I always forget that this publication, Violet Grey, exists. Doesn’t “Violet Grey” sound like the name of a website for married people to cheat on their spouses? Anyhoodle, Eva Mendes gave her first post-baby interview to Violet Grey, plus she sat for a very dark, moody and be-wigged photoshoot. The photoshoot sucks, in my opinion. She’s trying to look sultry and noir-ish but the images just look flat and try-hard. Anyway, you can see the whole Violet Grey package here, with a longer Q&A. Some highlights:
New motherhood: “I’m completely exhausted. I thought my wild nights were over but these are some of the wildest nights I’ve ever had.”
She doesn’t have a nanny… yet: “I’m doing it without a nanny for now but I’m open to the idea of having a nanny in the future. Esmeralda has two amazing grandmothers and incredible aunties who come over and really help me. But as far as a nanny or a night nurse, for me that part of being a mother at this early stage is the struggle of not being able to sleep and not knowing what I’m doing and really going through it with her and battling out those nights.”
What she does when she has a baby question: “I call one of her grandmothers or I call one of her aunties…. I try not to Google too many things because it is frightening but I do go to babycenter.com and read the comment sections from other mothers because I find so much solace in that. Just knowing that I’m not alone out there and that other moms have gone through the same thing can at least get me through the night.”
Privacy & flying under the radar: “Whether we like it or not, privacy is going to be very difficult for Esmeralda. I think it’s unfair but that’s our reality. So Ryan and I decided early on to give her as much privacy as we could. And my pregnancy was the first opportunity to give her that. It’s such an intimate time for the mother, too. I know that it seems all very innocuous when you’re flipping through a tabloid at the doctor’s office or see a photo of a pregnant lady online, but I find the media’s “bump watch” obsession to be both intrusive and stressful. So I made a decision to eject myself from it completely. I was like, “Annnnd I’m out.”
Appreciating her mother: “Definitely. I cannot believe that by the time my mother was 24 she had three kids under the age of four. She was in Cuba and totally alone. So when it’s the wee hours of the night and I’m feeling a bit insane, I think about her and realize that I have no right to complain about anything.”
She & Ryan knew they were having a girl: “We actually did. We were really excited about naming her.”
The name Esmeralda Amada: “We both love the Esmeralda character from the Victor Hugo novel The Hunchback of Notre Dame and just think it’s a beautiful name. Her middle is Amada, which was my grandmother’s name. It means “beloved” in Spanish.”
Motherhood is tough: “People always told me that. But I’ve learned that it’s way harder to be a baby. Everything is a struggle for her. For instance, I haven’t thrown up since the ‘90s and she’s thrown up twice since we started this interview. Motherhood is cake compared to what it’s like to be a baby.”
Eva doesn’t give any hint as to what Ryan is like as a father, or if they’re even calling the baby “Esmeralda” or whether they’ve already nicknamed her “Esme” (god, I hope so). It does seem like Ryan is sort of… absent. From the conversation, from the thoughts on motherhood, etc. I kind of think the story about Eva getting knocked up during an on-and-off stage of their relationship is probably true. As for reading the mommy blogs… God help us all! Mommy blogs give me a terrible headache.
Photos courtesy of Emma Summerton/Violet Grey.
I’m surprised she is saying anything.
I think it is easy for some celebs to go MIA.. especially when the paps/media are not overly interested in them..
I don’t get her and Ryan’s relationship; not in a bad way.. he just always seems very uninteresting and weird. What they are doing seems to be working for them and well that really is all that matters.
and while she doesn’t say much about him..she does say WE a lot.
I don’t get this relationship either. She’s so…catalogue, and he’s so…not. But, whatever works for them!
Wow, I actually like what she is saying here.
I’m surprised too. I normally can’t stand her, but this interview makes sense. The only thing that doesn’t add up is the fact that she (and he probably too) desperately tried to get papped before. I hope the reason why she stopped is really because of the child.
Oh and I think Amada would’ve been such a lovely first name!
Me too. She came across really likable in this interview. I even chuckled a little at her quip at the end.
Sounds like she’s having a hard time.
It sounds completely normal to me.
its not like suddenly having responsiblity for another life is totally easy. especially when its your first kid and you overblow little things because you dont have a clue.
It sounds completely normal to me. I’m glad she’s being honest. Most celebrity mothers (probably for fear of being shamed) talk about motherhood in the same way people use Facebook: they only disclose the good things. Motherhood is hard. Period. When one makes it sound as though it’s simply a new experience, that’s when I get skeptical… and cynical.
+10000!
I have a new favorite commenter and their name is HH!
@Susan – Awww, shucks! Thanks! 🙂
I just dislike when people make parenting out to be all rainbows, glitter, and skipping through a field of daisies. It’s hard…FOR EVERYONE! People need to build solidarity in that truth instead of creating judgement. (@Kara – This is not directed at you, BTW. Just a general statement from what I’ve seen)
Agreed. I thought this was perfectly accurate! I am very familiar with the “insane feelings in the middle of the night” when you might lose your mind!!!
I’m not reading too much into her comments (or lack thereof) regarding Ryan. I almost never include my husband when I’m speaking about my experiences, just because I don’t prefer to speak for him or about him in his absence… and I’m just a regular person.
I think it’s nice that they have family helping, but Lord help me, if I could swing it, I’d have live in help!
i agree. if she talked about Ryan people would accuse her of selling out her relationship. i dont follow him closely but he does not seem to be someone who likes having his love life in the papers.
Right? I do not understand not having help if you can afford it. I have lots of friends who breast-fed their babies and the night nurse would just change the baby and bring it to them and they could nurse and go back to sleep. Their sleep was interrupted, but they didn’t have to get out of bed and walk the baby if it didn’t go immediately back to sleep. But go ahead, be exhausted if it makes you feel like a better mother, I guess.
Well, to be fair, a lot of people have that person already in their life-their husband. Mine changed and brought me the baby in the middle of the night. Why should he get all the sleep? 🙂 Also, for some women, there is no issue of the baby being brought to them because the baby is right next to their bed, along with a stack of diapers. Plus, all that crying-yeah, it’s not for everyone but for some of us, rocking our newborn to sleep in the middle of the night-it’s lovely (at least some of the time-I actually miss it here and there). It’s bonding. You’re the one they want to touch and smell and be held by. And if you’re me, I don’t want someone living in my house, who is essentially a stranger, when I am literally at my worst. Tired, unshowered, confused, experiencing baby blues. I had no desire for an audience. It isn’t me saying “I’m a better mother” even in the slightest. It’s just different strokes for different folks.
Yes! I have been fortunate enough to have help, off and on (off when I look at how much I pay – it’s not cheap) but never live-in. Seriously – if we made enough money it would be my very first splurge – not a new home, not a new car, not jewelry – just live-in help. And, honestly, the people who work in our home become very close to us and our to our children. It’s a special relationship. So, yeah. It’s cute when celebs don’t have help, but they shouldn’t be embarrassed if they do!
My husband’s job is somewhat dangerous, so I always took the night shift. The last thing I needed was my husband injured because of sleep deprivation, lol!
You must have a lot of wealthy friends. Most moms I know would just kill for a reliable babysitter.
I think for some people it’s more of a want to. They want to be the ones to raise their child. It’s tough, especially the first couple of years, but those are some of the best moments. It’s doing the mundane things that bond you to your child. It’s the getting up with them in the night, the feeding, the tucking them in.
Think about who gets the child when it’s crying? Who are they going to associate with that? Me personally, I wouldn’t want it to be a nanny.
I’m not saying you have to do it if you don’t want to. I’m just saying that if you can afford it, and don’t hire help, don’t come crying to me that you’re exhausted from getting up in the middle of the night. That’s your choice. You have the right to make it, but then don’t complain that you’re tired all the time. And **sighs**, my friends had a night nurse for the first six weeks usually. Every one of them has a close bond with their children and are wonderful mothers. I assure you, the children don’t even remember the night nurse.
Maybe it’s a culturological thing? I remember there being a similar discussion when Sofia Vergara talked how it was normal in Colombia for middle class people to have servants.
Here, nannies are uncommon. I don’t think I know anyone who had a full time nanny, even the richest people I know. Maternity leave is a full year ( 3 if you have twins or a 3rd kid) so people usually don’t even think about nannies.
As for servants, it’s considered in poor taste to have them even if you’re a millionaire.
My son’s father and I used to trade off diaper and feeding duties as well. But when our son was very small we worked different shifts so it wasn’t as much of a hardship as it is for two folks that both work the same shift I suppose. I’m not sure how I would have felt about having live in hired help even if I could afford it. I was lucky in that I had major support from my family. I had my son in the middle of my graduate program and I was still working. I did take a short amount of time off from school and went back when he was thriving and stable (he was a preemie). I never would have made it through any of it if it weren’t for my mother. My mother did live with us for a time to help me get through all of it. Sometimes that was awkward but mostly it was great. But then she wasn’t a stranger that I hired. I guess I can see Eva’s point. But again, just like with Cate Blanchett, if you can afford to hire help then why don’t you?
GoodNames: That’s not really how you presented your point, initially. You made it sound like if you could afford to hire a night nurse but chose not to, you were trying to be a “better mother.” And I was just pointing out that that’s not always the case. And thing is-people complain about their lives. It’s human nature. Are we really going to tell moms they can’t vent once in a while about being tired from middle of the night wakings because they can afford help? Seems a bit unsupportive. I could have afforded a night nurse but didn’t want one. I was hella tired and shared that with my friends and they were sympathetic because I was having a tough time. Was I not allowed to do that because I could have afforded a night nurse I didn’t want? We all complain about a ton of things that we choose in life. Sometimes, it seems moms are the only one getting shit for doing it.
@Marigold – you’re right, it does read like that. And of course you can complain about anything you want to, and can manage your child care any way you want to. I get that from my dad. I hated to take aspirin when I was young because my headaches were accompanied by nausea. I’d say “I have a headache,” and he’d say, “can I get you some aspirin?” And I’d say “no, thanks,” and he’d say “fine, have a headache.” Lol. So that’s where I get my unsympathetic stance on deciding you don’t want help but complaining about the results of not having any. I didn’t mean to come across as such a jerk – sorry.
GNAT- wasn’t trying to imply that your friends were bad parents. I have no idea what a night nurse does or how long they stay with you. Most people I know just have family helping them the first few weeks.
As someone else here said, some people don’t want people outside their family in their home when they are at their lowest point physically and mentally. Just for myself, even having family with me that first few weeks was sometimes more a hindrance than a help. I can’t imagine the stress I would feel at having a stranger living in my house when I’m still trying to figure everything out, even if they are there to help. I’d still feel like I had to be a hostess.
**sighs**
Oh, I know. I didn’t mean to sound so defensive. My best side stayed asleep this morning, I think.
Happy thanksgiving, gnat!
i grew up fairly well to do and i never heard of a night nurse until i started reading here. just because it’s new to me, i most likely wouldnt hire one, at least not at first. but the idea is definitely weird to me. and not because i think moms have to be super heros and do everything. but because i would need time to adjust to the idea of some adult having access to my whole house and baby while i sleep. my mother drives me nuts but i would rather have her do it.
so from my perspective, i just think she is doing what seems most natural to her. im not reading anything into it.
I’m with EM on this one; money was not the issue for me as a new mom, and I just had the sense that going through the tough stuff was part of bonding. Let me admit that I hired a housekeeper, but the baby stuff was definitely all me. The self-control and loving patience I learned was a gradual schooling into parenthood. I don’t understand parents who have children then jet off to hawaii. We are all wired differently, I suppose.
Nobody’s talking about jetting off to Hawaii. Just having some help. You’re comment is the kind of self-righteous bragging I was responding to. You pretend to accept that “we are all wired differently,” but clearly you think you are superior to anyone who hires help. I can just hear you sighing, “never mind, I’ll do it myself.” Ugh.
I didn’t recognize her photo at first. She sounds pretty normal and grounded in this interview.
It’s annoying that celebrity moms keep saying that won’t have nannies but will use relatives instead. There is nothing wrong in hiring help. It’s the norm for non-famous people. Eva and Ryan barely talk about each other in interviews so I don’t see why it would change now. It doesn’t prove they are not together.
But the relatives don’t live with them. They come over and help and she said basically she was lucky because she had family to rely on for advice and help. Although, I’m sure her mom stayed with them a little while right when she got home to help.
I think what she was saying was she didn’t get a live-in nanny, like many celebs have right off the bat, who probably get up in the middle of the night a lot in place of the mom.
It seems she totally open to hiring one at some point but doesn’t want/need one right now. I don’t see why that would annoy anyone.
For me, I have yet to “hire” a babysitter for my kid. I’m sure we will at some point, but if you have family that’s willing to help, why not? It helps bond them as family, and you know your child is with someone you trust. How is that annoying?
At least she uses “we, our, us” when describing their life.
Unlike someone else who shall remain nameless.
I love the cover photo. She’s not photoshopped to oblivion to where it doesn’t look like the person.
I thought her comments were great and spot on coming from a first-time mom just feeling her way through it.
I really don’t understand your obsession with thinking every baby has to have a nickname.
i dont know that any such obsession exists, i think she just thinks esmeralda is long and a little fug.
That’s what I thought. I think Esmeralda is a really unattractive name. I know it’s none of my business.
I really hate that name, personally.
For me Esmeralda will forever be the blind girl from the telenovela of the same name. And I agree, it isn’t exactly a pretty name.
Esmeraaaaaaldaaaaaaa!!! *in the voice of Javier Rodriguez*
I really like it actually. But I realize I tend to like long complicated names.
LOOOL Charlie: we watched the same telenovela and that’s what the name triggers to me to. I like Amada though.
“Esmerelda Amada” It sounds like something you would name a ship.
Agree. I don’t even understand how many people are hating that name, it is traditional and perfectly nice.
I think the name is very cumbersome and sounds clunky said in an American accent. Said properly with a rolled “r’ and with Spanish inflection is much improved, but I still don’t think it’s a particularly nice name.
I don’t mind it, but any long name will eventually be reduced to a nickname by all future friends/co-workers because we are all lazy and shorten names!
So, her nickname will be Esme, a name that has exploded in popularity because of twilight.
*shudder* who wants to be associated with that franchise for life? Sure she and her friends won’t know but all their parents will…
Motherhood agrees with her. She looks beautiful.
Are they together? Sounds like she’s doing the night shift alone.
If she’s nursing, she probably is. I nursed four kids, and always took the night shift. Nothing calms down a crying baby like the nip.
Honestly I’m suprised she is even talking about it. I like the printed dress it looks nice on her.
If she’s nursing, there’s not much he can do at night, honestly.
As for nanny — baby’s still young. With my first, I was definitely hesitant to get non-family childcare until she was less fragile-seeming. We didn’t get a paid sitter until she was 9 months old. With my second, I took all the help I could get.
Motherhood is tough, man. And I don’ t even have kids. Also, you will have to explain yourself for eternity to your baby when you pick a name like Esmeralda Amada for her.
Ha ha for us ‘normal’ people yes… but I guess since Esmeralda is going to be growing up with girls named Wyatt and Blue, she will fit right in.
“Normal people?” You must mean all-American because that baby’s name is 100% normal in any Spanish speaking country. Lol, there is actually this thing called “other cultures” outside of the USA, ya know? Geez
@DTX, Yes, but the child will be raised in and will experience American culture.
I don’t get her comment that they “love” the character of La Esmerelda from the Victor Hugo novel – her original characterization is horrible – she uses men and is completely self-centred! It is my favourite novel but I also cringe at her. I love how everything dovetails at the end, but Esmerelda is the worst part of it. I would understand if she is using the myriad movies as the basis of her comment, but not the original novel.
Also, I completely get the baby blog she referred to – very spot on with keeping it all in perspective.
Honestly, I think Ryan is not as bright as he’s been made out to be.
Touche!
I know right? I love baby center! I wouldn’t really consider it a blog though. It’s a website with an active forum, not a blog.
I thought the same thing!! Have they actually read the novel or are they basing their assumptions on films/cartoons? I mean I like the name, but damn, I wouldn’t want any woman to go through what Hugo’s Esmeralda went through in life.
She’ll probably name her second kid Carmen, lol.
Carmen would have been a nice choice, IMO.
I think she sounds pretty normal. Answered questions without being too precious about anything. As for Ryan being ‘absent’ that’s a silly assumption to make off of this interview.
I really like them as a couple.
She looks great too.
First 2 years after having your first baby are the hardest as I remember, specially dad has to work for long hours! It’s good to hear that she has her relatives to fall back on. Good luck,trust your instincts, get sleep whenever you can and yeah, don’t read those mommy blogs for a while! Haha…
It does seem a little strange that she doesn’t mention Ryan helping with the baby, but maybe they made a decision to not talk about their relationship at all, who knows.
She sounds exhausted and like a normal new mother, it’s so incredibly hard those first few months, your entire existence changes in an instant and everything you know is suddenly different, it’s a big adjustment, and after having a baby with colic I would definitely hire help if I have another, or make sure I have a husband who helps more than usual!
Very likeable and relateable interview.
She says “we” a lot so Ryan doesn’t seem absent to me.
I strongly dislike her but I can’t hate on anything she has to say here.
So she’s promoting what? Being a new mother? Is she transitioning into mommy ceo territory now? Trying to seem down to earth and without an army of people assisting her? Girl please. How desperate can you get. Lol. I guess when your acting career is dead in the water it’s time for something else.
It’s still an awful name. Thanks for the explanation though.
Well, Ryan IS absent. He’s filming in ATL and has been for the past month.
He left Atlanta a week or two ago. AJC gives weekly rundowns of the stars filming here, and he left a while ago.
I think it’s a lovely interview and I love that she and Ryan are clearly doing it without nannies right now, which I think is great. As difficult as those early months are, that’s a big part of becoming a parent and bonding and I think having a nanny doing it really would distance you in ways that would only lead to more emotional separation later on. Plus, I think it does give you an appreciation, as she says, for what mothers go through and how difficult it can be to be a good mom. I think it’s great that she has so much family help and seems to be okay with it.
I wouldn’t read much into her not mentioning Ryan. This interview was about her and how she is doing with motherhood. He’ll do his own interviews in time, I’m sure. I suspect he’s a pretty hands on Dad and is up changing diapers and doing it all alongwith Eva. That’s the vibe I get – that they are both thrilled with this baby and want to get all they can out of the experience of parenthood. Good for them!! (As opposed to some celebrities who have 8 nannies for 1 baby, not that I’m mentioning any names …cough*KimK*cough)
I wouldn’t judge her for hiring a nanny or a housekeeper if she did. It’s nice to have those bonding night-time moments with your child, but after a few weeks or months of not sleeping, the romance of it wears off. If I wasn’t breastfeeding and I could have had the luxury of hiring someone to come in for one or two nights a week and do the night shift, while I got a good night’s rest, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Esp if you have other kids. It’s fairer to them if you’re not a total zombie in the day and can attend to their needs effectively too.
Its nice she’s proud for choosing to forgo hired help but the way she says it is like she deserves some sort of props for it…slow…..clap….good job for understanding what the real world is like for most mothers. But not even the slightest since she can stay up all night and not have to go to work ALL week. Or worry about bills and paying for daycare and doctors yada yada. Ugh. I could be a little sensitive to this due to the fact that I haven’t slept in the four months since my baby was born but its annoying. What I wouldn’t give to have the luxury of hired help at this point, some one to do the cleaning and laundry and cooking and shopping and dog walking…SIGH or watch the baby so I could get even one night of sleep. Seriously, I would be all over that if I could afford it.
My sister is a nanny and has worked for several very wealthy clients. The family she worked for a few years ago was interesting(mom was a little nutty) …..they had a night nanny, a day nanny(my sister) a weekend nanny, a chef , a housekeeper and a driver. Those kids called my sister mommy, it was really sad
boring
She’s amazing and I would love to see her with a child but I think it will be difficult for her and Ryan.I think she did amazing job hiding when she was pregnant because on one hand it means she and her BF were thinking about the paps all the time to not give them anyting but on the other they just wanted to live as normal as possible.I love she’s older that Ryan because those 20 something actresses with boyfriends who can easily be their fathers are so cliche and stupid.
I normally don’t like her and how she usually comes off quite condescending and vain in interviews. But she seems normal here. I’m surprised she’s saying this much. Her relationship with Ryan is always on lockdown. Strange couple.
I had to giggle at the part where she said her daughter threw up twice during the interview and that she hasnt thrown up since the 90’s. Just wait honey. By the time that kid is 6 years old you’ll have gotten the stomach flu from her at least 10x. Enjoy!
This.
I’m just an auntie & I’ve been given the stomach bugs several times.
I like how she sounds here. Still, Esmeralda Amada is a terrible name, she is lucky to live in the USA and not in Spain because school would have been a nightmare for a girl with that name here.
Please tell me little Esmeralda Amada’s last name is Mendes–not Gosling.
Gosh, it’s really awkward with gosling, isn’t it?
She is gorgeous. That wig isn’t doing much for her side profile, just the head on close up where she looks like a Cleopatra. I’m happy for her. She seems grounded. I hope that it’s not fluff.
She is right I think about being harder to be a baby, at least in some ways. They feel everything at least physically like hunger, discomfort, they react to loud noise, and they don’t have any coping mechanisms and no means to communicate how they feel except for crying, which is exhausting even for adults, not to mention wee little babies. But I am sure there are so many things we don’t grasp yet about babies/infants. It’s not fair, we know like almost everything about everything else , even about the universe surrounding us and further than that. Oh God I LOVE BABIES!
I must be the only one who likes the name. Its pretty imho