Jon Cryer has a new memoir coming out next month. I suppose he wanted to get his side of the story out now that “Two and a Half Men” has finally, mercifully wrapped. The book is called So That Happened and The Hollywood Reporter has an exclusive preview. It’s long and we’ll only be including a few parts here, but it’s a fun, easy read so go there if you’d like to see more.
THR has an excerpt in which Cryer explains his side of Charlie Sheen’s 2009-2011ish breakdown. Cryer tried to walk a delicate line between being a supportive friend and recognizing Sheen’s behavior for the drug-addled, abusive meltdown that is was. He shares/paraphrases some texts that Sheen sent him right after Sheen was arrested for abusing his then-wife, Brooke Mueller, over the holidays in Aspen in 2009. In his messages to Cryer, Sheen always acts like everything is fine. Cryer’s inner monologue is the best. Maybe he had a great ghostwriter, but his dry, self-effacing humor comes across well. Here are some of the best parts, including one in which he admits hiring a hooker, at Sheen’s insistence, to help him get through a rough divorce.
Charlie asked him to hide a bunch of vanilla porn for him
One day during the first season of Two and a Half Men, I got a knock on my trailer door. It was Charlie — my trailer was next to his — and he seemed panicked.“Dude! Dude! I need your help.” “Sure thing,” I said and ended the cellphone call I was on. “What’s going on?”
He handed me a heavy shopping bag. “Denise is coming over,” he said, “and I need you to hide something for me.” Oh, boy, I thought. If this is drug paraphernalia …
“Is it legal?” I asked. “What? Yeah, oh, yeah. It’s legal. Hey, thanks.” He left, and I had to look.
By legal, he meant barely legal. The bag was filled to the brim with porn.
Curiosity getting the best of me, I had to find out what kind of porn captivates Charlie Sheen, what decadence frightens him into having me squirrel it away for him. Clowns? Golden-shower pictorials? German scat porn starring Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke? I was prepared for the weirdest, but it really was all pretty tame, some of it just topless mags. Really, if this was the worst I’d have to deal with regarding Charlie’s vices, bring on the bags of porn for me to hide
He hired a prostitute from a site Charlie recommended
I was in a bad state right after my divorce, and I certainly didn’t feel dateable. I was an emotional basket case. What good was I to any woman I might have interest in? I decided I might as well pay someone for company and certain intimate pleasures so that I could at least get my equilibrium back with the opposite sex.Charlie suggested a few online purveyors he occasionally used, as this was when prostitution was gaining a foothold on the Internet. He and I had different tastes, so I didn’t go with his exact recommendations, but my forays into prostitution were about as awkward as you might imagine.
My forays into prostitution were about as awkward as you might imagine. I went with an out-call for my first try, which means they come over to your house. My chosen vendor drove a white BMW and sported a sexy Finnish accent. It was really a very friendly experience, maybe because the act of having sex is quite the conversational icebreaker. The next time, I went to her place, which probably wasn’t really her place. We sat down, tried to make small talk and halfheartedly stumbled into a conversation about recent fluctuations in the stock market. Somehow I ended up spending 25 minutes of my hour helping her with financial planning.
How Charlie responded to him after Charlie’s arrestfor spousal battery
[I] read that… “Carlos Irwin Estevez” has been arrested in Aspen, Colo., for spousal battery [of third wife Brooke Mueller]. Alarmed and freaked out, I texted him: Dude, my thoughts are with you. If you need to talk, give a call; if you’ve got bigger problems, call me when you get back.Charlie texted back: Thanks bro. Yikes — f— me, wut a bad day … I’m flying home tonite. I’ll try to call over the weekend. Shower rape was bad but the food was okay. Hair and makeup for mug shot got there too late.
He followed that with: And I had same bail bondsman as Kobe. … No joke … 🙂
Charlie’s manager, Mark Burg, called me to say that any statement of support I could offer up would be great. I told him I would be happy to but that it sounded like Charlie wasn’t sober anymore, and I hoped he’d get on track again. Situations like this are rough on your sense of friendship and loyalty, because the allegations are serious, yet you know Charlie and Brooke are a drug-troubled pair, and Charlie’s your longtime friend who was proud of his sobriety, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t do something to her, and you should give a woman the benefit of the doubt when she’s been abused, and oh, boy…
How Charlie parlayed his arrest into a massive raise
In February I got a knock on my trailer door one day, and it was Chuck Lorre. I invited him in, and he said, “Jon, can you talk to Charlie? I hear he’s going off the rails.” Chuck himself is a recovering alcoholic and open and honest about it. This was such a sincere plea that I knew I had to consider it. “I can try,” I told him.The next day, though, Charlie went into rehab, so we never got to have that conversation. Charlie did, however, have a different kind of productive conversation — with Warner Bros. Despite falling off the wagon, a rocky marriage, looming felony charges and possible time behind bars, he managed to secure a massive raise [to $1.8 million an episode], fully three times what I was being paid. I immediately began contemplating a series of well-publicized drunken brawls in retirement homes or possibly leading cops on a destructive car chase just prior to my next contract negotiation.
There’s more in the Hollywood Reporter, including the fact that Charlie used to show Cryer vag pics of the girls he was dating. Cryer also accidentally ended up dating a woman who used to date Charlie. After Charlie told him this (with some trepidation) he dumped her. I’m sure there were more reasons why Cryer broke up with the woman, but it sounds like he was more pissed off that she never told him she used to date Charlie. Charlie said it didn’t work out with that particular lady because she wasn’t down for a threesome with him and another woman.
Cryer has even more funny anecdotes, and he comes across as a decent guy despite the hooker story. I like what he said about how “you should give a woman the benefit of the doubt when she’s been abused.” To me that was the takeaway from this story, and that explained a lot about why he kept largely quiet during Charlie’s meltdown. Incidentally, Cryer did sort-of say something about Charlie when everything was going down. Back in February, 2011, he tweeted “It’s too sad! Sorry guys, that you must hear so bad news! I’m also shocked!” In response, Charlie went on one of those UStream video rants he was doing at the time. He called Cryer a “turncoat” and a “troll” and faulted him for not reaching out. Cryer then went on Conan and joked that he was a troll. He said “Those words were really painful to me, for many reasons. Not the least of which is…um…I’m sorry, this is really hard for me. I can’t even believe I’m saying this. The fact is, I AM a troll.” It was funny and he handled all that crazy business very well.
Jon Cryer is shown with his new wife in 2014 and with his daughter and wife in 2013. Header photo is from 2009. Credit: WENN, FameFlynet and CBS
I’m definitely buying the book. That was funny.
“give an abused woman the benefit of the doubt”, huh? Thanks, so generous. Two And A Half A$$holes is more like it. I think he comes across as a whiny, weak-willed weenus who only really cared about his cash cow. And I’m shocked cause he was Ducky.
Ducky was gross.
I just can’t with any guy that visits a prostitute. Deal-breaker.
Who is that woman? She looks exactly like him.
Like the Otter and Comet.
It’s like someone in her family knew someone in his family.
What on earth is so offensive about him saying that he thinks abused women should be given the benefit of the doubt? He’s not saying that people should’nt give abuse claims any credit. In fact, he’s saying the exact opposite. He’s saying that, even in this particular instance (a rocky, drama-filled and drug-fueled relationship between two addicts with a long history of being compulsive liars), accusations of abuse should still be taken seriously.
Honestly, getting up in arms about a statement like that just seems like you’re looking for reasons to be offended. I don’t know a whole lot about Jon Cryer, so maybe there’s some part of his history that could put someone on a hair trigger, but seriously… there’s nothing inflammatory about this particular statement. It was both reasonable and respectful.
Yeah, I thought it was a pretty good statement. I know what it’s like to be torn between a friend and the fact that the friend did some BAD STUFF.
Jon Cryer was my number one preteen crush. I was crazy about Duckie Dale. When I read about his hiring a hooker, my first thought was “Was I available?” and my second thought was, “Ew.” I’ve been over my Duckie crush for decades now, but I have to admit knowing a guy has hired a hooker is a big turn-off for me. I’m not sure why.
Right, I don’t understand what is so offensive about that particular comment. People could’ve taken one look at Brooke and all her problems and been like ‘yeah she probably did something to deserve it’ or he could’ve just sided with his friend on default, and he’s saying the exact opposite of that. I took it as he didn’t WANT to believe his friend was capable of that but he could recognize Charlie for what he is and acknowledge that Brooke was being battered.
I wasn’t offended by that comment, just Cryer, in general.
You want to give him a medal for this half assessed statement despite his knowing that his “friend” has a loooooong history of domestic violence accusations? And who goes about thinking that because a woman has a substance abuse problem she deserves to be beaten up.
I don’t see anything wrong with that statement. I wish more people would give Bill Cosby’s victims the benefit of the doubt and be on their side…
I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt that he was just being dry-humored with that comment.
I agree that his bitterness is seeping through his otherwise somewhat diplomatic words. And maybe I’m somewhat bitter and can’t see the situation objectively because I honestly think that show is one of the worst TV atrocities of all time. I cannot for the life of me imagine how/why it became so popular and such a huge moneymaker.
Being in a bad work environment is just the worse. I love Charlie Sheen in movies and as a civilian he has done some very nice things for people but when he gets on a roll with drugs and the prostitutes and what I think is manic behavior, it gets to be a way too much. I plan on buying this book because Cryer seems to be a good guy.
Being that I’m shallow at times, can someone ID or recommend a website that can ID that woman’s black and white dress she’s wearing? I love it. That’s actually my main takeaway from this whole article.
I’m not sure how I feel about the whole visiting a prostitute thing. On the one hand, it’s creepy. On the other, isn’t it pretty common in Europe or am I just thinking that because it’s mostly legal there?
I have no judgement. They were probably high-end call girls. It wasn’t some lifestyle thing where he did it all the time, just a few times during a rough period. What’s the difference doing that than going out to a bar and picking up a one-night stand?
He was in a long marriage that had a really rough ending. They had a bad custody battle. He’s not the Don Juan type. I think he was on uneven footing and not even ready for the dating world or being rejected. Men have needs, though. I just think it is very common in Hollywood and so he had heard enough about it, that he tried it a few times during that period.
And his ex-wife last year sued him for more child support. The judge shot it down when Jon showed him what he earned a month and financials and also the money he spends on the private school for his son, etc.. Read what she wanted and why she needed $88,000 a month in child support. $88,000 a month. What a joke. They share custody, by the way. Jon has him half the time.
“The 48-year-old actor was hit by a petition last year from ex-wife Sarah Trigger seeking to increase her child support tenfold from $8,000 a month to $88,000 a month.
The British actress argued in her petition that the increase was needed so their 13-year-old son Charlie would not feel out of place at the Buckley School in the posh Sherman Oaks area of Los Angeles.”
He ended up with a great woman and remarried and is really happy now.
The book seems interesting.
what does it have to do with europe? he says she had a finnish accent. that implies it was in the States as a woman haveing a finnish accent lets say in Finland wouldnt be noteworthy.
I mean, I wouldn’t sleep with him now that I know that; but otherwise…
I don’t know why everyone is up in arms about the high end call girl thing. I bet everyone in Hollywood did it at one point or another. He’s just being honest about it. Whatever works I guess. His first wife sounds like a b—h.
I have heard many prostitutes say that often the guy just wants to talk. It’s not just about sex in an amazing number of cases. So I’m not surprised that Duckie spent a good portion of his time helping her with her finances…. Charlie, on the other hand, seems to mainly be avoiding any long term commitment in addition to wanting to be in control. Didn’t he say once that you don’t pay prostitutes for sex, you pay them to go away?
He sounds rather funny, I feel for him having to work with a person like that but I do not approve visiting prostitutes.
“My chosen vendor drove a white BMW and sported a sexy Finnish accent”
Um, as a Finnish person I do not think Finnish accents are sexy at all. He probably did not recognize the accent (and why there would be a Finnish hooker in US in the first place?)
I’m guessing she was a “high class” hooker since he found her through a website and didn’t just pick her up off the street. Those highly paid hookers often come to town for a different (as in legitimate) line of work and end up doing the sex for hire thing for extra money.
Stuff happens. Years ago, one of my childhood friends became a stripper because she had a baby to take care of; the baby’s father was in a psychiatric hold in a hospital somewhere; and she needed $500 or her car was going to be repossessed in 2 days. After hearing about that, I try a lot harder not to judge about that sort of thing.
Inthink better to hire a prostitute than know you’re an emotional mess and have sex with someone that you know you could hurt. I think it was a responsible choice.
+1
If you had to choose between those two alternatives, I can see that and I agree. I don’t judge people who are prostitutes or people who use their services (assuming everything is voluntary and no one is cheating or being taken advantage of). It still is a turn-off for me though.
So this guy thinks it’s a funny story to share his encounter with a prostitute? Disgusting.
I thought it was an illustration of how crummy his life got at one point. He had a terrible divorce, he was on this crap-a$$ show with a maniac. I think his point was that he knew he’d hit rock bottom when he wound up hiring a hooker, but then talking to her about financial planning. At worst, I guess he’s trying to show how he tried to sink low and it didn’t really take because he’s not one of “those guys,” but I don’t really see where he’s trying to be funny with that story.
I’ve never particularly liked him as an actor, but I give him credit for trying to get through Charlie’s madness as gracefully as he could. There were a lot of people who work on the show who were affected by all that, and I imagine it was a very unpleasant environment for a while.
And then the disruptive co-worker gets financially rewarded for his negative behavior. That had to be even more frustrating.
I like him and his honesty, but not enough to want to buy the book
Ducky! So, he was with a prostitute. Who cares? During my divorce – if I’d had access to a BBC for hire, I’d have been all over it. Ain’t no shame in it. It’s an honest living IMO.
Yes, if we’re going to respect sex workers, then we need to expand and refine our view of their non-abusive clients. “Call girls” tend to have more control over their job and working conditions than those on the street and are typically paid well. Sex workers themselves point out that keeping it illegal is a major problem they face, and that really is abusive.