At this point, I have zero desire to do any kind of background on the sleazy saga, the epic stupidity of the neverending Gosselin drama. If you like reading about them, then you’ve been following their shenanigans. If not, this will all be a pleasant, bewildering surprise to you.

Yesterday, CB reported on In Touch Weekly cover story this week – a piece called “Nanny Admits Affair With John”. The nanny is Stephanie Santoro, and she claimed Jon “seduced” her shortly after he returned from his Paris trip with Hailey Glassman. The basic gist of her tell-all was that they slept together nine times, it wasn’t very good, his seduction technique sucked, and after showing some interest in her for a few days, he then got douchey and paranoid, and treated her like crap. Shocking!

Well, it took Jon less than a day to respond to In Touch’s story, and his lawyer sent his statement (it’s in legalese) to Us Weekly. It’s not really a denial. I think in publicity terms, this is called the “non-denial denial” – that’s where you deny some specific part of a report without actually calling a report total bullsh-t. In this case, Jon calls Santoro’s story “shocking” (my addition: “…and true!”) and then the rest of it is just a threat that Jon is going to sue the hell out of Santoro:

Jon Gosselin’s lawyer is slamming a tabloid story that claims his former nanny Stephanie Santoro slept with Jon nine times at his Pennsylvania home while the kids were sleeping.
“The content of the story is shocking, especially in light of the fact that a non-disclosure agreement purportedly prepared by the production company had been signed by the nanny before she started working with the Gosselin family,” Gosselin’s attorney, Mark J. Heller, tells Usmagazine.com of Santoro’s claims to In Touch.

Santoro says Gosselin asked her for a massage while she was working as a nanny at his home, and the two ended up in a hot tub. According to Santoro, Gosselin told her: “Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with me … because it’s going to be impossible for me not to fall in love with you.”

Us Weekly reported earlier that Gosselin met Santoro when she was a “shooters girl” selling $2 shots at local Pennsylvania hangout Legends Lounge. The two had a sexy sleepover in August.

Santoro isn’t the only woman Gosselin has been linked to since announcing his split from Kate in June.

He recently called Hailey Glassman — the daughter of the plastic surgeon who performed Kate’s free tummy tuck — his “soul mate.” He has also been linked to third grade teacher Deanna Hummel and former tabloid reporter Kate Major.

[From Us Weekly]

I doubt the vague lawsuit threat will ever go anywhere. I mean, I have no problem believing Jon is a big enough a–hole to sue a woman he slept with, who then sold her story. But! I think in the grand scheme of the Gosselin drama, this story isn’t that huge. That being said, the hits keep coming. Stephanie Santoro’s mom Marci gave another interview to Radar, and she’s revealing even more about her daughter’s tryst with Jon (sidenote: if my mom ever gave an interview about my sex life, I would absolutely kill her). Mama Santoro says that Jon told Stephanie she didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant because he had gotten a vasectomy. Mama Santoro says: “I said, ‘Stephanie you don’t need to get pregnant’ and she told me ‘Mom you don’t have to worry about that, he told me he after the sextuplets were born he’d had a vasectomy so I didn’t need to worry about that.’”

Mama Santoro also reveals that after Jon dumped Stephanie, Mama went to Kate Gosselin for a “mom to mom” chat. Gross. Barf. Mama: “She said to me, ‘I’m pretty sure you’re daughter’s a nice girl,’” Santoro recalls of speaking to Kate. “I’m sure she’s not the monster people are making her out to be, but welcome to my world. Anyone who gets involved with Jon Gosselin, this is what happens.’ That’s exactly what she said to me.” Okay, now… I don’t mean to be harsh, but the Santoro women are crazy, yes? Granted, they may be telling the truth, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t batsh-t insane.