home and she didn’t. At some point he’ll go back to work, but since he’s a teacher and his wife works in advertising, he’ll definitely be the parent who stays home when the children are sick, drives them to soccer and swim lessons, etc. It’s amazing how many people are just blown away by their arrangement, who wouldn’t bat an eyelash is my sister-in-law were staying home. We need to normalize the notion that fathers are parents too, and should be shouldering at least 50% of the child rearing.
well said. + 1
+2!! i don’t know why in this modern age there’s still a stigma. i’m in my early 30’s and still finishing up my training as a doctor. i mentioned to my mother in law a couple years ago that i wasn’t planning to stay at home when i have kids. her eyes popped out of her sockets and her mouth stayed open for the next 10 minutes. it’s not that i don’t want to be present for my kids, of course i do! but i won’t have suffered through 12 years of med school, residency, and fellowship to then stay at home with the kids. a lot of people (who are not in my field) hear me say that and automatically think i’m cold and/or heartless. and yet, if a man were to say the exact same thing, people would applaud him for being a strong breadwinner for his family and he would even be branded as a “good family man.” Lizzy Caplan is amazing for saying what she did, and also for not qualifying it or making excuses for it. i have a lot of respect for women who choose to stay home with their kids. i also have a lot of respect for women who choose not to. each family is unique and i think our society needs to be more accepting of “different strokes for different folks.”
Savu- I totally agree. I have just married my husband and he will most likely be staying at home if we have children. He works in finance and is good at his job but doesn’t love it. I’m a virologist and my work brings me very much passion, so I would not be the one to stay in the home with children (if we have them – I’m 31 so old enough by far to be a mother, but I don’t feel mature enough and at this rate, perhaps I never will).
fine if you are goals are more important stick to them. but please dont put children in the world if they are not as important. we had generations of men who put children in the world and then never cared, partly because they didnt have any interest, partly because they had to be the breadwinner and be away from home most of the time.
being an actress is incredibly easy, but very time consuming. im all for stay at home dads but why get children if only one parents sees them? if you are a working actor you are away for basically the whole year. its unfair to the children and there is no sense in getting something when you never take the time for it.
how about a society that isnt solely focused on professional succes as the only measurement of succcess and goals?
oh and if you want to have a man that stays at home and doesnt expect you to stay at home while he works all day, reconsider that type of men you are dating. the guy who wants to be the CEO will never do that for you. i personally know so many more men willing to be a stay at home dad than women who can deal with a men that make less, but they still blame it on men. if you want to date the alpha guy, he’ll make sure he is the alpha in your relationship, too.
I’m not sure what her comments have to do withyours. Did you read the same article we did?
And yes, being an actress is incredibly easy. How many Oscars do you have?
I get that it’s not rocket science, but could you be any more condescending?
+1, Izzy.
I don’t think working 16 hour days as an actress is “easy.” That doesn’t include years of building up a solid resume and business relationships.
Ok, but you do that 10-16 hours of work for a huge amount of money for max a few months. And while there are some with more innate talent who deserve the accolades, this is quite minimal, most actors/actresses are rather average actually, and in fact acting isn’t exclusive.. everyone can act and does so in their own way “fake it until you make it”? In fact, even a child of 3 pretending to be Superman is “acting”…of course everyone’s job means the most to them and the most important, but impact-wise and with the skills required to get by, its really below average. But of course in todays world modelling and acting are the most gruesome professions ever :]
@idontknowyouyoudontknowme
Sure there are actors who make a huge amount of money by doing very little work but that’s a tiny part of all actors in this world.
It’s much more likely for an actor to be struggling to survive and have other jobs to make a living than being the next big thing and getting million dollar salaries.
And what job is exclusive?
-Even a child of three piling up building blocks is building something, does that mean that being an architect is easy?
-Even a child can teach another child that 1+1=2, does that mean everybody makes a good teacher?
-Nearly every child living in a western country learns how to write, but does that mean everybody could be Shakespeare?
Are there harder professions than acting? Sure, but nobody said that there aren’t. Just because acting isn’t the “most gruesome profession ever” doesn’t mean that acting doesn’t require talent or can’t be exhausting.
Not every actor is George Clooney or Jennifer Lawrence or even Lizzy Caplan. You just don’t hear about those who do not make it.
I sure know that I don’t want to live the life of an actor, which is good because nobody would ever pay to see me be one.
Would I rather spend 16 hours a day acting than e.g. workin in a mine? Yes, but that’s a different story.
@idontknow, putting actual talent aside, acting is a job and it’s a business. That doesn’t diminish the hours actors (good or bad) put into their work. Sure they look good doing their jobs, but it’s still work, and sometimes hard work.
Sara – I do not mean to be disagreeable, but I do not concur that “being an actress is easy”. I actually have worked as an actress and got an undergraduate degree at a well-regarded conservatory program in drama. I came to a point in my life and had to choose between acting and medicine (my two loves). I chose medicine partly because acting was too difficult for me to do for a sustained period of time- the pressure and vulnerability were too much for me. So please don’t judge actors so harshly.
+1
I have a theatre degree as well, as do a lot of my friends, many of whom are still acting. Acting is one of those things that everyone thinks is easy and everyone thinks they’re good at.
Trust me, they’re not and it isn’t.
🙂
Can I just jump on this early and say, there is no single way to be a good mother. Be a stay at home mom. Be a career mom. Be a bit of both, whatever. Or, don’t have kids, be a mother to your friends, your family, your animals, or yourself. Just love. The end.
I agree with you ladyjane. There is no right way. However women have traditionally been expected or pressured to stay at home when maybe they didn’t want to. The same goes for men, they were expected to work and “provide”. There is no right way, and every person and family should choose what works for them. I think she’s just saying she’d like the options, which I totally understand.
I want to add too that we get way too judgy of people who choose to work or stay at home. (Cough Sara, I’m not even going there because that’s not what she said.) As long as people are doing what THEY want, I don’t care. Just because I’d want to be a working mother doesn’t mean I have anything against stay at home moms.
THIS. I have seen shitty parents of all types, stripes, backgrounds, philosophies, values, and ambitions, and I have seen awesome parents of all types, stripes, backgrounds, philosophies, values, and ambitions. I know horrible stay-at-home moms, and I know amazing career moms. I know women who alway dreamed of being mothers and are abysmal parents raising neurotic kids, and I know women who never planned on being moms who turned out to be Super Parent.
Probably the most surprising thing about being a parent?: you honestly have no clue what kind of parent you’ll be until you have kids, and you honestly can’t say how well you did at the job until your kids have grown up.
Let’s cut parents, and non-parents, some slack. We’re all in this together.
I just gave you a standing ovation in my head ( I’m at work:) WELL SAID!!!!!
“Probably the most surprising thing about being a parent?: you honestly have no clue what kind of parent you’ll be until you have kids, and you honestly can’t say how well you did at the job until your kids have grown up.”
This is, as the kids say, everything.
But I think this kind of statement still implies that all women want to be mothers of one sort or another. Being a mother is a roll you take on, and it’s a choice. If you don’t want to have children, that doesn’t mean, “don’t worry, you can still ‘mother’ other people in some way.” Some people don’t want to be a mother at all, to anyone, period.
LadyJane, may I ask if your name references Lady Jane Grey?
She’s really pretty and I love women speaking out about focusing on working toward their goals in life and it not always involving motherhood.
Good for her. If I hear another rant of a full-time working actress how it only gives them joy to prepare mush out of organic food all day I am going to scream.
I think its a problem not only in Hollywood, I always feel judged when I express a slightly ambivalent opinion about having kids.
Good for you! I know SO many people who have kids and don’t really want them. They want babies, and they don’t get that it’s different from wanting to be a parent. If you’re not sure or don’t want kids, there’s no shame in it. There’s shame in having kids when you don’t want them or aren’t sure.
I think the more interesting question would be why is it exactly that women feel like they have to choose between being a mother and being accomplished. What are the forces of our society that are making the two mutually exclusive? I think the “having it all” ideal is dangerous as well, and you certainly do have to adjust your timeline when you become a mother, but it sucks that so many women feel like they have to totally sacrifice their ambition in the name of motherhood, Ashley women who are still considering having children… They might find that it’s easier than they would think to balance and still be there on person… All these women who are saying that you have to have one or the other is damaging IMO.
That said I really loved the first season of masters of sex but also don’t know what to think about the second season. Bill and Virginia’s chemistry to me is unappealing to watch, despite their excellent acting.
“I think the “having it all” ideal is dangerous as well”
i agree. i dont know why that ever came up anyway. who has got it all? nobody. its always sold like men have those happy lifes where they work a couple of hours in a sunny office, flirt a little with the secretary, get a promotion in the afternoon, come home and play with the kids for two hours and then make dinner and after that a couple of beers with their buddies.
most men i know would kill to be able to spent more time with their children, there is no choice for them, they have to work. lets not forget that women nowadays dont work because its their choice in lots of cases women HAVE to work because one income often isnt enough.
talk to your granddads when they are about to die and ask them what they regret in life. i guarantee you that 99% of them will say”i wish i could have spent more time with my family”
men certainly dont have it all. never had, never will. so why would women? its very dangerous to put this unachievable ideal out there.
especially in a job like an actor, thats a very selfish profession anyway, basically all relationships and marriages break apart.
look at Angela Merkel in Germany, she doesnt have children, how would that work anyway? she doesnt have time. how often does Obama see his kids?
Yes to everything you said. You can be a great mom if that’s what you want and still have a career but you will have to make some adjustment. This either or narrative is false IMO. And I think “having it all” is ridiculous. You can “have it all”(again if that’s what you want) but not all at the same time.
While you *can* in theory have it all, sometimes push comes to shove and you have to make a decision. As is the case with a sick child. And that can happen to anyone. When my child had to be hospitalized and needed medical interventions for three years, it cost me my career. And that’s not the sort of thing you leave to a nanny.
So I think it’s worth weighing, “if push comes to shove, what do I really want more?”
Why does motherhood have to equal no career/life goals? Maybe I’m wrong but that’s the tone I’m getting from this post and it’s not true. There are plenty of high-powered accomplished women in every field that are exellent mothers as well.
well how would you know if they are excellent mothers? not saying its not true, there is just no way we would ever know.
in some jobs you can not have children and be a good parent. they are just way too demanding.
what we see in europe right now is that people realize that work isnt everything and that more hours spent at work dont equal more outcome. people overwork themselves without having better results and companies pay them without getting anything more.
if CEOs wont have to work so much anymore then it can work. if not it wont work. you cant work 16 hours each day and be a good parent, that is impossible.
instead of telling women to become 1950s males we should have told women to get a job and males to work less, so both genders would have met in the middle, with work and enough free time for the family.
but that wont work in most economies because if you pay people fairly so that they can work humane hours and have a life you wont run a company that makes huges profits.
as long as companies exploit their workers it wont work.
Well I know that my mom was an amazing mother and she had a career even before I was born and she worked all my life. She wasn’t with me 24/7 but I never felt like I missed out on anything.
Not that you can’t, but there is a lot of unexpected compromise. Kids just come that way. You can do both, but you also need to go into to it with your eyes wide open and expect to have to make some changes. The hardest thing for me was to realize that even if you do have a partner, Mum still does most of the work at home as well as most of the child care, and it’s hard having three jobs. Still, I guess I really had no clue until the day and I worked it out one way or another, just like every other mum does.
I would argue strenuously that moms do not have to do all the work, but it’s very important to have expectations out front to avoid the “pick up the slack” situation. If we set the expectations prior to having children, it cuts down on the feeling that we have to do it or it won’t get done. We have a pretty defined division of responsibilities and chores in our house, and while we occasionally pick up the slack for each other, there’s no way in hell I would cut the grass or he would just go in the kitchen and start fixing a meal without a whole conversation about it. It’s the way we set our housekeeping and child stuff up from day one. At one point, he made more money, now I do, but the split never really changed on chores because it was fairly balanced. I do cooking, laundry, and clean up the kitchen, he manages all outdoor chores, maintenance, pays bills, and runs the dry cleaning. We split the kid duties 50/50, and have someone else clean the house. No one is super stressed, no one gets to sit around eating bon bons or whatever it is people do. *shrug* I would also kick his ass if he tried, and same goes.
Because school is bad timing. With my job I work 8-6 so I’d rarely be there for the Christmas party, the PTO, the book fair, the dance class, etc. I’d either miss something that’s important to my child or constantly be taking off work with my boss going “Hmm….maybe I should hire a man wit a SAHM wife who goes to all that rather than keep her with her pretty much part time self”
It’s tough. Something will have to be done halfway and that’s too bad. Men don’t have that problem at all and it sucks. My job is very demanding but it’s what I choose and what I enjoy doing. I honestly DON’T want children because I honestly DON’T want to compromise like that. I’m getting married in March and he feels the same way about children. I’m the best damn aunt and babysitter around but I WILL be giving them back. Kids are hard. I LOVE them but I don’t have it in me to mother them and no one will tell me I need to. We’ve discussed him getting snipped briefly but he’s not opposed so that’s on the table.
Then you’re not ready to have children.
Thanks, DECORATIVE!
Years ago a mother in my toddler group said her child was traumatized by the nightly news on TV – upset, asking questions, unable to sleep etc. BUT – she said the news was her “me” time. She refused to give it up or watch after the kid was asleep. If you can’t put your child’s needs first, don’t bother having one in the first place!
I know the child can’t ALWAYS come first but parenting does involve self sacrifice – putting someone else’s welfare ahead of your own. Most parents I know would gladly throw themselves in front of a bus if it saved the life of their baby. If your career goals are THAT important to you, don’t have a child and then ignore it.
Why can’t it be
“If you decide to have kids, then you’re not ready to persue the professional world and it’s demands?”
There are no “qualifications’ or “tests” to be a mother. One can get pregnant at 13 and join the ranks – for life.
Now to have a career or a professional job does have some qualifications.
As for the alleged “bus” rarely do you read where a parent pulled a kid out of a buring building, car wreck or drowning. I understand the fear and the impossibilty of doing such a thing, but lets get real here.
Those of us with real jobs on top of chosen realtionships (which is what a parent is) prove ourselves everyday. The “Bus” sounds great, but in reality most parents are too lazy to cook a decent, well balanced meal (hamburger helper is NOT it), so I’m doubting the whole “I’d give my life”
Let’s get real here:
http://nydailynews.com/news/national/missouri-mom-dies-saving-daughter-oncoming-car-officials-article-1.1950493
CBC in Blissville- there is no reason to be fighting a war between women who stay in the home raising children (or who stay in the home for any reason) and women who work outside of the home (whether or not they are mothers). I think that, were you truly content and satisfied with your own life, you would be more than happy to live and let live.
It’s so nice to have a celebrity that says ‘kids aren’t for me’. As a woman who adores kids but never wanted any of her own, there is still an incredible bias against people without children. I take issue with a previous poster who said there is something wrong with society that places emphasis on professional accomplishments. I think there is something wrong with a society that only values me for my uterus. I have deep respect for the amount of time, energy and love it takes to raise children but it does not make me any less of a woman or contributing member so society for not having them.
Thank you for your comment, Kc !
I love other people’s kids… but I don’t want my own. Never wanted any. I knew very soon, in my early teens, that motherhood wasn’t for me. Now I’m 32 and people keep on telling me I will change my mind. But I know I won’t. Why is this so difficult to understand ?
@Kc….Amen!
It’s odd, isn’t it? It’s not like we need more people on the earth. But, I have male relatives who will never have kids who are bombarded all the time by family and friends to breed.
+1
Yes! I am delighted each time a woman expresses this opinion. We don’t have an obligation to be mothers. I never wanted children, but am genuinely happy for friends who made a different choice.
The worst thing is having kids when you don’t want them or aren’t sure. What’s wrong with not wanting kids? It doesn’t make you less of a person. People are ridiculous. I say good for you! I love my kids, but no one should be judged on wanting or not wanting them. Octomom wanted a big family, and so did Kate Gosselin and they’re crap moms who don’t want to parent. I have friends who only want 1 kid, and they’re judged for not giving the kids siblings.
I think we should allow people express their current opinions and views on certain subjects and also be ok with the fact that these views might (and probably will) change over time.
I would not be surprised if she had kids and become a full-time mother for a while regardless of what she says now. Life changes and we should not be afraid to change with it.
Or maybe she won’t ever have a child or children, either way it’s perfectly fine.
I love it when women are honest like this, and it’s so important to speak out about it.
Great interview! The cover photo is STUNNING.
I really like her.
Good for her. There is nothing appealing about parenting. Everyday you wake up, a little person wants something. Every night before you go to sleep a little person wants something. And inbetween, a little person wants something. And the needing something is endless.
Yes, I totally agree with this. One child is MORE than enough for me. I don’t get why people always ask when you’re having your next child after you already had one. Cant one child be enough?
Kudos to her for being honest.
I get so sick of the Hollywood press, bombarding these women with the notion that everyone needs to jump on the baby train.
She may have children, she may never have children but I’m glad she feels free to voice her opinion.
I have friends in their 30’s and 40’s who said they never wanted children or said having a child is not something they see for themselves, but people are always telling them ,you still have time, totally discounting what they said about not wanting children.
DAMN, these pictures. Also, keep doing what you’re doing so I can live vicariously. I want to ‘do it all’ but decided raising kids was one of those things, and I sacrificed quite a few years of creative output to do it the way I consider ‘right’. For me, it’s a life decision that I believe will positively affect my writing in the long run. Guess I’m optimistic about how much time I have, but there it is.
I love that she’s friends with Seth Rogen, who I adore! If he wasn’t married they’d ake a cute (and funny!) couple.
Children are a CHOICE, not a mandate. Not everyone wants them and most certainly not everyone should have them as evidenced by the rash of abuse, little sizzlers etc.
Like any other choice it is her’s alone. It makes her no more or less of a woman or no more or less selfish or anything else.
What is selfish is having kids and resenting them and refusing to raise them responsibly.
Now as for what’s easy or a career, again that’s a choice, there is NO free ride anywhere. To imply learning lines, working out, running a business (acting is a business) is easier than changing diapers, wiping not, singing ABC’s and getting happy meals is just, well, asinine. This lady didn’t insult SAHMs but someone just had to go there – insecure much?
+1
+1 Blissville pal! Now i’m curious who you are! haha
What about thinking how it must suck for her exes to see her on a billboard in bed??? That sounds so narcissistic. Maybe her exes don’t think anything about her.
It’s lovely to read about a celebrity being realistic about motherhood. More than anything it’s the “you can have it all” attitude that pisses me off! Motherhood involves an enormous amount of compromise.
Almost everything worth having as an adult comes with some sort of concession in regards to another part of life. A full time job leaves less time to travel and do fun things. Being married leaves less time to concentrate on just yourself. Having children leaves less time for your spouse, job, self. And so on. Most of the time until it actually happens you have no idea what your life will truly be like. It is like saying, when I live on Mars my life will be……. well until you actually live there you don’t know. But the most important thing here is that we all have choices and shouldn’t be judged for them. If you have a good partner and really discuss what is expected of the other when you have children, then the experience is much more enjoyable. Everything great in life is hard work. The hard is what makes it great. It sounds to me like she is just like every woman trying to decide when and if to have children. I was exactly like her before I had children, very career oriented. But now that I have kids I don’t feel like it is a sacrifice to not be able to just worry about my life and career. I don’t know any woman who plans a pregnancy and has the child and then after says I regret what I had to give up. After all, who on their death bed ever said, I wish I had spent more time at work. I suspect she just isn’t quite ready to make a decision one way or the other about having a baby. When she finds her actual life partner then I think her decision will be more obvious one way or the other. Either way it is her decision and she shouldn’t be judged. I think parenting is the most difficult and less enjoyable when only one parent makes all the sacrifice and the other continues to live the same life that he/she had before kids. I wish her luck in whatever she decides.
You nailed it Preggalina!
PLAN the child with a committed partner to both you and the child.
There are far too many teens having babies, babies bc well it’ll get me a man, opps babies, my mom wanted grandkids babies, babies to parents that can’t support them etc….
Now PLANNED children born to responsible parents, generally have mothers who have gotten the “party” years over, they know they can function single and professionally and can support themselves and a child. BIG BIG difference, those people (as you illustrate) aren’t jusdgemental one way or the other.
THIS!!^^^^
A lot of the ideas that she’s talking about regarding tradition are terribly outdated. BUT women still get judged irregardless. I live a very unconventional life as a woman and have always had to deal with judgment from not just men but women as well. It’s like “hey you aren’t taking the same path as everyone else so that gives me the right to call you hurtful names.” It doesn’t. AT. ALL. And yet, there it is, even from so called friends of mine. I have no problem with other women living within the traditional boundaries but don’t judge me and think I’m a terrible person because I don’t follow the same lines. I applaud any woman that steps outside of the societal norms and forges a new path that makes them happy and fulfilled whatever that may be. It takes a great deal of strength to endure name calling and judgment from others. I find inspiration from women who have done so over the generations.
Sorry to read your post that you feel so judged. You absolutely have the right to forge your on path, whatever that may be, free from any criticism. And I think you wrote it correctly when you put, “So Called Friends”. Because true friends are supportive and build you up, not tear you down. Maybe it is time to find some new people in your life. I wish you luck in navigating your own life path, that most importantly, fulfills you.
From someone who has lived her “unconventional” life hassle-free (or hassle-not-perceived): those people are not your friends. Period.
Get some new ones. : -)
Better still, be your own best friend.
Good luck.
I have 2 kids I adore and spend most of my free time with but I took care of my life 1st and have a career and education and my own identity. What I feel like she was saying was that she wanted to be her own person 1st and not just be one of those people who starts in with, “I just want a baby” because those are the people who are looking for children to fill a hole within them that they didn’t try to fill themselves first. And I wouldn’t put any mother down, but not all of us can- or want to- stay home with the kids. It’s okay to want a career AND to be a parent. Just make sure you’re a grown up first
^^^^THAT
A child is not meant to define or complete your life, that’s putting too much on a tiny child and abusive.
Exactly! And if a person doesn’t want kids, so damn what? Why have kids you don’t want? That doesn’t make a person responsible, it makes them asinine.
Lizzy Caplan,”I don’t want to sacrifice my own goals to be a mother”, then I would advise not becoming a mother. My sister decided not to have children for the same reason. There is nothing wrong with that mind set. No one should feel guilty about not wanting to have children.
I would have said the same thing about not wanting to sacrifice my goals to become a mother as well….before I became a mother. I still have goals, but my baby is five months old and the reality is that by necessity my goals do take a back seat for a while. I’m told it’s not permanent; we’ll see. I’m a performer, and I’m nursing my daughter, and you just cannot do both. I’m willing to accept that the first 9-12 months, the physical reality of my life is that my daughter needs me, not my husband. He’s a great father, but he doesn’t have the food.
I have always loved Lizzy, and I want to be her best friend and have her teach me how to do my eye makeup.
I think the idea of a father as a primary parent is lovely, if both partners decide together that this is the arrangement that suits them. Why not?
Parenthood is funny nowadays, no less so because we’re all so judgmental of each others’ choices. Wouldn’t it be nice if we all supported each other instead of criticised each other? Imagine how well our (collective) kids would grow up then!
” but are forced by society to pay lip-service to this idea that every woman wants motherhood”
Who and where is this “society”?
I think – and have thought so for a very long time – that this is a stereotype in itself.
Or perhaps it is the lack of self-reflection of those who THINK that “other people” expect everyone else to do or not to do this or that.
(N.B. There is no “other people” – there are only individuals… who are much more individualised than some seem to think,)
I have lived – and still do – my life very differently from most of the people I know (and I’ve known lots of people on various continents). Not once have I felt being “forced” by anyone to do this or that – and certainly not by some abstract “society”. Sure, individuals will try and say all sorts of things – but so what? It’s up to you to feel “challenged” in any way by other people’s words.
P.S. Regarding the specific topic of motherhood, I think many women DO want children.
It is also common knowledge that many DON’T (and I’ve been one of them forever).
In this day and age I simply don’t see any real “pressure” coming from any corner (unless it’s, again, from a number of individuals) regarding motherhood.
At least she’s not stringing the fans on that she want’s, can and will have children.
If the photos are photoshopped of her, it’s hardly noticeable.
i’d never give up my dreams for motherhood. real women pursue their own dreams. i have far more goals than one lifetime allows, so i will leave it to some poor shell of a female to live up to society’s standards instead of her own.
Wow. Way to insult every woman who has ever or will ever give birth, including your own mother!
Way to go!