My first idea for the headline for this story was “Dumb merman impregnates headless Playmate.” But I thought the reaction to that would be a lot of “????” So here’s the story: dummy Ryan Lochte impregnated his fiancée Kayla Rae Reid. I did the math on this one! They announced their engagement on October 9th, about nine weeks ago. Traditionally, couples announce the pregnancy when they’ve cleared three months, or twelve to thirteen weeks. Is it possible that she found out she was pregnant and that’s why they had the quickie engagement? Possibly. Probably. They got engaged after dating for six months, and they met on Tinder this spring. That’s just an FYI – I’m not judging. How else do you expect a Playmate and an Olympian to meet? JEAH.
Still, what’s notable to me about Lochte’s baby announcement is the fact that he adheres to the Justin Timberlake School of Cropping Your Baby-Mama’s Head Out of the Photo. Remember when Justin finally announced Jessica Biel’s pregnancy and his Instagram announcement was just his face kissing her bump, like the message is “JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE MADE A BABY.” While Lochte didn’t exactly crop Kayla’s head out of his Instagram, it was definitely posed (underwater, because he’s a merman) so that it would just be about Lochte, the person with a head, and Kayla’s headless bump.
Thankfully, Kayla posted a separate pregnancy announcement on her Instagram, and she used a photo where she has a head.
In any case, Ryan Lochte made a baby, so maybe his year turned out okay after all. Now that we’re months removed from the Olympic debacle and we’re looking true catastrophe in the bloated, orange face, do you think that some people might have overreacted a little bit to Lochte? He literally got more sh-t for telling some lies to Billy Bush than Donald Trump got for anything. Anyway, congrats, Ryan and Kayla. I hope they don’t go with a water birth just because Lochte loves a theme.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet, Instagram.
It’s lunch time here in Britland, you know, Kaiser.
And I must say, the thought of Ryan Lochte sex is putting me right off my sandwich.
Yeah those pictures are more intimate than I want to see him being. Also, her giant fake boobs look even faker floating around in the water.
I’m sure this will last.
Her boobs are floating but her hair isn’t. Go figure.
Ha, ha, good one Sixer!
Yes, I too noticed how functional her floatation devices are and was skeeved by the sexytimes implication of the photographs. Yuck and yuckier in a nutshell.
Yes, my first (non-PC) thought was that she was headless in Ryan’s photo because he couldn’t drag her under with him thanks to the balloons she had strapped to her chest.
Remember the good ol’ days when he was the most embarrassing thing about the USA?
LOL! (And sympathies.)
That seems like a lifetime ago.
This comment! hahahahah.
And Al Roker was testily stirring his drink! Haha…good times.
Yeah, now it’s Trump and his family.
Comment of the day!
This gets all the likes.
Classic.
Neelyo – yes!
He’s my shame celeb crush … I can’t help it, I find his douchey face so attractive 🙈🙈🙈
This interview is all you need to know:
https://youtu.be/pmBVDruB14k
He’s so hot. And dumb. They’re going to have a pretty baby. I hope she’s a bit more intelligent than him though!
According to the latest reports children apparently get their intelligence from the mother. Not sure I agree, but hey, this hopefully gives their kid a fighting chance.
Guarantee their son/daughter will be a total water baby either way!
Beautiful man who lacks intelligence and a sense of morals.
This couple looks like they lack so many brain cells
Truth.
I’ll be very surprised if that baby will find his way out of her uterus. They’re both as thick as they come.
You know-I’ve never once commented on this site but I actually fell off the treadmill this morning upon reading the title of this thread. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. Thanks for making my morning!
Her announcement is pretty irritating. I hate it when people treat pregnancy as the surprising and unexpected result of unprotected sex. That’s how it usually works, hon.
Agree – but I must say – my 3 year old was a “surprise” as I was on the pill and taking it regularly! Sometimes they just sort of find a way
Wow her implants look super obvious
Congratulations to them, and all my best to the little guy or girl! Unless you’ve been consistently using birth control and it was one of the small percentages of OOPS, I still don’t understand how, in 2016, two people who have unprotected sex can be “surprised” at a pregnancy?
“Traditionally, couples announce the pregnancy when they’ve cleared three months, or twelve to thirteen weeks.” Unless your name is Duggar, then you announce your pregnancy ten seconds after conception, LOL.
Ridiculous grapefruit tits.
[*Wonder if he’s figured out they’re fake yet.*]