As we discussed on Tuesday, Ryan Phillippe’s ex-girlfriend Elsie Hewitt has filed a civil lawsuit against him, claiming that he assaulted her on the night of July 3. They went to a party together, he left in a snit, so Elsie was like “it’s over,” and she and a friend went to his place so she could get her sh-t. Elsie claimed that he grabbed her, shoved her down a flight of stairs, and that she suffered injuries because of that. She was granted an emergency restraining order for one week, and the restraining order was not continued. Ryan’s side of the story is that Elsie’s trying to get famous and she wants money, and she was the one who attacked him, etc. Yesterday, Elsie’s lawyer claimed that there was still an open criminal investigation, but a spokesperson for the LA City Attorney’s office now says that LA County is declining to prosecute:
Authorities have closed the criminal investigation regarding domestic violence claims against Ryan Phillippe, PEOPLE confirms.
“The City Attorney’s Office has deferred this matter following an investigation by the LAPD,” Frank Matelian, a spokesperson for the Los Angeles City Attorney’s office, tells PEOPLE. “After a thorough review, the matter was set for a City Attorney office hearing, during which both parties were present, detailed the incident, were advised on the law and given guidance as to how to avoid similar incidents in the future. No further action has been scheduled following our office hearing.”
Phillippe’s ex-girlfriend, Elsie Hewitt, a 21-year-old model, is accusing the actor, 43, of physically abusing her July 4. She filed a civil lawsuit Monday against the actor for allegedly kicking, punching and throwing her down the stairs after an argument.
On Tuesday, Phillippe broke his silence and denied the domestic violence allegations.
“As a staunch advocate for the health, well-being and equality of women, Ryan is completely devastated that these false allegations have been made and circulated,” the actor’s rep said in a statement to PEOPLE. “Domestic violence is an incredibly serious issue and fabricated and proven false claims should not be used to unjustly slander the falsely accused. The claims are false.”
Wait, what? Both Ryan and Elsie had to sit in the City Attorney’s office and get a lecture on how to “avoid similar incidents in the future”? What kind of dumb bullsh-t is that? Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that Elsie truly is the victim of assault here. She was put in a room with her abuser and she was told that she needed to change her behavior to avoid being abused again. That’s f–ked up. Also f–ked up? Ryan’s people have told TMZ that he plans to countersue Elsie, because of course.
Ryan Phillippe has hired a high-powered civil litigator to go after the woman claiming he beat her up … and he’s using the “Taylor Swift” model of lawsuits … TMZ has learned. Sources connected with Ryan tell us, Ryan’s plan is to file either a defamation or malicious prosecution lawsuit against Elsie Hewitt, who has claimed in her own lawsuit Ryan was under the influence on July 4 and allegedly attacked her and threw her down the stairs. Ryan has said she made it all up and was actually the aggressor who attacked him after he broke up with her.
Ryan wants an acknowledgement from Hewitt she was lying or, short of that, he wants a judge or jury to make the point. And, ala Taylor Swift, Ryan will donate any money he gets to domestic violence orgs, although he doesn’t think she has money to pay. He plans to file a countersuit for defamation and also a malicious prosecution case if and when her lawsuit is thrown out.
I guess we’re supposed to think “Ryan Phillippe is in the right, so of course he’s going to go to great lengths to prove his innocence!” But the vibe I’m getting is that he’s trying to “punish” her in many different ways.
Also: Ryan’s last big relationship was his five-year thing/engagement to Paulina Slagter. They broke up late last year, seemingly out of nowhere. Now TMZ reports that back in March, Slagter filed a harassment report against Ryan, claiming that after they broke up, Ryan texted her constantly: he “sent a slew of texts to her after their breakup — many laced with vulgarities — accusing her of infidelity and attacking her personally. We’re told there were no physical threats but it was ‘aggressive’…We’re told in at least one of the texts he called her a ‘whore.’ The texts were ‘extremely angry.’” Apparently, she eventually dropped the harassment case because she didn’t want the drama. She also tweeted this when the Elsie Hewitt news broke (but has since deleted it):
……when there's smoke….
— paulina slagter (@paulinaslagter) September 19, 2017
I wonder if Ryan will end up suing her too?
Photos courtesy of WENN.
All around ugly!
I don’t believe his story that she “just fell and hurt herself” for one second.
So weird to believe he was married to Reece Witherspoon. He’s such a man child and she’s a well respected actress who doesn’t dress and act like a child.
Well I think she was like 20, 21 when they got together. She got pregnant and then they got married – so I think it’s fair to say it wasn’t entirely planned. And his cheating was pretty well known for their whole marriage.
So basically, he’s always been scummy and gross, and being formerly married to her is pretty much the only thing that’s elevated him from “completely forgotten former pretty boy actor who can’t get roles” to “D-list former pretty boy actor who can’t get roles”.
Have you heard her drunken arrest video? Something tells me she can be a lot to handle at times, lol.
I know what you’re saying though, she comes off sophisticated and classy most of the time, and he’s a total douche running around with 20 year olds. I do remember their divorce seeming sudden so I always thought something big happened, either his cheating or maybe he did something volatile like this, who knows.
The divorce came because the tabloids outted his on-set affair with an actress-Abbie Cornish, I think. There’s a limit to the public humiliation one can endure.
Side Note: My guess is the ” stern talking-to” happened because the girlfriend decided not to press charges and that was all the prosecutors could do. Many such victims do not, the process is harrowing and the standard of proof high for criminal cases. Lots of victims just want to get away and go on with their lives. For all his bluster, she’ll probably manage in the end to settle the civil case for some $ and, of course, an NDA.
I dont know much about him or his marriage. But i feel bad for her now. She did keep it classy despite being young, very young.
I still have no idea what to think of this mess. He has superficial charm but thats it.
Right? People have short memories 😉
Reese doesn’t act like a child? LOL are we forgetting her drunken run in with cops where she was yelling she shouldn’t be arrested because she’s famous and an American citizen? Both are messes.
She is far from perfect. And far from this behaviour. We all have issues.
No Reese isn’t a mess. She is a handful, but she isn’t a mess. If anyone had filmed me a few times on a wild tear, I would look like a complete idiot. I tend to get musical and think I have some undiscovered singing ability I do not have, and there have been attempts at drunk rapping. That phase has passed, but I would be humiliated if it was on You Tube for eternity. In the throes of it I believe I can flow, but in the morning I want to hide and never be seen in public again.
I am sure she wishes she could take it back but since it was years ago she probably no longer cares
The worst is the knowing looks of the people who were with you the night before, and they try to reassure you that you didn’t make an ass of yourself but deep down you know it is a lie.
Yeah I think Reese is probably a bit of a handful but honestly, Reese has her shit together compared to Ryan. They’re certainly not equal in that sense.
Oh please. It was one incident in the 20 years she has been famous. Everyone makes mistakes, I don’t think that is proof of her “horrible” personality or anything.
How did this post circle around to negative comments about Reese anyway?
She is far from perfect, but he seems to have a pattern of abuse. There is a difference.
As he should. What else is he gonna do? Bend over and take it?
He must defend himself if he is innocent. He owes clearing his name to his children and parents.
ITA. Two sides to the story.
Yes thank you. Also not being mentioned that the police said something about the stairs in his house where the alleged assault occured not matching the injuries
or maybe since he can afford nearly unlimited legal fees he is using his wealth and status to threaten these women into dropping charges…
The moment a man sues a woman in these cases he is sending a signal to every abused woman to stay silent.
IF he is innocent, he shouldn’t be labeled an abuser. He should have the opportunity to clear his name IF these allegations aren’t totally factual.
IF he is innocent, it will come out in her case against him.
@Queenb No he isn’t. IF he is innocent he is entitled to try to clear his name of very nasty accusations.
It is interesting that this article puts innocent in inverted commas. Judge and jury syndrome?
I heard somewhere else that his claim is: they broke up a few days before the incident, he was at a party, she and her friend showed up, so he went home. Then, she and her friend left the party, went to his house in the middle of the night to get her stuff, and then there was a big bru-ha-ha.
I don’t know whether his account is true, or if hers is. I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Maybe they’re both assholes…it happens.
Sure. Tad dramatic but sure. Except he would get his day in court anyway but no, he needs to counter-sue I guess because he’s super innocent.
What I want to know is why did his ex tweet and delete? Could someone with some power have called her up?
@77 +1 completely agree with you
I agree he has a right to clear his name if he feels that he did nothing wrong. As for me I am not leave the location of the assault sweetie I am calling the police, fire dept, ambulance, Smokie the Bear, batman and whom ever else i need to call so that the news and every one can see and put this together. I’m not saying that I don’t believe her I’m saying that if the criminal portion of this is over and he has the cops saying things didn’t add up she just made this harder to prove civilly.
Agree with you. I don’t understand why nearly everyone is (apparently) absolutely CERTAIN of his guilt. How do you *know* this? It’s not as if I like the guy, but that’s not the point: if he *is* innocent, he certainly has every right and reason to fight back, to clear his name. Who wouldn’t do the same thing, *if* they had been wrongly accused?
Does anyone remember how Reese Witherspoon said when she got together with her current husband he said something about showing her how she should be treated? Am I recalling this right?
Was that before or after he drove drunk with her in the car and got a DUI?
Well before, separate issues, and I knew someone would bring that up.
It did not seem like she was the responsible drunk in this situation. Who was forced to be driven by another drunk. Come on. She did not look any better in this situation, possibly worse after her American Citizen rant. But that has nothing to do with this comment.
Not relevant at all within the context of WATP’s original comment.
*eye rolling for five long minutes*
Everyone acts like they don’t act stupid when they drink too much or have moments. She wasn’t even driving; she just behaved like an obnoxious, entitled brat.
I thought about this, and I vaguely remembered there was something about their split that was unsavory. He chased her and then treated her like crap and her reputation took a hit because she was not a club-hopping party girl. Getting pregnant was out of character for her at that age.
He had drug problems even then and was mentally abusive. Ryan doesn’t spend much time with his kids, and she doesn’t go to court since he is barely interested anyway. So it isn’t a sign she thinks he is a good person.
That’s usually how court works, though. The accuser and the defender usually have to be in the same room together when the judge speaks to them. Otherwise, there would be a bunch of mediators and carrier pigeons running and flying up and down the hallways of the court house. Things like this would take years to complete. When you press charges against someone for something like this you will likely have to see your abuser in court. That’s just the way it is.
I re-read the story and see that this was done at the attorney’s office, not a court room. Hmmmm. I don’t know how that works, honestly. They must have agreed to it beforehand though so she must have been ok with it to some extent. $$$$$$$$
I’m confused by the meeting in the city attorney’s office.. is that what they do when it’s he said/she said? Because that’s super messed up if it is. Imagine being forced into a small room with the person who abused you. Or is it something that happens when they think both parties are at fault or something? I’m really confused by it.
Either way, he gives off major douche vibes and even if he is proven innocent, I’m not changing my opinion on that.
for some reason, I believe him. just my opinion, do not believe Reese would ever tolerate that kind of behavior and she was married to him for awhile and had 2 children with him.
Two women have accused him months apart of abusive behavior, but you choose to believe him. Then you go on to add something that is meaningless. Abusers don’t go after every person they are with, despite what you choose to believe.
@ Merritt…one woman has accused him of physical abuse, the other harassment and yes, I’m going to point out the difference because I’m a lawyer. Harassment is not the same as abuse, not in the eyes of the law and it shouldn’t be, either. Now, if you want to argue he’s a douchebag who’s emotionally abusive, be my guest but he’s only been accused by one ex of physical abuse.
@purplehazeforver
Harassment is part of abusive behavior. Whether it is legally classified that way is just you derailing my original point.
He has a clear pattern of unhealthy behavior here with his exes.
Women are not abused because they “tolerate” it.
Also, if drugs are a factor, he could have gotten worse.
If only all abused women would actually speak up about their abuser, but the reality is LOTS of abused women do not speak up about it or insinuate it, even after a divorce. Please do some research on domestic violence.
I mean you can believe him but your reasoning is a bit weird. So because nearly 20 ago he was an okay guy (although a lot of posters here seem to know more about the cheating than I did) who didn’t hit his wife, it’s unlikely that he threw his young girlfriend down the stairs while high on everything? Drugs can bring out the absolute worst in people. Or maybe he abused Reese verbally. Or even physically. Or not at all. It doesn’t mean a thing.
I don’t believe him but I’m also not going to attack someone on this site for posting a comment that says they do believe him. Reese Witherspoon may or may not have put up with his behavior, we don’t know anything these people lol. She had two kids with him, the divorce was sudden and I always suspected it was more than cheating. She just wanted out and did it as quickly as possible. Abusers use whatever tactics to silence those that dare to challenge and filing a countersuit is just that, a means to silence her. If he truly did not abuse her, there are other ways to prove your innocence…you simply defend yourself…not countersue.
let me be a little more clear. I believe him. Just as you choose not to. And, obviously, the police did not find a reason to charge him with anything. My opinion is that he broke up with her and she could not handle that. MY OPINION. we, will never know who is the abuser or who is the abused.
I don’t know if I necessarily, fully believe him. But I haven’t stamped an ‘abuser’ label on him. One drunken scuffle doesn’t automatically mean that either party is an abuser.
She had a friend with her. If that friend saw the whole thing and gave her statement, you’d think the DA could’ve brought charges.
He’s douchey, for sure, tho…
There are a lot of assumptions going on here regarding guilt and innocence: “She was put in a room with her abuser and she was told that she needed to change her behavior to avoid being abused again.”. And it is quite grotesque. To be clear, I have not time for this man-child. But you do not know the details, nor his guilt and to determine quite clearly that he is an abuser and she is abused is grossly irresponsible.
I agree. Everyone is very quick to find him guilty when there has been no evidence to prove his guilt or innocence. This thing just got started. I think he’s a total tool but he (like everyone) deserves a fair trial.
Thank your for standing up for the white man. I admire your bravery.
QueenB, I think you’re commenting on the wrong post because that makes no sense at all.
@Poorlittle, I think her point is that as a rich, handsome white man he hits every checkbox of privilege. There will be no dearth of people to support him, even if he is an abuser.
detritus, I think his handsomeness is highly debatable. Boy-ish dudes often don’t age that well and he looks … well handsome is not how I would describe him. 😉 He still has rich and white, I think that’s enough.
I think it makes perfect sense, really.
Ah right, I didn’t realise that because he was a white man he was no longer entitled to the same standards which should be universally applied regardless of race, creed or gender. How foolish of me. As a white man who stands accused he should carry the burden of guilt for all white men, regardless of his own guilt. Naturally.
BUT PLEASE WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS WHITE MENZ?!?!?!
Lol, well we can take off handsome, but yeah, the rich and white and male part. Thats still gonna work for him. He’s gonna have a ton of people coming to his defense regardless of what actually happened.
Its sad, but you can see it in the comments already, with the same trends in comments as with Amber and Depp.
Oh look, while I was typing! A wild MRA appears!
Gobo, false equivalency, no one has said that.
Privilege boxes for Ryan:
White -check
Male-check
Wealth-check
Famous-check
Connected-check
Attractive-check
Accuser:
White-check
Attractive-check
That is what inequality looks like.
Right now a major political party voted in a fomer rapper who wrote violent lyrics about slapping women across their face with his penis. He “found” and cashed a money order, assaulted a taxi drive after trying to ditch paying the fare. He was charged twice with impaired driving and a few days before the leadership convention, his opponent released court documents he had been charged twice of physically assaulting his girlfriend. The posts on media website shaming the victim were deplorable..I am sick of horrible behaviour being normalized or the race card played..I am appalled he is First Nation as I am..this is not the best of our community rather I view him as a disgusting human being. But, he has lived a life of privilege, private school educated and appears to be a “traditional” man. I suppose my comment is based on my anger on blaming the victim and the allowances provided to those who are privileged despite the colour of their skin.
Maybe she is standing for a fair justice system? Surely you don’t think that the way to fix issues in our justice system is to presume all white men accused of any crime should be automatically assumed guilty? To be clear, I think that Ryan Philippe is an asshat. But that doesn’t mean he should be presumed guilty immediately. And saying that someone is “standing up for a white man” is a pretty ridiculous way to shut something down. But Congratulations you win.
This is technically true in most abuse cases. However history has shown time and again that the “two sides to every story” when it comes to abuse has lead to many women dying because no one believed them or people were too busy trying to give the abuser the benefit of the doubt.
This seems to need to be restated every damn time.
“story has shown time and again that the “two sides to every story” when it comes to abuse has lead to many women dying because no one believed them or people were too busy trying to give the abuser the benefit of the doubt. “
This. Well said.
Don’t bother trying to talk sense into these people. String him up, he’s a white man, rich, and famous. Who needs a trial, we should get our torches ready. In fact maybe we should just kill all upper middle class/ upper class white men. It is only fair.
No one is saying that, not even QueenB. We are saying believe the accuser.
not if you are the jury, dear lord that’s extending the argument into absurdity, but as the public. As a counter trend, as support.
magRose has laid out why white men tend to get the goods, and other commenters have pointed out how the legal system is built and meant to protect the privileged.
Brock Turner doesn’t need you supporting him, he has judges and the legal system, and bros at large. Neither does Ryan. He will have the same smorgasboard of support offered, don’t fret.
I think you missed the bit where Johnny Depp had massive across the board support despite fairly clear evidence he was abusive. Most commentary on this woman will be hostile and aggressively denying any possibility that he was an abuser. Offering her support as a woman in that situation isn’t suggesting that he doesn’t deserve full process, let alone that he should be physically harmed.
Interesting over-reaction when one small corner of the internet pushes back on the dominant narrative when this sort of situation arises, though. And I would also point out that this site was very, very unsympathetic to Halle Berry when she made similar claims against a handsome white man, because they were not plausible, and her determination to keep their shared child from him was as plain as Kelly Rutherford’s – gender and race were set aside there. It’s not as kneejerk and reflexive as you imply.
All I say: If Ryan is counter-suing, he’d better have receipts. Or he’s an ass. But I suspect their are no receipts.
I’m gonna get yelled at but I don’t know that I believe his ex 100%. Don’t get me wrong, I dont believe him 100% either. They both seem like messy dramatic ppl. Why would she wait till mid Sept to file suit? Just seems like a petty, after the fact move. Is there a legal reason to wait? Maybe she emotionally wasn’t ready. Idk, I dont think there is enough info yet. I’m not saying to discredit her and call her a liar but let’s not throw him to the wolves yet either. You can be an asshole without being an abuser.
Exactly, two sides to every story. I’ve known abusers both men and women.
Research is that by far more women are abused by men than the other way around. It doesn’t mean no women are abusive, but rather that abuse is much more likely to hurt women.
You can look it up.
No one would deny there are female abusers; I was surprised and disappointed to find out about violence in lesbian relationships. But I don’t think men abused by women often end up in hospital with the horrific injuries that abused women suffer, or are in fear of their lives, or are mudered by their female abuser.
As someone said here the other day, biology says a man can kill a woman with one punch. An ability that 99% of women don’t possess.
She went to the police immediately and got a restraining order. About 6 weeks later, she filed a lawsuit. I don’t find this to be a long time at all. There are many people who wait years after a crime to file a civil suit.
Better than waiting years to file the civil suit. The incident is recent and easier to gather evidence the sooner you do it. There are a variety of reasons abuse victims/survivors do not press charges.
@jrb That was my point. The OP questioned why it took her so long to file a suit. My point was that 6 weeks is not a long time, and she did report the incident to authorities immediately.
This is why women end up murdered by their abusers. Because people practically fall all over themselves to give an abuser the benefit of the doubt. She went to police right after the incident. But that doesn’t fit your view of “perfect victim” so you have to find ways to cast doubt about her claims.
Yep this.
Right, I don’t know if he is innocent, obviously, but IF he is, doesn’t he have the right to defend himself, as much as the next guy? Just as his ex partner has the right to sue him for assault? Isn’t that the point of the judicial system? I really don’t see the problem in him counter-suing – isn’t that what ANYONE would do, if they felt they were being wrongfully accused?
Or, does innocent until proven guilty not apply when the accused is someone we don’t particularly like?
I mean, do say if I am missing something, but as I see it, the facts are
1. A accused B of assault
2. Criminal investigation didn’t result in charges – was dismissed
3. A filed a civil suit agaisnt B for the same alleged crime
4. B counter sued
Where is the problem here? I mean, I don’t have a horse in this race, but the only problem here appears to be that we don’t much like the accused? Why are people automatically assuming her innocence? Neither has proven their case, as far as I can tell. I agree he seems a bit douchy, but that doesn’t exclude him from having the right to defend himself in court!
He could defend himself in her civil suit against him. Why is a counter-suit necessary?
I typically believe women in these situations because I know it can be tough bordering on impossible to speak up. Having said that, a male is within his rights to file a counter suit if he feels a woman has made a false claim against him. I don’t like the attitude, “even if she wasn’t truthful, he’s still a man and men abuse so he shouldn’t dare pursue all recourse available to him.”
If Ryan is lying, I hope the judge hands him his ass. I just don’t like the idea that half the species should have fewer legal options available to them simply because of their sex.
” don’t like the idea that half the species should have fewer legal options available to them simply because of their sex.”
Battered women could say that too.
@ Lady D- you beat me to it!
@lady D and kitten: I think you missed something important about the meaning of equality.
i’m totally with GOTR here. Like her, I (strongly) tend to believe women in rape/abuse cases. and I’m usually right to. But I also have been proven wrong more than once. So yes, if one feels slandered and unfairly accused, one has the moral right to counter sue even if one is ********
Of course, here the ******* stand for male. But it could stand for female, poor or black and then you would, quite reasonably, call me names.
Jeanne, context is important. You can’t just switch those terms around, because the outside world does not treat those terms and people the same.
Invoking a victim of assault, Taylor Swift, in an attack against someone claiming assault? The optics on this are not as flattering nor as selfless as he believes.
The comment board is already a reminder to victims to stay silent.
Listen I still air on the side of the victim. But if he IS innocent then he does need to clear his name. This is not out of the realm of possibility. There is always a chance that he’s an @$$ but not an abusive one.
The comments are terrible and I hope most of you are never going to met a victim of domestic violence.
Rachel, what would be a better way to approach this then? Genuinely Im asking. When is it appropriate to have doubt? Are we supposed to always side with the accuser/victim? To me it looks like ppl are saying in the comments more info is needed not that she isn’t believed. I’m not trying to come off as rude or hostile so hopefully I’m not. Just wondering where the line is between blindly believing one side over the other.
“Are we supposed to always side with the accuser/victim?”
Yes.
Kaiser just wrote about it in this article:
“when a woman – famous or unfamous – comes forward with a story of sexual harassment, assault, rape, violence, whatever, just believe her”
http://www.celebitchy.com/550018/amber_tamblyn_wrote_a_nyt_op-ed_about_the_need_to_believe_female_victims/
How about waiting for the investigation and the court trial to take place?
Personally I don’t have a problem with waiting for a proper judgement. I don’t have a problem not knowing if one party is lying or whatever is going on. I don’t have a problem with waiting patiently until there has been a proper investigation / trial.
I think I don’t want to side with either side yet.
“Innocent until proven guilty” is a VERY important axiom of modern western legal systems. But unfortunately many people agree with that only after they have been accused of something they haven’t done but accusations alone are capable of doing a lot of damage. If you judge a person to be guilty without there having been a trial it is called prejudice. Bad thing generally.
Has happened to me. Colleagues turning away or keeping a very safe distance. Neighbours looking at me as if I were a murderer. (No, it wasn’t murder nor any kind of physical abuse/attack). And after the initial investigation which concluded that there was NO evidence against me people still believe I were guilty of things I haven’t done. There was no trial because the accusations never made it to trial due to lack of evidence. Virtually NO evidence. And the chances of successfully suing my accuser are realistically nonexistant.
So be careful before you side with one side without hearing both sides or before the trial took place. Let’s see what kind of evidence Phillippe has against Hewitt.
meowuiRose, would it help you to know that the rate of female accusers who lie is between 3-9%? The vast majority of victims are just that, victims. Give them the benefit of the doubt, until proven wrong. Sadly, you won’t be proven wrong often.
“Innocent until proven guilty” is the rallying cry of the rape apologist. Its part of the legal system because that very legal system was created by men.
In an abuse case there are no two sides.
Do all the posters here arguing for waiting out the court, truly believe that justice will be done and is reflective of reality?
Brock Turner, Steubenville, Reteah Parsons, Cosby.
Do these cases make you feel women are treated fairly in court? That IPV cases are treated fairly?
Many women are subjected to domestic abuse, and many more women than men are abused. Yet false accusations do happen — a very good male friend was falsely accused by a woman of assault. It was a criminal case that went to court. Her story completely fell apart, and she recanted all of her statements. (She trashed her own apartment, he was not even present.)
Despite this experience, I would far rather err on the side of believing every woman who comes forward with a story of abuse. Unfortunately, statistically, they are likely telling the truth.
Still, I think what our police system owes them is to believe their story, investigate the claims thoroughly, and support them as much as possible. I think that we as a society owe them is to treat their allegations seriously and respectfully, offer support, and never judge or shame women coming forward as “desperate for attention” or some other form of “she’s lying” or “she is asking for it.” We are a long way from even this basic test. But I don’t think that means we immediately label the men as guilty, or as monsters, particularly because we don’t like their vibe, or because they cheated on an ex.
How about this:
“Still, I think what our police system owes them is to believe their story, investigate the claims of both sides [!] thoroughly, and support them as much as possible. I think that we as a society owe them is to treat their allegations seriously and respectfully, offer support, and never judge or shame women or men [!] before we have considered both sides of the story or before they have been proven guilty in court.”
And frankly rachel I hope I am never on trial in a case where some commentators are on the jury.
Absolutely . I too have a friend who was falsely accused of rape, by someone who had a history of this. He spent months on remand in jail, couldn’t see his kids and when eventually the case was dropped he had no recourse for the £000s in wages he had lost, never mind his reputation.
The problem in many cases is that it comes down to “he said she said” but we must not forget that trial by jury is still preferable to trial be media.
Yeah the comments are really, really bad. I’m honestly surprised because women around here are usually more supportive.
Seriously so bizarre. “I support the accuser” followed by a paragraph about how it would be “unfair” to dismiss the possibility she’s lying. 🙄
How about a situation where a a very good friend (yes a white male so must have been guilty, right?) with bipolar issues was accused of sexually abusing his own neice (DID NOT HAPPEN) by the mentally unbalanced ex-wife of his brother?
It absolutely did not happen, but do you think he was looked at the same after that? Do you think his life was the same after that? Even though he was proven innocent? His life was f**king ruined by false accusation.
Ryan very well may have done it – in fact I wouldn’t be surprised at all. But this is just one reason in my experience of why automatically believing can be dangerous.
Sorry Rick but for every one man who is falsely accused there are ten victims of sexual assault/domestic violence who are not believed.
So yeah, I’m going to be more concerned with what is an EPIDEMIC than the rare occurrence. But hey, you’ll be psyched to hear that Betsy Devos agrees with you and the sad plight of the accused campus rapist and is going to make sure that rapists get the benefit of the doubt and the legal protection they need going forward. But yes, let us cry tears for the poor menz who have to deal with the overwhelming hassle of rape accusations and not, you know, the women who are victimized and told to STFU because no one will believe them anyway–which this entire thread so handily proves.
Sorry kitten, while it is true that too many victims are afraid to speak up or told, as you say, to stfu, as long as the not so strange concept of respectfully listening to both sides, really and seriously investigating prevail, nothing will change. Some will always ready to believe the woman side, no matter what, and the same way, some will not, no matter what. That’s what happens when prejudices prevail.
I’ll add that abuse kill. Slander and public bullying too. I do not want any part with one or the other.
And yes, in my personal and professional life, I stand with women victims of abuse, listen to them, support them, encourage, counsel and assist them in getting away, speaking up and pressing charges.
@ kitten, two wrongs don’ t make a right. Hope you never get called up for jury duty.
Typical abuser move from him.
Thats the gross part. He’s not like Taylor Swift, he’s like Johnny Depp. He’s still got his hots though, so there will be a louder contigent of – maybe he’s innocent.
That contingent is screaming all over these comments. “Both sides!” How trumpian.
Exactly. There are no two sides when a woman tells of her abuse.
QueenB, I’m doing jury service soon. Do you seriously expect me, in a case of alleged abuse, to say, from the outset, that the accused is guilty because he has been accused? To say that the accusation automatically makes him guilty? To say eff this nonsense about weighing evidence, he’s guilty because she’s accused him? And to say that anyone that doesn’t take this approach is somehow siding with abusers? Christ on a bike.
Yes, unfortunately some people do believe exactly that.
Yes, she expects you to say that, and no, you’re not the only person here to think she is clinically insane.
It is insane. And scary. And I have been sexually abused as a child and raped as an adult. It’s ridiculous to say that one should automatically side with someone if they said they were abused or a victim. Insanity. Unfortunately it doesn’t follow the logic, it is decision making based on emotion. And emotion is impossible to argue with. So there you go.
Thank you.
Don’t be silly. You are carrying this argument into absurdity.
The point is that culturally we are taught to dismiss rape and DV accusations.
Most of us are asking that to change the default, which is for crimes involving women, IPV and SA, to disbelieve them.
No one is asking you to convict Ryan based only on what’s been said, but it would be nice if you saw Brock Turner, or the variety of other abusers who got off Scott free and actually convicted him.
I’m super disappointed this thread here devolved into bashing another commenter because you don’t understand her point. Calling someone insane as an insult too? Come on. that’s gross.
@Steph, me too. And Because of that I support and believe the victims, because I know how hard it was for me to share and how hard it was for my friends, and I don’t want women to face that.
I’m not being silly. If posters think that the justice system should be changed from the prosecution having to prove guilt to the defendant having to prove their innocence, they should say so. That is the logical outcome of the always believe women stance. If that’s the debate, let’s have it. Let’s not suggest that some of us somehow care less about assaults on women.
I’m not suggesting you don’t care, I’m saying you are feeding into the current dangerous narrative by carrying this argument to its absurb extreme.
I’m also saying that your position is dangerous to the health and ability to report of IPV survivors.
A 43 year old man with a 21 year old girl in a “relationship”? That is lame. Grow up dude
Many or even most 43 year old men would love to be with a 21 year old woman. They just don’t get the chance. Cynical? Yes.
And? Any 43 year old man dating a 21 year old is either emotionally stunted and/or just looking for a young thing to bed.
Probably. I’m pointing out he’s no different to most men, he just has opportunities they lack.
Angry abusive douchebag.
If it’s a lie, then yes, he should sue. Domestic violence, rape, and any other assault is no joke and not something to lie about. But we’ll see…sometimes these lawsuits fade away.
Umm, just because there are so many typos running loose in the wild these days, it would be “err” and not “air” on the side of the victim. As in, “If I were to make an error, it would be on the side of the victim.”
Thanks for letting me air this. : )
My guess is he’s gotten progressively worse over the years. Always known as Reese Witherspoon’s ex-husband, clinging to relevancy. Dates women half his age because they make him feel good about himself. Starts taking drugs and grows increasingly erratic, probably crashing his ATV during an episode, and yada yada.
I believe her anyways, but it also just fits with his life trajectory.
Also, I’ve never heard Reese talk about “co-parenting” with him, or how he’s such a great dad, which is the usual line of divorced celebrities. What she doesn’t say is interesting.
They have seemed to manage, but she is clearly the dominant parent. And it does seem that if there are drugs, they play a role in his worsening behavior.
I think disbelieving the victims with myths such as “women can easily make this stuff up” is one (horrible) side of the spectrum, but saying “just believe the victim” is also the other end. There are more logical places to land in between.
It’s very imprtant to try & dispel the myths but going to the other end will only antagonize people & hurt the (small number of) falsely accused.
Statistically, you’d be safe to side with the accuser of domestic/sexual violence, but I don’t think “siding with” should turn into certainty, at least until there’s more information on specific cases.
I do think ‘innocent until proven guilty’ can become a blasé stance in these cases, but it’s possible to hold on to some of that concept without trying to undermine the accuser.
Thank you!
As others have said, I err on the side of the accuser, but do not dismiss the possibility of the flip side. I’ve known of a couple girls who lied about being raped, but they weren’t trying to press charges over it. There are FAR more actual abuse victims than false accusers, but we shouldn’t completely dismiss the possibilities…especially in cases like this involving celebrities, That just adds a whole other level of confusion.
Yeah…you know, I keep hearing statements like this, but genuine question: what harm does siding with the victim in this situation cause, exactly?
I mean, we’re all here on a gossip site presumably to speculate about people and situations that at the end of the day, NONE of us really know about—this particular situation is no exception. I just don’t see the problem with believing and supporting her. We are not on the jury, we are not in law enforcement, our personal opinions have ZERO bearing on Ryan’s fate.
But if a victim of abuse has been too afraid to come forward and is now reading this thread and seeing (some) supportive comments and suddenly feels empowered to confront her accuser then how it that so problematic? Is it not then worth it to support the victim in this case and simply BELIEVE her; to give her the benefit of the doubt?
I think the only argument you could make that would support your statement that believing/not believing are equally awful would be to say that believing the victim could potentially and unfairly harm Ryan’s career. But as QueenB said above, he is a rich and famous white male–chances are he’ll bounce back while his accuser will forever be labeled as “shady”.
Finally, studies show that for some victims, the trauma of not being believed has more of an effect on them than the actual assault itself. This is our opportunity to step up and send a message that we believe and support her, not just for her but for every other victim of abuse that’s reading this.
First of all women dont lie about assault or rape. THose statistics that MRAs like to quote are made by male police officers who cant find “proof” of abuse and then automatically list it as a lie. Why would a woman even lie about such stuff? You have a very misogynistic world view if you beleive women capalble of that.
QueenB that is not true at all. There are woman (and men) who have lied and said they were raped, assaulted or abused when they really weren’t. Why they do it is beyond me and I think disgusting, but to say no woman has ever lied about assault or rape is frankly naive. I personally know someone that did this. You and I might not understand why someone would lie about something as serious as this, but it happens. And there is nothing misogynistic about saying this. It’s called being being a realist and knowing there are some truly sick and twisted ppl in the world. I do agree with most of the other stuff you’ve said though, but I’m gonna leave before I get yelled at.
Not true, I knew a woman who would punch herself in the face multiple times, then call the police and say that her boyfriend beat her up. Until one time he sneakily recorded her doing it on his phone and showed it to the police. Very disturbing. It happens. Not saying that is the case here, but….again, it happens.
SMDH.
Guess that essay of Amber’s has just been completely forgotten, eh?
“She was put in a room with her abuser and she was told that she needed to change her behavior to avoid being abused again.”
Sorry but it’s important for women and men who were in abusive relationships to change their behaviour. Not to excuse abusive, not to think it’s normal. What’s wrong with that?
This isn’t children bickering. It’s significantly more important to not retraumatize the survivor and treat them as equally responsible as the actual abuser. The survivor is not responsible for fixing the abuser. The survivor is not responsbile for putting their welfare at risk to help fix the abuser.
And in the end its ridiculous, because I’m pretty sure if the survivor had a choice in the matter, they’d pick not being hurt.
REAL LIFE LINCOLN LAWYER. QUICK, SOMEBODY GET MCCONAUGHEY ON THE CASE.
This comment section is a hot mess…jeez!
Ya I’m leaving before my whole day is coloured by them.
Team “Bros before hoes” is out in full force, with all their cries of ” Fake News” and “Many sides!” You can tell by some of the usernames. Sad!
The worst I’ve seen in quite some time. I don’t recognize a lot of the names of people commenting though so this is clearly not the usual crowd.
I am a long time reader and I was compelled to comment for the first time ever because of the depressing misogyny in response to the Ariel Winter interview. And now I’m back so soon lol! Just want to be another voice for victim advocacy vs. the people who think the most relevant conversation to be having is whether or not we’re being fair to Ryan.
Kitten, I am a long time reader and used to comment more than I do now. I’ve always enjoyed your commentary and I hope this mssg comes off as polite and engaging.
There is nothing wrong with new commenters being on here. They have just as much right to express their opinion as the long timers. I would argue that it’s a testament to what a great site Celebitchy is that’s it’s getting new users. This site does tend to be a echo chamber when it comes to certain issues. I can only speak for myself and want to clarify that I’m not saying don’t believe her, she’s lying, she’s fame hungry. I’m saying calling someone an abuser with no real evidence isn’t cool. The accuser should be listened to and what they say thourghly investigated. Of course that often doesn’t happen which is a whole different topic. I’m not saying sooo many women accuse men of abuse and that’s why it shouldn’t be believed because I know that isn’t true. I just think labeling someone a abuser without more information is dangerous. That doesn’t mean I support him. He’s a messy guy and I side eye him a lot for his douchy behavior but like I said above, you can be an ahole without being an abuser.
Like I said, I have always enjoyed your commentary and think your hilarious. I think you have some valid points but wanted to throw my 2 cents and express my point of view.
Thanks.
@ MeowuiRose- I don’t mind new commenters at all–after all, I was a new commenter way back when. I also agree that this place can be an echo chamber and that’s why I avoid certain threads (Taylor Swift or Tom Brady come to mind) because I don’t really need to read the same comment phrased slightly differently over and over again.
So yes, I completely appreciate earnest and thoughtful debate and dialogue, dissenting/alternative opinions included. What I don’t appreciate, however, are trolls who come in here to make callous and misogynistic remarks. I get sensitive about that because we DO have commenters here who have experienced DV, rape, sexual assault and abuse and I want them to feel safe and protected here.
On a personal level, I always side with the accuser first. If the accuser turns out to have made it all up, I have no problem eating my own shit and calling out the abuser for their lies, which only serve to hurt victims of abuse going forward, re-victimizing them all over again and contributing to the misperception that we see all over this thread: that many women lie about abuse.
I support a healthy dose of skepticism when it comes to almost everything, but with victims of abuse I automatically believe them until proven otherwise.
JMO.
Anyway, I appreciate your reply to me and I apologize if it seemed like I was shutting down new commenters here. Not my intention. New commenters are always welcome but MRA/4Chan types are not.
@ Kitten Thanks for your reply. I agree that trolls and general aholes who comment nonsense need to be called out on here. To a point I understand what you’re saying about there is no harm in giving the accuser/victim the benefit of the doubt and believing them. I dont want ppl of DV to feel they cannot speak up. In some ways it can be compared to a mental health issue where there is so much judgement and misunderstanding that ppl are afraid to speak up and ask for help. What I’m poorly trying to say is thank you for sharing your point of view and for engaing in conversation.
Have a good day 🙂
FYI with a sociopath the truth shouldn’t lie “somewhere in the middle”. It’s sad when an abused person has to prove their innocence. It causes a lot of emotional stress on the victim from every type of abuse, not just the physical kind.
I would like to respond to the TMZ report that claimed officers did not believe Ryan Phillipe’s accuser because according to their “source” (*ahem*) “the stairs she accuses Ryan of throwing her down twice are sharp and wooden, and would have left her with much nastier injuries — even broken bones”. Allow me to share my non-domestic violence related story, which given my experience leads me to call BS on this statement. About 10 years ago I had to have a partial hysterectomy. At the time I was living with my then-fiance in the third floor condo. This complex was beautifully designed, yet did not think of just how dangerously the beautiful staircase leading from the parking lot to the individual levels could be. The steps were made of a lovely stained, but very sharp wood. The handrails were made of heavily ornate wrought iron that curved into many points. As I said, gorgeous, but not a place you would want to trip and fall while carrying in your groceries or taking out the trash.
Anyway, as I said I had just had a partial hysterectomy that week and given instructions to stay in bed for two weeks and do nothing strenuous for at least 6 weeks. Well, on day 4 my 100 lb. Labrador had a very upset tummy and my fiance was at work. I was mortified to see my carpet being ruined (by no fault of the dog’s – if your tummy is upset, you gotta go! – and despite knowing the doctor’s orders for bed rest, I was on strong pain medications that made me feel like Superwoman! I decided to take my poor dog outside to hopefully clean out most of her system and save what was still unmarked of my carpet. What an idiot I was!! I only weighed about 110 lbs. at the time, and as soon as I opened the front door to take her out, she saw another dog she loved to play with out walking across the sidewalk. She got excited and lunged full speed ahead, yanking me with the leash like I was a ragdoll. I was dragged down three flights of very sharp edged stairs with only sharp wrought iron rails to grab onto. I ended up going down a small section of brick steps and a little ways down the sidewalk before a neighbor was able to get to me to help. I know some of you are thinking I should have let go of the leash, but the dog had crossed a busy main road the one time she ever got loose and I wasn’t going to let it happen again. The point of all of this is that the only mark I had was a small tear in the knee of my pants that left the exposed section of the knee skinned. Keep in mind, this was three fights of hard wooden stairs that I was forcefully dragged down at lightening speed and was miraculously lucky to have not been knocked out or worse. Somehow, the skinned knee was the only injury I had and I’ll never know why. I had tripped on a few steps before and bruised myself on them, yet got through this ordeal with almost no physical evidence of it ever happening. So my point is this: I don’t know who to believe in a “he said/she said” situation, but for her claims to be dismissed because her injuries were not consistent with being thrown down sharp wooden stairs is total BS! I am living proof of that. This woman DOES have injuries on her body, which is more than I had, yet I am not telling a lie or exaggerating what happened to me at all. Either TMZ’s source is full of it, or these cops are being extremely negligent and perhaps star-struck in their investigation. That being said, I have not seen a picture of the particular stairs in question, but I seriously doubt that they are more dangerous than the three flights I went down. Also, before anyone says that I am proving RP’s innocence by saying I had nearly no marks, I am in fact illustrating the opposite. She could have accused him with NO injuries or bruises to her body and still be telling the truth about him abusing her. However, she DID go the the hospital had photos taken of actual injuries, which is far more than I had. In my opinion this could easily be another case of blaming the innocent victim while the abuser not only goes unpunished, but adds insult to injury by countersueing a woman who he has already admits likely has no money, and therefor no funds to defend herself in court against the team of attorneys he could afford. Sorry for practically writing a book to tell my story! LOL!
This is a lovely example of how we apply ‘common sense’ metrics to determine the validity of the claim and the virtue of the victim. Unfortunately the vast majority of these ‘common sense’ claims are incorrect.
A police officer is not a forensic doctor, they should not be allowed to make these types of comments.
Well I read your “book” and I really appreciate what you said here. I do side-eye how quickly people dismiss claims of DV because of “injuries not consistent with____” when we know that resulting injuries can be very varied.
Why do we have to believe or disbelieve anyone? surely it is better to be politely neutral whilst the police collect evidence and the courts reach a judgement? It would be best if there was never any reporting until a case is settled.
No one is going to agree with this
But!
I think in situations of famous people there is a difference where a % of DV accusations “could” be a money grab. I’m not talking about Johnny depp where he looks like a fall down drunk and shock! He abused amber. That wasn’t a surprise at all and I believe her. And Sean penn where there is case after case on him. But compared to everyday men where yes you should believe the victim in every case, I think with famous people more cards for “this could be not true” are on the table. And yes I understand too that there is a factor of famous people have infinite finances to get away with things . But when you deal with a plethora of narcissistic people the “fuck you this is payback for XYZ” can be used to ruin someone’s career easier then the guy who manages a deli.
While an average woman has no reason to lie, in Hollywood you got a different type of person. Again does not mean it doesn’t happen that’s not what I’m saying but a factor of “career, image and money” I think factors in more compared to regular situations.
Again Just IMO
I guess I would counter with this question: then why isn’t every male celeb who is a serial dater accused of domestic violence? That’s the thing–MANY men in Hollywood date ambitious and opportunistic young women in the modeling or acting industry yet have we ever heard of Leo DiCaprio getting accused of abuse? Have we heard of Gerard Butler getting accused of DV? Wilmer Valderama? Jon Mayer? Dereck Jeter?? George Clooney????
All of those men have been considered serial daters at one point and if we go with your theory, then shouldn’t they all have opened themselves up to be falsely accused? Why hasn’t that happened?
True. And also, as someone who works in the legal system, it’s much, much easier for the young woman to do an under the table, low down type of money grab than going through the trouble of calling the police, filing a protective order and then going through the court system. So that’s why I’m inclined to believe Elsie since “faking” this would be an awful lot to go through just to get money or become famous.
@ Kitten ????
What I meant was and maybe i stated it badly was, with the usual DV/abuse cases (I’m using usual for lack of a better word) there isn’t a reason for a woman to lie, and they should be believed
But now factor in hollywood and famous people in general. Now you have added in huge amounts of MONEY, FAME, and rampant narcissism into the factor.
All I’m saying is the potentiality for lying I would assume would be higher because of those three factors and I don’t see why it’s bad to take those things into consideration.
Again the flip side is money can allow famous people to get away with terrible things.
But factor in the things above I don’t think it’s terrible to consider the potentiality of what a lie could be used for.
You know that women get paid almost 30% less than men, on average for the same job, right?
And that one of the most common reason for women do NOT leave their abusive partner is financial restrictions?
And when someone dates younger, they are almost guaranteeing this discrepancy. And that men tend to date younger more frequently?
Does anything with those facts seem like a pattern that would help or hinder women in reporting abuse according to your metric?
People say this a lot, that celebs are prone to false accusations. But how many confimed cases of false accusations against celebs are there? It mostly seems to be an initial denial &and claim of extortion followed by settlement. I know that settlements are not always a sign of guilt but I do find it odd when an individual (not a company) would pay money to someone who supposedly made up blatant “lies” about them, specially publicly, specially about such sensitive topics.
I could also argue that it’s harder to go against a celeb who’s far wealthier and has PR team who could ruin your reputation.
I cannot believe people are tripping all over themselves to defend this man. It’s no wonder that Trump is president.
He sounds and looks like a violent substance abuser. He’s loaded in that picture accompanying the article.
Of course he counter sued, he has a tv gig he needs to protect, jobs just aren’t falling in his lap these days. Not that they ever were.
I hope this young woman has the wearwithall to stand up to this onslaught, she is going to need a lot of support. I wish her the best.
Men like RP count on no one believing the victim, or caring enough to stand up for them even if they do. It is part of the abuse. No one cares about you. You aren’t important. You don’t matter.
I always believe the victim as a matter of principle. So what if I am occasionally wrong.
But disbelieving the accuser, and thereby perpetuating sexist stereotypes and discouraging victims from coming forward, is of much lower moral consequence and should never be prioritized over the feelings and career of Ryan Phillippe, both of which might be irreparaply damaged, thanks to you believing his accuser despite your familiarity with a world in which humans sometimes lie.
(Sorry for the long-winded sarcasm I’ve been reading a lot of the Bad Advisor.)
We are all on the side of wanting women to be respected and not abused, and wanting abusers to be punished. I don’t think any posters disagree with that. My visceral reaction would be to get a large man to give abusers a good thumping. But there’s a justice system. It needs changing to increase the number of women coming forward and the number of convictions. It doesn’t need throwing out the window and the substitution of a kangaroo court.
“So what” on a celeb site. Not “so what” in a courtroom.
No one is asking you to carry this to jury duty. Stop it.
@detritus – opinions on websites can be very revealing of how that person would behave on jury duty. They are somewhat intertwined I believe.
Telling someone to stop is not helpful.
I’m really disappointed by some of the comments here. I’ve read Celebitchy for a long time and generally the comments are A LOT more even-handed. Lainey Gossip posted a video of the Golden Globes ceremony where Reese won for “Walk the Line” and Ryan pushed her at the ceremony, which was televised, and Reese commented in her acceptance speech. So it’s not like he’s never used force against a woman.
I’ve also had my own DV situation, also with a flight of wooden stairs. I showed minimal bruising bc I typically don’t bruise. “Luckily” for me, he also choked me enough that there were grip marks on my neck that could be photographed, confirming that something did happen and I didn’t do it to myself. Just my two cents.
Wow. I never saw/heard about the push. Tried to Google it ninety different ways but can’t seem to come up with it.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Atwq_4Mp7Zw
Could only find her referencing it
The comments are a mess so I’ll just add my two cents. To me, it seems like he is an abusive jerk, but I think that everyone is “innocent until proven guilty” when it comes to imposing legal and financial sanctions on an individual. So I’m personally fine with him counter-suing.
The amount of women that would make something like this is extremely small. So I personally believe the two women that have come forward. However, I don’t think our justice system should sentence folks based off of statistics without looking into the details of their specific case. I think they should advise us when it comes to this matters like this and influence policy, but I don’t think they should decide the outcome before a trial has even been conducted.
I don’t think that asking for a justice system that looks into a specific case and circumstances equates to defending this man.
It opens up cases where if the survivor did not win their case, not enough proof, shite jury, whatever, they would not only lose,but then be charged or fined for libel.
It would drastically reduce the number of people coming forward for these crimes.
He shouldn’t be locked up for hearsay, he deserves his day in court, but he’s taking a silencing stance. That’s concerning when it comes to crimes where victims already have much to lose by reporting,
I’m not sure what type of legislation would provide appropriate protection, without denying rights to other citizens.
I’ve been in an abusive relationship for 10 years. I can’t leave due to financial reasons and also I rescue animals and cannot stand the thought of rehoming them. They are all I have. Anyway, he’s mostly mentally/emotionally abusive, but he has hit me several times. I’ve never called the police. He’s called them on me 3 times. I hadn’t done anything to him; he just called the cops on me and said I was abusing him. It’s still so insane to me. Even after that he’s told his family that I threaten to call the cops on him and tell him he hit me even though he didn’t. I’ve never once done that. I never even called when he did actually hit me. The mental disconnect of abusers is weird.
I believe you.
This is super common abusive behaviour, and I’m so very sorry you are facing this, this is not what a good partner does. Your partner is doing this on purpose though, please be aware. This isn’t a mental disconnect, he is working to remove your social support and reframe himself as the golden boy.
If you can, start documenting everything. It can sometimes help if anything legal happens. Dates and times and what happened. Photos if he hurts you.
If you don’t mind sharing a general location, I can help provide resources for when you are ready to plan your new life. If you are uncomfortable now, know that there is always tomorrow. It can be a scary thing, but you are stronger than you know. You are a survivor.
Please be safe and know that you have sisters from other misters out there, and we care.
I like Ryan’s show & he’s attractive but there are so many signs that his personal life is messy as shit. He is a heavy drinker and the people he gravitates to are really young. Successively dating a string of 21 year olds and having messy breakups is a sign of trouble. And didn’t he just flip an ATV on himself and get hurt so badly his show had to stop production? This will be Beiber when he is 42. Still a child.