The last time I read anything about Robin Thicke and his ex-wife Paula Patton, it was just after Robin’s father, Alan Thicke, had passed away, and Paula made a point of making a statement about her late and ex-father-in-law. I thought at the time that it was incredibly nice that Paula and Robin were still in each other’s lives. Well, as it turns out, everything was a terrible mess behind the scenes. DCFS is currently investigating Robin after Robin and Paula’s son, Julian, claimed to school officials that Robin had spanked him more than once. TMZ had details about everything going down:
Robin Thicke and ex-wife Paula Patton have been embroiled in a nasty custody fight over their 6-year-old son. It’s escalated to a Child Services case over alleged physical abuse, and Robin just scored a legal victory. Sources familiar with the case tell TMZ … Julian told school officials at the beginning of the year his dad had spanked him … more than once. The school reported the incident to the L.A. County Dept. of Children and Family Services on January 3rd, and the Dept. opened an investigation.
Paula then began denying Robin access to their son, and filed an emergency order asking the family law judge to restrict Robin’s contact with Julian to monitored daytime visits only. According to legal docs Paula told Robin, “Julian is scared of you.”
Paula says in her declaration, the day before Julian told the school, he told her that Robin spanked him “really hard.” He demonstrated and hit Paula on the back so hard she said, “ow.” Julian then said it was actually worse than that. A school official also submitted a declaration saying Julian told her Robin frequently “punches” him very hard.
Robin says in legal docs, “On a very rare occasion and only as a last resort, I will use light spanking, but it is consistent with the law — open hand on the butt. This is the type of discipline to which Paula and I agreed during our marriage.”
There’s also a declaration from a nanny who claims she has seen Robin smoke marijuana on several occasions in front of Julian. And there’s this: Paula says at Julian’s kindergarten graduation last June, Robin showed up drunk at 8:30 AM and was “hooting and hollering and making inappropriate jokes” in the Catholic church.
Robin claims this is all about his decision to block Paula from attending his dad Alan’s funeral last month. He says in docs, “Paula did not have a positive relationship with my father and often made negative comments to me about my father. As such, she was not welcome at his funeral.”
Sources connected to the case tell us there was a hearing Thursday morning and the judge denied Paula’s request to limit Robin’s joint custody and also a request for drug testing. As for DCFS, we’re told social workers have interviewed Julian twice and also interviewed Paula. Robin is being interviewed Thursday afternoon. The DCFS case is ongoing.
It would not surprise me at all if Robin Thicke was getting high in front of his son, nor would it surprise me if Robin was the kind of guy who showed up drunk to a kindergarten graduation at 8:30 am. As for the spanking and punching… it sounds horrific. Corporal punishment has been a hot-button parenting topic for decades, but it feels like in the past ten years or so, there’s been a real movement towards no physical punishment whatsoever. It’s strange to hear about modern parents “agreeing” to even “light spanking.” And while TMZ is painting this as a victory for Robin (surprise, TMZ loves douchebag men), it sounds like Paula has all of her ducks in a row, legally speaking. She has witnesses and statements from school officials and nannies and such. Yikes.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
Some people on the Internet blame Paula and say she is still not over their separation, it’s all about revenge.
But the fact that their son has even sought help from his teachers shows me that he is really scared of his father.
of course they do. what i find even more disheartening is that these people are often women, i’ve seen it both with the amber heard/depp and angelina/brad.
the said it better than i could
She’s not over the separation that she initiated?? Ha.
Robin thicke has always oozed creep out of every pore. And I base this entirely on his physical appearance, rapey music, and ass grabbing ways.
Paula appears to have many receipts. California family courts are a head scratcher.
He also gives me a “gross-vibe”.
Women are always at fault according to people who don’t have all the fact, men are saint according to them
+10000000
Right? But it wasn’t Paula that triggered the case it was the school and if their son went to his teachers and they had reason to be concerned they had to report. The fact that the kid is sticking to his story AND she has other child care witnesses? Yea he needs supervision. Sounds like his son is afraid.
It’s pretty rare for kids to be coached in a lie like this. It happens but typically there is evidence that the other parent is a good parent that sets off red flags. Sounds like multiple people in Julian’s life is worried. Rightly so. Robin was always an ass but this is truly sad
It’s really sad that the judge denied Paula’s request to limit his joint custody.
Yeah I think there is something to this, she has a lot of proof by the sound of it. Remember when he was testifying at the trial over that stupid song, he basically admitted to being drunk and high the whole time. His son was just a toddler at the time. He’s always been messed up….i don’t remember any talks of rehab or sobriety coming from him.
look what they’re doing to Angelina Jolie…. The internet is terrible
Don’t you know a mother standing up for her kids is a bad mother
Exactly. Fa, what I’ve learned from the comments is that a mother should keep quiet and let the man abuse kids because poor men or whatever.
This isn’t the same. This isn’t one single incident with very little proof. She also is not fighting for sole physical custody. He showed up with the cops at her house because his son refused to leave his mother he was so scared. The police said “Sorry, we can’t force him to go with you.” Something really serious is going on here. It’s really very sad. It’s a totally separate issue, not vindication for every woman in a custody battle.
However, when they broke up he was WAY more into to her than she was him. Like in a completely crazy, off the rails way. He ruined his big chance to be more than an unoriginal, pro-rape one hit wonder with the follow up album devoted to her. I hope he isn’t taking out issues with her on the poor kid. (And of course that she isn’t either.)
I read “she’s jealous of his young girlfriend” comments.
what the hell 🙁 people are really sick i must say
I was just reading the comments on Dlisted and they also don’t take it seriously. A$$holes.
Not shocking. The comments are always gross on that site.
Oddly DListed made it a story only about spanking. None of the other allegations mentioned.
Yep, one could think Allison has an agenda or something like that but at least some people in the comment section mentioned it.
To me, talking to his teachers about it is a really big red flag!
“There’s also a declaration from a nanny who claims she has seen Robin smoke marijuana on several occasions in front of Julian. And there’s this: Paula says at Julian’s kindergarten graduation last June, Robin showed up drunk at 8:30 AM and was “hooting and hollering and making inappropriate jokes” in the Catholic church.” – I believe her, he seems to be a mess.
Sounds dreadful. And he told the school official that his dad “punches” him. I know people will argue light spankings are ok but punching a six year old? Terrible.
… I always had a bad feeling about him, especially after he admitted to take drugs and drink a lot. Not a good environment for a child. Plus, he’s probably more interested in his 21-year- old girlfriend than in his son anyway.
Growing up in the south, I had my butt worn out more times than I can count. Always open handed spankings and after a few seconds, my pride hurt more than my rear. But this is something in an entirely different realm-to punch and hit a child hard enough that he tells his teachers, to be drunk at a school event in the morning, to smoke in front of your child? Wrong, wrong, wrong
I believe there’s something to this especially if he’s talking to his teachers.
I believe her, too, and I believe the teachers.
As a (retired) teacher, I can tell you, when a child says *anything* like this, we are mandated to report it, and let CPS take it from there. Even if you’re not sure if you should call, you call!
FWIW, I totally believe the child, and Paula.
Yes, I believe Paula and Julien. This feels true to me even without considering what a douche Robin has always seemed to me. Added to that is the fact that Paula has always seemed like a straightforward grown-up, unlike Robin.
I believed Amber, too, as soon as the facts of the case became clear. Depp has become such a creep that it didn’t require a great leap to believe her.
I believe her and their son.
Me too!
I think it’s super telling that Robin offered no explanation as to why his son told the teachers he punched him whether or not Paula previously agreed to light spanking.
Let the Paula bashing begin. You know she’s going to get skewered for being a vindictive shrew trying to keep that loving, wonderful father from his son. If the child reported the spankings to the school, and the school then reported to DCFS, how is she at fault for trying to protect her child. Robin Thicke is and has always been a world class douchebag. I hope Paula has the strength to handle the onslaught and I pray their son will be okay. Children always have to bear the brunt of parent’s stupidity.
Possibly, but for me, this makes me want to find ways to support her so that hopefully she becomes more successful than her dickbag ex. I don’t know much about her, but I am sure neither she nor her son deserve the treatment they got from Robin
He’s already blaming her and claiming she started all of this because she couldn’t go to his dad’s funeral. 🤔 But the kid told the school.
The dad’s funeral part is so ridiculous. He should be ashamed of himself.
There won’t be that much bashing, he is not as beloved as Brad, you know Midwest corn fed blue eye blond God. Paula also doesn’t make them nervous like The evil Jezebel, Angelina
Or because, as IlsaLund posted, “RT is and always has been a world class douchebag.”
Douchey guy turns out to be a shit dad. We are all shocked.
I believe it. He’s such an odious man. Like gonorrhea in human shape.
He is of the Trump tribe.
Robin Thicke is so bad it makes me thing Alan Thicke could not have been the saintly guy he’s always been made out to be.
All you have to do is google Alan Thicke. He was not a good guy.
I would but I haven’t any antibiotics on hand for the inevitable infection that I’d likely pick up along the way.
what Anon said. he may have been kind to his son, but he was just as much of a “wandering d*ck” as his son is now. IIRC, Robin talked about seeing his dad in “the hot tub with many different women”. Robin may have turned out to be a d-bag all on his own, but his father’s behavior clearly influenced his view of women and relationships.
Can’t believe this dipshit would use his father’s funeral to spite his ex-wife. Banning her from the funeral of their son’s grandfather, seriously? Wow.
Haven’t said anything because didn’t want to speak ill of the dead, but 30 seconds of Alan Thicke’s “reality” show demonstrated what a douche he was. Nasty comments, bad attitude, sarcastic, and his latest wife was just crass. So he wasn’t the dad or man he portrayed in the 80’s.
That’s not spanking. That’s beating.
clearly he has substance abuse problems, and people like that should not be around children. end of.
I was raised in the late 70’s and early 80’s. My father spanked me once when I was about 4. I still remember it. I was upset and causing a scene and he was frustrated and it happened. I remembered him obviously feeling bad about it at the time. I remember thinking, “hitting me isn’t going to stop me from crying.” I mentioned it once in my 20’s, and he apologized and felt awful about it.
Personally, I think a stern lecture or a good yelling at should work fine. It pretty much did for me the rest of my childhood and teenagehood.
I’ve the opposite experience. Stern lectures bounced off my back like water on goose feathers. They could talk all they want, but baby me was still going to do what she want she wanted to. Spankings, however? They set me straight. My parents recall that I didn’t cry, that I just took the spankings with a poker face, but that I didn’t thieve, lie or hurt people after that again. I remember each of these cases vividly. I remember internally laughing at and dismissing the lectures I got, but the language of light physical violence I understood.
However, even though it worked for me, I think I’m a rare case. Spanking and other physical punishment should not be applied at all if possible, and if there’s a need of it, you spank your kid, let tempers cool, and then you take your kid to the side and talk to them in a calm manner why they got spanked/belted. You talk long and hard and in a way that makes a defiant kid understand.
Sounds to me that Robin Thicke uses ass beating and light fists just to get this ‘nuisance of a kid’ out of his hair. This I can never condone. Robin Thicke sounds like he’s punishing his kid for being unhappy with being neglected or treated badly. You don’t punish your own kid for YOUR shortcomings.
Manda, same here. One of my sisters and I never hit our children. Sorry, I have bad memories from it and I wasn’t abused. There is a way to discipline your child with love and being strict without actually hitting them. My son asked me about what spanking was and he was horrified and actually cried. Nope, not for me.
It’s strange to hear about modern parents “agreeing” to even “light spanking
What’s wrong with light spanking? So many kids are not taught right and wrong.
But in this case team paula
Because hitting them doesn’t teach them anything but that bigger people can hurt you?
And before anyone says they were hit and turned out fine: if you could relive your life and NOT have been hit, I am sure you would choose that life.
I get kids are frustrating but we have NO right to inflict violence on anyone.
Smacking any living thing that you have a power imbalance over feels wrong to me. Person child or animal. There are other ways to teach a kid right from wrong. Like say …modeling civilized behaviour?
It’s ironic that an adult hitting another adult is considered exactly what it is ie unacceptable violence. But an adult hitting a child ie someone smaller who can’t hit back? “Discipline”.
This is why: spanking is about you. It’s about your inability to cope with your own feelings and behaviours. you are not self regulating.
But neither are your young children. so what do you do? hit them, cause physical pain, while they are already not coping. so they very person who is supposed to be teaching them to cope, to learn, is lashing out at them and hurting them, causing even more distress.
As the adult, it’s your responsibility to cope, to deal with it, without physical or emotionally damage those you have the ultimate power over. So it’s on you. Learn different strategies. get help. If you are spanking, you need it. you are not coping.
And no, children are NOT resilient. It’s called survival, and it is not the same thing at all. They aren’t little adults about to understand nuances of life, they are children.
Original Kay, you speak the truth. Thank you.
I agree 100% with this.
Hitting your kids in any way shows that that physical violence is an acceptable method for punishment/ an appropriate emotional outlet.
Also, resilience is being used in such a weird way. Kids can bounce back, yes. But it’s like saying broken bones heal, or you bounce back from an appendectomy. You don’t hit your kids and then say ‘oh hey they’ll get over it’. Just be better.
Spanking is the hallmark of lazy parenting. There are other methods to train a child but they require involvement, something spankers are too lazy and selfish to invest in their kids.
You guys, I need some help on this. This is about to get really personal, so I want to give you fair warning.
I was spanked, as a child. Not frequently, but I know it happened. I can’t remember specifically why it happened, though. I haven’t thought much about it, up until now. But reading this discussion has brought up some stuff, I guess.
I read Original Kay’s post, and I agree with everything she said. But I can’t wrap my head around applying it to myself and my parents, because I was spanked. I don’t really know how to feel. I’m really confused, I do know that. Maybe it’s just because I don’t want to think badly of my parents? I really don’t know.
And then, reading some otheir comments has brought up some doubt. As in, was I a bad kid because I was spanked? Or am I just being a “snowflake” and taking this whole thing way too personally? The best word I can think to use right now is “triggered,” as cliched as it’s come to be.
I really just don’t know how to feel. I’m sorry if this is a rambling mess, I just really feel like I need to let this out in some type of way right now.
@shambles I totally get what you’re feeling. I too was spanked as a child. I vividly remember my Dad caught me lighting matches in my closet. He said prior to spanking me ” this is going to hurt me more than you…” At the time I had no idea what he meant. Now having my own child I know exactly what he meant. I cant ever imagine a time when I’d want to resort to hitting my daughter but I feel like it’s a generational thing. Most of my friends we’re spanked as kids but don’t now…
I had great parents and feel as though they did a good job raising me but on this issue we’re more enlightened now then say 30 years ago..
@shambles
it was a norm at one point. i don’t think there is anything wrong with recognizing that your parents chose wrong, and loving them still, hell even liking them. people make mistakes, it is human.
i also don’t believe that anyone HAS to forgive their parents, either.
some recognize that they were treated wrong, but recognize that we are all mostly subjected to norms and acting within them, and make peace with the ugliness of the past (i wasn’t physically hit, but i was emotionally hit), and forgive their parents for doing wrong but thinking they were doing right.
you feel how you feel, and that is ok.
ulitmately, if you personally feel that your folks did some wrong to you, but also see they did right by you…then it is ok.
<3 i am holding some space for you over here, ok? 🙂
i know how it feels to be so torn over damage done to us when we were little (and i am not interested in anyone busting out with "oh, get over it" everyone is entitled to how they feel, and not everyone can just get over stuff), and though i am sad you are feeling twigged by this, i am also glad for you and your folks that you seem to recognize on some level that they did make a mistake but that you can love them and like them. you can mourn that little kid inside and those moments that hurt her…and i am betting that there isn't a single parent alive, no matter what they say, that does not regret hitting their child.
my love to you, and all of the celebitchies <3
oh honey 🙁
I was spanked too, hair pulled, hit with a belt, slapped in the face in the middle of the night because I woke up scared and was crying.
I loathe my parents. The family that was supposed to protect me blames me, to this day, and I made peace with myself without having to forgive them. It’s a bit a mess sometimes in my head, this whole concept of forgiveness, so I decided to set aside the absolute of it and forgive ME for not being able to forgive them and to understand for me, not having them in my life is best for me, my kids.
I know Ive said this before, but this book? the 4 agreements? changed my life. gave me strength and hope. 12 dollars on amazon. it’s worth every moment.
You don’t have to think badly about your parents. You can know that they did the best they could, with what they had, in that moment. If they moved forward, have apologized, if you have the strength to see this was about them, and not you, you will know you were never ever a bad kid. Not ever.
((hugs)) Shambles
I don’t know how to go about connecting off of this site, if you do Shambles and you need a friend IRL, we can figure it out. I promise I’m not a scary nasty, just a mom and housewife in Ontario <3
I was spanked a few times as a kid. I don’t remember any of it – just what my parents have said later in life. It was a rare situation – and it was generally one quick, open handed swat on the butt. Both parents got spanked more than I ever was as a kid. Most of the time I was sent to my room.
There’s a big difference between a quick swat on the butt and using an object to hit your child, or abuse in general. It’s still not something I agree with, and don’t plan to do. But not every parent that spanked was really going to town, abusing their kids.
I don’t have any bad feelings towards mine for it, honestly. But they’ve also been told that it won’t be happening to any kids that I may have. It was a different time, they were raised with it too, and back then it was ‘what you do’ when you’re disciplining. It doesn’t make it right, but it makes sense that each generation would do it less, and since that was what was considered normal back then, they probably genuinely thought it was fine or that they were supposed to do it. The fact that it was a rarity compared to their upbringing, and that they looked for other punishments is enough for me.
I think it’s something that’s always going to be personal though. Not every kid is the same. Not every parent is the same. Some parents are genuinely abusive asshats, others were struggling to parent. It’s a difficult subject.
Thank you guys, so very much. <3
Your time and your thoughtful responses have warmed my heart.
Erinn, it is a difficult subject. My parents were more on the "struggling to parent" end of the spectrum, for sure. They're not bad people at all, they're very sweet and loving people. But then there are these little grey areas, like this, or like some of their problematic world views, etc.
It's been a growing-up experience for me, learning that people are complex and not black-and-white. I think the first way you learn that lesson is learning that your parents are imperfect. In my case, I've learned that I still love them.
Original Kay, I am so sorry for what you went through with your family. It seemed like you learned that it was better for you to be away from people that were so toxic to your wellbeing. And I don't think you're nasty or scary at all, quite the opposite. ((hugs hugs hugs))
I was spanked as a child, hit with a belt, hit by both my parents with closed fist punches, and once slapped so hard by my dad he broke my nose.
When I talk to my mom about it as an adult, she basically says I was out of control and wouldn’t listen to reason, or calm down. Well, I have pretty bad anxiety and was not getting treated for it or addressing it in any way as a child, adolescent and teen so when I got upset, I could get very worked up. I guess they thought physical punishment was the answer.
Idk, I talk to my mom all the time and see my parents a lot because of my kids, but we have a complicated relationship.
I basically use it as a model of what not to do with my own children. I have figured out other forms of discipline and know how to work with my daughter when she herself gets worked up.
My husband came from a family where his father yelling was the norm. Once my husband called his mom dumb to his friend for pulling her car up to the wrong side of the gas station and didn’t know she had heard him. When she told his dad he screamed at my husband and said something along the lines of “I chose your mother and I love her more than I will ever love you and you better never ever disrespect her again.” So yeah, my husband had terrible models. I have had many a conversation with him about how I do not want him turning into his father in that regard.
Man, I feel like this is what keeps therapists in business.
Shambles – I too was spanked a number of times as a kid (grew up in the late 80s). I find myself very upset & ready to defend my parents reading a lot of these comments. I wasn’t abused. They don’t need to apologize for it. My parents weren’t bad parents, or “lazy parents” as someone says above – that was just the normal punishment for doing bad things or lying when I was growing up. My sister was spanked, my friends were spanked, my cousins were spanked.
To me, and this is just my feeling of opinion on my own life and experience, spanking as a form of punishment is no big deal.
Your parents did the best job they knew how to do. Judge them kindly, because they were doing their best. They just didn’t know that spanking usually does more harm than good.
Shambles,
My parents spanked me a few times (usually a whack or two) when I was a child. Back then, it was the norm. My Dad even used the belt (a couple of whacks) a couple of times. I would never spank a child, but even though, my Dad spanked me when he was angry with me, he was never out of control and I never felt like it was abuse. So, I don’t have any bad feelings toward them about it.
This is really sad. I wish the best for their son, and like that other divorce happening now, I hope it is dealt with as privately as possible, for their son.
Well call me old fashioned, but I spank my kids. I have 3 under 4 1/2 and as a last resort (after timeouts, taking toys away) I will spank.
The whole drunk at the church thing…. that is messed up and so embarrassing for their son. And smoking weed in front of the kid. I guess it depends on what time of day? It’s not like he’s snorting lines or anything. Sad that this couple can’t be rational. The whole thing just sounds so tit for tat and petty.
…..do you punch your kids, though? I’m guessing not.
Good you admit it, now you can go back and read exactly why you need to stop spanking them.
This is why: spanking is about you. It’s about your inability to cope with your own feelings and behaviours. you are not self regulating.
But neither are your young children. so what do you do? hit them, cause physical pain, while they are already not coping. so they very person who is supposed to be teaching them to cope, to learn, is lashing out at them and hurting them, causing even more distress.
As the adult, it’s your responsibility to cope, to deal with it, without physical or emotionally damage those you have the ultimate power over. So it’s on you. Learn different strategies. get help. If you are spanking, you need it. you are not coping.
And no, children are NOT resilient. It’s called survival, and it is not the same thing at all. They aren’t little adults about to understand nuances of life, they are children.
Hitting a small defenseless human is ok but embarrassing behaviour at a church is messed up?
Your logic is backward
These days being called old-fashioned is the least of your worries, you’ll totally be attacked for admitting that. It’s a relatively recent cultural shift (last couple decades) IMO but a very strong one. I see nothing wrong with what you’re doing and just keep in mind that throughout history, people have held many unreasonable or just plain stupid opinions due to popular belief.
Do you also condone adults hitting other adults or animals?
So if its a last resort then even you are admitting its undesirable. You are giving into it because you think there are no more options. I guarantee you, there will always be something you havent tried yet. So now love your children enough to stop giving into your primitive instinct to cause pain instead of researching different disciplinary measures.
A six year old tells his teacher that his dad has a habit of punching him and you reduce this to a petty tit-for-tat spat between his parents? K.
I don’t consider myself old fashioned at all, but as a fellow mom of FOUR totally different kids (3 of whom are under 5), I have ZERO problem admitting that I have spanked them all (except the baby) a HANDFUL of times, only when ALL other routes of discipline have been exhausted. Flat out, unless you have experience with MULTIPLE children of different personalities (strong willed, stubborn, defiant, etc) you can criticize all you want, and I will just roll my eyes at you. You have NO IDEA. I’m happy y’all didn’t spank your one or two children (probably girls or single boys – multiple boys together can be completely WILD and violent with each other), but I will be very interested to see how your generation of children turn out when they are adults. Society has gotten too sensitive. And NO I didn’t vote for Trump and I’m not a conservative. And YES I’ve read the studies (actually READ them, I’m a librarian).
Just admit that you are a shitty person who can’t handle their own children and uses violence against them to ease her own frustration. That’s what it is.
Wow to these comments. Calling Margo a “shitty person” etc. because they believe in spanking is ridiculous. Truthfully there are different methods and strategies to raising children. Different children can handle and need different types of discipline. Margo I support you and I’m sorry that so many people laid their judgemental guilt trip on you.
I respect Paula for divorcing Robin a few years ago. They had been together since she was 14 and grew up together. It must have been really difficult to let go, but Robin has been on a downward spiral for years.
I feel so sorry for their son. I hope he gets the protection he needs.
Imagine dating someone since they were 14, having a kid with them and then finding out the depths of his douchebaggery like this and with the public cheating.
I can’t even imagine. I stated dating my husband when I was 14. He’s been such a constant in my life – that I can’t imagine how weird it would be to have to get yourself out of that situation even if it was a relatively peaceful breakup. I can’t even fathom how hard that would be with the mess that RT became.
The child’s SCHOOL reported abuse (so it’s not a case of ‘waah evil baby-stealing mother!’) and a judge still denied Paula’s request to limit Robin’s time with him?
WTF.
It might be due to the DCFS case not being finished (I hope so at least).
What wrong with spanking kids now a days don’t know right and wrong
What’s wrong with spanking?
How about ‘it reaches kids that violence is an acceptable example to follow’?
My cousins spank their kids and it’s no coincidence those kids go around hitting other children on the playground.
This is why: spanking is about you. It’s about your inability to cope with your own feelings and behaviours. you are not self regulating.
But neither are your young children. so what do you do? hit them, cause physical pain, while they are already not coping. so they very person who is supposed to be teaching them to cope, to learn, is lashing out at them and hurting them, causing even more distress.
As the adult, it’s your responsibility to cope, to deal with it, without physical or emotionally damage those you have the ultimate power over. So it’s on you. Learn different strategies. get help. If you are spanking, you need it. you are not coping.
And no, children are NOT resilient. It’s called survival, and it is not the same thing at all. They aren’t little adults about to understand nuances of life, they are children.
If you give consistent consequences for bad behavior your kids will learn right from wrong. You don’t need to spank your kids.
It’s kind of funny then, that the youth of today are better behaved than previous generations.
Today’s teenagers are among the best-behaved on record. They smoke less, drink less, and have sex less than the previous generation. They are, comparatively, a mild-mannered bunch who will probably shoo away from your lawn quite respectfully (and probably wouldn’t dare set foot on your lawn to begin with!).
BUT – on the other end of things -fear of youth from the older generations is at a high, and expectations/perceptions of the youth are much more negative than the reality of their behavior.
Okay, I can explain this.
Studies have found if you beat your kids — not spanking them, but real abuse — then the kids are more likely to act up, more likely to be violent, more likely to be anxious, and so on. Basically, if you beat your kids, you wind up with messed-up kids.
Studies have also found that if you spank your kids, then the kids have all those same problems — except milder.
So that’s why spanking is child abuse. Not because the parents are abusive — they usually aren’t — but because spanking affects the kids the same way child abuse does, just not as badly.
I really think spanking is just lazy parenting. At the same time, I’m not all that judgmental about it because I grew up in a very large family and my parents spanked just for some desperate means to gain control over their pack of feral children. I mostly just side-eye parents of 1-2 kids who can’t be bothered to do better. Come on.
Teaching is great preparation for parenthood. When you’re a teacher, it doesn’t matter how obnoxious or disruptive a kid gets–you cannot hit them. You can’t even really raise your voice or get emotional if you want to be a teacher for any length of time because you’ll burn out if you allow your students to drive you to a breaking point every day. This forces you to discipline more intelligently–to empathize with the kid in order to define the problem, and to communicate with them. It makes you a better human being overall.
I loathe authoritarian-style parenting. I don’t know what world these people live in where being hit is a consequence for your actions–that’s what they’re preparing their children for, right? I think it sets you up for an adversarial relationship with your child and it’s so harmful for girls, especially. Read what the actress Anna Lynn McCord (?) had to say about her experience with parents who spanked!
Basically, I’m saying we all have the right to be shitty parents (and there’s a gray area for what would be called abuse. One person’s spanking might be another person’s spray cheese!). I would just hope everyone strives to be the best parent they can, and I think as a society we need to collectively raise our expectations so that our understanding of good parenting excludes spanking.
+1000
lol I’m the 5th of 7 and your first paragraph pretty much described my childhood esp the feral part!
Yeah, it’s hard for people with a normal # of kids to get the stresses and chaos of an extraordinary # of kids!
I just posted something similar above, but I have 4 kids, 3 of whom are boys, and I spank them as a LAST resort (in fact, only one of them ever gets to that point, and YES it works for him). Parents who are self-righteous about spanking have like 1 or 2 kids, and it’s laughable that they think their parenting style is what’s right for larger families. Y’all don’t even know! Come try on my shoes for a while.
@mom knows best- (interesting focus on “best”)
So don’t HAVE 4 kids really close together if you can’t control them without resorting to “last resorts”. You dismiss & condescend to parents of smaller families and their non-spanking ways, saying no one understands how HARD it is to have SO MANY kids.
Well, why HAVE so many young kids? No one forced you. Your kids didn’t ask to be born with a bunch of siblings so close together, to a sanctimonious mom who is proud and defensive of her failings.
I’m not judging you for having spanked a kid or two in the chaos. But i AM judging you for your attitude toward smaller families, people who dare suggest real reasons why smacking your kids might not be the best way of dealing with them, and, oh yes, your sadly anachromostic and casually sexist views about raising boys and their “inherent” violence.
I’m a teacher too and I have never spanked my kids. Mine are 9 and almost 7. My husband spanked our son on one occasion. I agreed with him before he did it. We live on the water. My son (4 at the time) pushed my daughter (1) off the dock into the water deliberately. We were standing on the dock at the time and heard him laugh just a second before he did it. Luckily it is shallow, my daughter grabbed the post of the dock and we swooped in and grabbed her in under ten seconds. My son has never messed around on our dock or seawall since. I agreed with the spanking in this instance because to me it made an impression that his actions could have been life threatening. But in almost ten years of parenting that is the only instance we have ever spanked one of our children.
Ugh I think the spanking when sober is bad enough but the fact tat he’s got a substance abuse problem he shouldnt be unsupervised around his kid.
No spanking. Ever.
1. As kay says above, it teaches that larger people can hit smaller people. It’s bullying.
2. It teaches violence as an acceptable response.
3. It creates no learning or strategies. (Spanking is typically used to reduce the frustration of the parent.)
4. It is a physical attack by the very person who should be protecting the child.
Tell me you’d be ok with your spouse or boss hitting you when you make a mistake or get upset.
Instead of spanking, try managing the child before things escalate. Understand what so-called temper tantrums are and how to manage/avoid them.
Yes, parenting is frustrating. It is probably the hardest thing most of us will ever do. But that’s what we sign up for when we choose to have children.
Parenting is a sacred trust–don’t break your side of the agreement because you’re out of patience or strategies.
There we go. Excellent post, especially that last line.
Before i even read about any drug use i was yelling, “pshhh why isnt she demanding mandatory drug testing?!?! That woukd nio all this in the bud!!”
It’s interesting that the judge thinks there is no need for drug testing.
Exactly
In almost every interview I have seen with him he talks about being high.He was high on the Oprah Show according to him.He was high when he recorded Blurred Lines according to his deposition.A kindergarten graduation is generally held in the late morning or afternoon so he was already drunk that type of day.SMH
Exactly, Robin even admitted it, so I really don’t understand the judge’s decision….
Robin Thicke makes my skin crawl.
Yeah, the guy is a disgrace, what’s new?
On a sidenote: you get a graduation for completing kindergarten? with a fancy ceremony in a church? Do they also handle you a diploma with “cum magna laude” written on it?
I find it weird but I realize I don’t belong to the same circles as these people.
What “circles” are you talking about ? I have been to several pre school and kindergarten graduations.They wear caps and gowns, they get certificates.All the schools were in working class or lower middle class “circles”.
Google “Kindergarten Graduations Images”
I live in Texas but I thought these graduations were common everywhere.Lol
My middle-class friends also have kids whose schools hold Kindergarten graduations. It is held in a Catholic Church if your kid is at a private Catholic School. Begins a positive view of accomplishment in academics. I find them adorable 🙂
But what accomplishment other than reaching the age to go to next level.
Can children fail and be denied the diploma?
Maybe it’s common everywhere is the USA,but I attended catholic schools (not in the US) from 3 to 18 and just never went to church for anything non directly linked to religion. Does the priest act like he baptizes the kids or gives them communion?
I’m used to basic end of the year party things,but maybe that’s not enough and I’ve missed (and my kids too) the ribbon thing.
Grew up in a small, relatively poor town. Attended my brother’s pre-school graduation, and he was born in ’92.
it’s definitely not a rich people thing.
When my nephews “graduated” kinder, they wore their fathers’ white button-down shirts on backwards (to look like a graduation “gown”), and the teachers made construction paper motor boards, complete with a tassel. Two of my favorite photos are the ones I took with each boy, holding his “diploma” 😊 They were beaming. So sweet!
I don’t think many people can manage spanking reasonable. It is much easier to say “no spanking” than trying to quantify when spanking crosses into beating and when it is too hard/too often. I sometimes think in theory it would be a useful tool for very small children. Like two year old can get into some very life-threatening and destructive behavior and a quick slap on the hand would probably be more of an immediate deterrent than trying to connect some other consequence in their little brains. But with my own kids that age, probably with each of them I slapped their hand once (like when they were kicking the dog or turning on the burners) and it definitely backfired and the look of betrayal and hurt was too much.
For those of you saying that you practise spanking. If the child is afraid of the parent as this child apparently is then you are doing damage. No child should be afraid of their father. The parent is supposed to be respected yes but not feared.
Also robin is high and drunk all the time according to himself so i don’t think he has the judgement required to know whats good for his child. Substance abused clouds a persons judgement and will impact on a persons decisions.
mira, a lot of people still equate “fear” with “respect”.
i don’t get that.
never have.
Seriously I think there is a difference between spanking and abuse. My mother spanked me, no biggie. I didn’t learn violent tendencies, it didn’t teach me to be abusive, it didn’t traumatize me. At the end of the day I love my mother, and I also know that she loves me. Even during the ultimate consequence of a whopping I never viewed it as my mom being angry or not loving me or as abuse. There are several outlying factors that contribute to when spanking becomes abuse, not simply the act itself.
You know, I know that type of dad. The type: “I totally love my child and I’m totally gonna be a great dad on those two days a week I get, unless my new gf is here, in which case I’ll just try to impress her and drag my child along wherever I feel like we should be: I’m so hip and so cool, and my child is the greatest thing ever, unless it doesn’t want to show off my great parenting skills, in which case I’ll try to discipline it in a way I see fit at the moment, although I have no idea if that works on my child or not. me, me, meeee!!!” That’s a douchebag dad, alright. I have a friend who has the same problem: he just can’t understand why the mother of the child doesn’t want to let him have the child for more sleepovers, yet he went to India for months with his new gf when the child was 9 months old. And the only reason he wants more sleepovers? Because his gf thinks he should, bc he wants to prove to his gf “he has straightened out his life”. I pity the child…..and the mother. SMH
Wow, I think you just nailed it. I know this dad (and mom!) EXACTLY.
I grew up in a large family where spanking was done and I can’t say I suffered any ill effects from it. For hundreds of years people have spanked their children. Undoubtedly, some of what is called spanking was and is abusive and harmful. I am not defending that. It may in fact be “lazy” parenting. Although I would say that my parents took their responsibilities as parents pretty seriously. I work in the juvenile justice system, represent children in custody matters and volunteer in various children’s organization and I believe that I see way more of the other kind of “lazy” parenting. Parents who would rather be friends with their children than set a boundary and enforce it. (The number of children who tell me that their parent is always on their computer/tablet/phone grows every year) Parents who ignore their children’s behavior until the children are out of control. Parents who are too self centered and wrapped up in relationships, jobs, activities or addictions to do what’s in their child’s best interests. If spanking says more about the parent than the child then I would also argue that the incessant bragging about children on social media says a lot of about the rampant narcissism of today’s parents. They love basking in the reflected glory of their children and yet we have record numbers of children suffering from depression and mental health disorders and low self esteem. We have large numbers of children diagnosed with conduct disorder and oppositional defiant disorder. Why do teachers have to spend so much time managing classroom behavior to the detriment of teaching? (no spanking in school anymore either) Children have been empowered by their parents in the wrong ways. They have the latest clothes and toys and gaming systems so they can spend much of their time passively consuming entertainment and living in a fantasy world. When they become young adults and life starts “smacking” them in the face, they are ill equipped to handle it. I see so many neat kids who would be so much happier if their parent(s) had actually taken the time to parent them instead of befriending them, ignoring them or hovering over them and waiting for them to become some sort of wunderkind at music, dance, sports. (Why is parenting such a competition these days?) I’m not suggesting that spanking is the answer but I do believe that it’s not the biggest problem either. Robin Thicke has always impressed me as being an exceptionally skeevy creep. (That Get Her Back song was flat out stalkerish and disgusting) So my inclination here is to side with Paula even recognizing that they are in a custody fight. Paula, like many other parents in similar situations, made a decision not to comply with the parenting contact order and got overruled by the Court. It’s too bad the judge didn’t order the drug testing.
But one system of parentsl behaviour doesn’t need to be replaced by other. They are BOTH wrong. i don’t and won’t spank my kid. i do co-sleep and breastfeed and carry him in ergonomic carrier and practice baby led weaning-but My kid doesn’t have a picture on any of the social media or apps. You CAN avoid both types of behaviour.
There is a lot of lazy parenting today. There was a lot of it in the past. The key is to be a good parent, not a better type of lazy or abusive.
So gross! NEVER spank a child. My parents spanked all four of us and I’ve not spoken to my parents for 20 years because of it. I will never speak to them again. Just waiting for them to pass away so i can feel comfortable in my family again. Violence is wrong. My sisters say that it was only spanking, and not child abuse, but I notice not a single one of them hits their own children.
Sorry. I wholeheartedly believe in spanking. And yes, I was also spanked as a child.. different strokes for different folks, but we’re human therefore always so critical and judgmental of others. Anyway, he really is a douchebag
I hope you won’t ever have kids or that there are other people who have mercy on your children and bring you to jail. Abuse is abuse is abuse and spanking is abuse.
Is verbal abuse a form of abuse too?
Of course it is?
It’s stories like these that really dishearten me. I think the neighbors child is being abused but I fear telling / calling the police because I fear they won’t do anything. That and I fear the abuse may get worse. I’ve heard him screaming. I’ve heard the hits landing on his body and I really don’t know what to do. 🙁
Call the police or it’s non assistance in person in danger. He something serious happens to the child you may never be able to forgive yourself. This child has to know he is not alone and that someone is aware.
Also – its not by doing nothing that you will prevent the abuse to potentially get worse.
Jesus, that’s terrible.
I say this as one of those screaming children who never in my entire horror show of a childhood had one single adult in the whole world I could turn to, please, please call the cops for that child’s sake. Please. Don’t let him live another hour in terror and pain thinking he is alone and not worth helping. Also, don’t be surprised if he denies he’s being hurt. He’s probably far to terrified of his parent/abuser to tell the truth to anyone. Do you know where he goes to school?
And, aside from calling cops and dfcs, maybe try speaking to the child? Let the child know he/she is not alone?
My husband and I grew up with get spanked on the bare butt with a wooden spoon wasn’t considered out of the ordinary let alone abuse. But neither of us water to go down that path. The only time I ever even swatted one of my kids was my son when he repeatedly ignored guidance about crossing the road without looking. He wasn’t happy but I told him he’d be less happy if he got it by a car. And thy was one quick swat on a clothed butt. And my kids aren’t spoiled, rude, ungrateful or any of the over things we are told our kids will end up as without spanking.
I lived in Wyoming for 7 years where people spank their kids. When I was at the store, I noticed that when a child acted up and their parent gave them a warning the children looked afraid. Some of the parents just went right to spanking. I remember wondering why someone would want their child to grow up afraid of them.
Then I moved back to Seattle. I went to the zoo and I noticed the big difference in disciplinary approaches. When a child acted up at the Seattle zoo, the parents would pull them aside and give them a timeout and a stern talking to. The kids looked a bit annoyed but not scared. It seemed to work. I was behind several of these families looking at the animals, and afterwards, the kids did behave.
I don’t believe any parent really has to spank or hit their child if they take the time and effort to learn other disciplinary techniques.
Question on this story: Why does Robin Thicke blame this on Paula when it was the teacher who reported it? It doesn’t make sense does it? Is he paranoid and thinks they are in cahoots with each other? Also, I remember Alan Thicke talking very positive about his daughter-in-law while Robin and Paula were together. Robin thicke’s story really does not make any sense. I believe he is going through a mid life crises, using drugs, and doing the things his child says he is doing.