Perez Hilton has issued a long block of text that is supposed to resemble an apology but reads like yet another histrionic justification for hurling a gay slur at Will.I.Am outside a Toronto club on Sunday. Perez initially put out an 11 minute long overemotional video in which he defended his use of the anti-gay “f” word, and expressed shock and outrage that he got punched in the eye after spitting the slur at Will. He admitted that he was trying to provoke the guy but said that violence is never the answer. Will.I.Am did not punch Perez, and Perez alleges that it was the manager of the Black Eyed Peas, Polo Molina, who had the honor. Video of the incident shows that there were plenty of surprised witnesses to Perez’s hate-filled verbal attack and that any number of people could have retaliated.

After Perez admitted using the “f” word, with the excuse that he wanted to say the most offensive thing possible to Will, calling him a “thug,” the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, GLAAD, issued a call for Perez to apologize. They said that the “f” word is incredibly dehumanizing and inflammatory, and they don’t want this high profile incident to make the word seem acceptable.

Perez then got all indignant again and refused to apologize, saying that he was a victim and GLAAD should be apologizing to him instead of victimizing him further for calling him out on his hateful behavior.

Now Perez is backtracking just a little while still playing the poor victim card. The gist of this very long message is that Perez is probably a little bit sorry, although he never uses the words “sorry,” “I apologize,” or “I was wrong.” He still wants us to pity him for getting a beat down. It’s amazing he’s capable of writing this much considering how a few super rude juvenile lines of text usually suffice for stories on his site:

“Words can hurt. I know that very well, from both sides of the fence. The other night in Toronto, after feeling physically threatened by a verbally abusive Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas, I chose the most hurtful word I know to hurl at him. I was in an out-of-the ordinary situaton and used a word that I would not utter under normal circumstances. My intention – however misguided it may have been – was to stand up for myself and tell this belligerent man that I had enough of his badgering and was not going to continue to let him berate and intimidate me. I wanted to hurt him with the word I chose, not anyone else. Unfortunately, the one who got hurt was me and, subsequently, a lot of other people. I wish none of it had happened. I can’t take it back. I did what I thought was best at the moment to stand up for myself in a non-violent yet still assertive way. Clearly, I am not homophobic. Also, I am not nor have I ever claimed to be a spokesperson for the gay community. I am just speaking for myself, a gay man. One who is labeled “flamboyant” in the media. An American that is not granted equal rights under the law. I will continue to speak out for equality and I will continue to say things that upset both gay people and straight people. Who I am as a person and what I do for a living are two separate things. I’ve come to terms with all my incongruities and am proud of who I am and what I do. In closing, words can hurt. But words should not provoke someone to violence. Stripped away from the mask of Perez Hilton, I have been extremely bothered by the public reaction to my assault. Violence should never be condoned with such statements as “It’s Karma” or “I don’t believe in violence but….”. In fact, several television and radio shows over the past couple of days echoed the sentiment “He had it coming”. Would they have said the same thing if I was a woman? Would I have “deserved it” if I had been stabbed? Or shot? Or killed? I was attacked from behind without warning and repeatedly punched in the head in a cold, disgusting and unnecessarily violent manner by Polo Molina, the road manager for the Black Eyed Peas, who I did not even speak with that evening. I did not share any words with him and his assault on me was completely unprovoked. I feel like everything happens for a reason and I leave this traumatic experience as a person with more compassion. Specifically, there was an instance last year when actor Jesse Metcalfe was attacked outside of a Hollywood nightclub by a fellow entertainer. I did not condone the violence, but I did make light of that situation. I regret that. Sincerely. There are many ways to deal with disagreements, both good and bad, but violence is never the answer. Never. I now know that first-hand. It should not be condoned, promoted or accepted. No one “deserves” to be the victim of violence. No one “has it coming.” NO ONE. And victims should not be ridiculed. I look forward to marching for equality in Washington, D.C. this October. And I look forward to standing up for my rights in a Toronto courtroom shortly, as I fully intend to seek every lawful remedy against the man that attacked me.”

[From Perez Hilton]

I love how he says “in closing” in the exact middle of his super long rant. This is the guy who called for Isaiah Washington to be fired for using that same f word and who has outed several celebrities who would have prefered to keep their orientation secret. The minute the table is slightly turned he freaks out and acts like the whole world is against him. He got a black eye. Of course violence is never the answer and he should take the perpetrator to court, but you can’t just get all mean and scream obscenities at someone and then get shocked when someone punches you for it.

John Mayer has been arguing with Perez through Twitter, telling him to stop being a drama queen, basically:

“From the heart,” Mayer writes to Perez, “what you experienced these last 24 hrs is a profound lack of control. You can’t blog the world, my friend.”

The argument consisted of over a dozen saucy back-and-forth posts. Perez tirelessly defends his honor while Mayer suggests better ways Perez could have handled the situation with Will.I.Am, going as far as to cite rules of the Israeli martial art, Krav Maga.

Here’s a taste:

Mayer: Perez Hilton’s video statement is so long that by the end of it his cut healed.

Perez: That’s real funny! Ha ha! And I’m sure you also think I “deserved” to get hit!

Mayer: I also want to train you in an old martial art called “Never Call A Black Dude a F**got Jitsu.”

Perez: Dude, I get it. I GET IT. But it’s not f**king funny to me. Karma would be me losing my site and going bankrupt or what have u.

And as if the whole world coming down on the sassy blogger weren’t enough, Mayer tops off his beef by calling Perez a “dumb sh*t.”

[From TMZ]

I don’t really believe in karma. (I brought this up in a story about David Carradine.) I believe more in consequences. It’s not karma when someone gets punched for getting up in someone’s face – it’s common sense. Perez obviously needs some. Yes he is a victim in his way, but he lacks the ability to see that verbal abuse can also be painful and cruel – or maybe he just doesn’t care unless he’s on the receiving end.

Perez is shown at a Prop 8 rally on 5/26/09. Credit: WENN.com