Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone were interviewed by Ellen DeGeneres the other day. I haven’t been watching much of Ellen lately mainly because CB said quarantine has hurt her interviews. This wasn’t that bad, but that’s because Melissa and Ben are almost always entertaining. I will say one thing, though – I’d seen the tweets of Andy Lassner, Ellen’s producer, hanging outside her window. Andy’s the part I like best about her show but this gimmick is just creepy, like she’s really walking the line of an indentured servitude message with this “joke.” And during this interview, Andy said he can’t even see through the window. There’s a chance that was a joke for the segment but I’m honestly starting to wonder if maybe Ellen is just that disconnected from reality. Anyway, back to the fun part which was Melissa, Ben and their afternoon beers. During the interview, Melissa and Ben discussed day-drinking (they’re fans), Ben’s hypochondria (he’s ready) and gardening (which we’ll discuss below).

I see that you’re drinking beer in the afternoon. How many have you had, Ben?
Ben: This is number two so I’ve had 1.3.
Melissa: 74

There’s a lot of drinking going on in [your] Instagram posts. When do you decide what you’re going to drink that day?
Ben: I get up, get the kids ready for online school, try to clean something, maybe try to workout. If I manage a workout, I’m close. Once you get into the 10s you’re close to the 11s. Once you’re in the 11s you’re home free.

Melissa says you’re a hypochondriac
Ben: I have a lot of blood pressure cuffs, more than ten.
Melissa: He thinks the first 7 are lying. This was before the quarantine

The pandemic must be your worst nightmare
Ben: I’ve been girding myself.
Melissa: He feels vindicated.

The Instagram that Ellen refers to with the drinking is Ben’s. He’s posted several videos in which he lists the time, usually around noon, takes a drink of beer and then makes a joke about drinking that early. It’s a running bit on which I’ve noted a few things: 1) Ben really does have good comedic timing. It’s a quick bit, an obvious bit and somehow, he nails it each time. 2) Phone recorded video is a good medium for Ben, he looks good. He should work being shot by a cell phone into his contracts. Melissa was joking about beer in her joint interview with Octavia Spencer on Fallon as well. I wish I could day drink. If I have even half a glass of wine in the afternoon it either leads to a second full glass or zero productivity. I am also not a beer drinker but every time I see someone enjoying a nice cold beer, especially outside, with lunch, it always looks so good. But then I have one and let it go flat after my first sip. However, like Ellen suggested, maybe Ben thinks the beer is staving off the virus. I know Kaiser’s been wondering about the bunkerers during this quarantine and I’ve wondered about hypochondriacs like Ben. I do think Ben’s right, even if they are scared, they are hands down more prepared to handle this epidemic than I am. Maybe we should let the hypochondriacs take the lead on this.

I also wanted to talk about Melissa’s gardening that she mentions in the clip. Along with baking, gardening has become very popular during quarantine, which I think is marvelous. Many folks are putting in Victory Gardens – we have ours planned out, we just need to get larger equipment to clear the area. Melissa talked about falling down various holes learning how to balance the soil’s ph and what debugs certain plants. My husband’s quarantine project is something he’s been dreaming about: a multi-tiered gardening system that employs a few mutually beneficial planting techniques, including the Kratky Method (passive hydroponics). I’m so impressed how successful he’s been. Also, Melissa brought up her newfound admiration of eggshells and spoke about them for practically the whole second half of her interview. I feel you, Melissa. I’ve been given specific instructions about how to crush the shells in the countertop compost so the worms in his vermicomposter can crawl over them. I swear to gawd, you guys, it’s like Green Acres over here – and I am every bit Lisa Douglas.

Here’s the full interview:

Photo credit: YouTube and WENN/Avalon