There are few things I love more than when “sources close to Taylor Swift” refuse to shut up about how PRIVATE and SECRET her relationship is with Handsome Joe Alwyn. I mean, I get it – she knows she f–ked up with Tom Hiddleston. She knows it was extra. She knows that few people would be able to stomach it or believe it if she did a worldwide Joebanging tour, like she did with Hiddleston. But she still wants us to know about Joe. She still wants us to analyze her blind item lyrics and figure out which ones are about Joe. She wants everyone to witness her being private and secretive. It’s performative “privacy.” And it amuses me. So I laughed my ass off with this E! News story about how Joe and Tay are super-dooper-crazy private and then the source details all of the crazy steps Taylor takes to maintain her privacy, which is basically just begging the paparazzi to stake out positions at all of the described locations.

Despite rarely being spotted together in public, Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn are still going strong. But how is it that the world’s most famous singer has almost entirely managed to keep her relationship out of the spotlight with the British actor, who lives in London? With a lot of work and a lot of extra measures to keep the details of their high-profile romance quiet—that’s how!

While the public may seldom get hints or glimpses of the two together (they were seen at Z100’s iHeartRadio Jingle Ball concert in December), you can bet the pair have seen more of each other than fans know about, a source tells E! News.

“Taylor has been in the UK a LOT more than people know,” an insider says. “She has the entire routine down pat now.”

The source explains that in order to keep the media off her trail during visits across the pond, the under-the-radar American flies in via private jet or a private airfield and then she’s driven straight to north London, where Joe lives, in a fairly nondescript blacked-out car.” Additionally, the popstar doesn’t go through any of the terminals at the airports and her passport is checked on board, while the car is waiting on the tarmac. The whole thing happens with no one knowing. The spy says that she will be in the UK, but that “people just won’t see her.”

“Unless you’re part of her inner circle, you wouldn’t know when she is or isn’t here,” says the source. Adding, Taylor “barely leaves a trace.”

Instead of going out to clubs, bars, restaurants, concerts or normal dates, the two spend all their time in London at “his place.”

“They’re clearly serious,” said the source. And it’s not just the 27-year-old Mary Queen of Scots star who’s all about the “Look What You Made Me Do” singer–his close-knit fam, including brothers Patrick Alwyn and Thomas Alwyn, is on board with the pairing.

“Taylor’s met all of Joe’s family. They’ve done many a Sunday roast together — in fact it happens without fail if she’s here over a weekend—and they seem very comfortable around her,” added the insider. “His brothers all seem to be fans of them together as they’ve hung out with Taylor and Joe on several occasions.”

[From E! News]

What in the world was the purpose of this story other than sending a big tip-off to British-based paparazzi that she can be found every Sunday at Joe’s parents’ house? And that they should set up camera positions at Joe’s North London home and await the blacked-out car? Other than that… this story makes me miss the in-your-face details of the Tiddlebanging. I miss the swan pastries and fudge and the “I Heart T.S.” t-shirt. Those were the days. Messy and direct. I’m sure JoeTay is messy, don’t get me wrong, but we won’t hear about it until “sources” really start telling Us Weekly and People Magazine about it.

Photos courtesy of Backgrid, WENN.