The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s Flop Tour wasn’t simply a mess of colonialist imagery and offensively retrogressive stagecraft. It was also a vacation! That was also pretty offensive too, the fact that it was clear that William and Kate had built some “vacation time” into their tour. In Belize, they disappeared for hours at a time and we found out later that they went scuba diving like tourists, after they proudly posted a video of their vacation activities. This was also true during their stop in The Bahamas. After eating sh-t publicly for days in Jamaica, they apparently settled comfortably in a luxury penthouse suite, barely doing any work and enjoying specially catered meals.

Prince William and Kate Middleton’s luxurious stay at a Bahamas resort involved Nobu sushi, $600 robes, beefed-up security and lots of rum punch. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge got the royal treatment during their two-night stay at The Cove at Atlantis Paradise Island for the last stop on their controversial tour of the Caribbean.

“They were so friendly to the staff at the resort, smiling at guests they passed. It did look like they enjoyed their stay,” a source tells Page Six, adding that the couple had a very busy schedule but seemed “happy” and “relaxed” when they were back at the hotel. William, 39, and Middleton, 40, stayed in the ritzy resort’s three-bedroom, 4,830 square-foot penthouse suite, which includes wrap-around ocean views, a large living area, an office, a full-service kitchen and a 10-set dining area.

We’re told the duo participated in some outdoor activities, with the source sharing that at one point they “came back from sailing in the rain” and “were drenched and returned to the resort laughing.”

As for cuisine, the duke and duchess enjoyed several meals in the comfort of their penthouse including an afternoon tea served on fine china. They were treated to a chocolate biscuit cake made with ladyfinger biscuits as well as mini lemon meringue pies, raspberry pastries and freshly baked scones with jam and cream.

“They ordered rum punch two nights in a row,” the source tells us. “On their first night, the duke asked for pepperoni pizza. … On their second night, they requested Nobu, which is one of the resort’s restaurants.” They ordered sushi, sashimi and grilled salmon with teriyaki served on a bed of noodles. The source adds, “Mango smoothies at breakfast seemed to be a hit.”

We hear the royal couple did not make any particular demands and were “low-key” ahead of their stay, but the hotel prepared the room with flowers and gifts including NiLuu bathrobes (which retail for $585), treats from the pricey candy shop Sugarfina and handmade gifts from local Bahamian artists. The hotel also arranged for Middleton to have her alleged favorite cocktail, The Crack Baby, on hand as well as William’s favorite beer, Stella Artois, at the ready.

As for maintaining the royal couple’s safety, we’re told the resort “beefed up security” and worked with the royal security team to make sure everything was smooth sailing.

[From Page Six]

This was all-expenses-paid holiday to a luxury Bahamas resort, where they did a bit of sailing and made faces at some of “the natives” and then returned to their cocoon of privilege. The Bahamas paid for this, as did the British taxpayer. All so Kate and William could eat pizza and sip beer and “Crack Baby” cocktails as they looked through all of their free gifts. And after all of that, William was still seething with rage because no one liked his colonialist sh-t.

Photos courtesy of Instar and Backgrid.