Intro: Minutes 0 to 11:00
We passed a major milestone with the site. Both Chandra and I have less time than we thought we would in quarantine. Chandra wants to cut her hair and I advise her against that. Hecate dyed her hair blue, but not all of our friends have had good results with bold color changes. There’s no way I’m messing with my hair at this time. Chandra mentions the interview that Gwyneth Paltrow and her new husband did with an intimacy coach in which the coach, Michaela Boehm, explained why women want to eat now instead of have sex. I have been eating a lot but at least I’m getting exercise too. You can listen below!

As of this moment we have published exactly 71,000 stories on Celebitchy. We've been around 14 years and I've met so many women who have read us since the beginning. Thank you!! @KaiseratCB @HecateAtCB

— celebitchy (@celebitchy) April 2, 2020

Royals: Minutes 11:00 to 22:15
The Sussexes celebrated their independence on April 1st. There are so many negative articles about them, particularly Meghan, in the wake of that. A writer for Tatler met Meghan once at a party he threw in Canada. He wrote a ridiculously biased and racist article about her, criticizing her for not making it known she was biracial.

Becky English in the Daily Mail used the word “niggling” as an adjective in the opener to an article claimaing that Meghan got what she wanted while Harry gave up everything. It was so blantantly racist. Chandra reminds me that the Daily Mail has used this word in a headline.

The Daily Mail also cherry picked the negative reviews of the documentary Meghan narrated for Disney, Elephant. Our friend NYU professor Melissa Murray called out a writer for The London Times, Ed Potten, for negatively comparing Meghan to David Attenborough and calling the film shallow when it’s aimed at kids.

I’m afraid it’s the inevitable yardstick for us Brits when it comes to nature docs. I have nothing against MM. I like her and much prefer her to our royal family. She’s been appallingly treated here. I just prefer nature docs to have more scientific credibility

— Ed Potton (@ed_potton) April 1, 2020

Meghan gets cricitized for doing a good job and William and Kate are praised for thinking about working maybe. When they do something, it’s ridiculously half-assed like Kate’s survey, the results of which were never announced. The royals really aren’t stepping up during this crisis, they’re just doing photo ops.

The British press is trying to get Harry to leave Meghan, which isn’t going to happen. I bring up the fact that Prince Charles left isolation after just a week. Chandra mentions that Charles might have done that because Prince William was overstepping.

Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas: Minutes 22:15 to 26:30
Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas have been doing near-daily pap strolls where they gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes and show a lot of PDA. Jennifer Garner has been doing competing pap walks with the kids and pets. It looks like an obvious attention grab by Garner, but at the same time she’s stuck at home with the kids and the nanny. Ana de Armas looks hypnotized with Ben and seems like a very sheltered young woman. Garner is playing it up for the paparazzi, but she’s also keeping the family together and wants to project that image.

User Feedback: Minutes 26:30 to 28:30
Sinead confirmed our memories of the story that Sean Penn tied Madonna to a chair. She linked directly a biography of Madonna that referenced the police report which included this detail. Thanks Heather for your nice email! I also talked to Joslynn, Angelina, Victoria, Zakia, Kitty and Angie on Zoom and wanted to thank them.

Comments of the Week: Minutes 28:30 to 32
My comment of the week is from Veronica S on the post about Ben Affleck finding Ana de Armas nurturing. Chandra’s comment of the week is from JanetDr on the post about Trump finally pretending to take things seriously.

Thanks for listening bitches! You can tweet us at @celebitchy and @kaiseratcb or text us or leave a voicemail at 434-218-3219. We’re on all major platforms including Spotify, YouTube, iHeartRadio,iTunes, Google Play Music, Google Podcasts and Castbox.

photos credit: Backgrid, Avalon.red and WENN. Music credit: A.A. Alto, Meydan and via Premium Beat and Sound of Picture