Gwyneth Paltrow has started shilling Illuminati conspiracies on Goop

Several weeks ago, Quartz Media pointed out something very suspicious about Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop. Quartz did a side-by-side analysis of the kind of New-Age-y, don’t-trust-modern-medicine, the-government-is-lying-to-you products, advertising and issues being pushed on Goop with strangely similar conspiracies being pushed on far-right wingnut sites like Alex Jones. Alex Jones, as you probably know, is famous for unhinged conspiracies, like his claim that the Sandy Hook massacre was a “false flag” operation and no children actually died, or that something something chem trails, something something Muslim pizza. Alex Jones and Gwyneth Paltrow are cut from the same cloth: they both breed distrust in modern medicine and modern societal structures, they both sell overpriced snake oil to gullible people and they both have no idea what they’re talking about.

So, with all that in mind, did you know that the current “issue” of Goop is “the Conspiracy Issue”? Goop has a glut of articles this week, with headlines like “Does the Illuminati still exist?” and “What newly discovered ancient civilizations can teach us.” NY Magazine suggested that if Alex Jones and Gwyneth really want to go into business together, she’ll probably need to lean a bit harder into stuff like “Tips for Feng Shui-ing Your Emergency Bunker” and “How to Make Sure Your Chakras Are Aligned Before the Coming Race War.” It’s all pretty funny and… scary as well. Like, I’m not even sure that Gwyneth understands what she’s doing in the larger sense, and how dangerous it is to breed this kind of mistrust simply to sell Goop sh-t.

You know what all of this makes me miss so much? Gawker. Their Illuminati Month was one of the best things on the history of the internet. I still think about that Tupac-Cuba conspiracy all the time.

Last thing: did you know Gwyneth is into Minions? Like, the Minions from Despicable Me. She threw a Minions-themed party at the Hamptons this week. It was partly a screening of Despicable Me 3, and partly a launch party for Goop Mrkt, her Goop pop-up shop.

Photos courtesy of Getty.

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43 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow has started shilling Illuminati conspiracies on Goop”

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  1. Shelley says:

    That’s one ugly dress. Reminds me of those crocheted furniture dollies.

  2. S says:

    Shady has no side. Snake oil that comes in a pretty bottle is no less useless than that sold by a red, sweaty blowhard. Stupid people come in all flavors and, while I don’t think Gwennie is a genius, by any means, she’s smart enough to know she’s exploiting people’s fears and endangering their health with her goop-y gimmicks, all to afford more hideous lace rompers … And is clearly fine with it. She may be glossier than Alex Jones, but she’s no better than he is.

    • Birdix says:

      A close friend died this week after not treating her cancer with western medicine. I want to find all of the healers and psychics that told her she’d have a long life, that they’d seen far worse cases healed, etc and ask them to explain.
      Goop’s in over her head and she doesn’t even know what’s in her emails (or pretends not to when asked about it). That’ll have to be her position when something bad happens to someone who has taken goop’s ridiculous advice. It is despicable, so the photo’s appropriate.
      And that was the weakest of the 4 movies. They’re getting greedy.

    • detritus says:

      I’m waiting for someone big to get on her case. Shes going to move more and more into the woo woo, like the Victorian seances etc. She needs to find a niche that you can’t disprove, and she’s crafty enough to find it.
      A lot of her claims are barely legal now because she’s in a regulated market, plus the big money is in religion. I bet at some point she’s going to dabble in religion or more likely spirituality. She’s already started a bit.

  3. dr mantis toboggan says:

    I miss gawker every day

  4. mia girl says:

    Of all the full-of-sh*t people in this world, Paltrow must be the full-of-sh*tiest

    • Etienne says:

      Gwyneth Paltrow is NOT the enemy, ladies. If that’s your take, you need to wake up to what’s really going down nowadays.

      • Radley says:

        ??????????????

        How delightfully overdramatic. Nobody said she’s a supervillain. But nowadays there’s no shortage of people exploiting other people’s general ingnorance or lack of intellectual curiosity. Seems to me Gwyneth represents the exploited becoming an exploiter. Vicious cycle.

      • mia girl says:

        Etienne – No need to wake me. Unfortunately my eyes are wide open to the times we live in. As such, i never said Paltrow was the enemy. Didn’t call her evil, dangerous, vile.

        I called her full of sh*t because she is. The things she says and peddles are by and large BS. Funny thing is that I think she doesn’t realize it. She’s arrogant enough to think she knows better. So I stand by my original comment.

      • Aurelia says:

        Buckle up ladies, 2018 is go time. We are heading towards Marshall Law. Enjoy the last of your freedoms. Dark times are ahead.

      • Amanda says:

        Do you mean Martial? Are you serious lol

  5. third ginger says:

    I am devastated that the Minions were brought into this mess in any way.

  6. Bobbysue says:

    Tinfoil hats are a bargain at only $928.75 (plus applicable state and local taxes).

  7. KiddVicious says:

    At least NASA is getting on her about her spacesuit sticker claims.

  8. nicegirl says:

    Yep, those minions were looking for their new leader.

  9. perplexed says:

    She looks like Jan Brady in high heels there.

  10. Nanea says:

    I’m not surprised.

    All the usual science-based suspects who blog against anti-vaxxers aka pro-diseasers, naturopaths, chiropractors, homeopaths and other people who are similarly unqualified to treat actual sick patients have suggested for a long time that there’s a special bond between peddlers of esoteric quackery and right-wing conspiracy lunatics.

  11. stephka says:

    Did she go to college or straight to Hollywood? Because she seems to me like someone who would benefit from a little disciplined thinking.

    • third ginger says:

      You nailed it! Uneducated celebrities with money to burn and little education are my pet peeve!!

    • L84Tea says:

      I believe she attended the University of Santa Barbara (I remember her mentioning it during that hilarious youtube video of her cooking a roasted chicken), but I’m not positive that she was there long. I believe her small part in “Hook” sent her running to Hollywood.

  12. Happymama says:

    I hate the distrust of science! It’s become a problem with liberals and conservatives which is really troubling. I know some smart educated liberals who believe in this bs and it’s all because they love a good conspiracy theory. It’s so hard to get them to believe in facts because then they claim that it’s all propaganda written by some evil corporation. If you don’t believe in modern medicine go to a poor nation in Africa and see how you get treated there when there is a shortage of doctors, etc.!

  13. Fiorucci says:

    I didn’t find the article on the illuminati very far fetched.

    Spoiler alert

    it’s a history of the illuminati which was over a century ago , mentions some people think it still or again exists, and points out that if it does exist the way conspiracy theorists think, that would be a contradiction to what it originally was. I don’t see what is off about any of that. Then again it’s not a subject i knew anything about so perhaps the article is wrong?

  14. Crumpet says:

    The poor girl has such an empty frivolous life, I suppose she must fill it with something. Conspiracy theorists have one thing in common – the inability to think critically. That is something they teach in college, but it should be taught starting in elementary school IMO. I won’t even say how often I think that lack of that ability contributes to sites like these.

  15. MM says:

    There are great doctors but I do NOT trust the pharmaceutical industry.