Lucifer sighed as he got yet another text from his most devoted minion. “What is it now?” he muttered to himself. “Christ, she wants a profile in the New York Times?!” Lucifer gently massaged his horns. This was going to be a tough one.

But Lucifer managed to get it done. The New York Times Magazine profiled Kris Jenner, all by herself. No kids, no lover, no husband. It is all about Kris and how great Kris is and how she’s a brilliant businesswoman and manager. I sat here and read the whole thing and… it wasn’t terrible. I mean, Kris Jenner is an awful person generally speaking, but she has a few admirable traits. She’s incredibly organized, almost to an OCD-level. She’s also really, really good with money and money management and The Hustle. So… props to her, I guess. You can read the full NYT piece here. Here are some of the moments I found interesting:

She met Robert Kardashian when she was 17 and he was 28. He pursued her then but she wanted to explore the world. They met again a few years later and she married him when she was 22. He filed for divorce when she was 30 because she had an affair with a soccer player (and he found out about it). He cut her off financially.

Robert Sr. only agreed to a quickie divorce when Bruce Jenner came to him and asked him for one on Kris’s behalf. Bruce told Robert that they didn’t want his money.

Kris took over Bruce’s management as a motivational speaker and Olympic athlete for hire. Kris says, “It was a mix of blood, sweat and tears, enthusiasm, determination and just never sleeping and getting the word out there.” Soon Bruce was making a lot of money with Kris’s help.

Why she thought a reality show about her family would resonate: “Like, there’s the little girls, and there’s the older girls, and then there’s my son. Everybody thinks that they could create a bunch of drama in their lives, but it’s something that I felt I didn’t even have to think about. It would be natural.”

Kim’s sex tape & how it affected KUWTK: “That was a smaller seed than people seemed to think.”

All of the promotional & endorsement work for her children: “It doesn’t mean that we’re always looking for more or that we’re greedy. There’s a lot of people that have great ideas and dreams and whatnot, but unless you’re willing to work really, really hard, and work for what you want, it’s never going to happen. And that’s what’s so great about the girls. It’s all about their work ethic.”

Bruce’s transition: “At the end of the day, I just want him to be happy. He’s going to find his happiness, and he’s going to have his journey.”
She loves Costco: “Costco is a passion,” she told me. “Costco is like a massage.” She wanted to pick out the salmon with the herb butter on her own. She wanted to feel around for the best avocados. She did not trust anyone else to check the date stamp on the oatmeal-raisin cookies to see which were baked most recently. “They have the most amazing dog beds,” she said. “Don’t even get me started.” And the specials! “During the summer, there’ll be a fabulous surfboard. I don’t surf, but I’ve got to buy a surfboard. I mean, that’s how crazy I am.”

How controlling she is: “I guess if I get a little weird about something that isn’t the way I want it, and I complain, then it’s called controlling. I like everything a certain way. I’m not somebody who can just lay back and let it happen. That’s never going to happen for me. And I think that’s what’s gotten me to where I am in life, at the same time. I can’t turn it on and off.”

[From The NY Times]

The New York Times didn’t really press her about some issues, nor did it really seem like the editors were trying to build in some condemnation. Well, okay, they do compare the Kardashians to metastasized cancer at one point. But it was said more like… wow, the landscape of celebrity has changed so much and the Jenner-Kardashians clan plays the game really well. Basically, Lucifer did a solid for his main homegirl.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.